Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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THE QUADRUPED ROPE-DANCER. |
 | Scripscrapologia |  |
THE QUADRUPED ROPE-DANCER.
If History tells truth, and who can doubt it?
For of truths past we should know none without it;
Near Dublin's famous town, or city if you please,
For this or that's pronounc'd with equal ease,
A house was kept by Doctor Sheridan,
As pleasant as the Bull at Meriden;
And it was Quilca call'd,
By wits and bards extoll'd,
Where Swift often chas'd the swift hours away,
With arch vivid satire, in humourous lay;
And Boyle, who oft with flow of soul boil'd over,
The cud of science chew'd, as cows chew clover!
But what was more than all we've said,
Here science held her spring and head;
And here the Doctor train'd a flock
Of whipsters, to trace Hic Hæc Hoc,
And all the various turns and windings find
Of conjugated verbs, and nouns declin'd.
But every day,
This was his way,
“A time to play,”
“A time to pray.”
And the Doctor exacted as strict a decorum,
In both, as, “Mars, Bacchus, Apollo virorum.”
For he scouted Horse-play, disapprov'd of Horse-play'rs,
And it can't be suppos'd he was fond of Horse-pray'rs.
Yet so it hap'd, one morn at matin,
That near the desk a youngster sat in,
The bell-rope of the school was hung,
By which the boys to pray'rs were rung,
And as from cieling it depended,
A Rat from hole at top descended,
More nimbly than a lamplighter, I trow,
Eager to seize,
A piece of cheese,
From pupils pocket dropt on floor below.
At sight so droll, the stripling star'd,
And writh'd and wriggl'd,
Grinn'd and giggl'd,
And before one short prayer was gone through half,
Each young sportive brat,
Pointing plump at the rat,
Drown'd all devotion—in a loud horse laugh!
The Rat was scared, and scour'd away,
The Doctor stared in wild dismay;
And, casting his eyes round the school,
Demanded, what rogue, and what fool,
In one culprit was he, who had dar'd lead the way,
Thus to tempt the whole flock from their duty to stray?
And quite inflam'd with wrath, his rev'rence swore,
(Swore as devoutly as he Pray'd before,)
“That unless their Ring-leader was quickly made known,
“Their B---ms one and all for his crime should atone.
When lo! to save from birch the rest,
The poor lost sheep his crime confest;
Confess'd that with fun he so strangely was struck,
At the sight of a Rat, that he laugh'd as if stuck!
For of truths past we should know none without it;
Near Dublin's famous town, or city if you please,
For this or that's pronounc'd with equal ease,
A house was kept by Doctor Sheridan,
As pleasant as the Bull at Meriden;
And it was Quilca call'd,
By wits and bards extoll'd,
Where Swift often chas'd the swift hours away,
With arch vivid satire, in humourous lay;
And Boyle, who oft with flow of soul boil'd over,
The cud of science chew'd, as cows chew clover!
But what was more than all we've said,
Here science held her spring and head;
And here the Doctor train'd a flock
Of whipsters, to trace Hic Hæc Hoc,
And all the various turns and windings find
Of conjugated verbs, and nouns declin'd.
40
This was his way,
“A time to play,”
“A time to pray.”
And the Doctor exacted as strict a decorum,
In both, as, “Mars, Bacchus, Apollo virorum.”
For he scouted Horse-play, disapprov'd of Horse-play'rs,
And it can't be suppos'd he was fond of Horse-pray'rs.
Yet so it hap'd, one morn at matin,
That near the desk a youngster sat in,
The bell-rope of the school was hung,
By which the boys to pray'rs were rung,
And as from cieling it depended,
A Rat from hole at top descended,
More nimbly than a lamplighter, I trow,
Eager to seize,
A piece of cheese,
From pupils pocket dropt on floor below.
At sight so droll, the stripling star'd,
And writh'd and wriggl'd,
Grinn'd and giggl'd,
And before one short prayer was gone through half,
Each young sportive brat,
Pointing plump at the rat,
Drown'd all devotion—in a loud horse laugh!
The Rat was scared, and scour'd away,
The Doctor stared in wild dismay;
And, casting his eyes round the school,
Demanded, what rogue, and what fool,
In one culprit was he, who had dar'd lead the way,
Thus to tempt the whole flock from their duty to stray?
And quite inflam'd with wrath, his rev'rence swore,
(Swore as devoutly as he Pray'd before,)
“That unless their Ring-leader was quickly made known,
“Their B---ms one and all for his crime should atone.
41
The poor lost sheep his crime confest;
Confess'd that with fun he so strangely was struck,
At the sight of a Rat, that he laugh'd as if stuck!
“Hoist him up,” says the Doctor, “more fun for the dunce,
“As I'll make him confess he's been struck more than once!
“For if Rats with One Tail can make fun, I opine,
“There is more to be made with a Cat that has Nine.
“Nor aught shall save his crupper from the rod,
“Unless some doggrel, pointed queer and odd,
“Hit off, impromptu, he can now produce,
“'Twixt birch and breech to expedite a truce.”
“As I'll make him confess he's been struck more than once!
“For if Rats with One Tail can make fun, I opine,
“There is more to be made with a Cat that has Nine.
“Nor aught shall save his crupper from the rod,
“Unless some doggrel, pointed queer and odd,
“Hit off, impromptu, he can now produce,
“'Twixt birch and breech to expedite a truce.”
“O then”, Pill Garlick, quick reply'd,
“Let not a Cat's tail score my hide,
“Because a Rat for want of stairs,
“Came down a rope to spoil our pray'rs.—
“Thus pardon I implore from you
“Extemp're, and Extrump're too!
“Let not a Cat's tail score my hide,
“Because a Rat for want of stairs,
“Came down a rope to spoil our pray'rs.—
“Thus pardon I implore from you
“Extemp're, and Extrump're too!
This well-tim'd waggery drew mercy down,
And full forgiveness,—seal'd with half-a-crown.
And full forgiveness,—seal'd with half-a-crown.
| Scripscrapologia | |