University of Virginia Library

The Preface.

Among other thinges profytyng in our tong
Those whiche muche may profyte both olde and yong:
Suche as on their fruite wyll feede or take holde
Are our common plaine pithie prouerbes olde.
Some sence of some of whiche beyng bare and rude:
Yet to fyne and fruitefull effect they allude.
And their sentenses include so large a reache,
That almost in all thinges good lessons they teache.
This write I not to teache, but to touche: for why,
Men know this as well or better then I.
But this and this rest, I wryte for this.
Remembryng and consyderyng what the pyth is,
That by remembraunce of these prouerbes maie grow
In this tale, erst talked with a freend, I show
As many of them as we could fytly fynde,
Fallyng to purpose, that might fall in minde.
To thentent that the reader redily may
Finde them and minde them, whan he wyll alway.

[Of mine acquayntance a certaine yong man]

1. The fyrst parte.

The .i. chapiter.

The .ii. chapiter.

iii. The .iij. chapter.

He that will not whan he may,
Whan he would, he shall haue nay.
Beautie or riches the tone of the twayne
Now may I choose, and whiche me list obtaine.
And if we determine me, this mayde to take,
And then tract of time traine her me to forsake:
Than my beautifull mariage lithe in the dike,
And neuer for beautie, shall I wedde the like.
Now if we awarde me this widowe to wedde.
And that I driue of time till time, she be dedde,
Than farewell riches, the fat is in the fire,
And neuer shall I to like riches aspire.
And a thousand folde would it greue me more,
That she in my faute should die one houre before,
Than one minute after. than haste must prouoke,
Whan the pigge is proferd to holde vp the poke.
Whan the sunne shinth make hay. whiche is to say.
Take time whan time comth, lest time steale away.
And one good lesson to this purpose I pike
From the smiths forge, whan thyron is hot strike.
The sure sea man seeth, the tide tarieth no man.
And long delayes or absence somwhat to skan.
Sens that that one will not, on other will,
Delaies in woers must needes their speede spill.
And touchyng absence, the full accompte wo somthe
Shall see, as fast as one goth an other comthe.
Time is tickell. and out of sight out of minde.
Than catche and holde while I may, fast binde fast finde.
Blame me not to haste, for feare mine eie be blerde.
And therby the fat cleane flit fro my berde.
Where wooers hoppe in and out, long time may bryng
Him that hoppeth best, at last to haue the ryng.
I hoppyng without for a ryng of a rushe.
And while I at length debate and beate the bushe,
There shall steppe in other men, and catche the burdes,
And by long time lost in many vayne wurdes.
Betwene these two wiues, make slouth spede confound
While betweene two stooles, my tayle go to grounde.
By this, sens we see slouth must breede a scab,
Best sticke to the tone out of hand, hab or nab.
Thus all your prouerbs inueying against haste,
Be answerd with prouerbs plaine and promptly plaste.
Wherby, to purpose all this no further fits,
But to shew, so many heds so many wits.
Whiche shewe as surely in all that they all tell,
That in my weddyng I may euen as well
Tary to long, and therby come to late,
As come to soone by hast in any rate.
And proue this prouerbe, as the woordes therof go,
Haste or slouth herein woorke nother welth nor wo.
Be it far or nie, weddyng is desteny,
And hangyng likewise, saith that prouerbe, sayd I.
Than wed or hang (quoth he) what helpth in the whole
To hast or hang aloof, happy man happy dole.
Ye deale this dole (quoth I) out at a wrong dur.
For desteny in this case doth not so stur
Against mans indeuour, but man may direct
His will, fore prouision to worke or neglect,
But to shew that quick wedding may bryng good speede,
Somwhat to purpose, your prouerbs proue in deede.
Howbeit, whether they counterpayse or out way
The prouerbes, which I before them did lay,
The triall therof we will lay a water.
Till we trie more. For triyng of which mater
Declare all commodites ye can deuise,
That by those two weddyngs to you can rise.

iiii. The .iiij. Chapter.

I wyll (quoth he) in bothe these cases streight show,
What things (as I think) to me by them will grow.
And where my loue began, there begin will I.
With this mayde, the peece perelesse in mine eie.
Whom I so fauour, and she so fauourth me,
That half a death to vs a sonder to be.
Affection eche to other doth vs so moue,
That welny without foode, we coulde liue by loue.
For be I right sad, or right sicke, from hir sight,
Her presence absenteth all maladies quight.
Whiche seen, and that the great ground in mariage
Standth vpon likyng the parties personage,
And than of olde prouerbes in opening the packe,
One shewth me openly in loue is no lacke.
No lacke of likyng, but lacke of liuyng,
May lacke in loue (quoth I) and breede ill cheeuyng.
Well as to that (sayde he) harke this othyng.
What time I lacke not hir, I lacke nothyng.
But though we haue nought, nor nought we can geat,
God neuer sendth mouth, but he sendeth meat.
And a hard beginnyng makth a good endyng.
In space comth grace, and this further amendyng.
Seldome comth the better, and like will to like.
God sendth colde after clothes. and this I pike.
She, by lacke of substance seemyng but a sparke,
Steynth yet the stoutest, For a leg of a larke
Is better than is the body of a kyght.
And home is homely, though it be poore in syght.
These prouerbs for this parte shew suche a flourishe,
And than this partie dooth delyte so nourishe.
That muche is my bowe bent to shoote at these marks,
And kyll feare, when the sky falth we shall haue larks.
All perils that fall maie, who fearth they fall shall,
Shall so feare all thyng, that he shall let fall all,
And be more fraid then hurt, if the thinges were doone.
Feare may force a man to cast beyonde the moone.
Who hopeth in Gods helpe, his helpe can not starte:
Nothing is impossible to a willyng hart,
And will maie wyn my herte, herein to consent,
To take all thinges as it comth, and be content.
And here is (quoth he) in mariyng of this mayde,
For courage and commoditee all mine ayde.
Well sayde (saied I) but a whyle kepe we in quenche,
All this case, as touchyng this poore yonge wenche.
And nowe declare your whole consideracion,
What maner thinges draw your imaginacion,
Toward your weddyng of this wydow riche and olde.
That shall ye (quoth he) out of hande haue tolde.

The .vi. chapiter.

This wydowe beyng foule, and of fauour yll,
In good behauour can very good skyll.
Pleasantly spoken, and a very good wyt,
And at hir table, whan we together syt,
I am well serued, we fare of the best.
The meate good and holsome and holsomly drest.
Sweete and softe lodgeyng, and therof great shyfte.
This felte and seene with all implementes of thrifte,
Of plate and money suche cupboordes and coffers,
And that without peyne I maie win these profers,
Than couetyse bearyng Uenus bargayne backe,
Praisyng this bargayne saith, better leaue then lacke.
And gredinesse, to drawe desyre to hir lore,
Saieth, that the wise man saieth, store is no sore.
Who hath many pease maie put the mo in the pot.
Of two yls, choose the least whyle choyse lyth in lot.
Sens lacke is an yll, as yll as man may haue,
To prouyde for the woorst, whyle the best it selfe saue.
Restie welth wylth me this wydow to wyn,
To let the world wag, and take mine ease in mine in.
He must needes swym, that is holde vp by the chyn.
He laugth that wynth. And this threede fyner to spyn,
Maister promocion saieth, make this substance sure,
If ryches bryng ones portly countenance in vre,
Than shalt thou rule the roste all rounde about.
And better to rule, than be ruled by the rout.
It is saide be it better be it wurs,
Dooe ye after him that beareth the purs.
Thus be I by this, ones le senior de graunde,
Many that commaunded me, I shall commaunde.
And also I shall to reueng former hurts,
Hold their noses to grinstone, and syt on theyr skurts,
That erst sate on mine. And riches maie make
Freends many waies. Thus better to geue then take.
And to make carnall appetite content,
Reason laboreth wyll, to wyn wyls consent,
To take lacke of beautie but as an eye sore.
The fayre and the foule, by darke are lyke store.
When all candels be out, all cats be grey,
All things are then of one colour, as who sey.
And this prouerbe saith, for quenching hot desyre,
Foule water as soone as fayre, will quenche hot fyre.
Where gyfts be geuen freely, est west north or south,
No man ought to looke a geuen hors in the mouth.
And though hir mouth be foule, she hath a fayre tayle.
I constre this text, as is moste my auayle.
In want of white teeth and yelow heares to beholde,
She flourisheth in white siluer and yelow golde.
What though she be toothlesse, and balde as a coote?
Her substaunce is shoote anker, wherat I shoote.
Take a peyne for a pleasure all wyse men can.
What, hungry dogges will eate durty puddyngs man.
And here I conclude (quoth he) all that I knowe
By this olde widow, what good to me maie growe.

The .vi. chapiter.

Ye haue (quoth I) in these conclusions founde
Sundrie thinges, that veray sauerly sounde,
And bothe these longe cases, beyng well vewde,
In one short question, we maie well inclewde,
Whiche is, whether best or wurst be to be ledde
With riches, without loue or beautie, to wedde:
Or with beautie without richesse for loue.
This question (quoth he) inquerth all that I moue.
It dooth so (said I) and is neerely couched.
But thanswere will not so breuely be touched.
And your selfe, to length it, taketh direct trade.
For to all reasons, that I haue yet made,
Ye seeme more to seeke reasons how to contende,
Than to the councell of myne to condiscende.
And to be playne, as I must with mi frende,
I perfectly feele euen at my fyngers ende.
So harde is your hande set on your halfpeny,
That my reasonyng your reason setteth nought by.
But reason for reason, ye so styfly lay,
By prouerbe for prouerbe, that with you do way,
That reason onely shall herein nought moue you.
To here more then speake. wherfore I wyll proue you,
With reason, assisted by experience.
Whiche my selfe sawe, not long sens nor far hence.
In a matter so lyke this fashond in frame,
That none can be lyker, it seemeth euen the same,
And in the same, as your selfe shall espy
Eche sentence soothed with a prouerbe welny.
And at ende of the same, ye shall cleerely see
How this shorte question shortly answerd may bee.
Ye mary (quoth he) nowe ye shoote nie the pricke.
Practyse in all, aboue all toucheth the quicke.
Proofe vppon practise, must take holde more sure,
Than any reasonyng by gesse can procure.
If ye bryng practise in place, without fablyng,
I wyll banysh both haste and busy bablyng.
And yet that promise to perfourme is mickell,
For in this case my toung must oft tickell.
Ye know well it is, as telth vs this olde tale,
Meete, that a man be at his owne brydale.
If he wyue well (quoth I) meete and good it were.
Or els as good for him an other were there.
But for this your bridale I meane not in it,
That scilence shall suspend your speeche euery whyt.
But in these mariages, whiche ye here meue,
Sens this tale conteinth the counsayle I can geue,
I would see your eares attend with your tong,
For aduyse in bothe these weddyngs olde and yong.
In whiche heryng, time seene when and what to talke,
When your tonge tickleth, at wyll let it walke.
And in these brydales, to the reasons of ours,
Marke mine experience in this case of yours.

vii. The seuenth chapiter.

VVithin few yeres past, from London no far way
Where I and my wife, with our poore houshold lay.
Two yong men were abydyng whom to discriue.
Were I, in portraiyng persons dead or aliue,
As cunnyng and as quicke, to touche them at full,
As in that feate I am ignorant and dull,
Neuer could I paynte their pictures to allow,
More liuely, than to paint the pycture of yow.
And as your three persons shew one similitewd,
So shew you three one, in all things to be vewd,
Likewyse a wydowe and a mayde there did dwell,
A lyke lyke the wydow and mayde ye of tell.
The freends of theim foure in euery degree,
Standyng in state as the freends of you three.
Those two men, eche other so hasted or taried,
That those two women on one daie they maried.
Into two houses, which next my house did stand,
The one on the right, thother on the lefte hand.
Both bridegromes bad me, I could do none other,
But dine with the tone, and sup with the tother.
He that wedded this widow riche and olde,
And also she, fauourd me so, that they wolde
Make me dyne or sup ones or twyse in a weeke.
This poore yonge man and his make beyng to seeke
As oft, where they might eate or drinke, I them bad,
Were I at home, to suche pittaunce as I had.
Whiche common conference suche confidence wrought,
In them to me, that deede, woorde, ne welny thought
Chaunced among them, what euer it weare,
But one of the foure, brought it streight to mine eare.
Wherby betwene these twayne, and their two wyues,
Bothe for welth and wo, I knew all their four liues.
And sens the matter is muche intricate,
Betwene syde and syde, I shall here seperate
All matters on both sydes, and than sequestrate
Thone syde, while thother be full reherst, in rate,
As for your vnderstandyng maie best stande.
And this yonge poore couple shall come fyrst in hande.
Who, the day of weddyng and after, a whyle,
Could not looke eche on other, but they must smyle.
As a whelpe for wantonnes in and out whipps,
So playde these twayne, as mery as three chipps.
Ye there was God (quoth he) whan all is doone.
Abyde (quoth I) it was yet but hony moone.
The blacke oxe had not trode on his nor hir foote.
But er this braunche of blis could reach any roote,
The flowers so faded, that in fiftene weekes,
A man might espie the chaunge in the cheekes
Both of this poore wretch, and his wife this poore wenche,
Their faces told toies, that Totnam was tournd frenche.
And all their light laughyng turnd and translated
Into sad sighyng, all mirth was amated.
And one mornyng tymely he tooke in hande,
To make to my house, a sleeueles errande.
Haukyng vpon me, his minde herein to breake,
Whiche I woulde not see, tyll he began to speake,
Praiyng me to here him. And I saide, I woulde.
Wherwith this that foloweth foorthwith he tolde.

The .viii. chapiter.

I am nowe driuen (quoth he) for ease of my harte,
To you, to vtter parte of mine inward smarte.
And the matter concerneth my wyfe and mee,
Whose fathers and mothers long sens dead bee.
But vncles, with auntes and cosins, haue wee
Dyuers riche on bothe sydes, so that we did see,
If we had wedded, eche; where eche kynred would,
Neither of vs had lackt, either siluer or gold.
But neuer coulde suite, on either syde obtayne
One peny, to the one weddyng of vs twayne.
And sens our one mariyng or marryng daie,
Where any of them see vs, they shrinke awaie,
Solemnly swearyng, suche as maie geue ought,
While they and we liue, of them we get right nought.
Nor nought haue we, nor no waie ought can we get,
Sauyng by borowyng, tyll we be in det
So far, that no man any more will vs lende.
Wherby, for lacke we bothe be at our witts ende.
Wherof no wonder, sens the ende of our good,
And beginnyng of our charge, together stood.
But wit is neuer good tyll it be bought.
Howbeit when bought wits to best price bee brought,
Yet is one good forewit woorth two after wits.
This paith me home lo, and full mo foly hits.
For had I lookt afore, with indifferent eye,
Though haste had made me thurst neuer so drye:
Yet to drowne this drought, this must I needes thynke,
As I woulde needes brewe, so must I needes drynke.
The drynke of my bride cup I should haue forborne,
Tyll temperance had tempred the taste beforne.
I see nowe, and shall see while I am aliue,
Who wedth or he be wise shall die or he thriue.
I singe nowe in this facte, factus est repente,
Nowe mine eies be open I do repent me.
He that will sell lawne before he can folde it.
He shall repent him before he haue solde it.
Som bargains deere bought, good cheape wold be sold,
No man loueth his fetters, be they made of gold.
Were I loose from the louely lynkes of my chayne,
I would not daunce in such fayre fetters agayne,
In house to kepe housholde, whan folks wyll needs wed,
Mo thyngs belong, than foure bare legs in a bed.
I reckened my weddyng a suger sweete spyce,
But reckners without their host must recken twyce.
And although it were sweete for a weeke or twayne,
Sweete meate will haue sowre sawce, I see now playne.
Continuall penurie, whiche I muste take
Telth me, better eye out then alwaie ake.
Boldly and blindly I ventred on this,
How be it, who so bolde as blynde Bayard is?
And herein to blame any man, then should I raue.
For I did it my selfe: and selfe do, selfe haue.
But a daie after the fayre, comth this remors,
For reliefe: for though it be a good hors
That neuer stumbleth, what praise can that auouche
To iades that breake their necks at fyrst trip or touche.
And before this my fyrst foyle or breakneck fall,
Subtilly lyke a sheepe thought I, I shall
Cut my cote after my cloth. When I haue her.
But now I can smell, nothyng hath no sauer.
I am taught to know, in more hast than good speede,
How Judicare came into the Creede.
My carefull wife in one corner weepeth in care,
And I in an other the purs is threede bare.
This corner of our care (quoth he) I you tell.
To craue therin your comfortable counsell.

