University of Virginia Library

Sure Marriages were never so well fitted,
As when to Matrimony Men were committed,
Like Thieves, by Justices; and to a Wife
Bound, like to good Behaviour, during Life:
For then 'twas but a civil Contract made,
Between two Partners, that set up a Trade;
And if both fail'd, there was no Conscience,
Nor Faith invaded, in the strictest Sense;
No Canon of the Church, nor Vow was broke,
When Men did free their gall'd Necks from the Yoke;
But when they tir'd, like other horned Beasts,
Might have it taken off, and take their Rests,
Without b'ing bound in Duty to shew Cause,
Or reckon with divine, or human Laws.

For since, what use of Matrimony has been,
But to make Galantry a greater Sin?
As if there were no Appetite, nor Gust,
Below Adultery, in modish Lust;
Or no Debauchery were exquisite,
Until it has attain'd its perfect Height.
For Men do now take Wives to nobler Ends,
Not to bear Children, but to bear 'em Friends,
Whom nothing can oblige at such a Rate,
As these endearing Offices of late.
For Men are now grown wise, and understand
How to improve their Crimes, as well as Land;
And if th' have Issue, make the Infants pay
Down for their own Begetting on the Day,
The Charges of the Gossiping disburse,
And pay beforehand (ere they're born) the Nurse;
As he that got a Monster on a Cow,
Out of Design of setting up a Show.
For why should not the Brats for all account,
As well as for the Christ'ning at the Fount,
When those that stand for them, lay down the Rate
O' th' Banquet and the Priest, in Spoons and Plate?

The antient Romans made the State allow,
For getting all Men's Children above two:
Then married Men to propagate the Breed,
Had great Rewards for what they never did,
Were privileg'd, and highly honour'd too,
For owning what their Friends were fain to do;
For, so th' had Children, they regarded not
By whom (good Men) or how they were begot.
To borrow Wives (like Money) or to lend,
Was then the civil Office of a Friend,
And he, that made a Scruple in the Case,
Was held a miserable Wretch, and base;
For when th' had Children by 'em, th' honest Men
Return'd 'em to their Husbands back agen.
Then for th' Encouragement and Propagation
Of such a great Concernment to the Nation,
All People were so full of Complacence,
And civil Duty to the public Sense,
They had no Name t' express a Cuckold then,
But that which signify'd all married Men;
Nor was the Thing accounted a Disgrace,
Unless among the dirty Populace,
And no Man understands on what account
Less civil Nations after hit upon't:
For to be known a Cuckold can be no
Dishonour, but to him that thinks it so;
For, if he feel no Shagrin, or Remorse,
His Forehead's shot-free, and he's ne'er the worse,
For Horns (like horny Calluses) are found
To grow on Sculls, that have receiv'd a Wound,
Are crackt, and broken; not at all on those
That are invulnerate, and free from Blows.
What a brave Time had Cuckold-makers then,
When they were held the worthiest of Men,
The real Fathers of the Commonwealth,
That planted Colonies in Rome itself?
When he, that help'd his Neighbours, and begot
Most Romans, was the noblest Patriot.
For, if a brave Man, that preserv'd from Death
One Citizen, was honour'd with a Wreath;
He, that more gallantly got three or four,
In Reason must deserve a great deal more.
Then, if those glorious Worthies of old Rome,
That civiliz'd the World th' had overcome,
And taught it Laws and Learning, found this Way
The best to save their Empire from Decay;
Why should not these, that borrow all the Worth
They have from them, not take this Lesson forth,
Get Children, Friends, and Honour too, and Money
By prudent managing of Matrimony?
For, if 'tis honourable by all confest,
Adultery must be worshipful at least;
And these Times great, when private Men are come
Up to the Height and Politic of Rome.
All By-blows were not only free-born then,
But like John Lilborn, free-begotten Men;
Had equal Right and Privilege with these,
That claim by Title of the four Seas.
For being in Marri'ge born, it matters not,
After what Liturgy they were begot;
And if there be a Difference, they have
Th' Advantage of the Chance in proving brave,
By b'ing engender'd with more Life and Force,
Than those begotten the dull Way of Course.

The Chinese place all Piety and Zeal,
In serving with their Wives the Commonweal,
Fix all their Hopes of Merit, and Salvation,
Upon their Women's Supererogation,
With solemn Vows their Wives and Daughters bind,
Like Eve in Paradise, to all Mankind;
And those, that can produce the most Gallants,
Are held the pretiousest of all their Saints,
Wear Rosaries about their Necks to con
Their Exercise of Devotion on;
That serve them for Certificates to show,
With what vast Numbers they have had to do:
Before th' are marry'd, make a Conscience
T' omit no Duty of Incontinence;
And she, that has been oftenest prostituted,
Is worthy of the greatest Match reputed.
But, when the conqu'ring Tartar went about
To root this orthodox Religion out,
They stood for Conscience, and resolv'd to dye,
Rather than change the antient Purity
Of that Religion, which their Ancestors,
And they had prosper'd in so many Years;
Vow'd to their Gods to sacrifice their Lives;
And dye their Daughters Martyrs, and their Wives,
Before they would commit so great a Sin
Against the Faith they had been bred up in.