Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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MAIL COACHES. |
 | Scripscrapologia |  |
MAIL COACHES.
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Though the following Stanzas, written Sixteen Years ago, may be thought a little obsolete now, we have ventured to niche them into this Nicknackery, in Compliance with the Request of many worthy Friends at BATH; of which Place, the Author's truly respectable and respected Townsman, Mr. PALMER, is a Native as well as a Representative in Parliament.
It was ever the Case, ere Desert cou'd take Place,
That Envy threw Rubs in its Way;
Yet the Day-light we prize, tho' we know that weak Eyes
Feel Pain at bright Phœbus's Ray.
That Envy threw Rubs in its Way;
Yet the Day-light we prize, tho' we know that weak Eyes
Feel Pain at bright Phœbus's Ray.
169
When Noah in Ark, with his Sons did embark,
Prediluvians, uplifted and pompous,
Deem'd his nautical Scheme a fantastical Dream,
And pronounc'd the Projector non compos.
Prediluvians, uplifted and pompous,
Deem'd his nautical Scheme a fantastical Dream,
And pronounc'd the Projector non compos.
And Columbus the bold, when the World we call old,
He first quitted in Search of the new;
In the wide swelling Ocean, found far less Commotion,
Than 'midst his own murmuring Crew.
He first quitted in Search of the new;
In the wide swelling Ocean, found far less Commotion,
Than 'midst his own murmuring Crew.
Historians well know, that some Ages ago,
The Horse drew the Plough with his Tail;
And the Grain, there's no Doubt, from the Chaff was trod out,
Long before we made use of a Flail.
The Horse drew the Plough with his Tail;
And the Grain, there's no Doubt, from the Chaff was trod out,
Long before we made use of a Flail.
Time's Parts to divide, and to shew how they glide,
Men invented the Sand-Glass and Dial;
And was thought nothing more cou'd be done on that Score,
Till a Clock-Maker ventur'd the Trial.
Men invented the Sand-Glass and Dial;
And was thought nothing more cou'd be done on that Score,
Till a Clock-Maker ventur'd the Trial.
Who strikes out new Lights, fell Derision excites,
If not Persecution to boot;
Gallileo so found, when he prov'd the World round,
And that Men walk'd upright, under-foot.
If not Persecution to boot;
Gallileo so found, when he prov'd the World round,
And that Men walk'd upright, under-foot.
'Twas at first thought a Bull, but a Pontiff's thick Scull,
Who wou'd suffer no Bulls but his own,
Hurl'd Vatican Thunder at Heretic Blunder,
And prov'd an old Wife, like Pope Joan.
Who wou'd suffer no Bulls but his own,
Hurl'd Vatican Thunder at Heretic Blunder,
And prov'd an old Wife, like Pope Joan.
Thus the Conclave of Fools, Tony Todd and his Tools,
Their Anathemas deal at Mail Coaches;
And like Zealots of Yore, trump up Lies by the Score,
Which their Proselytes swallow like Loaches.
Their Anathemas deal at Mail Coaches;
And like Zealots of Yore, trump up Lies by the Score,
Which their Proselytes swallow like Loaches.
170
Here a Wheel lost a Spoke, there an Axle-Tree broke,
At a third Place the Perch snapt in two;
One Man lost an Eye, a poor Girl smash'd her Thigh,
And the Rest were all beat black and blue.
At a third Place the Perch snapt in two;
One Man lost an Eye, a poor Girl smash'd her Thigh,
And the Rest were all beat black and blue.
Then the Horses one Night, with hard Driving took fright,
And ran down a Hill, Helter Skelter,
When the Passengers all, were thrown out great and small,
And left in Duck's Puddle to welter.
And ran down a Hill, Helter Skelter,
When the Passengers all, were thrown out great and small,
And left in Duck's Puddle to welter.
Yet, wond'rous to tell, after all that befel,
Old Time, that developing Smoaker,
Has prov'd all those Flams are but Bugbears and Bams,
Like Wilding's “Cat, Pistol, and Poker.”
Old Time, that developing Smoaker,
Has prov'd all those Flams are but Bugbears and Bams,
Like Wilding's “Cat, Pistol, and Poker.”
And the Lies Envy broaches, to run down Mail Coaches,
(Though fraught with Mischance and Disaster)
Like the Grease on each Axis, their Speed not relaxes,
But only just makes them run faster.
(Though fraught with Mischance and Disaster)
Like the Grease on each Axis, their Speed not relaxes,
But only just makes them run faster.
For Life to secure, and Life's Means to ensure,
In a Land where Freebooter's abound,
Must engage ev'ry Mind, to its Int'rest not blind,
And the Plan with Success must be crown'd.
In a Land where Freebooter's abound,
Must engage ev'ry Mind, to its Int'rest not blind,
And the Plan with Success must be crown'd.
Nay, each hungry Cur, that now makes such a Stir,
To his Yelping wou'd soon put a Stop,
And be one of the Host, that Mail Coaches now toast,
If he had but a Share of the Sop.
To his Yelping wou'd soon put a Stop,
And be one of the Host, that Mail Coaches now toast,
If he had but a Share of the Sop.
Then Palmer, whose Brain can alone guide the Rein,
Like Apollo, thy Course daily run;
And never let Fear slack thy noble Career,
Till the Dog Star eclipses the Sun!
Like Apollo, thy Course daily run;
And never let Fear slack thy noble Career,
Till the Dog Star eclipses the Sun!
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