University of Virginia Library

LETTER XXVII.

My Dear Cousin Nabby, — It's a great while since
I writ to you, for you know when I write politics I always
have to send it to uncle Joshua, cause he loves
dearly to dig into sich things, and when I write about
bringing bean poles and apple-sass to market, I have to
send to cousin Ephraim, cause he's the boy to do that
are; but when I write about the ladies and sich like I
send it right to you; and I've got a master mess to tell
you this time, as ever you heard in all your life. I dont
know where bouts to begin, and when I get begun I'm
afraid I never shall know where to leave off; for if I

should try to tell you all about it, I dont know but you
would get to be as old as aunt Keziah before I should
get through. Howsomever, I'll try to give you a little
smattering of it, and I might as well begin before I go
any further, for I spose by this time you're all of a didder
to know what I mean. Well then, to let you into
the mistery, we've had the ladies fair here, and of all
the scrapes that ever I see this beats the cap-shief; Independant
was nothing tu it hardly. I'll tell you how
they come to have it. There's a woman here that takes
care of a whole flock of little gals, what hant got nobody
else to take care of 'em; they call her the Orphan
Asylum. And they said she hadn't got money enough
to buy bread and milk for 'em all, and clothes to wear
in this cold weather. And so the ladies, for you know
Nabby, they are always kind hearted sort of creatures,
thought they'd put their heads together and see if they
couldn't get some money for her. So they agreed to
have what they call a fair — that means a place where
every sort of nicknack that was ever made or thought
of, and some that never was thought of before, are brought
together to sell. Well, you know the women can do
most any thing if they set out. So, as soon as they set
this afloat, it went through the town like a buzz. All
the ladies and gals went to work like smoke, making
up things for the fair.

And they were in sich a taking about it, they couldn't
do any thing else for two months. — When the men
went home to their dinners they'd fret and scold 'cause
'twant ready. Now dont scold, the woman would say,
for the gals have been so busy making them are little
frocks and pin-cushions and needle-books for the fair,
that they never thought of its being one o'clock so soon.
And when the old bachelors went up to bed, down they'd
come again sputtering along, and want to know what's
the reason their bed want made. Then the chamber
gal would jump as if she'd gone out of her skin; well

there now, says she, as true as I'm alive, I've been so
busy to day making that are dicky for the fair, that I
never thought a word about the beds. Well, last Tuesday
they got 'em all ready, and carried 'em into the
great town hall, that's as big agin as uncle Joshua's forty
foot barn, and paraded 'em out to sell. And they put
it into the papers that they should be ready by six
o'clock in the evening for customers. But the funniest
of it all was, they charged every body ninepence a piece
jest for coming in to buy their things whether they bought
any thing or not. And if they went out a minute or
two and come in again, they had to pay ninepence more.
That's a plaguy good way to keep shop, they make money
so fast by it. — Some of the young fellers kept going
out and coming in again every few minutes, I spose
jest to show the gals that come with 'em that they'd a
good pocket full of ninepences and want stingy of 'em.

But I'm getting before my story. All day Tuesday
the chaps were flying round getting their 5 dollar bills
changed to go to the fair. As for me, I hadn't only a one
dollar bill, and I did n't dare to show that to nobody for
fear of the debety sheriffs, for they begin to look out
pretty sharp after we disappointed office seekers now-a-days,
and if they catch us with a dollar they nab it
quick enough I tell ye. Howsomever, I borried a nine-pence
of a feller that used to work long with me last
summer, and I told him I didn't doubt but what I could
pay him next day, for most all the lobby members of
the Legislater would be to the fair, and bein the sheriffs
aint appointed yet, I should stand a good chance to
bargain away a few of cousin Ephraim's bean poles;
and I'm to have half for selling. So as soon as the
clock struck six, I took my ninepence, and up I trudged
and went right into the fair, jest like any body else;
and my stars! sich another sight I dont think there ever
was afore. I thought I'd seen most all the world since
I left Downingville, but bless me, come to look around

here I found I hadn't hardly begun to see it yet. I never
see any thing that lookt so bright before, unless it was
when uncle Zekiel's barn burnt down. There was a
master sight of candles and lamps stuck up round the
windows and all over the great hall, and along in the
middle of it there hung down two great bunches of green
spruce tops as big as a hogset, and they were stuck full
of lamps all over 'em. I believe they called 'em tallow
chandlers, or some sich name. The folks kept coming
and pouring in as thick as bees, and at last the hall got
chock brim full, and then if there wasn't a crowdin and
squeezin time I'll never guess agin. They had to look
out for toes, I can tell 'em; I was glad I left my corns
to home, for if I hadn't I should had 'em smashed all to
pieces forty times.