The ix. chapiter.

I am sory (quoth I) of your pouertee,
And more sorie, that I can not succour yee,
If ye scur your neede myne almes to stur,
Then of trouth ye beg at a wrong mans dur.
There is nothyng more vayne, as your selfe tell can,
Than to beg a breeche of a bare arst man.
I come to beg nothyng of you (quoth he)
Saue your aduyse, whiche maie my best waie be,
How to wyn present salue for this present sore.
I am lyke thyll surgeon (sayd I) without store
Of good plaisters. Howbeit suche as they are,
Ye shall haue the best I haue. But fyrst declare,
Where your and your wyues riche kynsfolke do dwel.
Enuyronned about vs (quoth he) which shewth well,
The nere to the churche, the ferther from God.
Most parte of them dwell within a thousand rod.
And yet shall we catche a hare with a taber,
As soone as catche ought of them, and rather.
Ye plaie coleprophet (quoth I) who takth in hande,
To knowe his answere before he do his errande.
What should I to them (quoth he) flyng or flyt.
An vnbydden geast knoweth not where to syt.
I am cast at carts ars, some folke in lacke
Can not prease, A broken sleeue holdth tharme backe.
And shame holdth me backe, beyng thus forsaken.
Tushe man (quoth I) shame is as it is taken.
And shame take him that shame thinkth ye thinke none.
Unminded, vnmoned, go make your mone.
Tyll meate fall in your mouth, will ye ly in bed,
Or sit styll? nay. he that gapeth till he be fed,
Maie fortune to fast and famishe for honger.
Set forward, ye shall neuer labour yonger.
Well (quoth he) if I shall nedes this viage make,
With as good will as a beare goth to the stake,
I will streight weie anker, and hoyse vp sayle.
And thytherward hye me in haste lyke a snayle.
And home agayne hytherward quicke as a bee.
Nowe for good lucke, caste an olde shoe after mee.
And first to mine vucle, brother to my father,
By suite, I will assaie to win some fauer.
Who brought me vp, and tyll my weddyng was don
Loued me, not as his nephew, but as his son.
And his heire had I beene, had not this chaunced,
Of lands and goodes, which should me much auaunced.
Trudge (quoth I) to him, and on your marybones,
Crouche to the grounde, and not so ofte as ones
Speake any one woord him to contrary.
I can not tell that (quoth he) by Seint Mary.
One yll woord axeth an other, as folks speake.
Well (quoth I) better is to boow then breake.
It hurteth not the tounge to geue fayre wurds.
The rough net is not the best catcher of burds.
Sens ye can nought wyn, if ye can not please,
Best is to suffre: For of suffrance comth ease.
Cause causeth (quoth he) and as cause causeth mee,
So will I doo. And with this away went hee.
Yet whether his wyfe should go with him or no,
He sent hir to me to know er he would go.
Wherto I sayde, I thought best he went alone.
And you (quoth I) to go streight as he is gone,
Among your kynsfolke likewyse, if they dwell ny,
Yes (quoth she) all round about euen here by.
Namely an aunte, my mothers syster. who well
(Sens my mother died) brought me vp from the shell.
And much would haue geuen me, had my weddyng growne
Upon hir fansy, as it grew vpon mine owne.
And in likewyse myne vncle hir husband, was
A father to me. Well (quoth I) let pas:
And if your husbande will his assent graunt,
Go, he to his vncle, and you to your aunt.
Yes this assent he graunteth before (quoth she)
For he er this thought this the best way to be.
But of these two thinges he woulde determine none
Without ayde. For two hedds are better then one.
With this we departed, she to hir husbande,
And I to diner to them on thother hande.

The .x. chapiter.

VVhan diner was doone, I came home agayne,
To attende on the retourne of these twayne.
And er three howres to ende were fully tryde,
Home came she fyrst, welcome (quoth I) and well hyde.
Yea short horse is soone corryd (quoth shee)
But the weaker hath the wurs we all daie see.
After our last partyng, my husbande and I
Departed, eche to place agreed formerly.
Myne vncle and aunte on me dyd loure and glome.
Bothe bad me god speede, but none bad me welcome.
Their folks glomd on me to, by which it apeereth.
The yonge cocke croweth, as he the olde heereth.
At dyner they were, and made (for maners sake)
A kynswoman of ours me to table take.
A false flattryng fylth, and if that be good,
None better to beare two faces in one hood.
She speaketh as she would creepe into your bosome.
And when the meale mouth hath woon the bottome
Of your stomake, than will the pickthanke it tell
To your most enmies, you to bye and sell.
To tell tales out of schoole, that is hir great lust.
Looke what she knowth, blab it wist, and out it must.
There is no mo such titifyls in Englands ground,
To holde with the hare, and run with the hound.
Fyre in the tone hande, and water in the tother,
The makebate beareth betweene brother and brother.
She can wynke on the yew, and wery the lam.
She maketh earnest matters of euery flymflam.
She must haue an ore in euery mans barge.
And no man may chat ought in ought of hir charge.
Coll vnder canstyk, she can plaie on bothe hands,
Dissimulacion well she vnderstands.
She is lost with an apple, and woon with a nut.
Her tong is no edge toole, but yet it will cut.
Her cheekes are purple ruddie lyke a horse plumme.
And the bygge parte of hir bodie is hir bumme.
But little titte all tayle, I haue heard er this,
As high as twoo horse loues hir person is.
For priuie nyps or casts ouertwart the shyns,
He shall lese the maistrie that with hir begyns.
She is, to turne loue to hate, or ioye to greefe
A paterne, as meete as a rope for a theefe.
Her promise of freendship, for any auayle,
Is as sure to holde as an ele by the tayle.
She is nother fyshe nor fleshe, nor good red hearyng.
She is a ryngleader there, And I fearyng
She would spit her venym, thought it not euyll
To sette vp a candle before the deuyll.
I clawd hir by the backe in waie of a charme,
To do me, not the more good, but the lesse harme.
Praiyng hir in hir eare, on my syde to holde,
She therto swearyng by her false faith, she wolde.
Streight after diner myne aunte had no choice,
But other burst, or burst out in pilats voice.
Ye huswife, what wynde blowth ye hyther thus right?
Ye might haue knokt er ye came in, leaue is light.
Better vnborne than vntought, I haue heard saie,
But ye be better fed then taught farre awaie.
Not very fat fed, said this flebergebet,
But neede hath no lawe, neede maketh hir hither iet.
She comth neece Ales (quoth she) for that is hir name,
More for neede, than for kyndnes, peyne of shame.
Howbeit she can not lacke, for he fyndth that seekes,
Louers liue by loue, ye as larkes liue by leekes
Saied this Ales, muche more then halfe in mockage.
Tushe (quoth mine aunte) these louers in dotage
Thinke the ground beare them not, but wed of corage
They must in all haste, though a leafe of borage
Might by all the substance that they can sell.
Well aunt (quoth Ales) all is well that endes well.
Ye Ales, of a good begynnyng comth a good end.
Not so good to borowe, as be able to lend.
Naie in deede aunte (quoth she) it is sure so,
She must nedes grant, she hath wrought hir owne wo.
She thought Ales, she had seene far in a milstone,
Whan she gat a husbande, and namely suche one,
As they by weddyng could not onely nought wyn,
But lose bothe liuyng and loue of all their kyn.
Good aunt (quoth I) humblie I beseche yee,
My trespas doone to you forgeue it mee.
I know and knowlage, I haue wrought mine owne peyn,
But things past my hands, I can not call agein.
True (quoth Ales) thinges doone can not be vndoone,
Be they done in due tyme, to late, or to soone,
But better late then neuer to repent this,
To late (quoth mine aunt) this repentance shewd is,
Whan the steede is stolne shut the stable durre.
I toke hir for a rose, but she breedth a burre.
She comth to sticke to me nowe in hir lacke.
Rather to rent of my clothes fro my backe,
Than to do me one farthyng woorth of good.
I see daie at this little hole. For this bood
Shewth what fruite will folow. In good faith I saide,
In waie of peticion I sue for your ayde.
A well (quoth she) now I well vnderstand
The walkyng staffe hath caught warmth in your hand.
A cleane fingred huswyfe, and an ydell, folke saie,
And wyll be lyme fyngerd I feare by my fay.
It is as tender as a parsons lemman.
Nought can she dooe, and what can she haue than?
As sober as she seemth, fewe daies come about
But she will onece wasshe hir face in an ale clout.
And than betwene hir and the rest of the rout,
I proud, and thou proud, who shall beare thashes out.
She maie not beare a fether, but she must breath,
She maketh so much of hir peynted sheath.
She thinkth her farthyng good syluer I tell you,
But for a farthyng who euer did sell you,
Myght bost you to be better solde then bought.
And yet though she be woorth nought, nor haue nought,
Her gowne is gaier and better then mine.
At hir gaie gowne (quoth Ales) ye maie repine.
Howe be it as we maie we loue to go gaie all.
Well well (quoth mine aunte) pryde wyll haue a fall.
For pryde goeth before, and shame cometh after.
Sure (saide Ales) in maner of mockyng laughter,
There is nothing in this worlde that agreeth wurs,
Then dooeth a Ladies hert and a beggers purs.
But pryde she shewth none, hir looke reason alouth,
She lookth as butter wolde not melte in hir mouth.
Well the still sowe eats vp all the draffe Ales.
All is not golde that glisters by tolde tales.
In youth she was towarde and without euill.
But soone rype soone rotten, yong seynt olde deuill.
How be it lo god sendth the shrewd coow short hornes.
While she was in this house she sat vpon thornes.
Eche one daie was three, tyll lybertee was borow,
For one months ioie to bryng hir hole liues sorow.
It were pitie (quoth Ales) but she should do well.
For beautie and stature she beareth the bell.
Ill weede growth fast Ales: wherby the corne is lorne.
For surely the weede ouergroweth the corne.
Ye praise the wyne, before ye tast of the grape.
But she can no more harme than can a she ape.
It is a good body, hir propertie preeues.
She lacketh but euen a new payre of sleeues.
If I mate (as they say) tell trouth without syn.
Of trouth she is a wolfe in a lambes skyn.
Her herte is full hie, whan her eye is full low.
A gest as good lost as founde, for all this show.
But many a good coowe hath an euill caulfe.
I speake this doughter in thy mothers behalfe.
My sister (God rest hir soule) whom though I bost,
Was cald the floure of honestee in this cost.
Aunt (quoth I) I take for father and mother
Myne vncle and you aboue all other.
When we wold, ye wold not be our childe (quoth shee)
Wherfore now whan ye wold, now will not wee.
Sens thou wouldst needes cast awaie thy selfe thus,
Thou shalte sure sinke in thine own syn for vs.
Aunt (quoth I) after a dotyng or dronken deede,
Let submission obteine some mercie or meede.
He that kylth a man, whan he is dronke (quoth she)
Shalbe hangd when he is sobre. And he
Whom in itching no scratchyng will forbere,
He must beare the smartyng that shall folow there.
And thou beyng borne very nigh of my stocke,
Though ny be my kyrtell, yet nere is my smocke.
I haue one of mine owne whom I must looke to.
Ye aunt (quoth Ales) that thinge muste ye needes do.
Nature compelth you to set your owne fyrst vp.
For I haue heard saie, it is a deere colup
That is cut out of thowne fleshe. But yet aunte,
So small maie hir request be, that ye maie graunte
To satisfie the same, whiche maie do her good,
And you no harme in thauansyng your owne blood,
And cosin (quoth she to me) what ye would craue,
Declare, that our aunt may know what ye would haue.
Nay (quoth I) be they wynners or loosers,
Folke saie alwaie, beggers should be no choosers.
With thankes I shall take what euer mine aunte please.
Where nothyng is, a little thyng dooth ease,
Hunger makth hard beanes sweete. where saddles lacke
Better ride on a pad, than on the horse bare backe.
And by this prouerbe apeerth this o thyng,
That alwaie somwhat is better then nothyng.
Hold fast whan ye haue it (quoth she) by my lyfe.
The boy thy husbande, and thou the gyrle his wyfe,
Shall not consume that I haue laboured fore.
Thou art yong inough, and I can woorke no more.
Kyt calot my coosyn sawe this thus far on,
And in mine aunts eare she whispreth anon
Roundly these woordes, to make this matter whole.
Aunt, leat them that be a colde blowe at the cole.
They shall for me Ales (quoth she) by gods blyst.
She and I haue shaken handes. farewell vnkyst.
And thus with a becke as good as a dieu gard,
She flang fro me, and I from hir hitherward.
Beggyng of hir booteth not the woorth of a beane.
Littell knoweth the fat sow, what the leane dooth meane.
Forsooth (quoth I) ye haue bestyrd ye well.
But where was your vncle whyle all this fray fell?
A sleepe by (quoth she) routyng lyke a hog.
And it is euyll wakyng of a sleepyng dog.
The bytche and hir whelpe might haue beene a sleepe to,
For ought they in wakyng to me would do.
Fare ye well (quoth she) I will nowe home streite,
And at my husbands hands for better newes weite.

The .xi. chapiter.

