University of Virginia Library

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HAFID, Mulai, a sultan of Morocco, who succeeded in abdicating before he was abdicated.

HAGAR, Miss, Abraham's wife's maid who nearly broke up a happy family.

HAHNEMANN, Doctor, of Leipsig, discovered the sugar pill and called it homeopathy.

HAM, second officer and engineer of the Ark.

HAMED, Abdul, a retired professor of diplomacy, champion promiser, and a sick man. When a youth he began instructing the monarchs of Europe in the use of a government. One of his favorite pastimes was reading ultimatums. Fearless until a warship entered the harbor, and even then usually got rid of it with promises. Employed massacres to break the monotony of reigning. Acquired as fine a harem as ever sat on silk cushions. Some of H.'s younger subjects though he should be ostlerized (see Dr. Ostler). They gave him his harem and salary, and locked him up in a palace. Then the wise ones lost Tripoli and about everything but sleeping room in Europe. Motto: I told you so. Ambition: To be back on the job. Recreations: Private entertainments. Address: Harem. Epitaph: Everybody Worked But Father.

HAMLET, a Dane who had difficulty with an auxiliary verb. Also founded the foolish questions.

HAMMERSTEIN, Oscar, an opera broker who inflicted himself, high prices, and buildings upon certain communities.

HANDEL, placed "Handel's Largo'' on the music stands. Also wrote a few other airs.

HARRY. (See Thomas and Richard.)

HARVARD, John, an Englishman who founded a great American university near the cultured town of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., where football players and the sons of American millionaires eke out an education.

HARVEY, Doctor W., a physician who learned in 1619 that his patients had blood which circulated. The discovery has since been of some profit to his successors.

HEINZ, of Pittsburg, Pa. A man who never tried to conceal his name. Sold American baked beans, catsup, and fifty-five other varieties to the world.

HELENA, Saint, Constantine's mother. She built a few churches (also see Napoleon).

HEMANS, Mrs., poetess who gave to the world that rich, soulful, and exquisite poesy, "The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck.'' It is said the poem has been parodized.

HENRY, Pat., an Irish-American politician who demanded liberty or death. From all that can be ascertained he secured the latter.

HERCULES, the Sandow of the ancients, promoter of the Olympic games and laborer. H. claimed to have done some things which are even questioned

by the partisans of Doctor Cook. Killed about everybody, erected two pillars, stole some apples, and, in short, did everything but enter politics or invent a breakfast food. Ambition: The thirteenth labor. Recreation: Muscle development, travel. Address: The Pillars. Clubs: Athletic. Epitaph: Now Is A Mighty Man Fallen.

HIAWATHA, American Indian who permitted his wife to starve to death simply for the want of proper nourishment. Many claim a great American poet used bad taste in writing the biography of such a man.

HICHENS, Robert [4], planter of the Garden of Allah. Experimented with belle donna. H. is still in Who's Who, and multitudes of readers hope he will remain there for some time to come. Ambition: Sales. Recreation: Filling his fountain pen or cleaning typewriter. Address: Care of the Publisher. Home: Sicily.

HILL, Samuel, a man who did things in a hurry. Also a celebrated rain storm.

HOBSON, American-Spanish War hero who lowered his ideals and went to Congress. Later he became a temperance lecturer. Was heard by great crowds. Produced statistics to show how few saloons failed after a lecture.

HOLMES, Sherlock, detective. When a child he devoured inexpensive literature and theatres. This

"Sherlock Holmes"

[Description: A man with an ear trumpet listening to the casket on which he is sitting and typing with the other hand.]

blank page fired his mind to eliminate Scotland Yard as a crime-detecting agency. Entered the profession of a detective, but was unknown until Doctor Watson pulled him into print. His fortune was then made. All the society scandals were placed in his hands, and if he only told what he knew about society—! H. solved the most complicated mysteries with a stroke of his hypodermic needle, and was only baffled in locating the murderer of Cock Robin. His name struck terror into the hearts of criminals and competing publishers. After all the criminals in England had been jailed or hung he was killed by an author, but the great H. solved the mystery of the grave and came back to life in time to see his murderer knighted. Now at work on the suffragette case. Ambition: Another Dr. Watson. Recreation: Fond of Doyle's works and the violin. Address: 31 Baker Street. Clubs: London Prison Society. Epitaph: Au Revoir, But.

HOMER, travel writer, mythology expert, and journalist. Began career as a reporter on the Athens "Times.'' Was discharged for incompetence, and took up honest writing. Found a publisher who thought his writings would sell to posterity. Later H. took charge of the Ulysses Tours. Was war correspondent for the Greek associated press at the siege of Troy. Ambition: Fewer classics and more money. Publication: See libraries and school rooms. Address: Care Athens. Clubs: Literary, Fourth Estate.

HOOD, Red Riding, a brave little girl who escaped alive from a wolf which had previously partaken of a relative.

HOOD, Robin, a fine robber of merry England who took from the rich and gave to the poor, and made crackerjack material for stories.

HOOD, Sarsaparilla, the manufacturer of another remedy for Harvey's discovery.

HOPE, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She was a near relation of Ambition. Discovered the words "wish'' and "if'' and gave her name to the world. She was the first woman to manufacture ideals, and has been made the patron saint of the suffragettes (see Suffragette). H. went about making life worth while. She was loved by all those millions of lovers and all those millions of men and women who endeavored to do things. Ambition: The discouraged. Recreation: Success. Address: Perhaps she has resided in your home.

HORACE, Quintus Horatius Flaccus, a rhymester of Greece who sang and drank of the Falernian wine.

HORATIUS, Roman bridge tender who saved the city, and swam the Tiber without getting stuck in the mud.

HOUR, The Man of the, most popular and versatile man who ever lived. Attracted tremendous attention. Newspapers printed his picture and ran long articles about his life, family, eccentricities, etc. Won fame in war, science, pulpit, aviation,

stage, art, music, politics, literature, finance, by saving a life and in exploring. His accomplishments were infinite. H. was lionized by royalty, society, and beautiful women. Made addresses, gave interviews, received honors. He was the man everyone wanted to shake by the hand so they could tell other people they had done it. Ambition: Another hour. Recreation: Basking. Address: All countries. Clubs: All open.

HUERTA, Victoriano, a Mexican who made it necessary to employ extra telegraphers and throat lotions at the White House. He also was responsible for the phrase, "The Mexican Situation.''

HUR, Benjamin, chariot racer, actor. Appeared in all large cities, showed his noble figure, raced his horses, downed the villain, packed up, and moved to the next town.

HURST, William Randolph, father of the American unwhitened newspapers. Democrat. Started life in a humble manner, only controlling a few newspapers. He soon purchased others. His magical touch changed their color. Employed the greatest staff of imaginary geniuses ever gathered together. These men had the ability to write unhampered by mere details or facts. H. also employed many good lawyers and used them frequently. Fortified by his constituents, to wit: the aforesaid geniuses and newspapers, H. entered politics as a candidate for anything. Was always Bryaned and Roosevelted. Ambition: Same as

Bryan. Recreation: Reading yellow journals. Address: All large American cities. Epitaph: The Vote Is Mightier Than The Pen.

HYDE, Mr. (See Dr. Jekyll.)