University of Virginia Library

All Feates of Armes are now abridgd
To sieges, or to b'ing besieg'd.
And hee's the Formidablest Soldier
Who fly's (like Crows) the smel of Powder.
To digging up of Sceletons,
To make Brown Georges of the Bones.
It is not wearing Armes of Proofe
Lin'd through with Shirts of Male and Buff
But marching naked in the cold
That makes men valorous and bold;
Nor swords, nor Bullets, nor Bloudshed,
But stealing one anothers Bread
And eating nothing out of mode
But what's in Season Frog, or Toad.
All Blows are at the Belly aimd
Untill 'tis slain outright or maymd;
And one anothers motions watch
Only to ly upon the Catch.
To understand the Time, and Reason
When Toads, and vermine are in Season,
When Frogs come in, and what's the Cause
Why July Spiders make best sause;
As if the wars of Frogs and Mice
Had been of ours but Prophesies:
For greater Crowds are slaine of those
Then upon both sides now of Foes.
No feates of Armes are now in mode
But only living without Food,
Nor weapons handled but for show,
Disease and Famine are the Foe;
And he that against both is Proofe,
Can eate his Bootes and feed on Buff,
Is held impregnable in Armes,
And more, then shotfree made by Charmes.
They do not manage the Contest
By fighting, but by starving best;
And hee that's able to fast longest
Is sure in th' end to be the strongest.
He that can dine upon Mundungus,
Is held the valiants[t] man among us
And those the Formidablest Forces
That never mount but eat their Horses
And make 'em serve in th' expedition
For Cavalry and Amunition;
No Helmets now are in Request,
Nor Curacer, nor back, nor Brest;
Nor Armes of Proof accounted good
Because they will not serve for food.

Civil war, like letting-bloud
To voyd the Bad let's out the Good.

Fighting now is out of Mode,
And Stratagem, the only Roade,
Unless in th' out-of Fashion'd wars
Of Barbrous Turkes and Polanders.
They laugh at Fighting in the field
Till one Side Run away, or yeld,
But manage all a Safer way,
Like th' Ancient sword and Buckler play,
And Loyter out a whole Campaine
To forrage only, and Trepan.
All Feats of Armes are now Reduc'd
To Chowsing, or to being Chowsd;
And no Rencounters so Renownd
As those on wals or underground.
They fight not now to overthrow
But Gull, and Circumvent a Fo;
And watch all Smal Advantages,
As if they fought a Game at chess.
And he's approvd the most deserving,
Who longest can hold out at sterving,
Can make best Fricasies of Cats
------ of Frogs and mice and rats,
Potage of vermine, and Rhagoos
Of Trunks and Boxes, and old Shoos;
And those, who, like th' Immortal Gods,
Do never eate, have still the Ods.
------ All their warlike Stratagems
Are subtle ferring over Streames,
Or Playing at Bo-peep with Bridges,
Or Crawling under ground at Sieges,
Or swimming over deepest Channels
T' avoyd the Fo, like water Spaniels.

'Tis Strange; That wars, that Lay Pretence
To Piety, and Conscience,
Should more Inhumanly be wag'd
Then those on other Scores ingagd.

What Arms Defensive but a wal
Are Proof against a Canon-Ball
Or strong enough to make Resistance
Unles by keeping [at a] Distance?