You might as well try to crawl through a woodpile as
to think of getting round any where in the hall, only jest
where the crowd happened to carry you. A chap that
stood pretty near me said to an old white headed gentleman,
have you been over there to the old witch tother
side of the hall to have your fortune told; O no, says
he, I have n't been jam'd that way yet. As I was tussling
along to try to get a peep at some of the tables, I got
stuck fast between three stout women, and to move
another inch I couldn't if I was to be whipped. And
some how or other my head got jam'd under one of
their bonnets, but 'twas none of my duins though, and
says she, sir, I'll thank you to take your head out of
my face. Yes mam, says I, I will as soon as that lady's
head behind mine gets a little loose, so I can pull mine
back. But I had tough work to breath before I could
get command of my own head agin, I tell ye. Well,
at last I tussled along or was jam'd along some how or
other pretty near some of the tables, so that I could kind
o' peep over on to 'em sometimes. And sich a mess of
pretty things and queer things as they had there to sell
I never set eyes on before. And then, O sich a pretty

row of gals along behind the tables for shop-keepers, all
dressed up so fine, and laughing out of both of their
eyes so like little witches, and holding up their pretty
things in their little white hands, and asking every body
to buy 'em. O Nabby, I never felt the want of money
so much before in all my life. Soon as I looked at 'em
I wished I had a thousand dollars to spend. And if
I'd only been elected Governor, as I ought to have been,
and should have been if our party had only been a little
better organized, I'd a made the money fly well, you
may depend upon't; for I think governors at sich times
ought to be generous and set good examples. Now I
think on't tell uncle Joshua I've seen the real genuine
republican party. It was at the fair; there was old folks
and young folks, and men and women, and boys and
gals, and all sorts and sizes of folks mixed up together
higgledy piggledy, and every one said and did jest what
they'd a mind to. If this wasn't the republican party I
dont know what is.

It looked funny to see every body buying every thing
that was offered to 'em, and paying jest what they asked
for it. And the queerest of it was, if you bought a thing
that came to a ninepence, and handed 'em a quarter of a
dollar to pay for it, they would chuck the quarter into
the money draw, and you might whistle for your change;
they would n't give you back a cent. Only think; if the
stupid shop-keepers would only learn that are fashion,
and charge all the gals that come arter patterns ninepence
every time they come into their stores, and when any
body buys any thing of 'em never give any change back,
how fast they might get rich. There was young fellers
buying pin-balls, and old bachelors buying doll-babies,
and some of 'em nigger babies tu, and every body buying
what they did n't want, more than a toad wants two
tails.

At one end of the hall there was a great table covered
all over with cakes and candy and apples and plums, and

all kinds of luscious things, all brought in to help along
the Orphan Asylum. A man would send in some apples
that he sold in his store at two for a cent, and then go
and get his children and post off to the hall, and pay
ninepence apiece to go in, and then buy the apples and
give two cents apiece for 'em.

One gal come along nibbling off a piece of cake about
as big as two fingers, and another one says to her, what
did you give for that? A shilling, says she; I thought I
would do something to help along the Asylum. By and
by she come along again cramming down a handful of
plums and a great apple. Says 'tother one, says she,
what did you give for them? Ninepence, says she; I
should n't think of buying any thing at all, if it want for
helping along the Asylum. By and by I saw her
crounching a stick of candy, such as commonly sells for
a cent. What did you give for that, says t'other one.
Three cents, says she. Dear soul, thinks I, how very
kind you are to help along the Asylum.

By and by I got joggled along up towards another table,
and who should I see there, but a witch! Some
called her the witch of Endor, that we read about in the
Bible, and some said it was one of the Salem witches.
She looked bad enough to be any one of 'em. She was
a little peaked nosed dried up thing; about two feet high,
and she stood there upon the table to tell folks their fortunes.
She had a little staff in her hand that pointed
down on to a little wheel that had every body's fortune
written down on it. They 'd give the wheel a whirl and
when it stopped, the fortune they wanted to tell any body
would be right where the staff pointed. The old witch
could n't, or else would n't read herself, so she had a
pretty little roguish looking miss stand beside her to tell
it off. They called her the priestess, but my stars, she
did n't look no more like a minister's wife than you do,
Nabby. They asked fourpence happeny apiece for telling
fortunes. — Up stepped a smart looking little miss and

gave the wheel a whirl and asked what her fortune was.
Why, said the little witchee with a rogueish look `at the
annual return of this fair you will be introduced by your
husband.' La me, said the miss, blushing, I 'm sure you
cant make nothing by telling fortunes at fourpence
apiece; so she threw down half a dollar, and off she
went. Then there came up a sober, thin, clever looking
sort of a man, and gave a whirl, and the little priestess
look'd him up in the face with a curl of the lip, and says
she, `a wolf in sheep's clothing — that suits your case
exactly, sir.' And he turned away muttering, `how
upon earth come that little witch of a creature to know
me?'

Then up stepped another man, that they said was one
of the Legislaters, and says he, how much do you ask
for telling fortunes? Only fourpence happeny says she.
Well, says he, I believe I 'll have mine told, so he give a
whirl, and after he heard his fortune, he handed a dollar
to take out the fourpence happeny, and the rogueish
priestess slipped it into the draw and turned right about,
and went to waiting upon somebody else. And the poor
man waited and waited for his change till he got tired —
and then he drawed back out of sight.

But there, Nabby, I must stop before I tell you half
ont, or I shall get my letter so long the printer wont send
it; for he threatens to charge me postage if I send sich
long ones. But they had jest sich a scrape all the next
day and next evening; and the next evening after that,
they sold all the trinkets they had left at vandue. I dont
know how much money they got in the whole, but you
may depend upon it 't was a real swad; and I guess the
Orphan Asylum woman might give the little gals gingerbread
to eat this two years if she 's a mind to, and
let 'em have new warm gowns and good shoes and stockings
into the bargain. So here I must stop, and when I
go to another fair you shall hear from me again.