Satires and miscellaneous poetry and prose :: :: University of Virginia Library

There's nothing so absurd, or vain,
Or barbarous, or inhumane,
But if it lay the least Pretence
To Piety and Godliness,
Or tender-hearted Conscience;
And Zeal for Gospel-Truths profess,
Does sacred instantly commence;
And all, that dare but question it, are strait
Pronounc'd th' Uncircumcis'd, and Reprobate:
As Malefactors, that escape, and fly
Into a Sanctuary for Defence,
Must not be brought to Justice thence,
Although their Crimes be ne'er so great and high;
And he, that dares presume to do't,
Is sentenc'd and deliver'd up
To Satan, that engag'd him to't,
For vent'ring wickedly to put a Stop
To his Immunities and free Affairs,
Or meddle saucily with theirs,
That are employ'd by him; while he and they
Proceed in a religious and a holy Way.

II

And as the Pagans heretofore
Did their own Handyworks adore,
And made their Stone and Timber Deities,
Their Temples, and their Altars of one Piece,
The same Outgoings seem t' inspire
Our modern self-will'd Edifier,

That out of Things as far from Sense, and more,
Contrives new Light and Revelation,
The Creatures of th' Imagination,
To worship and fall down before;
Of which his crack'd Delusions draw
As monstrous Images and rude,
As ever Pagan, to believe in, hew'd;
Or Madman in a Vision saw;
Mistakes the feeble Impotence,
And vain Delusions of his Mind,
For spiritual Gifts and Offerings,
Which Heaven, to present him, brings;
And still, the further 'tis from Sense,
Believes it is the more refin'd,
And ought to be receiv'd with greater Reverence.

III

But as all Tricks, whose Principles
Are false, prove false in all Things else,
The dull and heavy Hypocrite
Is but in Pension with his Conscience,
That pays him for maintaining it
With zealous Rage and Impudence,
And as the one grows obstinate,
So does the other rich and fat;
Disposes of his Gifts and Dispensations,
Like spiritual Foundations,
Endow'd to pious Uses, and design'd
To entertain the Weak, the Lame, and Blind,
But still diverts them to as bad, or worse,
Than others are by unjust Governors:
For, like our modern Publicans,
He still puts out all Dues,
He owes to Heaven, to the Devil to use,
And makes his godly Interest great Gains;
Takes all, the brethren (to recruit
The Spirit in him) contribute
And, to repair and edify his spent
And broken-winded outward Man, present
For painful holding forth against the Government.

IV

The subtle Spider never spins,
But on dark Days, his slimy Gins;
Nor does our Engineer much care to plant
His spiritual Machines,
Unless among the Weak and Ignorant,
Th' Inconstant, Credulous, and Light,
The Vain, the Factious, and the Slight,
That in their Zeal are most extravagant:
For Trouts are tickled best in muddy Water;
And still the muddier he finds their Brains,
The more he's sought, and follow'd after;
And greater Ministrations gains;
For talking idly is admir'd,
And speaking Nonsense held inspir'd;
And still, the flatter and more dull
His Gifts appear, is held more powerful:
For Blocks are better cleft with Wedges,
Than Tools of sharp and subtle Edges;
And dullest Nonsense has been found
By some to be the solid'st, and the most profound.

V

A great Apostle once was said
With too much Learning to be mad;
But our great Saint becomes distract,
And only with too little crackt;
Crys moral Truths and human Learning down,
And will endure no Reason, but his own.
For 'tis a Drudgery and Task,
Not for a Saint, but Pagan Oracle,
To answer all Men can object, or ask;
But to be found impregnable,
And with a sturdy Forehead to hold out,
In spight of Shame or Reason resolute,
Is braver than to argue and confute.
As he, that can draw Blood, they say,
From Witches, takes their magic Pow'r away:

So he, that draws Blood int' a Brother's Face,
Takes all his Gifts away, and Light, and Grace.
For while he holds, that nothing is so damn'd
And shameful, as to be asham'd,
He never can b' attack'd,
But will come off; for Confidence well back'd,
Among the weak and prepossest,
Has often Truth with all her Kingly Pow'r opprest.

VI

It is the Nature of late Zeal,
'Twill not be subject, nor rebel,
Nor left at large, nor be restrain'd,
But where there's something to be gain'd;
And that b'ing once reveal'd defies
The Law with all its Penalties;
And is convinc'd, no Pale
O' th' Church can be so sacred as a Jail.
For as the Indians Prisons are their Mines;
So he has found are all Restraints
To thriving and free-conscienc'd Saints;
For the same Thing enriches that confines;
And, like to Lully, when he was in hold,
He turns his baser Mettals into Gold;
Receives returning and retiring Fees
For holding-forth, and holding of his Peace,
And takes a Pension to be Advocate,
And standing Counsel 'gainst the Church and State
For gall'd and tender Consciences;
Commits himself to Prison, to trepan,
Draw in, and spirit all he can;
For Birds in Cages have a Call,
To draw the wildest into Nets,
More prevalent and natural,
Than all our artificial Pipes and Counterfeits.

