University of Virginia Library

E

EASTMAN, George, inventor of the brownie camera and the most expensive sport on earth.

Ambition: The kodak fiend, tourists. Address: Rochester and London. Clubs: Camera.

EDDY, Mrs., of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., a lady who made millions by telling the world there was no such thing as the toothache, sea-sickness, or hitting your thumb with a hammer.

EDISON, Thomas, an American who invented everything with the exception of the sun dial, Pear's soap, and the Gillette razor.

EIFEL, a Frenchman who built the second tower of Babel, but who was wise enough to stop before he got too high.

EIGHTH, Henry the, suitor, blue beard, and church builder. When a young man he became a benedict, a condition in which he remained until well along in years. As fast as a queen appeared at the breakfast table with her hair down her back, she was dispatched to the block. A couple of queens got ahead of him. Was nearly as successful in obtaining divorces as Napoleon, of France, and American millionaires. In his later years he competed against the Pope in England. Ambition: A harem. Recreation: Spooning. Dreams: Bad. Address: Windsor.

ELGIN, Lord, the man who rolled the Elgin marbles from Greece to the British Museum. Also had something to do with the interior of watches.

ELIJAH, a prophet of old who was fond of ravens (not red). Later he went somewhat out of his line, but succeeded as a chariot driver.

ELIZABETH, Queen, called "Bess'' by Raleigh and the rest of the boys. E. reigned when people did things. She was wooed and lost by an Armada (see Philip II). She finally walked over Raleigh's coat, and later wiped her feet on him. E. had a sister by the name of Mary, who was better looking, and less fortunate. E. was queen when the pipe was introduced into England. Other and less important events of her reign were: Shakespeare, Spenser, and Virginia. Died an old maid. Heir: She did not have any.

ELLIOT , George, a lady who wore a man's name and wrote books.

EMANUEL II, Victor, the original of the statues in every town of Italy; a king with ambitions, who was wise enough to entrust his affairs to a brainier man, and was thus made famous (see Girabaldi).

EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readers to conquer the world. Several have failed. Also advised the practical theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Lived before the time of the taxi.

EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant and that pleasure was good. His descendants live in expensive hotels and eat only in high-class restaurants. Many suffer with the gout. A popular cat foot was named in his honor.

ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess of breakfast food.

ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villain of the book, married the hero, and lived happily ever afterward.

EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book as far back as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that the shortest distance between two points is a crow's flight, and that two parallel lines always compete.

EVE, see Mrs. Adam.

EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a rich husband after the fashion of books.