He came home to me the next daie before noone.
What tydings now (quoth I) how haue ye doone?
Upon our departyng (quoth he) yesterdaie
Toward myne vncles, somwhat more than mydway,
I ouertooke a man, a seruaunt of his,
And a freend of myne. Who gessed streight with this
What mine errand was, offryng in the same,
To do his best for me, and so in gods name,
Thyther we went, no body beyng within,
But myne vncle, myne aunte, and one of our kyn.
A mad knaue, as it were a raylyng gester,
Not a more gagglyng gander hense to Chester.
At sight of me he asked, who haue we there?
I haue seene this gentleman, if I wist where.
Howe be it lo, seldome seene, soone forgotten.
He was (as he will be) somwhat cupshotten.
Sixe daies in the weeke beside the market daie.
Malt is aboue wheate with him. market men saie.
But for as muche as I sawe the same taunt
Contented well mine vncle and mine aunt.
And that I cam to fall in, and not to fall out,
I forbare: or els his dronken red snout,
I would haue made as oft chaunge from hew to hew,
As dooth the cocks of Inde. For this is trew,
It is a small hop on my thombe. And Christ wot,
It is wood at a woorde. little potte soone whot.
Nowe mery as a cricket, and by and by,
Angry as a waspe, though in both no cause why.
But he was at home there, he might speake his will.
Euery cocke is proude on his owne dunghill.
I shall be euen with him herein whan I can.
But he hauyng done, thus myne vncle began.
Ye marchant, what attempth you, to attempt vs,
To come on vs before the messenger thus?
Roming in an out, I here tell how ye tosse.
But sonne, the rollyng stone neuer gatherth mosse.
Lyke a pyckpurs pilgrim, ye prie and ye proule
At rouers, to rob Peter and paie Poule.
Iwys I know, or any more be tolde,
That draffe is your errand, but drinke ye wolde.
Uncle (quoth I) of the cause, for whiche I com,
I pray you paciently here the hole som.
In fayth (quoth he) without any more summyng,
I know to beg of me is thy commyng,
Forsoth (quoth his man) it is so in deede.
And I dare boldly boste, if ye knewe his neede,
Ye wolde of pittie yet set him in some stey.
Sonne, better be enuied than pitied, folke sey.
And for his cause of pitee (had he had grace)
He might this daie haue beene cleere out of the case.
But now he hath well fysht and caught a frog.
Where nought is to wed with, wise men flee the clog.
Where I (quoth I) did not as ye wyld or bad,
That repent I oft, and as oft wishe I had.
Sonne (quoth he) as I haue herd of myne olders,
Wishers and wolders be no good householders.
This prouerbe for a lesson, with such other.
Not lyke (as who saieth) the sonne of my brother,
But lyke mine owne sonne, I ofte before tolde the,
To cast hir quite of, but it woulde not holde the.
Whan I wyld the any other where to go,
Tushe, there was no mo maydes but malkyn tho.
Ye had been lost to lacke your lust, whan ye lyst,
By two myles trudgeyng twyse a weeke to be kyst.
I would ye had kyst, well I will no more sturre.
It is good to haue a hatche before the durre.
But who will in tyme present pleasure refrayne,
Shall in time to come, the more pleasure obtayne.
Folowe pleasure, and then will pleasure flee.
Flee pleasure, and pleasure will folowe thee,
And howe is my saiyng come to passe nowe?
How oft did I prophecie this betweene you
And your ginifinee nycebecetur?
Whan sweete suger should tourne to soure salte petur,
Wherby ye should in seyng that ye neuer sawe,
Thynke that you neuer thought. your selfe a dawe.
But that tyme ye thought me a dawe. so that I
Dyd no good in all my woordes then, saue onely
Approued this prouerbe playne and true mater,
A man maie well bring a horse to the water,
But he can not make him drinke without he will.
Colts (quoth his man) may proue well with tatches yll.
For of a ragged colte there comth a good horse.
If he be good now of his ill past no force.
Well, he that hangth him selfe a sondaie (said hee)
Shall hang still vncut downe a mondaie for mee.
I haue hangd vp my hatchet, God speede him well.
A wonder thing what things these olde thinges tell.
Cat after kynde good mouse hunt. And also
Men saie, kinde will creepe where it maie not go.
Commenly all thyng shewth fro whens it camme.
The litter is lyke to the syre and the damme.
How can the fole amble, if the hors and mare trot?
These sentenses are assigned vnto thy lot,
By condicions of thy father and mother,
My syster in lawe, and mine owne said brother.
Thou folowest their steppes as right as a lyne.
For when prouander prickt them a little tyne,
They did as thy wife and thou did, both dote
Eche one on other, and beyng not woorth a grote,
They went (witlesse) to wedding. Wherby at last
They both went a beggyng. And euen the lyke cast
Hast thou. thou wilt beg or steale, er thou dye.
Take heede freende I haue seene as far come as nye.
If ye seeke to fynde thynges, er they be lost,
Ye shall fynde one daie you come to your cost.
This doo I but repete, for this I tolde thee,
And more I saie: but I could not then holde thee.
Nor will not holde the now: nor suche foly feele,
To set at my hert that thou settest at thy heele.
And as of my good, er I one grote geeue,
I wyll see how my wyfe, and my selfe maie leeue.
Thou goest a glenyng er the cart haue caried.
But er thou gleine ought, sens thou woldst be maried
Shall I make the laugh now, and my selfe weepe then?
Naie good childe, better children weepe then olde men.
Men should not prese much, to spend much vpon fooles.
Fishe is caste awaie that is cast in drie pooles.
To flee charge, and fynde ease, ye wold now heere oste.
It is easy to cry vle at other mens coste.
But a bow long bent, at length must ware weake.
Long bent I toward you, but that bent I will breake.
Fare well and feede full, that loue ye well to do.
But you lust not to doo, that longeth therto.
The cat would eate fyshe, and would not wet her feete.
They must hunger in frost, that will not woorke in heete.
And he that will thriue, must aske leaue of his wife.
But your wife will geue none, by your and hir life.
It is harde to wiue and thryue bothe in a yere.
Thus by thy wyuyng, thryuyng dooth so appere,
That thou art past thrift before thryft begyn.
But lo, wyll wyll haue wyll, though will wo wyn.
Will is a good sonne, and will is a shrewde boy.
And wilfull shrewde will hath wrought thee this toy,
A gentle white spurre, and at neede a sure speare.
He standth now as he had a flea in his eare.
How be it for any great courtesie he doth make,
It seemth the gentill man hath eaten a stake.
He beareth a dagger in his sleue, trust mee,
To kyll all that he meeteth prouder then hee.
He will perke, I here say he must haue the benche.
Iacke would be a gentleman if he could speake frenche.
He thinkth his feete be, where his head shall neuer come.
He would fayne flee, but he wanteth fethers, some.
Sir (quoth his man) he will no faute defende,
But harde is for any man all fautes to mende.
He is liueles, that is fautles, olde folkes thought.
He hath (quoth he) but one faute, he is nought.
Well (quoth his man) the best cart maie ouerthrowe.
Carts well driuen (quoth he) go longe vpright thowe.
But for my rewarde, let him be no longer tarier.
I will send it him, by Iohn Longe the carier.
O helpe him sir (saide he) sens ye easily maie.
Shamfull crauyng (quoth he) must haue shamefull naie.
Ye maie syr (quoth he) mend three naies with one yee.
Two false knaues neede no broker, men say (said hee)
Some saie also it is mery when knaues meete.
But the mo knaues the woorse company to greete.
The one knaue now croucheth, while thother crauith.
But to shew what shalbe his releuauith.
Either after my death if my will be kept,
Or duryng my lyfe: had I this hall hept
With golde, he maie his parte on good fridaie eate,
And fast neuer the wurs, for ought he shall geate.
These former lessons conde, take foorth this, sonne.
Tell thy cardes, and than tell me what thou hast wonne.
Nowe here is the doore, and there is the wey,
And so (quoth he) farewell gentill Geffrey.
Thus parted I from him, beyng muche dismaide,
Whiche his man sawe, and (to comfort me) saied.
What man, plucke vp your hert, be of good cheere.
After cloudes blacke, we shall haue weather cleere.
What should your face thus agayne the woll be shorne
For one fall? What man all this winde shaks no corne.
Let this winde ouerblow. a tyme I will spy,
To take wynde and tyde with me, and spede therby.
I thanke you (quoth I) but great bost and small roste,
Maketh vnsauery mouthes, where euer men oste.
And this boste veraie vnsauorly serueth.
For while the grasse groweth the horse sterueth.
Better one byrde in hande than ten in the wood.
Rome was not built in one daie (quoth he) and yet stood.
Till it was finisht, as some say, full faire.
Your hert is in your hose all in dispaire.
But as euery man saith, a dog hath a daie.
Should you a man, dispaire than any daie? naie.
Ye haue many stryngs to the bowe, for ye know.
Though I, hauyng the bent of your vncles bow,
Can no way bryng your bolte in the but to stand,
Yet haue ye other marks to roue at hand.
The kays hang not all by one mans gyrdell man.
Though nought wilbe woon here, I say, yet ye can
Taste other kinsmen, of whom ye may geat,
Here some and there some, many small make a great.
For come lyght winnynges with blessings or curses,
Euermore light gaynes make heauy purses.
Children learne to creepe er they can learne to go.
And little and little, ye must learne euen so.
Throw no gyft agayne at the geuers head,
For better is halfe a lofe than no bread.
I maie beg my bread (quoth I) for my kyn all
That dwelth ny. Well, yet (quoth he) and the woorst fall,
Ye maie to your kinsman, hens nine or ten mile.
Riche without charge, whom ye saw not of long while.
That bench whistler (quoth I) is a pinchpeny,
As free of gyft, as a poore man of his eie.
I shall geat a fart of a dead man as soone
As a farthyng of him, his dole is soone doone.
He is so hy in thinstep, and so streight laste,
That pryde and couetyse withdrawth all repaste,
Ye know what he hath beene (quoth he) but iwis,
Absence saith plainly, ye know not what he is.
Men know (quoth I) I haue herd now and then,
How the market goth by the market men.
Further it is saide, who that saiyng wayth,
It must needes be true, that euery man sayth.
Men say also, children and fooles can not ly.
And both man and child saieth, he is a heinsby.
And my selfe knowth him, I dare boldly brag,
Euen as well as the begger knowth his bag.
And I knew him, not woorth a grey grote.
He was at an ebbe, though he be now a flote,
Poore as the poorest. And now nought he setteth
By poore folke, For the paryshe priest forgetteth
That euer he hath bene holy water clarke.
By ought I can now here, or euer could marke.
Of no man hath he pitie or compassion.
Well (quoth he) euery man after his fassion.
He maie yet pitie you, for ought doth appeere,
It hapth in one houre, that hapth not in. vii. yere.
Forspeake not your fortune, nor hide not your neede.
Nought venter nought haue, spare to speake spare to speede.
Unknowne vnkyst. it is loste that is vnsought.
As good seeke nought (quoth I) as seeke and finde nought.
It is (quoth he) yll fyshyng before the net.
But though we get little, dere bought and far fet.
Are deinties for Ladies. Go we both twoo,
I haue for my maister thereby to doo,
I maie breake a dishe there. and sure I shall
Set all at sixe and seuen, to win some windfall.
And I will hang the bell about the cats necke.
For I will first breake, and ieobard the first checke.
And for to wyn this praie, though the cost be mine,
Leat vs present him with a bottle of wyne.
What should we (quoth I) grease the fat sow in thars,
We maie doo much ill, er we doo much wars.
It is, to geue him, as muche almes or neede
As cast water in tems, or as good a deede,
As it is to helpe a dogge ouer a style.
Than go we (quoth he) we lese tyme all this while.
To folow his fancy, we went together.
And toward night yesternight when we came thyther,
She was within, but he was yet abrode.
And streight as she sawe me, she swelde lyke a tode.
Pattryng the diuels Pater noster to hir selfe,
God neuer made a more crabbed elfe.
She bad him welcome, but the wurs for mee.
This knaue comth a beggyng, by me thought shee.
I smelde hir out, and had hir streight in the wynde.
She maie abide no beggers of any kynde.
They be both greedy guts all geuen to get.
They care not how: all is fishe that comth to net.
They know no ende of their good: nor beginnyng
Of any goodnesse. suche is wretched winnyng.
Hunger droppeth euen out of bothe their noses.
She goth with broken shone and torne hoses
But who is wurs shod, than the shoemakers wyfe,
With shops full of newe shoes all hir lyfe?
Or who will doo lesse, then they that may do moste?
And namely of hir I can no waie make boste.
She is one of them, to whom God bad who.
She will all haue, and will right nought forgo.
She will not part with the paryng of hir nayles,
She toyleth continually for auayles.
Whiche life she hath so long now kept in vre.
That for no life she wolde make chaunge, be sure.
But this lesson lernde I, er I was yeres seuen.
They that be in hell, wene there is none other heuen.
She is nothyng fayre, but she is yll fauourd.
And no more vnclenly, than vnsweete sauourd.
But hakney men saie, at mangy hackneis hyer,
A scald hors is good inough for a scabde squyer.
He is a knuckylbonyard veraie meete
To matche a minion nother fayre nor sweete.
He winkth with the tone eie, and lokth with the tother
I will not trust him though he were my brother.
He hath a poyson wyt, and all his delyte,
To geue tauntes and checkes of most spitefull spyte.
In that house commonly such is the cast,
A man shall as soone breake his necke as his fast.
And yet nowe suche a gyd did hir head take,
That more for my mates then for maners sake.
We had bread and drinke, and a cheese very greate.
But the greattest crabs be not all the best meate.
For hir crabbed cheese, with all the greatnesse,
Myght well abide the finenesse, or sweatnesse,
Anon he cam in. And when he vs sawe,
To my companion kindlie he did drawe.
And a well fauourd welcome to him he yeelds.
Byddyng me welcome strangly ouer the feelds.
With these woordes, Ah yong man I know your matter,
By my faith you come to looke in my water.
And for my comfort to your consolacion,
Ye would, by my purs, geue me a purgacion.
But I am laxatiue inough there otherwise.
This (quoth this yonge man) contrary doth ryse.
For he is purs sicke, and lackth a phisicion,
And hopeth vpon you in some condicion.
Not by purgacion, but by restoratiue.
To strength his weakenesse to keepe him aliue.
I can not (quoth he) for though it be my lot
To haue speculacion, yet I practyse not.
I see muche, but I say little, and doo lesse,
In this kinde of phisicke, and what would ye gesse,
Shall I consume my selfe, to restore him now?
Nay, backare (quoth mortimer to his sow)
He can before this tyme, no tyme assine,
In whiche he hath laied downe one peny by myne,
That euer might either make me bite or sup.
And byr lady freed. nought lay downe, nought take vp.
Ka me, ka the, one good tourne askth an other.
Nought woon by the tone, nought won by the tother.
To put me to coste, thou camst halfe a score myles,
Out of thine owne nest, to seeke me in these out yles.
Where thou wilt not step ouer a straw, I thynke,
To wyn me the woorth of one draught of drynke.
No more than I haue wonne of all thy hole stocke.
I haue bene common Iacke to all that hole flocke.
Whan ought was to doo, I was common hackney,
Folke call on the horse that will cary alwey.
But euermore the common horse is woorst shod.
Desert and rewarde be oft tymes thynges far od.
At end I might put my winnyng in mine eye,
And see neuer the woorse, for ought I wan them bye.
And now without them, I liue here at staues end.
Where I need not borowe, nor I will not lend.
It is good to beware by other mens harmes,
But thy takyng of thyne aulter in thine armes.
Teacheth other to beware of their harmes by thyne.
Thou hast striken the ball, vnder the lyne.
I praie you (quoth I) pitie me a poore man,
With somewhat, tyll I maie woorke as I can.
Toward your woorkyng (quoth he) ye make such tastings,
As approue you to be none of the hastings.
Ye ren to woorke in haste as nine men helde ye.
But whan so euer ye to woorke must yeld ye.
If your meete mate and you meete together,
Than shall we see two men beare a fether.
Recompensyng former loytryng lyfe loose,
As dyd the pure penitent that stale a goose
And scack downe a fether. And where olde folke tell,
That euill gotten good neuer proueth well.
Ye wyll truely get, and true gettyng well keepe
Till time ye be as ryche as a new shorne sheepe:
Howe be it whan thrift and you fell fyrst at a fray,
You played the man, for ye made thrift ren away.
So helpe me god, in my poore opinion,
A man might make a plaie of this minion.
And fain no ground, but take tales of his owne freends,
I sucke not this out of my owne fingers eends.
And sens ye were wed, although I nought gaue you,
Yet pray I for you, God and saint Luke saue you.
And here is all. For what should I further wade?
I was neyther of court nor of counsayle made.
And it is, as I haue lerned in lystnyng,
A poore dogge, that is not woorth the whystlyng.
A daie er I was wedde, I bad you (quoth I)
Scarbrough warnyng I had (quoth he) wherby,
I kept me thens, to serue the accordyng.
And now if this nightes lodgeyng and bordyng.
Maie ease the, and ryd me from any more charge,
Then welcome, or els get the streight at large.
For of further rewarde, marke how I bost me,
In case as ye shall yelde me as ye cost me,
So shall ye cost me as ye yelde me likewise.
Whiche is, a thing of nought rightly to surmyse.
Here with all his wife to make vp my mouthe,
Not onely hir husbandes tauntyng tale auouthe,
But therto deuiseth to cast in my teeth,
Checks and chokyng oysters. And whan she seeth
Her tyme to take vp, to shew my fare at best,
Ye see your fare (sayd she) set your hert at rest.
Fare ye well (quoth I) how euer I fare now.
And well mote ye fare bothe whan I dyne with yow.
Come, go we hens friend (quoth I to my mate)
And now will I make a crosse on this gate.
And I (quoth he crosse the quyte out of my booke.
Sens thou art crosse saylde. auale vnhappie hooke.
By hooke or crooke nought could I wyn there, men say
He that comth euery daie, shall haue a cocknaie.
He that comth now and then, shall haue a fatte hen.
But I gat not so muche in comyng seelde when,
As a good hens fether, or a poore egshell.
As good play for nought as woorke for nought, folke tell.
Well well (quoth he) we be but where we were.
Come what come would, I thought er we came there,
That if the woorst fell, we could haue but a naie.
There is no harme doone man in all this fraie.
Neither pot broken, nor water spylt.
Farewell he (quoth I) I will as soone be hylt,
As waite againe for the mooneshine in the water.
But is not this a prety pyked mater?
To disdeygne me, who mucke of the worlde hoordth not,
As he dooth, it may ryme but it accordth not.
She fometh lyke a bore, the beast should seeme bolde.
For she is as fierce, as a Lyon of Cotsolde.
She fryeth in hir owne grease, but as for my parte,
If she be angry, beshrew her angry harte.
Freend (quoth he) he maie shewe wisdome at will,
That with angry herte can holde his tongue styll.
Let pacience growe in your gardein alwaie.
Some loose or od ende will come man, some one daie
From some freende, eyther in lyfe or at death.
Death (quoth I) take we that tyme, to take a breath?
Than graffe we a greene graffe on a rotten roote,
Who waitth for dead men shoen, shall go long barefoote
Let passe (quoth he) and leat vs be trudgeing,
Where some noppy ale is, and softe sweete ludgeing.
Be it (quoth I) but I would very fayne eate.
At breackfast and diner I eete little meate.
And two hongry meales make the thyrd a glutten:
We went where we had boylde beefe and bake mutton,
Wherof I fed me as full as a tunne.
And a bed were we er the clocke had nine runne.
Early we rose, in hast to get awaie,
And to the hostler this mornyng by daie
This felow calde. what how felow, thou knaue,
I pray the leat me and my felow haue
A heare of the dog that bote vs last night.
And bitten were we both to the braine aright,
We sawe eche other drunke in the good ale glas,
And so did eche one eche other, that there was.
Saue one, but olde men say that are skyld,
A hard foughten feeld, where no man skapth vnkyld,
The recknyng reckned he, needs would pay the shot,
And nedes he must for me, for I had it not.
This doone we shoke handes, and parted in fyne,
He into his waie, and I into myne.
But this iourney was quite out of my waie.
Many kynsfolke and few freends, some folke saie.
But I fynde many kynsfolke, and freende not one.
Folke say, it hath beene saide many yeres sens gone,
Proue thy freende er thou haue neede, but in deede
A freende is neuer knowen tyll a man haue neede.
Before I had neede, my most present foes
Semed my most freends, but thus the world goes,
Euery man basteth the fat hog we see,
But the leane shall burne er he basted bee.
As seyth this sentence, oft and long sayd before,
He that hath plentie of goodes shall haue more,
He that hath but a little, he shall haue lesse.
He that hath right nought, right nought shall possesse.
Thus hauing right nought, and would somwhat obtayne.
With right nought (quoth he) I am retournd againe.