VII

His slipp'ry Conscience has more Tricks
Than all the juggling Empirics,

And ev'ry one another contradicts;
All Laws of Heav'n and Earth can break,
And swallow Oaths, and Blood, and Rapine easy;
And yet is so infirm and weak,
'Twill not endure the gentlest Check,
But at the slightest Nicety grows queasy;
Disdains Controul, and yet can be
No where, but in a Prison, free;
Can force it self, in spight of God,
Who makes it free as Thought at Home,
A Slave and Villain to become,
To serve its Interests abroad.
And though no Pharisee was ere so cunning
At tithing Mint and Cummin;
No dull Idolater was ere so flat
In Things of deep and solid Weight;
Pretends to Charity and Holiness,
But is implacable to Peace,
And out of Tenderness grows obstinate.
And though the Zeal of God's House eat a Prince
And Prophet up (he says) long since,
His cross-grain'd peremptory Zeal
Would eat up God's House, and devour it at a Meal.

VIII

He does not pray, but prosecute,
As if he went to Law, his Suit;
Summons his Maker to appear,
And answer what he shall prefer;
Returns him back his Gift of Prayer,
Not to petition, but declare;
Exhibits cross Complaints
Against him for the Breach of Covenants,
And all the Charters of the Saints;
Pleads guilty to the Action, and yet stands
Upon high Terms, and bold Demands;
Excepts against him and his Laws,
And will be judge himself in his own Cause;
And grows more saucy and severe

Than th' Heathen Emp'ror was to Jupiter,
That us'd to wrangle with him, and dispute;
And sometimes wou'd speak softly in his Ear,
And sometimes loud, and rant, and tear,
And threaten, if he did not grant his Suit.

IX

But when his painful Gifts h' employs
In holding-forth, the Virtue lies
Not in the Letter of the Sense,
But in the spiritual Vehemence,
The Pow'r, and Dispensation of the Voice,
The zealous Pangs and Agonies,
And heav'nly turnings of the Eyes;
The Groans, with which he piously destroys,
And drowns the Nonsense in the Noise:
And grows so loud, as if he meant to force
And take in Heav'n by Violence;
To fright the Saints into Salvation,
Or Scare the Devil from Temptation;
Until he falls so low and hoarse,
No kind of carnal Sense,
Can be made out of what he means:
But as the antient Pagans were precise
To use no short-tail'd Beast in Sacrifice,
He still conforms to them, and has a Care,
T' allow the largest Measure to his paltry Ware.

X

The ancient Churches, and the best
By their own Martyrs Blood increas'd;
But he has found out a new Way,
To do it with the Blood of those,
That dare his Church's Growth oppose,
Or her imperious Canons disobey;
And strives to carry on the Work,
Like a true primitive reforming Turk,
With holy Rage, and edifying War,
More safe and pow'rful Ways by far:

For the Turk's Patriarch Mahomet
Was the first great Reformer, and the Chief
Of th' ancient Christian Belief,
That mix'd it with new Light, and Cheat,
With Revelations, Dreams, and Visions,
And apostolic Superstitions,
To be held forth, and carry'd on by War;
And his Successor was a Presbyter
With greater Right, than Haly or Abubeker.

XI

For as a Turk, that is to act some Crime
Against his Prophet's holy Law,
Is wont to bid his Soul withdraw,
And leave his Body for a Time:
So, when some horrid Action's to be done,
Our Turkish Proselite puts on
Another Spirit, and lays by his own;
And when his over-heated Brain
Turns giddy, like his Brother Mussulman,
He's judg'd inspir'd, and all his Frenzies held
To be prophetic, and reveal'd.
The one believes all Madmen to be Saints,
Which th' other crys him down for, and abhors,
And yet in Madness all Devotion plants,
And where he differs most concurs;
Both equally exact and just
In Perjury, and Breach of Trust;
So like in all Things, that one Brother
Is but a Counterpart of th' other;
And both unanimously damn,
And hate (like two that Play one Game)
Each other for it, while they strive to do the same.

XII

Both equally design to raise
Their Churches by the self-same Ways;
With War and Ruin to assert
Their Doctrine, and with Sword and Fire convert;

To preach the Gospel with a Drum,
And for convincing overcome;
And, though in worshipping of God all Blood
Was by his own Laws disallow'd,
Both hold no holy Rites to be so good:
And both to propagate the Breed
Of their own Saints one way proceed;
For Lust and Rapes in War repair as fast,
As Fury and Destruction waste;
Both equally allow all Crimes
As lawful Means to propagate a Sect;
For Laws in War can be of no Effect,
And Licence does more good in Gospel-times.
Hence 'tis, that holy Wars have ever been
The horrid'st Scenes of Blood and Sin;
For when Religion does recede
From her own Nature, nothing but a Breed
Of Prodigies and hideous Monsters can succeed.