Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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THE THESPIAN TRUANT.— A Vocal Epilogue. |
 | Scripscrapologia |  |
THE THESPIAN TRUANT.— A Vocal Epilogue.
[_]
Written several Years ago for a Gentleman who is now a Performer of First Rate Celebrity; but who then ran away from the Grammar School to join a Company of Itinerants at T---, and began his theatrical Pursuit in the Part of TOUCHSTONE, the Motley Fool, in the Comedy of AS YOU LIKE IT.
When I got a sturdy Lad,
'Twas intended by my Dad,
I a Scholar should be made,
For some Scientific Trade,
Such bewitching Things he saw,
Tack'd, Physic, Church, and Law,
Here in Life's droll and farcical Scene—O!
But how little Jack,
Manag'd Matters in a Crack,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
In the Course of my Song will be seen—O!
'Twas intended by my Dad,
I a Scholar should be made,
For some Scientific Trade,
Such bewitching Things he saw,
Tack'd, Physic, Church, and Law,
Here in Life's droll and farcical Scene—O!
But how little Jack,
Manag'd Matters in a Crack,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
In the Course of my Song will be seen—O!
Like a Goose that gobbles Grains,
Greek and Latin without Pains,
When a Chick I swallow'd fast,
But my Stomach would not last,
For my Appetite grew weak,
Both for Latin and for Greek,
And thought in this farcical Scene—O!
That a Fool's Work if done
In more Languages than one,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
Would but more make his Folly be seen—O!
Greek and Latin without Pains,
When a Chick I swallow'd fast,
But my Stomach would not last,
For my Appetite grew weak,
Both for Latin and for Greek,
And thought in this farcical Scene—O!
That a Fool's Work if done
In more Languages than one,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
Would but more make his Folly be seen—O!
130
So, resolving not to stick,
To a Thing that made me Sick,
Like the Wash we give to Hogs,
I “threw Physic to the Dogs,”
Leaving Doctors to their Skill,
How to cure and how to kill,
In this flim flam and farcical Scene—O!
Yet, Fingers, if made
For the Pulse-feeling Trade,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
Should be stuck upon Hands that are clean—O!
To a Thing that made me Sick,
Like the Wash we give to Hogs,
I “threw Physic to the Dogs,”
Leaving Doctors to their Skill,
How to cure and how to kill,
In this flim flam and farcical Scene—O!
Yet, Fingers, if made
For the Pulse-feeling Trade,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
Should be stuck upon Hands that are clean—O!
And as for the Church,
If I left it in the Lurch,
'Twas because I'd rather play
Than I'd either preach or pray,
And a double Game at Whist,
I prefer'd to doubl'd Fist,
When 'tis clench'd but to thump Cushion clean—O!
Besides, I despise
Throwing Dust in People's Eyes,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
To make Church Work a farcical Scene—O!
If I left it in the Lurch,
'Twas because I'd rather play
Than I'd either preach or pray,
And a double Game at Whist,
I prefer'd to doubl'd Fist,
When 'tis clench'd but to thump Cushion clean—O!
Besides, I despise
Throwing Dust in People's Eyes,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
To make Church Work a farcical Scene—O!
And as for the Law,
With its sharp and griping Paw,
'Tis a mighty pretty Plan,
To be playing Cat in Pan,
Backing Wrong against the Right,
And maintaining Black is White,
Or the Moon's made of Cheese, when 'tis green—O!
While the Flats they can fleece,
Like the Fox among the Geese,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
And can pluck and pick a Client so clean—O!
With its sharp and griping Paw,
'Tis a mighty pretty Plan,
To be playing Cat in Pan,
Backing Wrong against the Right,
And maintaining Black is White,
Or the Moon's made of Cheese, when 'tis green—O!
While the Flats they can fleece,
Like the Fox among the Geese,
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
And can pluck and pick a Client so clean—O!
131
But I thought it would not do,
Such Picking to pursue,
So I fairly bade Adieu
To the Bar and Pulpit too,
And on Physic, like a Dunce,
I turn'd my Back at once,
As I never for Quackery was keen—O!
So I only went to School,
Just to learn to “Play the Fool,”
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
And to night here I've open'd the Scene—O!
Such Picking to pursue,
So I fairly bade Adieu
To the Bar and Pulpit too,
And on Physic, like a Dunce,
I turn'd my Back at once,
As I never for Quackery was keen—O!
So I only went to School,
Just to learn to “Play the Fool,”
Hy down, Ho down, derry derry down,
And to night here I've open'd the Scene—O!
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