The .xii. chapiter.

Surely (quoth I) ye haue in this time thus worne,
Made a long haruest for a little corne.
Howbeit, comforte your selfe with this old text,
That telth vs, when bale is hekst, boote is next.
Though euery man may not syt in the chayre.
Yet alwaie the grace of God is woorth a fayre.
Take no thought in no case, God is where he was.
But put case in pouertee all your life pas.
Yet pouertee and poore degree, taken well,
Feedth on this, he that neuer climbde, neuer fell.
And some case at some tyme shewth preefe somwhere,
That riches bringth oft harme, and euer feare.
Where pouertee passeth without grudge of greefe.
What man, the begger maie syng before the theefe.
And who can syng so mery a note,
As maie he, that can not chaunge a grote.
Ye (quoth he) beggers maie syng before theeues,
And weepe before true men, lamentyng their greeues.
Some saie, and I feele hunger perseth stone wall.
Meate nor yet money to bye meate withall,
Haue I not so muche as maie hunger defende
Fro my wyfe and me. Well (quoth I) God will sende
Tyme to prouyde for tyme, right well ye shall see.
God sende that prouision in tyme (saide he.)
And thus seemyng welnie wery of his lyfe,
The poore wretch went to his like poore wretched wyfe.
From wantonnes to wretchednesse, brought on their knees.
Their hartes full heauy, their heades be full of bees.
And after this a monthe, or somwhat lesse,
Their landlorde came to their house to take a stresse
For rent, to haue kept Bayard in the stable.
But that to win, any power was vnable.
For though it be ill plaiyng with short daggers,
Whiche meaneth, that euery wise man staggers,
In earnest or boorde to be busie or bolde
With his biggers or betters, yet this is tolde.
Where as nothing is, the kynge must lose his right.
And thus, kyng or keyser must haue set them quight.
But warnyng to departe thens they neded none.
For er the next daie the birdes were flowne eche one,
To seeke seruyce. of whiche where the man was sped,
The wife could not speede, but maugre hir hed,
She must seeke elswhere. for eyther there or ny,
Seruyce for any suite she none could espy.
All folke thought them not onely to lyther,
To lynger bothe in one house togyther.
But also dwellyng ny vnder their wyngs,
Under their noses, they might conuey thinges,
Suche as were neither to heauie nor to whot.
More in a month then they their maister got
In a whole yere. Wherto folke further weiyng,
Receiue eche of other in their conueiyng,
Might be worst of all. For this prouerbe preeues,
Where be no receiuers, there be no theeues.
Suche hap here hapt, that common dreade of such gyles
Droue them and kepth them a sunder many myles.
Thus though loue decree, departure death to bee,
Yet pouertie parteth felowship we see.
And doth those two true louers so disseuer,
That meete shall they seelde when, or haply neuer.
And thus by loue, without regard of liuyng,
These twayne haue wrought eche others yll chiuyng.
And loue hath so lost them the loue of their freends,
That I thinke them lost, and thus this tale eends,

The .xiii. chapiter.

Ah sir (said my freend) when men will needs mary,
I see now, how wisdome and hast maie varie,
Namely where they wed for loue altogether.
I would for no good, but I had come hyther.
Sweete beautie with soure beggery, naie I am gon,
To the welthy wythered wydow, by Sent Iohn.
What yet in all haste (quoth I) Ye (quoth hee)
For she hath substance inough. and ye see,
That lacke is the losse of these two yong fooles.
Know ye not (quoth I) that after wise mens schooles,
A man should here all parts, er he iudge any?
Why axe ye that (quoth he.) For this (quoth I.
I tolde you, whan I this began that I woulde
Tell you of two couples. and I hauyng told
But of the tone, ye be streight startyng away,
As I of the tother had right nought to say.
Or as your selfe of them right nought wold here.
Naie not all so (quoth he) but syns I thynke clere,
There can no way appeere so peinfull a lyfe,
Betwene your yong neighbour and his old ryche wyfe.
As this tale in this yong poore couple dooth show,
And that the most good or least yll ye know.
To take at ende, I was at begynnyng bent,
With thanks for this, and your more peyne to preuent,
Without any more matter now reuolued.
I take this matter here cleerely resolued.
And that ye herein awarde me to forsake,
Beggerly beautie, and riueld riches take.
Thats iust, if the halfe shall iudge the whole (quoth I)
But yet here the whole, the whole wholly to try.
To it (quoth he) than I praie you by and by.
We will dyne fyrst (quoth I) it is noone hy.
We maie as well (quoth he) dine whan this is doone.
The longer forenoone the shorter after noone.
All comth to one, and therby men haue gest,
Alwaie the longer east the shorter west.
We haue had (quoth I) before ye came, and syn,
Weather, meete to sette paddockes abroode in.
Rain, more than enough, and when all shrews haue dind,
Chaunge from foule weather to faire is oft enclind.
And all the shrews in this parte, sauyng one wife
That must dine with vs, haue dinde peine of my life.
Now if good chaunge of ill weather be dependyng
Upon hir diet, what were mine offendyng,
To kepe the woman any longer fastyng.
If ye (quoth he) fet all this far castyng,
For common wealth, as it apeereth a cleere case,
Reason would your will shuld, and shall take place.

2. The seconde parte.

The .i. chapiter.

The .ii. chapiter.

Husbande (quoth she) I would we were in our nest.
Whan the bealy is full, the bones wold be at rest.
So soone vpon supper (saide he) no question,
Sleepe maketh yll and vnholsome digestion,
By that diete a great disease once I gat.
And burnt childe fyre dredth. I will beware of that.
What a post of phisyke (saide she) ye a post.
And from post to pyller wyfe, I haue beene tost
By that surfet. And I feele a little fyt,
Euen now, by former attemptyng of it.
Wherby, except I shall seeme to leaue my wit,
Before it leaue me, I must now leaue it.
I thanke God (quoth she) I neuer yet felt payne,
To go to bed timely, but risyng againe
To soone in the mornyng, hath me displeased,
And I (quoth he) haue beene more diseased,
By earely liyng downe, than by early risyng.
But thus differ folke lo, in exercisyng.
That one may not, an other may.
Use maketh maistry, and men many tymes say,
That one loueth not, an other doth, which hath sped,
All meates to be eaten, and all maides to be wed.
Haste ye to bed now, and ryse ye as ye rate.
While I ryse early, and come to bed late.
Long liyng warme in bed is holsome (quoth shee)
While the leg warmeth, the boote harmeth (quoth hee)
Well (quoth she) he that dooth as most men doo,
Shalbe least wondred on, and take any twoo,
That be man and wyfe in all this whole towne.
And moste parte together, they ryse and lie downe.
Whan byrds shall roust (quoth he) at. viii. ix. or ten,
Who shall appoynt their houre, the cocke, or the hen.
The hen (quoth she) the cocke (quoth he) iust (quoth she)
As Iermans lips. It shall proue more iust (quoth he)
Than proue I (quoth she) the more foole far away.
But there is no foole to the olde foole, folke say.
Ye are wyse inough (quoth he) if ye keepe ye warme,
To be kept warme, and for none other harme,
Nor for muche more good, I tooke you to wedde.
I toke not you (quoth he) nyght and day to bedde.
Her carrain carkas (saide he) is so colde,
Because she is aged, and somwhat to olde,
That she kylth me, I doo but roste a stone.
In warmyng hir. And shall not I saue one,
As she wolde saue an other? yes by seint Iohne.
A syr (quoth she) mary this geare is alone.
Who that woorst maie, shall holde the candell, I see,
I must warme bed for him should warme it for mee.
This medicine thus ministred is sharpe and colde.
But all thing that is sharpe is short. folke haue tolde.
This trade is now begun, but if it holde on,
Then farewell my good daies. they wyll be soone gon.
Gospell in thy mouth (quoth he) this strife to breake.
How be it, all is not gospell that thou doest speake.
But what neede we lumpe out loue at ones lashyng.
As we should now shake handes. what soft for dashyng.
The fayre lasteth all the yere. we be new kneet,
And so late met, that I feare we parte not yeet,
Quoth the baker to the pylorie. Which thyng,
From distemperate fondyng, temperance maie bryng.
And this reason to ayde, and make it more strong,
Olde wise folke saie, loue me little, loue me long.
I say little (said she) but I thinke more.
Thought is free. Ye leane (quoth he) to the wrong shore.
Braulyng booted not, he was not that night bent,
To plaie the bridgroome. Alone to bed she went.
This was their beginnyng of iar. How be it,
For a begynnyng, this was a feat fit.
And but a fleabytyng to that did ensew.
The woorst is behynd. we come not where it grew.
How say you (said he to me) by my wyfe.
The diuell hath cast a bone (said I) to set stryfe
Betweene you, but it were a foly for mee,
To put my hande betweene the barke and the tree.
Or to put my finger to far in the fyre,
Betweene you, and lay my credence in the myre.
To meddle little for me it is beste.
For of little medlyng cometh great reste.
Yes ye maie meddle (quoth he) to make hir wyse,
Without takyng harme, in geuyng your aduise.
She knowth me not yet, but if she waxe to wilde,
I shall make hir knowe, an olde knaue is no childe.
Sluggyng in bed with hir is woorse than watchyng.
I promise you an olde sacke axeth much patchyng.
Well (quoth I) to morowe I will to my beades,
To pray, that as ye both will, so ake your heades.
And in meane time my akyng head to ease,
I will couche a hogs hed. Quoth he whan ye please.
We parted, and this within a daie or twayne,
Was raakt vp in thashes, and couerd agayne.

The. iii. chapiter.

These two daies past, he said to me, whan ye will,
Come chat at home, al is wel. Iack shall haue gill.
Who had the wurs ende of the staffe (quoth I) now?
Shall the maister wéare a breeche, or none? say you.
I trust the sow will no more so deepe wroote.
But if she doo (quoth he) you must set in foote.
And whom ye see out of the waie, or shoote wyde,
Ouer shoote not your selfe any syde to hyde.
But shoote out some woordes, if she be to whot.
She maie saie (quoth I) a fooles bolte soone shot.
Ye will me to a thankelesse office heere.
And a busy officer I maie appeere.
And Iack out of office she maie bid me walke.
And thinke me as wise as Waltams calfe, to talke.
Or chat of hir charge, hauyng therin nought to doo,
How be it, if I see neede, as my part comth too,
Gladly betwene you I will doo my best.
I byd you to diner (quoth he) as no geste,
And brynge your poore neighbors on your other syde.
I did so. And streight as tholde wife vs espied,
She bad vs welcome and merily toward me,
Greene rushes for this straunger, strawe here (quoth she)
With this aparte she puld me by the sleeue.
Saiyng in few woords, my mynd to you to meeue,
So it is, that all our great fraie the last night,
Is forgeuen and forgotten betwene vs quight.
And all fraies by this I trust haue taken end.
For I fully hope my husband will amend.
Well amended (thought I) whan ye both relent,
Not to your owne, but eche to others mendment.
Now if hope fayle (quoth she) and chaunce bryng about
Any suche breache, wherby we fall again out.
I pray you tell him his pars vers now and than.
And winke on me also hardly, if ye can
Take me in any tryp. Quoth I, I am lothe,
To meddle commonly. For as this tale gothe,
Who medleth in all thyng, maie shooe the goslyng,
Well (quoth she) your medlyng herein may bryng
The wynde calme betweene vs, whan it els might rage.
I will with good will (quoth I) yll wynds to swage,
Spend som wind at neede, though I wast winde in vayne.
To table we sat, where fyne fare did remayne.
Mery we were as cup and can could holde,
Eche one with eche other homely and bolde.
And she for hir parte, made vs cheere heauen hye.
The fyrst parte of dyner mery as a pye.
But a scalde head is soone broken. and so they,
As ye shall streight here, fell at a new frey.

