LETTER LXIII.
In which cousin Nabby describes the unutterable disappointment
at Downingville because the President did n't
come, and tells what a terrible pucker ant Keziah was
in about it.
GREAT UPROAR IN DOWNINGVILLE.
Letter from Major Downing's Cousin Nabby to the editor of the
Portland Courier.
Respectable Sir: — As cousin Jack is always so
mity budge in writing letters to you, and as he and the
President has showed us a most provoking trick and
run off like a stream of chalk back to Washington without
coming here, after they had promised over and over
again that they would come, and we had got all slicked
up and our clean gownds on, and more good victuals
cooked, than there ever was in all Downingville before,
I say, Mr Editor, I declare it's tu bad; we are all as
mad as blazes about it, and I mean to write and tell you
all about it if I live, and if cousin Jack dont like it he
may lump it, so there now.
Ye see cousin Jack writ to us that he and the President
and some more gentlemen should be here the 4th
of July, and we must spring to it and brush up and see
how smart we could look and how many fine things we
could show to the President. This was a Saturday before
the 4th of July come a Thursday. The letter was
to Uncle Joshua, the Post Master. Most all the folks in
Downingville were at the Post Office waiting when the
mail come in, for we expected to hear from Jack.
Uncle Joshua put on his spettacles and opened the
mail and hauled out the papers and letters in a bunch.
In a minute I see one to Uncle Joshua with the President's
name on the outside; so I knew it was from Jack,
for the President always puts his name on Jack's letters.
We all cried out to Uncle Joshua to open it and
let us know what was in it. But he's such a provoking
odd old man he would n't touch it till he got every one
of the papers and letters sorted and put up in their
places. And then he took it and set down in his arm
chair, and took out his tobacker box and took a chaw
of tobacker, and then he broke open the seal and sot
and chawed and read to himself. We all stood tiptoe
with our hearts in our mouths, and he must needs read
it over to himself three times, chawing his old quid and
once in awhile giving us a knowing wink, before he
would tell us what was in it. — And he would n't tell
us arter all, but, says he, you must all be ready to put
the best side out Thursday morning; there'll be business
to attend to, such as Downingville never see before.
At that we all cut and run, and such a hubbub as we
were in from that time till Thursday morning I guess
you never see. Such a washing and scrubbing and
making new clothes and mending old ones and baking
and cooking. Every thing seemed to be in a clutter all
over the neighborhood. Sargent Joel flew round like a
ravin-distracted rooster. He called out his company
every morning before sun-rise and marched 'em up and
down the road three hours every day. He sent to the
store and got a whole new set of buttons and had 'em
sowed on to his regimental coat, and had a new piece of
red put round the collar. And had his trowses washed
and his boots greesed, and looked as though he might
take the shine off of most any thing. But the greatest
rumpus was at uncle Joshua's; for they said the President
must stay there all night. And ant Keziah was in
such a pucker to have every thing nice, I did n't know
but she would fly off the handle.
She had every part of the house washed from garret
to cellar, and the floors all sanded, and a bunch of green
bushes put into all the fire places. And she baked three
ovens full of dried punkin pies, besides a few dried
huckleberry pies, and cake, and a great pot of pork and
beans. But the worst trouble was to fix up the bed so
as to look nice; for ant Keziah declared the President
should have as good a night's lodging in her house as he
had in New York or Boston. So she put on two feather
beds on top the straw bed, and a bran new calico quilt
that she made the first summer after she was married
and never put it on a bed before. And to make it look as
nice as the New York beds, she took her red silk gown
and ripped it up and made a blanket to spread over the
top. And then she hung up some sheets all round the
bed-room, and the gals brought in a whole handful of
roses and pinks and pinned 'em up round as thick as flies
in August.
After we got things pretty much fixed, uncle Joshua
started off to meet cousin Jack and the President, and
left Sargent Joel to put matters to rights, and told us
we must all be ready and be paraded in the road by
nine o'clock Thursday morning. Well Thursday morning
come, and we all mustered as soon as it was daylight
and dressed up. The children were all washed
and had their clean aprons on and their heads combed
and were put under the care of the schoolmarm to be
paraded along with her scholers.
About eight o'clock all the village got together down
the road as fur as uncle Joshua's new barn; and Sargent
Joel told us how to stand, as he said, in militery
order. He placed Bill Johnson and cousin Ephraim
out a little ways in front with each of 'em a great long
fowling piece with a smart charge in to fire a salute, and
told 'em as soon as the President hove in sight to let
drive, only be careful and pint their guns up so as not
to hurt any body. Then come Sargent Joel and his
company; and then come the schoolmarm and the
children; and then come all the women and gals over
sixteen with ant Keziah at their head; and then come
all the men in town that owned horses riding on horseback;
and all the boys that Sargent Joel did n't think
was large enough to walk in the profession got up and
sot on the fences along by the side of the road.
There we stood till about nine o'clock, when sure
enough we saw somebody come riding out of the woods
down the hill. The boys all screamed ready to split
their throats hoorah for Jackson, and Bill Johnson fired
off his gun. Cousin Ephraim, who aint so easy fluttered,
held on to his and did n't fire, for he could n't
see any body but uncle Joshua on his old grey horse.
Along come uncle Joshua on a slow trot, and we looked
and looked, but could n't see any body coming behind
him.
Then they all begun to look at one another as wild as
hawks and turn all manner of colors. When uncle
Joshua got up so we could see him pretty plain he looked
as cross as a thunder cloud. He rid up to Sargent
Joel, and says he, you may all go home about your
business, and put away your knick-nacks, for Jack and
the President are half way to Washington by this time.
My stars! what a time there was then. I never see
so many folks boiling over mad before. Bill Johnson
threw his gun over into the field as much as ten rods;
and hopped up and down and struck his fists together
like all possessed. Sargent Joel marched back and
forth across the road two or three times, growing redder
and redder, till at last he drew out his sword and
fetched a blow across a hemlock stump and snapped it
off like a pipe stem. Ant Keziah fell down in a conniption
fit; and it was an hour before we could bring
her tu and get her into the house. — And when she come
to go round the house and see the victuals she had cooked
up, and go into the bed-room and see her gown all
cut up, she went into conniption fits again and had 'em
half the night. But she's better to day, and has gone to
work to try to patch up her gown again.
I thought I would jest let you know about these
things, and if you are a mind to send word on to cousin
Jack and the President, I'm willing. You may tell 'em
there aint five folks in Downingville that would hoorah
for Jackson now, and I dont believe there's one that
would vote for him unless 'tis uncle Joshua, and he
would n't if he was n't afraid of losing the post office.
But there, uncle Joshua has called to me and says he
wont keep the mail open another minute for my letter,
so I must prescribe myself your respected friend.
