Satires and miscellaneous poetry and prose :: :: University of Virginia Library

Some Arts, and Sciences, are only Tooles
Which Students do their Busnes with, in Schools,
Although Great men have sayd, 'Tis more Abstruse
And Hard to understand 'em, then their use.
For, though they were Intended but in Order
To better things, few ever venture Further;
But as all Good Designs are so accurst,
The best intended often Prove the worst.
So what was meant t' Improve the world, quite Cross
Has turnd to its Calamity and loss.
For Scholers are but Jorny men to Nature
That shews them al their Tricks to Imitate her;
Though some mistake the Reason she Proposes
And make her Imitate their Virtuoso's;
Is both the Best, or worst way of Instructing
As men mistake or understand her Doctrine.

407

The French that Read anatomy-Lecturs
Upon the Lineaments of Pictures;
And by the Mussles of the Face,
Can tell what Thoughts the Dumbe thing has;
Could nere unrridle, by his Blinkes,
The Crafty Subtleties he thinke's.

Draw Models of th' Invisible Mountain
That all Philosophy do's Contain,
Of which the Sons of Art make Landskips
And Copy out their unseen Transcripts.

As water thrown on sayles of ships
Serv Mariners for Spurs, and whips,
And, by opposing of their Course,
Do's make them sayl with greater force.

Was like those Virtuosos, that Condole
Their want of Breeding in a Publique School,
Where they, by Robbing Orchards, might have Got
The Cabal of Designe, Surprise, and Plot,
The Arts of Keeping Counsel with their Fellows
In time t' have gone forth Doctors at the Gallows;
Such Moral Laws of Judgment, wit, and Art
As good as those Tiberius made to fart
No doubt, are wondrous like t' improve Mankind
If th' are but halfe so wholsom, as the winde.

For Raritys in Art Mechanicall
Are most admird, when they are don in smal,
As th' Indians have Birds as smal as Bees
The[y] count their Greatest Curiosities.

That count it Art, to understand the Nomen
Cneus, or Gaius, of an antique Roman.

The Courtly Science
Of Application, and Complyance
Changd in the Cradle of the Arts
Like Soules, and Bodys by DesCartes,
Imployd the best Artificers
To Labour in their Trades, some years,
And, when h' had Learnd their Arts, deducted
And Stopt their Pay for b'ing Instructed,
And what he understood amiss
Past for their own Defaults, not his.
Made Rules and Fables to abstract
And Ad to evry matt'r of Fact,
As if the Art of Horsman-ship
Lay only in the Spur and whip.

408

A Man of Eloquence and Stile,
He usd to polish much and File,
But had no further aime, then clothing
In Phrase Polite, and easy-Nothing,
Like Dressing Babies Spruce and Fine,
Although Deformd in ev'ry Line;
Espousd all Controversy of Course,
And understood for bett'r or worse.

And when he Playd his Tricks would stoop
As low as Tumblers through a Hoop,
Would make his Application Humbler
Then a Two-legd, or a Four-legd Tumbler,
As Mastive's on their Bellys Creepe
To get a Bul upon the Hip,
With all submission and Address
Approach his High-and-Mightines,
Until th' are got within his Guards
And then they fasten their Petards.

The greatest Part of Learning's only meant
For Curiosity, and Ornament;
And therefor most Pretending Virtuosos
Like Indians bore their Lips and Flat their Noses,
When 'tis their Artificial want of wit,
That Spoyls their work, instead of mending it.

He that would Pass for Learnd and Polite
Must never Speak a vulgar word or write.

For Arts and Sciences were over-don
Before in Schools they came to be ful-grown,
And since their Best Designes have been no more
But to Retrench what was too much before,
Or else that Pædant was a Ninni hammer
That wrote two thousand Books of th' Art of Grammer.

For there are more Anomalies in Reason
Then in a Schoolboys Difficultest Lesson,
That will not be obedient to Rules,
Nor own the Jurisdiction of the Schooles.

What but Powder of its own
Can give a Luster to a Stone?

For what's an Anchor but a Hook
With which the Greatest Ship is took?

Hieroglyphiques Th' Idiom
And Language of the Deaf and Dumbe.