The .iiii. chapiter.

Husband (quoth she) ye studie, be mery now.
And euen as ye thynke now so come to yow.
Nay not so (quoth he) for my thought to tell right,
I thynke how ye lay gronyng wife, all last night.
Husband, a gronyng horse, and a gronyng wyfe,
Neuer fayle their maister (quoth she) for my lyfe.
No wyfe, a woman hath nyne lyues lyke a cat.
Well my lambe (quoth she) ye may picke out of that,
As soone goth the yonge lamskyn to the market
As tholde yewes. God forbyd wyfe, ye shall fyrst iet.
I will not iet yet (quoth she) put no doutyng.
It is a bad sacke that will abide no cloutyng.
And as we oft see, the lothe stake standeth longe,
So is it an yll stake I haue heard among.
That can not stande one yere in a hedge.
I drinke (quoth she) Quoth he I will not pledge.
What nede all this, a man may loue his house well,
Though he ryde not on the rydge, I haue heard tell.
What, I wene (quoth she) proferd seruyce stynkth.
But somwhat it is, I see, when the cat wynkth,
And bothe hir eyne out, but further stryfe to shonne,
Let the cat winke, and leat the mouse ronne.
This past, and he chered vs all, but most cheere
On his part, to this fayre yong wyfe dyd appeere.
And as he to her cast oft a louyng eye,
So cast hir husbande lyke eye, to his plate by.
Wherwith in a great musyng he was brought.
Freend (quoth the good man) a peny for your thought.
For my thought (quoth he) that is a goodly dishe.
But of trough I thought, better to haue then wishe.
What, a goodly yong wyfe, as you haue (quoth he)
Nay (quoth he) goodly gylt goblets, as here bee.
Byr lady freends (quoth I) this maketh a show,
To shewe you more vnnaturall than the crow,
The crow thinkth hir owne birdes fairest in the wood.
But by your woords (except I wrong vnderstood)
Eche others byrdes or iewels, ye dooe weie
Aboue your owne. True (quoth the old wyfe) ye seie.
But my neighbours desyre rightly to measure,
Comth of neede, and not of corrupte pleasure.
And my husbands more of pleasure, than of neede.
Olde fish and yong flesh (quoth he) dooth men best feede.
And some say, chaunge of pasture makth fat calues.
As for that reason (quoth she) ronth to halues.
As well for the coowe calfe as for the bull.
And though your pasture looke barreinly and dull,
Yet looke not on the meate, but looke on the man.
And who so looketh on you, shall shortly skan,
Ye maie wryte to your freends, that ye are in helth.
But all thyng maie be utered sauyng welth.
An olde saide sawe, itche and ease, can no man please.
Plentie is no deintie, ye see not your owne ease.
I see, ye can not see the wood for trees.
Your lips hang in your light, but this poore man sees
Both how blindly ye stand in your owne light,
And that you rose on your right syde here right.
And might haue gone further, and haue faren wurs.
I wot well I might (quoth he) for the purs,
But ye be a baby of Belsabubs bowre.
Content ye (quoth she) take the sweete with the sowre.
Fancy may boult bran, and make ye take it floure,
It will not be (quoth he) should I dye this houre.
While this fayre floure flourisheth thus in mine eye.
Yes, it might (quoth she) and here this reason whye.
Snow is white
And lyeth in the dike
And euery man lets it lye.
Pepper is blacke
And hath a good smacke
And euery man doth it bye.
Mylke (quoth he) is white
And lieth not in the dike
But all men know it good meate.
Inke is all blacke
And hath an ill smacke
No man will it drinke nor eate.
Thy ryme (quoth he) is muche elder then mine,
But mine beyng newer is truer then thine.
Thou likenest now for a vayne aduauntage,
White snow to fayre youth, blacke pepper to foule age.
Whiche are placed out of place here by rood.
Blacke inke is as yll meate, as blacke pepper is good.
And white milke as good meate, as white snow is yll.
But a milke snow white smooth yong skyn, who chaunge wil.
For a pepper ynke blacke rough olde wytherd face?
Though chaunge be no robbry for the chaunged case,
Yet shall that chaunge rob the chaunger of his wit.
For who this case sercheth, shall soone see in it,
That as well agreeth thy comparison in these,
As a lyke to compare in taste, chalke and chese.
Or a like in colour to deeme ynke and chalke.
Walke drab walke. Nay (quoth she) walke knaue walke
Saieth that terme. How be it sir, I saie not so.
And best we laie a strawe here, and euen there who.
Or els this geare will breede a pad in the strawe.
If ye hale this waie, I will an other waie drawe.
Here is God in thambrie (quoth I.) Quoth he, naie,
Here is the diuell in thorologe, ye maie saie.
Sens this (quoth I) rather bryngeth bale then boote,
Wrap it in the clothe, and tread it vnder foote.
Ye harpe on the stryng, that geueth no melody.
Your tounges run before your wits, by seint Antonie.
Marke ye, how she hitteth me on the thombs (quoth hee)
And ye taunt me tyt ouer thumb (quoth shee)
Sens tyt for tat (quoth I) on euen hand is set,
Set the hares head against the goose ieblet.
She is (quoth he) bent to force you perfors
To know, that the grey mare is the better hors.
She chopth logyke, to put me to my clargy.
She hath one poynt of a good hauke, she is hardie.
But wife, the fyrst point of haukyng is holde fast.
And holde ye fast I red you, lest ye be cast,
In your owne tourne. Naie she will tourue the leafe.
And rather (quoth I) take as falth in the sheafe,
At your handes. and let fall hir holde, than be to bolde.
Naie, I will spyt in my handes, and take better holde.
He (quoth she) that will be angry without cause,
Must be at one, without amendes. by sage sawes.
Tread a woorme on the tayle, and it must turne agayne.
He taketh pepper in the nose, that I complaine
Upon his fautes, my selfe beyng fautlesse.
But that shall not stop my mouth, ye maie well gesse.
Well (quoth I) to muche of one thyng is not good,
Leaue of this. Be it (quoth he) fall we to our food.
But suffrance is no quittance in this daiment.
No (quoth she) nor misrecknyng is no paiment.
But euen recknyng maketh longe freends, my freend.
For alwaie owne is owne, at the recknyngs eend.
This recknyng thus reckned, and dyner once doone,
We three from them twayne, departed very soone.

The .v. chapiter.

This olde woman the next daie after this night,
Stale home to me, secretly as she might.
To talke with me. In secrete counsell (she saide)
Of thinges which in no wise might be bewraied.
We twayne are one to many (quoth I) for men say,
Three maie a kepe counsayle, if two be away.
But all that ye speake, vnmeete againe to tell,
I will say nought but mum, and mum is counsell.
Well then (quoth she) herein auoydyng all feares,
Auoyd your children. small pitchers haue wide eares.
Whiche doone (she saide) I haue a husband, ye know,
Whom I made of nought, as the thing self dooth show.
And for these two causes onely him I tooke.
First, that for my loue, he should louingly looke,
In all kynd of cause, that loue ingender might,
To loue and cherishe me by daie and by night.
Secondly, the substance, whiche I to him brought,
He rather should augment, than bring to nought,
But now my good, shall both be spent, ye shall see,
And it in spendyng soole instrument shall bee
Of my destruction, by spendyng it on suche
As shall make him destroy me: I feare this muche.
He maketh hauok. and setteth cocke on the hoope.
He is so laueis, the stocke beginneth to droope.
And as for gaine is deade, and layde in tumbe,
Whan he should get ought, eche fynger is a thumbe,
Eche of his iointes against other iustles,
As handsomly as a beare picketh muscles.
Flattryng knaues & fleryng queanes beyng the marke.
Hang on his sleeue, many hands make light warke.
He hath his haukes in the mew. but make ye sure,
With emptie handes men maie no haukes allure.
There is a nest of chickens, whiche he doth brood,
That will sure make his heare grow through his hood.
They can currifauell, and make faire wether,
Whyle they cut large thongs of other mens lether.
He maketh his marts with marchants likely,
To bryng a shillyng to .ix. pens quickely.
If he holde on a while, as he begins,
We shall see him proue a marchaunt of eele skins.
A marchaunt without either money or ware.
But all be bugs woords, that I speake to spare.
Better spare at brym than at bottem, say I.
Euer spare and euer bare (saith he) by and by.
Spend, and god shall send (saieth he) saith tholde ballet,
What sendth he (saie I) a staffe and a wallet.
Than vp gothe his staffe, to send me a loufe.
He is at three woords vp in the house roufe.
And herein to grow (quoth she) to conclusion,
I praie your ayde, to auoid this confusion.
And for counsaile herein, I thought to haue gon,
To that cunnyng man, our curate sir Iohn.
But this kept me backe, I haue herd now and then,
The greattest clerkes be not the wysest men.
I thynk (quoth I) who euer that terme began,
Was neither great clerke, nor the greatest wise man.
In your rennyng from him to me, ye runne
Out of gods blessing into the warme sunne.
Where the blynd leadth the blynd, both fall in the dike,
And blynde be we both, if we thinke vs his lyke.
Folke show much foly, when things should be sped.
To ren to the foote, that maie go to the hed.
Sens he best can and most ought to dooe it,
I feare not, but he will, if ye wyll woo it.
There is one let (quoth she) mo than I spake on.
My husband and he be so great, that the ton
Can not pisse, but the tother must let a fart.
Choose we him aparty, than farewell my part.
We shall so part stake, that I shall lese the hole.
Folke say of olde, the shoe will holde with the sole.
Shall I trust him then? nay in trust is treason.
But I trust you, and come to you this season
To here me, and tell me, what waie ye thinke best,
To hem in my husbande, and set me in rest.
If ye minde (quoth I) a conquest to make
Ouer your husband, no man maie vndertake
To bryng you to ease, nor the matter amende.
Except ye bring him to weare a cocks comb at ende,
For take that your husband were, as ye take him,
As I take him not, as your tale would make him.
Yet were contencion lyke to do nought in this,
But kepe him nought, and make him woors then he is,
But in this complaint, for counsele quicke and cleere,
A few prouerbes for principles, leat vs heere.
Who that maie not as they wolde, will as they maie.
And this to this, they that are bound must obaie:
Foly it is to spourne against a pricke,
To stryue against the streme, to winche or kicke
Against the hard wall. By this ye maie see.
Beyng bound to obedience, as ye bee,
And also ouermacht, suffraunce is your daunce.
He maie ouermatche me (quoth she) perchaunce
In strength of bodie, but my tung is a lym,
To matche and to vexe euery vayne of him.
Toung breaketh bone, it selfe hauyng none (quoth I)
If the winde stande in that doore, it standth awry.
The perill of pratyng out of tune by note,
Telth vs, that a good bestyll is woorth a grote.
In beyng your owne foe, you spin a fayre threede.
Aduyse ye well, for here dooth all ly and bleede,
Flee thattemtyng of extremities all.
Folke saie, better syt styll than ryse and fall.
For little more or lesse no debate make,
At euery dogs barke, seeme not to awake.
And where the small with the great, can not agree,
The weaker goeth to the potte, we all daie see.
So that alwaie the bygger eateth the beane.
Ye can nought wyn, by any wayward meane.
Where the hedge is lowest, men maie soonest ouer,
Be silent. Leat not your toung roon at rouer.
Sens by stryfe, ye maie lose, and can not wyn,
Suffer. It is good slepyng in a whole skyn.
If he chide, kepe you byll vnder wyng muet.
Chatting to chiding is not woorth a chuet.
We see many tymes, might ouercomth right.
Were not you as good than to say, the crow is whight.
And so rather let faire woordes make fooles fayne,
Than be plaine without pletes, & plant your owne payne.
For were ye as plaine as dunstable hy waie.
Yet should ye that waie rather breake a loue daie,
Than make one thus though ye perfytely knew,
All that ye coniecture to be proued trew,
Yet better dissemble it, and shake it of,
Than to broide him with it in earnest or scof.
If he plaie falsehed in felowship, plaie yee,
See me, and see me not. to woorst part to flee.
Why thinke ye me so whyte lyuerd (quoth shee)
That I will be toung tyed? Naie I warrant yee.
They that will be afraid of euery farte,
Must go far to pisse. Well (quoth I) your parte
Is to suffre (I saie) For ye shall preeue.
Taunts appease not things, they rather agreeue,
But for yll company, or expense extreeme,
I here no man doubte, so far as ye deeme.
And there is no fyre without some smoke, we see.
Well well, make no fyre, reyse no smoke (sayd shee)
What cloke for the rayne so euer ye bryng mee,
My selfe can tell best, where my shooe doth wryng mee.
But as ye saie, where fyre is, smoke will appeere.
And so hath it doone, For I did lately heere,
How flek and his make, vse their secrete hauntyng,
By one byrd, that in mine eare was late chauntyng.
One swalowe maketh not sommer (said I) men saie.
I haue (quoth she) mo blocks in his waie to laie.
For further encrease of suspicion of yls,
Besyde his iettyng into the towne, to his gyls,
With calets he consumeth him selfe and my goodes,
Sometyme in the feelds, sometyme in the woodes.
Some here and see him, whom he hereth nor seeth not.
But feelds haue eies, and woodes haue eares, ye wot.
And also on my maydes he is euer tootyng.
Can ye iudge a man (quoth I) by his lookyng?
What, a cat maie looke on a king, ye know.
My cats leeryng looke (quoth she) at fyrst show.
Shewth me, that my cat gothe a catterwawyng.
And specially by his maner of drawyng,
To Madge my faire maide. for may he come ny her.
He must nedes basse hir, as he comth by her.
He loueth well sheeps flesh, that wets his bred in the wul,
If he leaue it not, we haue a crow to pul.
He loueth hir better at the sole of the foote,
Than euer he loued me at the hert roote.
It is a foule byrd, that fyleth his owne nest.
I wold haue him liue as gods lawe hath exprest.
And leaue lewde tickyng. he that will none ill doo.
Must do nothyng, that belongeth therto.
To ticke and laughe with me, he hath laufull leeue.
To that I saide nought but laught in my sleeue.
But whan she seemed to be fixed in mynde,
Rather to seeke for that she was lothe to fynde,
Than leaue that seekyng, by whiche she might fynd ease,
I fainde this fancy to feele how it would please.
Will ye do well (quoth I) take peyne to watche him.
And if ye chaunce in aduoutrie to catche him,
Then haue ye him on the hyp, or on the hyrdell.
Then haue ye his head fast vnder your gyrdell.
Where your wurds now do but rub him on the gall.
That deede without woords shall driue him to the wall.
And further than the wall he can not go.
But must submit him selfe, and if it hap so,
That at ende of your watche, he gyltles apeere,
Then all grudge, growne by ielowsie, taketh end cleere.
Of all folkes I maie woorst watche him (said she)
For of all folks him selfe most watcheth me.
I shall as soone trie him or take him this waie,
As dryue a top ouer a tyeld house, no naie.
I maie kepe corners or holowe trees with thowle,
This seuen yeres, daie and night to watche a bowle.
Before I shall catche him with vndoubted euill.
He must haue a long spoone, shall eate with the diuell.
And the deuill is no falser then is hee.
I haue heard tell, it had neede to bee.
A wyly mouse that should breede in the cats eare.
Shall I get within him than? nay ware that geare.
It is harde haltyng before a creeple ye wot.
A falser water drinker there liueth not.
Whan he hunteth a doe, that he can not avow,
All dogs barke not at him, I warrant yow.
Namely not I, I saie, though as I sayde.
He somtyme, though seldome, by some be bewrayde.
Close huntyng (quoth I) the good hunter alowth.
But be your husband neuer so styll of mouth,
If ye can hunt, and will stand at receite.
Your maide examinde, maketh him open streite.
That were (quoth she) as of my truth to make preefe,
To axe my felow whether I be a theefe.
They cleaue together like burs. that way I shall
Pike out no more, than out of the stone wall.
Than lyke ye not to watche him for wife nor mayde.
No (quoth she) Nor I (quoth I) what euer I sayde.
And I mislyke not onely your watche in vayne.
But also if ye tooke him. what could ye gayne?
From suspicion to knowlage of yll. forsoothe
Coulde make ye dooe, but as the flounder doothe,
Leape out of the friyng pan into the fyre.
And chaunge from yll peyn to wurs is worth small hyre.
Let tyme trie. Tyme tryeth trouth in euery doubt.
And deeme the best, till time hath tryde the trouth out.
And reason saieth, make not two sorowes of one,
But ye make ten sorowes where reason maketh none.
For where reason (as I saide) wylth you to winke,
(Although all were proued as yll as ye thinke)
Contrary to reason ye stampe and ye stare.
Ye fret and ye fume as mad as a marche hare.
Without proofe to his reproofe present or past.
But by suche reporte, as moste proue lies at last.
And here gothe the hare awaie, for ye iudge all,
And iudge the woorst in all, er proofe in ought fall.
But blinde men should iudge no colours: by olde sause,
And folk oft tymes ar most blind in their owne cause,
The blynde eate many flies. Howbeit the fancy,
Of your blindnesse comth not of ignorancy.
Ye coulde tell an other herein the best waie.
But it is as folke dooe, and not as folke saie.
For they saie, saiyng and dooyng are two things,
To defende daunger that double dealyng brynges.
As ye can seeme wise in woords, be wise in deede.
That is (quoth she) sooner said then doone, I dreede.
But me thinkth your counsell weith in the whole,
To make me put my fynger in a hole.
And so by suffrance to be so lyther,
In my house to lay fyre and tow together.
But if they fyre me, some of them shall wyn
More towe on their distaues, than they can well spyn.
And the best of them shall haue both their hands full.
Bolster or pillow for me, be whose wull.
I will not beare the diuels sacke, by saint Audry.
For concelyng suspicion of their baudry.
I feare fals measures, or els I were a chylde.
For they that thinke none yll, are soonest begylde.
And thus though muche water goeth by the myll,
That the miller knowth not of, yet I will
Cast what may scape, and as though I did fynde it.
With the clacke of my myll, to fyne meale grynde it.
And sure ere I take any rest in effect,
I must banishe my maydes suche as I suspect.
Better it be doone than wishe it had bene doone.
As good vndoone (quoth I) as doo it to soone.
Well (quoth she) till soone, fare ye well, and this
Keepe ye as secrete, as ye thinke meete is.
Out at doores went she herewith. and hereupon
In at doores came he foorthwith as she was gon.
And without any temprate protestacion,
Thus he began, in waie of exclamacion.

