Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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THE WISE LIMBS OF GOTHAM, A Song.
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 | Scripscrapologia |  |
THE WISE LIMBS OF GOTHAM, A Song.
Written on the Decapitation of LEWIS XVIth, and the general Propagation of Republican Principles.
'Twas in the Land of Gotham,
Where each profound philosopher,
Like “Bullum versus Boatum;”
Humbugs could glibly gloss over;
Each long limb—and strong limb,
Of one gigantic body, Sir,
Like sad sot, when mad got,
With tippling punch or toddy, Sir,
Began, in turn, to kick and spurn,
At tracks they'd long been us'd to tread;
And grudge the weight, by shoulders borne,
Of that great lumbering thing; a Head!
Where each profound philosopher,
Like “Bullum versus Boatum;”
Humbugs could glibly gloss over;
Each long limb—and strong limb,
Of one gigantic body, Sir,
Like sad sot, when mad got,
With tippling punch or toddy, Sir,
Began, in turn, to kick and spurn,
At tracks they'd long been us'd to tread;
And grudge the weight, by shoulders borne,
Of that great lumbering thing; a Head!
This load so vast and ponderous,
Themselves and all their neighbours, Sir,
Now found a grievance wonderous,
Supported by their labours, Sir!
Each shoulder,—grown bolder,
Beneath the yoke began to gall,
The neck too—did keck too,
To feel the scull stuck over all;
And lungs and heart, and every part,
With freedom's impulse overspread,
Began, with staggering fear, to start,
At that great burden, call'd, a Head!
Themselves and all their neighbours, Sir,
Now found a grievance wonderous,
Supported by their labours, Sir!
Each shoulder,—grown bolder,
Beneath the yoke began to gall,
The neck too—did keck too,
To feel the scull stuck over all;
And lungs and heart, and every part,
With freedom's impulse overspread,
Began, with staggering fear, to start,
At that great burden, call'd, a Head!
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With luxury grown pamper'd,
For liberty's redemption, Sir,
Hands, arms and legs, all scamper'd,
To form a Grand Convention, Sir!
The flesh rights, the bone rights,
The rights of fist, the rights of foot,
The fingers' rights, the toes' rights,
And all the Rights of Man to boot;
Hips, hams, and haunch, to freedom staunch,
Appear'd the Noddle's power to dread,
And brawny back and greasy paunch,
Were all for pulling down the Head!
For liberty's redemption, Sir,
Hands, arms and legs, all scamper'd,
To form a Grand Convention, Sir!
The flesh rights, the bone rights,
The rights of fist, the rights of foot,
The fingers' rights, the toes' rights,
And all the Rights of Man to boot;
Hips, hams, and haunch, to freedom staunch,
Appear'd the Noddle's power to dread,
And brawny back and greasy paunch,
Were all for pulling down the Head!
The tongue, a fawning flatterer,
They swore that while he lick'd so much,
Was liberty's bespatterer,
So he no morsel more should touch;
The ears too, their fears too,
Eve's-droppers deem'd and did condemn;
The eyes too, were spies too,
And prying varlets seem'd to them:
And mouth and nose did sense disclose,
Of taste and smell so foul, they said,
That all decreed, 'twas wisdom's deed,
To send them packing with the Head!
They swore that while he lick'd so much,
Was liberty's bespatterer,
So he no morsel more should touch;
The ears too, their fears too,
Eve's-droppers deem'd and did condemn;
The eyes too, were spies too,
And prying varlets seem'd to them:
And mouth and nose did sense disclose,
Of taste and smell so foul, they said,
That all decreed, 'twas wisdom's deed,
To send them packing with the Head!
To be completely freed then,
From all opposing fences, Sir,
These Gothamites agreed, then,
To get rid of their senses, Sir;
Equality, frivolity
Denounc'd it, such things to retain,
And members, no embers,
Of sov'reign pow'r to let remain,
An instrument did soon invent,
To stagger every Knob with dread;
For at a single Chop, off went
That frightful bugbear, call'd, a Head!
From all opposing fences, Sir,
These Gothamites agreed, then,
To get rid of their senses, Sir;
Equality, frivolity
Denounc'd it, such things to retain,
And members, no embers,
Of sov'reign pow'r to let remain,
An instrument did soon invent,
To stagger every Knob with dread;
For at a single Chop, off went
That frightful bugbear, call'd, a Head!
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But like the top-lopt oak, Sir,
Full many a limb once green and gay,
By this destructive stroke, Sir,
Drop'd off the trunk and died away:
Yet some stubbs, like young shrubs,
Where shallows teem with rotten shoots,
At spring tide, soon spread wide,
And where the deadly night-shade roots,
Uprear'd the Tree of Liberty,
And all its branches widely spread,
By which the wondering world might see,
That Limbs can thrive without a Head!
Full many a limb once green and gay,
By this destructive stroke, Sir,
Drop'd off the trunk and died away:
Yet some stubbs, like young shrubs,
Where shallows teem with rotten shoots,
At spring tide, soon spread wide,
And where the deadly night-shade roots,
Uprear'd the Tree of Liberty,
And all its branches widely spread,
By which the wondering world might see,
That Limbs can thrive without a Head!
But as in Java's island,
The pois'nous Upas taints the air;
Each distant, and each nigh land,
Does this detested bramble scare!
Though mad men, and bad men,
Like Eve allur'd by baneful fruit,
Would heads crop, and limbs lop,
To see its poison Here take root;
Yet all in vain the Caitiff Train,
The dire contagion Here would spread,
For George triumphant still shall reign,
When lawless Traitors want a Head!
The pois'nous Upas taints the air;
Each distant, and each nigh land,
Does this detested bramble scare!
Though mad men, and bad men,
Like Eve allur'd by baneful fruit,
Would heads crop, and limbs lop,
To see its poison Here take root;
Yet all in vain the Caitiff Train,
The dire contagion Here would spread,
For George triumphant still shall reign,
When lawless Traitors want a Head!
The Publication of this Song comes so long after the writing of it, that we can NOW say, “Those Gothamites have again got a Head for their necks to sustain the weight of; and though a Head of their own choosing, it is one which their Body Politic feels ten thousand times more galling, than that which their folly, depravity, and cruelty, impelled them to detruncate at one detestable and fatal blow! Yet such is Frenchmens' invincible effrontery, that they unblushingly boast of Republican Freedom! But what a burlesque upon liberty! Or rather, what a libel! To have its sacred name debased and prostituted, by a band of Infernals who have long been Slaves to the Arch Fiend himself, and who now are ruled with a Rod of Iron, by his truly diabolical Representative!”
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