The .vi. chapiter.

Oh what choyce may compare, to the diuels lyfe,
Lyke his, that haue chosen a diuel to his wife?
Namely such an olde witche, suche a mackabroyne,
As euermore like a hog hangeth the groyne,
On hir husbande, except he be hir slaue,
And folow all fancies, that she would haue.
Tys sayde, there is no good accorde,
Where euery man would be a Lorde.
Wherfore my wyfe will be no lorde, but lady,
To make me, that should be her Lorde, a baby.
Before I was wedded, and sens, I made recknyng,
To make my wyfe boow at euery becknyng.
Bachelers bost, how they will teach their wyues good,
But many a man speaketh of Robyn hood,
That neuer shot in his bowe. Whan all is sought,
Bachelers wiues, and maides children be well tought.
And this with this, I also begin to gather,
Euery man can rule a shrewe, saue he that hath her.
At my wil I wend she should haue wrought, like wax.
But I fynde and feele, she hath found suche knax
In her bouget, and suche toies in her hed.
That to daunce after her pipe, I am ny led.
It is saide of olde, an olde dog byteth sore.
But by God, tholde bitche biteth sorer and more.
And not with teeth (she hath none) but with hir toung.
If all tales be true (quoth I) though she be stong,
And therby styng you, she is not muche to blame,
For what euer you saie. thus goeth the fame.
Whan folke first saw your substance layd in your lap,
Without your peyn, with your wife brought by good hap,
Oft in remembrance of haps happie deuise,
They would saie, better to be happie then wise.
Not minding therby than, to depraue your wit,
For they had good hope, to see good proofe of it.
But sens their good opinion therin so cooles,
That they saie as ofte, God sendeth fortune to fooles.
In that as fortune without your wit gaue it,
So can your wit not keepe it whan ye haue it.
Saieth one, this geare was gotten on a holy daie.
Saieth an other, who maie holde that will awaie.
This game from begynnyng, shewth what ende is ment.
Soone gotten soone spent, yll gotten yll spent.
Ye are calde not onely to great a spender,
To franke a geuer, and as free a lender.
But also ye spende geue and lende, among suche,
Whose lightnesse minisheth your bonestee as muche
As your money, and much they disalow,
That ye bryke all from hir, that brought all to yow.
And spende it out at doores, in spyte of hir,
Because ye wolde kyll hir to be quite of hir.
For all kindnesse, of hir parte, that maie ryse,
Ye shewe all thunkindnesse ye can deuise.
And where reason and custome (they say afoords,
Alwaie to let the loosers haue their woords,
Ye make hir a cookqueane, and consume hir good.
And she must syt like a beane in a moonks hood.
Bearyng no more rule, than a goose turd in tems,
But at hir owne maides becks, winges, or hems.
She must obey those lambs, or els a lambs skyn,
Ye will prouyde for hir, to lap her in.
This biteth the mare by the thumbe, as they sey.
For were ye, touching condicion (say they)
The castell of honestee in all things els.
Yet should this one thing, as their hole tale tels,
Defoyle and deface that castell to a cotage.
One crop of a tourd marrth a pot of potage,
And some to this, crie, let him pas, for we thinke,
The more we stur a tourde, the wurs it will stynke,
With many condicions good, one that is yll,
Defaceth the flowre of all, and dooth all spyll.
Nowe (quoth I) if you thinke they truely clatter,
Let your amendment amende the matter.
Halfe warnd halfe armde. this warnyng for this I show,
He that hath an yll name, is halfe hangd, ye know.

The .vii. chapiter.

VVell saide (saide he) mary sir here is a tale,
For honestie, meete to set the diuell on sale.
But now am I forst, a bead roule to vnfolde,
To tell somwhat more to the tale I erst tolde.
Grow this. as most part doth, I durst holde my lyfe,
Of the ielousy of dame Iulok my wyfe,
Than shall ye wonder, whan truth doth defyne,
How she can, and doth here, both byte and whyne.
Fransy, heresy, and ielousy are three,
That men say hardly or neuer cured bee.
And although ielousy neede not or boote not,
What helpeth that counsayle, if reason roote not.
And in mad ielousy she is so farre gon,
She thinkth I run ouer all, that I looke on.
Take good heede of that (quoth I) for at a woorde,
The prouerbe saith, he that striketh with the swoorde,
Shalbe strikyn with the scaberde. Tushe (quoth he)
The diule with my scaberde will not strike me.
But my dame takyng suspicion for full preefe,
Reporteth it for a trouth, to the moste mischeefe.
In woords golde and hole, as men by wyt could wishe.
She will lie as fast as a dogge will licke a dishe.
She is of trouth as fals, as God is trew.
And if she chaunce to see me at a vew
Kysse any of my maydes alone, but in sporte,
That taketh she in ernest. after Bedlem sorte.
The cow is wood. Her tong ronth on patens.
If it be morne, we haue a payre of matens.
If it be euen, euensong, not Laten nor Greeke,
But Englishe, and like thutas in easter weeke.
She beginneth, first with a cry a leysone.
To whiche she ringth a peale, a larom. suche one,
As folke ring bees with basons. the world runth on wheeles.
But except hir maide shewe a fayre paire of heeles,
She haleth her by the boy rope, tyll hir braines ake.
And bring I home a good dishe. good cheere to make,
What is this (saith she) Good meate (saie I) for yow.
God haue mercy hors, a pyg of mine owne sow.
Thus whan I see, by kindnesse ease renewth not,
And than, that the eie seeth not, the hert rewth not,
And that he must needes go, whom the diuel dooth driue,
Her force forcing me, for mine ease to contriue,
To let her fast and freate alone for me,
I go where mery chat, and good cheere may be.
Muche spend I abrode, whiche at home should be spent,
If she would leaue controllyng, and be content.
There lepte a whityng (quoth she) and lept in streite.
Take a heare from his bearde, and marke this conceite.
He makth you beleue, by lies laide on by lode,
My branlyng at home, makith him banket abrode.
Where his bankets abrode, make me braule at home.
For as in a frost, a mud wall made of lome
Cracketh and crummeth in peeces a sunder,
So melteth his money, to the worlds wonder.
Thus maie ye see, to tourne the cat in the pan,
Or set the cart before the hors, well he can.
He is but little at home, the trewth is so.
And foorth with him, he will not let me go.
And if I come to be mery where he is,
Than is he mad. as ye shall here by this.
Where he with gossyps at a banket late was,
At whiche as vse is, he paide all. but let pas.
I came to be mery. wherwith merily,
Proface. Haue among you blynd harpers (sayde I)
The mo the merier, we all daie here and see.
Ye, but the fewer the better fare (said hee)
Then here were, er I came (quoth I) to many,
Here is but little meate lefte, if there be any.
And it is yll commyng, I haue heard say,
To thend of a shot, and beginnyng of a fray.
Put vp thy purs (quoth he) thou shalt none paie.
And fray here should be none, were thou gone thy way.
Here is, sens thou camst, to many feete a bed.
Welcom when thou goest. thus is thine errand sped.
I come (quoth I) to be one here, if I shall,
It is mery in halle, when berds wag all.
What, byd me welcome pyg. I pray the kys me.
Nay farewell sow (quoth he) our lord blys me
From bassyng of beastes of Beare binder lane.
I haue (quoth I) for fyne suger, faire rats bane.
Many yeres sens, my mother saide to me,
Her elders would saie, it is better to be
An olde mans derlyng, then a yong mans werlyng.
And god knowth. I knew none of this snerlyng
In my olde husbands daies. for as tenderly,
He loued me, as ye loue me sklenderly.
We drew both in one line. Quoth he wold to our lorde
Ye had in that drawyng, hangd both in one corde.
For I neuer meete the at fleshe nor at fishe,
But I haue sure a deade mans head in my dishe.
Whose best and my woorst daie, that wisht might bee,
Was when thou didst bury him and mary mee.
If you (quoth I) long for chaunge in those cases,
Wold to god he and you, had chaunged places.
But best I chaunge place, for here I may be sparde.
And for my kynde commyng, this is my rewarde.
Claw a churle by thars, and he shyteth in my hand.
Knak me that nut. much good doyt you all this band.
Must she not (quoth he) be welcome to vs all,
Among vs all, lettyng suche a farewell fall?
Suche carpenters, such chips. (quoth she) folke tell,
Suche lips, suche lettice. such welcome, such farewell.
Thine owne woords (quoth he) thine owne welcome mard.
Well (saide she) whan so euer we twayne haue iard,
My woords be pried at narowly, I espie.
Ye can see a mote in an other mans iye,
But ye can not see a balke in your owne.
Ye marke my woords, but not that they be growne,
By your reuellous rydyng on euery royle.
Well ny euery day a new mare or a moyle.
As muche vnhonest, as vnprofytable.
Whiche shall bryng vs shortly to be vnable,
To geue a dog a lofe, as I haue oft saide.
Howe be it your pleasure maie no tyme be denayde.
But still you must haue, bothe the fynest meate,
Apparall, and all thing that money maie geate,
Lyke one of fond fancy so fyne and so neate,
That would haue better bread than is made of wheate.
The best is best cheape (quoth he) men saie cleere.
Well (quoth she) a man may by gold to deere.
Ye nother care, nor welny cast what ye paie,
To by the derest for the best alwaie,
Than for your diet who vseth feedyng such,
Eate more than enough, and drink much more to much.
But temprance teacheth this, where he kepeth scoole,
He that knoweth whan he hath enough, is no foole.
Feed by measure, and defie the phisicion.
And in the contrary marke this condicion,
A smyne ouer fatte is cause of his owne bane.
Who seeth nought herein, his wit is in the wane.
But pompous prouision, comth not all, alway
Of glottony, but of pryde sometyme, some say.
But this prouerbe precheth to men haute or hye,
Hewe not to hye, lest the chips fall in thine iye.
Measure is a mery meane, as this doth show,
Not to hye for the pye, nor to lowe for the crow.
The difference betwene staryng and starke blynde.
The wise man at all tymes to folow can fynde.
And ywis an auditour of a meane wit,
Maie soone accompt, though hereafter come not yit,
Yet is he sure be the daie neuer so long,
Euermore at laste they ryng to euensong.
And where ye spend much though ye spent but lickell,
Yet littell and littell the cat eateth the flickell.
Little losse by length maie growe importable.
A mouse in tyme, maie byte a two, a cable.
Thus to ende of all things, be we leefe or lothe,
Yet lo, the pot so long to the water gothe.
Tyll at the laste it comthe home broken.
Fewe woords to the wise suffice to be spoken.
If ye were wise, here were enough (quoth shee)
Here is enough, and to muche, dame (quoth he)
For though this appeere a proper pulpet peece,
Yet whan the fox preacheth, then beware your geese.
A good tale yll tolde, in the tellyng is marde.
So are (quoth she) good tales well tolde, and yll harde.
Thy tales (quoth he) shew long heare, and short wit, wife.
But long be thy legs, and short be thy lyfe.
Pray for your selfe, I am not sicke (quoth she)
Well lets see, what thy last tale comth to (quoth he)
Thou saiest I spend all, to this, thy woords wander.
But as deepe drinketh the goose, as the gander.
Thou canst cough in the aumbry, if neede bee,
Whan I shall cough without bread or broth for thee.
Wherby while thou sendst me abrode to spende.
Thou gossepst at home, to meete me at lands ende.
Ah, than I begyle you (quoth she) this ye meane.
But syr, my pot is whole, and my water cleane.
Well, thou woldst haue me (quoth he) pinch lyke a snudge,
Euery daie to be thy driuell and drudge.
Not so (quoth she) but I would haue ye stur
Honestly, to kepe the wolfe from the dur.
I wold driue the wulfe out at doore fyrst (quoth he)
And that can I not doo, tyll I dryue out thee.
A man were better be drownde in Uenice gulfe
Than haue suche a bearded beare, or suche a wulfe.
But had I not beene witcht, my weddyng to flee,
The termes that longe to weddyng had warnde mee.
First wooyng for woing, banna for bannyng.
The banes for my bane, and than this thus scannyng,
Mariyng marryng. And what maryed I than?
A woman. As who saith, wo to the man.
Thus wed I with wo, wed I Gyll, wed I Iane.
I pray god the deuel go with the, downe the lane.
I graunt (quoth she) this dooth sound (as ye agreed)
On your syde in woords, but on my syde in deede.
Thou grantst this graunt (quoth he) without any grace,
Ungraciously, to thy syde, to tourne this case.
Leaue this (quoth she) and learne liberalitee,
To stynt stryfe, growne by your prodigalitee,
Oft said she wise man, whom I erst did bery,
Better are meales many, than one to mery.
Well (quoth he) that is answered with this wife.
Better is one monthes cheere, than a churles hole lyfe.
I thinke it learnyng of a wyser lectour,
To learne to make my selfe myne owne exectour,
Than spare for an other that might wed thee,
As the foole, thy fyrst husband spared for mee.
And as for yll places, thou sekest me in mo,
And in woorse to, than I into any go.
Wherby this prouerbe shewth the in by the weeke.
No man will an other in the ouen seeke,
Except that him selfe haue beene there before.
God geue grace thou hast beene good, I saie no more.
And wolde haue the say lesse. except thou couldst proue
Suche processe as thou sclanderously doest moue.
For sclaunder perchaunce (quoth she) I not denie.
It maie be a sclaunder, but it is no lie.
It is a lye (quoth he) and thou a lyer.
Will ye (quoth she) dryue me to touche ye nyer?
I rub the gald hors backe till he winche, and yit
He would make it seeme, that I touche him no whit.
But I wot what I wot, though I few woords make.
Many kisse the childe for the nurses sake.
Ye haue many god children to looke vpon,
And ye blesse them all, but ye basse but one.
This halfe shewth, what the hole meaneth, that I meene,
Ye fet circumquaques to make me beleue
Or thinke, that the moone is made of a greene cheese.
And whan ye haue made me a loute in all theese,
It semeth ye wolde make me go to bed at noone.
Naie (quoth he) the daie of doome shall be doone,
Er thou go to bed at noone or night for mee.
Thou art, to be plaine, and not to flatter thee,
As holsome a morsell for my comely cors.
As a shoulder of mutton for a sicke hors.
The diuell with his dam, hath more rest in hell,
Than I haue here with the. but well wif well.
Well well (quoth she) many wels, many buckets.
Ye (quoth he) and many woords, many buffets.
Had you some husband, and snapte at him thus,
Iwys he would geue you a recumbentibus.
A dog will barke er he bite, and so thow,
After thy barkyng wilt bite me, I trow now.
But it is harde to make an olde dog stoupe, lo.
Sir (quoth she) a man maie handle his dog so,
That he maie make him byte him, though he would not,
Husbandes are in heauen (quoth he) whose wiues scold not.
Thou makest me claw where it itcheth not. I would
Thy toung were coold to make thy tales more cold,
That aspine leafe, suche spitefull clappyng haue bred.
That my cap is better at ease then my hed.
God sende that hed (said she) a better nurs.
For whan the head aketh, all the bodie is the wurs.
God graunt (quoth I) the head and bodie both twoo.
To nourse eche other, better then they doo.
Or euer haue doone for the moste tymes paste.
I brought to nurs both (quoth she) had it not beene waste.
Margery good coowe (quoth he) gaue a good meele,
But than she cast it downe again with hir heele.
Howe can hir purs for profite be delitefull?
Whose person and properties be thus spitefull.
A peece of a kyd is woorth two of a cat.
Who the diuell will chaunge a rabet for a rat?
If I might chaunge, I wolde rather choose to begge,
Or sit with a rosted appull, or an egge,
Where mine appetite serueth me to bee,
Then euery daie to fare lyke a duke with thee.
Lyke a duke, lyke a duck (quoth she) thou shalt fare,
Except thou wilt spare, more than thou dost yet spare.
Thou farest to well (quoth he) but thou art so wood,
Thou knowst not who doth the harme, who doth the good.
Yes yes (quoth she) for all those wyse woords vttred,
I know on which syde my bread is buttred.
But there will no butter cleaue on my breade.
And on my bread any butter to be spreade.
Euery promise that thou therin dost vtter,
Is as sure as it were sealed with butter.
Or a mouse tied with a threede. Euery good thyng,
Thou lettest euen slyp, lyke a waghalter flypstryng.
But take vp in time, or els I protest,
All be not a bedde, that shall haue yll rest.
Now go to thy derlyngs, and declare thy greefe.
Where all thy pleasure is, hop hoore, pipe theefe.

The .viii. chapiter.

VVith this thence hopt she, wherwith o lord he cryde,
What wretch but I, this wretchednes could byde.
Howe be it in all this wo, I haue no wrong
For it onely is all on my selfe along.
Where I should haue brydled her fyrst with rough bit,
To haue made hir chew on the brydell one fit.
For likorous lucre of a little wynnyng,
I gaue hir the brydell at begynnyng.
And now she taketh the brydell in the teeth,
And runth away with it, wherby eche man seeth,
It is (as olde men right well vnderstande)
Ill puttyng a nakt swoord in a mad mans hande.
She takth such hert of grace, that though I maime hir.
Or kyll hir, yet shall I neuer reclaime hir,
She hath (they say) bene styffe necked euermore.
And it is yll healyng of an olde sore.
This prouerbe prophecied many yeres agone.
It will not out of the fleshe that is bred in the bone.
What chaunce haue I, to haue a wife of suche sort,
That will no faute amend in earnest nor sport?
A small thinge amis lately I did espy,
Whiche to make hir mende, by a iest mirily,
I saide but this, taunt tiuet wife, your nose drops.
So it maie fall, I will eate no browesse sops
This daie. But two daies after this came in vre,
I had sorow to my sops ynough be sure.
Well (quoth I) it is yll iestyng on the soothe.
Sooth bourd is no bourd, in ought that mirth doothe.
Suche iestes could not iuggle hir, were ought amis.
Nor turne melancoly to myrth. for it is
No plaiyng with a strawe before an olde cat,
Euery tryflyng toie age can not laugh at.
Ye maie walke this waie, but sure ye shall fynde,
The further ye go, the further behynde.
Ye should consyder the woman is olde.
And what for a whot woorde. Sone whot, sone colde.
Beare with them, that beare with you, and she is scand,
Not onely the fairest floure in your garland,
But also she is all the faire flowers therof,
Will ye requyte hir then with a tauntyng scof?
Or with any other kynd of vnkyndnesse?
Take heede is a faire thing. Beware this blindnesse.
Why will ye (quoth he) I shall folow hir will?
To make me Iohn drawlache, or such a snekebill.
To bryng hir solace, that bryngeth me sorow,
Byr lady, than we shall catche byrds to morow.
A good wife makth a good husbande, (they saie)
That (quoth I) ye maie tourne an other waie.
To make a good husband, make a good wyfe.
I can no more herin, but god stint all styife.
Amen (quoth he) and god haue mercy brother,
I will now mend this house, and payre an other.
And that he ment of likelyhood by his owne.
For so apairde he that, er three yeres were growne.
That little and little he decaied so long,
Tyll he at length came to buckle and bare thong.
To discharge charge, that necessarily grew,
There was no more water than the ship drew.
Suche driftes draue he, from yll to wars and wars,
Tyll he was as bare as a byrdes ars.
Money, and money woorth, did so misse him,
That he had not now one peny to blisse him.
Whiche foreseene in this woman wisely waiyng,
That meete was to staie somwhat for hir staiyng,
To kepe yet one messe for Alison in store,
She kept one bag, that he had not seene before.
A poore cooke that maie not licke his owne fyngers.
But about hir at home now still he lingers,
Not checker a boord, all was not cleere in the coste,
He lookt lyke one that had beshyt the roste.
But whether any secrete tales were sprinklyng,
Or that he by gesse had got an inklyng
Of hir hoord. or that he thought to amend.
And tourne his yll begynnyng to a good ende.
In shewyng him selfe a new man, as was feet,
That appeered shortly after, but not yeet,

The .ix. chapiter.

One daie in their arbour, whiche stoode so to mine,
That I might and did closely myne eare incline,
And likewyse cast mine eye to here and see,
What they saide and did, where they could not see mee,
He vnto hir a goodly tale began,
More like a wooer, than a wedded man.
As ferre as matter therof therin serued,
But the fyrst part from woords of wooyng swerued.
And stood vpon repentaunce, with submission,
Of his former crooked vnkynde condicion.
Praiyng hir, to forgeue and forget all free,
And he forgaue hir, as he forgeuen wolde bee.
Louyng hir now, as he full deepely swore,
As whotly as euer he loued hir before.
Well well (quoth she) what euer ye now saie,
It is to late to call again yesterdaie.
Wife (quoth he) suche maie my diligence seeme,
That thoffence of yesterdaie I maie redeeme.
God taketh me as I am, and not as I was.
Take you me so to, and let all thinges past pas.
I praie the good wife, thinke I speake and think plaine.
What, he runth far, that neuer turnth againe.
Ye be yong enough to mende, I agree it,
But I am (quoth she) to old to see it.
And amende ye or not, I am to olde a yere.
What is lyfe? where liuyng is extinct cleere.
Namely at olde yeres of leaste helpe and most neede.
But no tale coulde tune you, in tyme to take heede.
If I tune my selfe now (quoth he) it is fayre.
And hope of true tune, shall tune me from dispayre.
Beleue well, and haue well, men say. ye, (said shee)
Doo well, and haue well, men say also, we see.
But what man can beleue, that man can do well,
Who of no man will counsell take or here tell.
Whiche to you, whan any man any way tryde,
Than were ye deafe, ye could not here on that syde.
Who euer with you any tyme therin weares,
He must both tell you a tale, and fynde you eares.
You had on your haruest eares, thicke of hearyng.
But this is a question of olde enqueryng,
Who is so deafe, or so blynde, as is hee,
That wilfully will nother here nor see?
Whan I saw your maner, my herte for wo molte.
Than wolde ye mend, as the fletcher mends his bolte.
Or as sowre ale mendth in summer, I know,
And knew, which waie the winde blewe, and will blow.
Though not to my profite, a prophete was I.
I prophecied this, to true a prophecie.
Whan I was right yll beleued, and worse hard.
By flingyng from your folkes at home, which all mard.
Whan I said in semblaunce eyther cold or warme,
A man far from his good, is nye his harme.
Or wilde ye to looke, that ye lost no more,
On suche as shewe, that hungry flies byte sore.
Than wold ye looke ouer me, with stomake swolne,
Like as the diuel lookt ouer Lincolne.
The diuell is dead wife (quoth he) for ye see,
I looke lyke a lambe in all your woords to mee.
Looke as ye list now (quoth she) thus lookt ye than.
And for those lookes I shew this, to shew eche man,
Suche proofe of this prouerbe, as none is gretter.
Which saith, that some man maie steale a hors better,
Than some other may stande and looke vpone.
Leude huswiues might haue woords, but I not one
That might be aloude. But now if ye looke,
In mistakyng me, ye may see, ye tooke
The wrong way to wood, and the wrong sow by theare.
And therby in the wrong boxe to thryue ye weare,
I haue heard some, to some tell this tale not seelde.
Whan thrift is in the towne, ye be in the feelde.
But contrary, you made that sence to sowne,
Whan thrift was in the feelde, ye were in the towne.
Feelde ware might sinke or swym, while ye had eny.
Towne ware was your ware, to tourne the peny.
But towne or feelde, where most thrift did apeere,
What ye wan in the hundred ye lost in the sheere.
In all your good husbandry, thus ryd the rocke,
Ye stumbled at a strawe, and lept euer a blocke.
So many kyndes of increase you had in chioce,
And nought increase nor kepe, how can I reioyce?
Good ridyng at two ankers men haue tolde,
For if the tone faile, the tother maie holde.
But you leaue all anker holde, on seas or lands.
And so set vp shop vpon Goodwins sands.
But as folke haue a saiyng bothe olde and trew,
In that they say blacke will take none other hew.
So maie I saie here, to my deepe dolour,
It is a bad clothe that will take no colour.
This case is yours. For ye were neuer so wise,
To take specke of colour, of good aduyse.
Thaduyse of all freends I say, one and other
Went in at the tone eare, and out at the tother.
And as those woords went out, this prouerbe in came,
He that will not be ruled by his owne dame,
Shall be ruled by his stepdame, and so you.
Hauyng lost your owne good, and owne freends now,
Maie seeke your forein freends, if you haue any.
And sure one of my great greefes, among many,
Is that ye haue bene so veraie a hog,
To my freends. What man, loue me, loue me dog.
But you to cast precious stones before hogs,
Cast my good before a sort of cur dogs.
And sawte bitches. Whiche by whom now deuoured.
And your honestie amonge them defloured,
And that you maie no more expence a foorde,
Now can they not afoord you one good woorde,
And you them as fewe. And olde folke vnderstoode,
Whan theeues fall out, true men come to their goode.
Whiche is not alwaie true. For in all that bretche,
I can no ferthing of my good the more fetche.
Nor I trow them selues neither, if thei were sworne,
Light come, light go. And sure sens we were borne,
Ruine of one rauine, was there none gretter.
For by your giftes, they be as littell the better.
As you be muche the woorse and I cast awaie.
An yll wynde that blowth no man to good, men say.
Well (quoth he) euery wind blowth not downe the corne.
I hope (I saie) good happe be not all out worne.
I will nowe begin thrift, whan thrift semeth gone.
What wife there be mo waies to the wood than one.
And I will assaie all the waies to the wood,
Till I fynde one waie, to get againe this good.
Ye will get it againe (quoth she) I feare,
As shortly as a horse will licke his eare.
The Ducheman saieth, that seggyng is good cope.
Good woordes bryng not euer of good deedes good hope,
And these woords shew your woords spoken in skorne.
It pricketh betymes that will be a good thorne.
Timely crooketh the tree, that will a good camok bee.
And such beginnyng such ende. we all daie see.
And you by me at begynnyng beyng thryuen,
And than to keepe thrift could not be prickt nor driuen.
How can ye now get thrift, the stocke beyng gone?
Which is thonely thing to reise thrift vpon.
Men saie he maie yll renne, that can not go,
And your gain, without your stocke, renneth euen so.
For what is a woorkman, without his tooles?
Tales of Robin hood are good among fooles.
He can yll pype, that lackth his vpper lyp.
Who lackth a stocke, his gaine is not woorth a chip,
A tale of a tub, your tale no truth auouth,
Ye speake now, as ye would creepe into my mouth,
In pure peinted processe, as false as fayre.
How ye will amend, whan ye can not apayre.
But against gaie glosers, this rude text recites,
It is not all butter, that the coow shites.
I herd ones a wise man saie to his daughter,
Better is the last smyle, than the fyrst laughter,
We shall I trust (quoth he) laugh againe at last.
Although I be ones out of the saddle cast.
Yet sens I am bent to syt, this will I doo,
Recouer the hors, or leese the saddle too.
Ye neuer could yet (quoth she) recouer any hap,
To win or saue ought, to stop any one gap.
For stoppyng of gaps (quoth he) care not a rushe,
I will learne, to stop two gaps with one bushe.
Ye will (quoth she) as soone stop gaps with rushes,
As with any husbandly handsome bushes,
Your tales haue lyke tast, where temprance is taster,
To breake my heade, and than geue me a plaster.
Now thrifte is gone, now would ye thryue in all haste.
And whan ye had thrift, ye had like haste to waste.
Ye liked then better an ynche of your wyll,
Than an ell of your thrift. Wife (quoth he) be still.
Maie I be holpe foorth an ynche at a pinche,
I will yet thriue (I saie) As good is an inche
As an ell. Ye can (quoth she) make it so, well.
For whan I gaue you an ynche, ye tooke an ell.
Till both ell and inche be gone, and we in det.
Naie (quoth he) with a wet fynger ye can fet,
As muche as maie easyly all this matter ease,
And this debate also pleasantly appease.
I could doo as muche with an hundred pround now,
As with a thousand afore, I assure yow.
Ye (quoth she) who had that he hath not, woulde
Doo that he dooth not, as olde men haue tolde.
Had I, as ye haue, I woulde dooe more (quoth hee)
Than the preest spake of on sonday, ye should see.
Ye dooe, as I haue (qouth she) for nought I haue,
And nought ye dooe. What man, I trow ye raue,
Wolde ye bothe eate your cake, and haue your cake?
Ye haue had of me all that I might make.
And be a man neuer so greedy to wyn,
He can haue no more of the foxe but the skyn.
Well (quoth he) if ye list to bring it out,
Ye can geue me your blessyng in a clout.
That were for my child, (quoth she) had I ony,
But husband, I haue neither child, nor mony.
Ye cast and coniecture this muche like in show,
As the blind man casts his staffe, or shootes the crow.
How be it had I money right muche, and ye none,
Yet to be plaine, ye shulde haue none, for Ione.
Nay, he that first flattereth me, as ye haue doone.
And doth as ye did to me after, so soone.
He maie be in my Pater noster in deede.
But be sure, he shall neuer come in my Creede.
Aue Maria (quoth he) how much mocion
Here is to praiers, with how littell deuocion.
But some men saie, no peny no Pater noster.
I saie to suche (said she) no longer foster,
No longer lemman. But faire and well than,
Praie and shifte eche one for him selfe, as he can.
Euery man for him selfe, and god for vs all.
To those woords he saide nought, but foorthwith did fall,
From harping on that stringe, to faire flattring speeche,
And as I erst saide, he did hir so beseeche,
That things erst so far of, were now so far on,
That as she maie wallow, awaie she is gon,
Where all that was left laie with a trustie freende.
Dwellyng a good walke from hir at the townes eende,
And backe again streight a haltyng pace she hobles.
Bringyng a hag of royals and nobles.
All that she had, without restraint of one iote,
She brought bullocks noble. for noble or grote,
Had she not one mo. Whiche I after well knew.
And anon smiling, toward him as she drew,
A sir light burdeine far heauy (quoth she)
This light burdein in longe walke welny tyreth me.
God geue grace I play not the foole this daie.
For here I sende thaxe after the helue awaie.
But if ye will stint and auoyd all stryfe,
Loue and cherishe this as ye wolde my lyfe,
I will (quoth he) wife, by god almightie.
This geare comth euen in puddyng time rightlie.
He snacht at the bag. No hast but good (quoth she)
Short shootyng leeseth your game, ye maie see.
Ye myst the cushin, for all your hast to it.
And I maie set you besyde the cushyn yit.
And make you wype your nose vpon your sleeue,
For ought ye shall win without ye axe me leeue.
Haue ye not heard tell all couet all leese:
A sir, I see, ye may see no greene cheese
But your teeth must water. A good cocknay coke.
Though ye loue not to bye the pyg in the poke,
Yet snatche ye at the poke, that the pyg is in,
Not for the poke, but the pyg good chepe to wyn.
Like one halfe lost, till gredy graspyng gat it,
Ye would be ouer the style, er ye come at it.
But abyde freend, your mother bid till ye were borne.
Snatching winth it not, if ye snatche tyll to morne.
Men saie (said he) long standyng and small offring
Maketh poore persons. and in suche signes and proffring.
Many prety tales, and mery totes had they,
Before this bag came fully from hir awey.
Kindly he kyst hir, with woords not tart nor tough.
But the cat knoweth whose lips she lickth well enough.
Anone, the bag she deliuered him, and saide,
He should beare it, for that it now heauy waide.
With good will wife, for it is (said he to her)
A proude horse that will not beare his own prouander.
And oft before seemd she neuer so wyse,
Yet was she nowe, sodeinly waxen as nyse
As it had bene a halporth of syluer spoones,
Thus cloudy mornynges turne to cleere after noones.
But so ny noone it was, that by and by,
They rose, and went to diner louyngly.

The. x. chapiter.

The. xi. chapiter.

The firste hundred of Epigrammes.

To the reader.

An Epygramme on this booke of Epygrammes. 1.

This booke maie seeme, as it sorteth in sute,
A thin trym trencher to serue folke at frute.
But caruer or reader can no waie win,
To eate frute theron, or compt frute therin.

Of three sages. 2.

Three maner sages nature dooth deuise,
The sage herbe, the sage foole, and the sage wise.
And who for moste wyse him selfe dooth accept,
Maie matche any sage, the sage wise except.

Questions answered. 3.

Of water, wine, and ale. 4.

Water vnder a bote, wine in a bottell,
The tone I can beare, thother bearth me well,
And where as nother botes nor bottels bee,
Nother can I beare wyne, nor water beare mee.
But aboue all licour welfare ale (I saie)
For I with ale, and ale with me wag away.

To muche or to little. 5.

If that I drinke to muche, than am I drie,
If I drinke to littell, more drie am I:
If I drynke no whit than am I dryest.
To muche, to little, no whit, nought is the best,
Thus drinke we no whit, or drinke tyll we burst,
Yet poore drie soules we be euer a thurst.

Of the senses. 6.

Speake not to muche, lest speeche make the speechelesse,
Go not to muche, for feare thou go behynde,
Here not to muche, lest hearyng bring deafnesse.
Looke not to muche, lest lookyng make the blynde.
Smell not to muche, lest smellyng lose his kynde.
Tast not to muche, leste taste mistast thy chaps.
Touche not to muche for feare of after claps.

Of talkyng. 7.

Thy tayle can talke, and knowth no letter,
Thy tounge can talke and talkth much swetter.
But except wisdome be the gretter,
Of tounge and tayle, thy tayle talkth better.

Of heares and wyttes. 8.

Thinne heares and thicke wittes be deyntee,
Thicke heares and thicke wittes be pleintee.
Thicke heares and thicke wittes be skant,
Thinne heares and thinne wittes none want.

A dronkard. 9.

A goose is harnest in hir white fethers,
A drunkard in drynke against all weathers.
A foole in his fooles hood, put all togethers.

The foxe and the mayde. 10.

Of an yll gouernour called Jude. 11.

A ruler there was in countrey a fer,
And of the people a great extorcioner:
Who by name (as I vnderstand) was called Iude,
One gaue him an asse, whiche gyft when he had veude,
He asked the geuer, for what intent
He brought him that asse. For a present
I bryng maister Iude (quoth he) this as hyther,
To ioygne maister Iude and this as together.
Whiche two ioygned in one, this is brought to pas,
I maie byd you good euen maister Iudas.
Macabe or Iscariot thou knaue (quoth he?)
Whom it please your mastership, him let it be.

Of geuyng an almes. 12.

Into a beggars hande, that almes did craue,
In steede of one peny, two pense one gaue.
Whiche doone, he saide beggar happie thou art,
For to the my hand is better then my hart.
That is (quoth the begger) as it chaunceth now,
The better for me, and the woorse for yow.

Of a surfet. 13.

Repugnancie in apparance. 14.

Muche contrarietee may seeme to stand
Where none is. as by example, my son.
In London is the best ale of all England:
And yet as good ale in England as in London.

The ape and the asse. 15.

A foole and a wise man. 16.

A foole and a wyse man ridyng one espyde.
He asked the horse, that the wyse man dyd ryde,
Whither goste thou horse? whither go I (quoth he?)
Aske him that guideth the brydell, aske not me.
Whither rydest thou foole (quoth he) with looke so fell?
Aske my horse knaue (said he) what can I tell.
Whan fooles ryde (quoth he) that can not rule the raine
Their horses be their herbengers, I see plaine.
And when wise men ryde, I right well espie,
Them selfe, not their horse, apointe where they lie.

Of syght. 17

Who needes will looke, and would not see,
The syght once seene thou lookest fore,
Close vp thine eies. For trust thou me.
Muche lookyng so, breedth much eie sore.

Feigned newes. 18.

From a feeld fought, one of the beaten syde,
Ran home, and victorie on his part he cride.
Whose prince by him thus enfourmed of this,
Made bonfiers and bankettes, as the vse is.
In short tyme after all whiche ioie and cost,
The kynge was acertaind, the feeld was lost.
Wherwith he (in as great hast as great greefe)
Charged the fyrst messenger to make preefe,
Where he had this lie, that the feeld was wonne.
My selfe sir (quoth he) this lie fyrst begonne.
Which for commoditee vnto your grace
And all your subiectes, I brought it in place.
Where the truth should haue brought watchyng and weeping,
My lie brought two daies of laughyng and sleeping.
And if ye all this yere tooke my lye for true,
To kepe you mery, what harme could ensue?
Better is (quoth he) be it new or stale,
A harmelesse lie, than a harmefull true tale.
How his ly was aloude, I know none that knowth.
But it was at least winkt at, I heard of trowth.

Two, arme in arme. 19.

One said to an nother takyng his arme,
By licence freend, and take this for none harme.
No sir (quoth the other) I geue you leeue
To hang on my arme, but not on my sleeue.

Of hearyng and speakyng. 20.

Who heareth all
And speaketh nought,
Chaunce maie so fall
He is well tought.
Who speaketh all
And heareth nought
Fall what shall fall,
He is ill tought.
Who heareth all,
And all bableth,
What euer fall
He ofte fableth.
Who hereth nought,
Nor nought can speake,
Maie soone be thought
A hodie peake.
Saie nought, here all,
Saie all, here nought,
Both, none, these fall
Extremely wrought.
Who hereth oft,
And speaketh seeld,
Be witte alofte
He wynth the feeld.

Of wit, will, and wisdome. 21.

Where will is good, and wit is yll,
There wisdome can no maner skyll.
Where wit is good, and will is yll,
There wisdome sitteth all silent still.
Where wit and will are both two yll,
There wisdome no waie meddle will,
Where wit and will well ordred bee,
There wisdome makth a trinitee.

The wrenne, and hir birdes. 22.

The maister and the man. 23.

Vpon penance. 24.

Jacke and his father. 25.

Iacke (quoth his father) how shall I ease take?
If I stand, my legges ake, and if I kneele,
My knees ake, If I goe, then my feete ake,
If I lie, my backe akthe, If I sit I feele
My hyps ake: and leane I neuer so weele,
My elbowes ake: Sir (quoth Iacke) peyn to exile,
Sens all these case not, best ye hang a while.

Of a daw. 26.

Of shewyng the waie. 27.

Twaine met in a high waie, what tyme they did go,
Eche one toward the place the tother came fro.
What is my waie (saide the tone) I pray the?
Foule (quoth thother.) That is yll tidynges (quoth he.)
I can tell the better tidyngs then this:
Thy way, both faire and smooth as a dye is.
My tidynges (quoth he) is better then thyne,
But I thinke thy tidyngs truer then mine.
This is (quoth the tother) so well brought about,
That it brought and shall bryng me in dout,
Whiche of these twayne is most ill to vew,
Good tales that be false, or yll tales that be trew.

A quiet neighbour. 28.

Accompted our commoditees,
Few more commodious reason sees,
Than is this one commoditee,
Quietly neighboured to bee.
Whiche neighbourhood in the apeers.
For we two hauyng ten whole yeers
Dwelt wall to wall, so ioygninglie,
That whispering soundeth through welny.
I neuer herd thy seruaunts brall
More than thou hadst had none at all.
Nor I can no way make auaunt,
That euer I heard the geue them taunt.
Thou art to them and they to thee
More milde then muet, mum ye bee.
I heare no noise mine ease to breake,
Thy buttry doore I here not creake.
The kitchin cumbreth not by heate,
Thy cookes choppe neither herbes nor meate.
I neuer heard thy fyre once sparke,
I neuer heard thy dog once barke,
I neuer heard once in thy house,
So muche as one peepe of one mouse.
I neuer herd thy catte once mew.
These preyses are not small nor few.
I beare all water of thy soyle,
Wherof I feele no fylthie foyle,
Saue water, which dooth wash thy hands,
Wherin there none annoiance stands.
Of all thy guestes set at thy boorde,
I neuer heard one speake one woorde.
I neuer heard them coegh nor hem:
I thinke hence to Ierusalem,
For this neighbourlie quietnesse,
Thou art the neighbour neighbourlesse.
For er thou wouldest neighbours annoy,
These kyndes of quyet to destroy,
Thou rather wouldest to helpe that matter,
At home alone fast bread and water.

Of dogges and theeues. 29.

To kepe theeues by night out of my house,
I kepe doggs to ayde me in my yarde,
Whose barkyng at stur of euery mouse,
By lacke of sleepe kylth me in regarde,
Theeues or dogs than, whiche maie best be sparde?
Murder is the most mischiefe here to gesse,
Theeues can do no more, and dogs will do no lesse.

A keper of the commaundementes. 30.

Of a nose. 31.

But for blemishe of a face to looke vpon,
I doubt which were best, to haue a nose or none.
Most of our sauours are more sowre than sweete,
A nose or no nose, whiche is now most meete?

Lettyng of a ferme. 32.

By woord without wrytyng one let out a farme,
The couenaunts wherin the lessee brake a mayne:
Wherby the lessor, lackyng wrytyng, had harme.
He saide and sware, he would make promise plaine,
Without wrytyng, neuer to let thyng againe.
Husband cryde this wyfe, that othe agayne reuarte,
Els without wrytyng, ye can not let a farte.

Age and youth. 33.

Though age and youth together can seeld agree,
Yet once two yong and two olde folke did I see,
Agreede lyke lams together dyuers yeres.
The storie wherof foorthwith aperes.
A woman olde, and a man yong were led,
She him for loue, and he was good to wed.
A yong woman, and olde man in lyke case,
Were wed for lyke cause at the same tyme and place.
Into one house these two couples wedded were,
And duryng their lyues, together must liue there.
And they once acquainted, and one month maryed,
All their liues after they neuer varyed.
Company and condicion these foure folke hold,
As nature naturally wylth yong and old:
Couplyng them selues to gether thus euery daie,
Tholde fooles aldaie prate, the yong fooles aldaie plaie.

A rose and a nettill. 34.

What tyme herbes and weedes, and such things could talke,
A man in his gardeine one daie did walke,
Spiyng a nettill greene (as Themeraude) spred
In a bed of roses lyke the rubie red.
Betwene whiche two colours, he thought by his eye,
The greene nettill did the red rose beautifie.
How be it he asked the nettill, what thing
Made him so pert? so nye the rose to springe.
I grow here with these roses, saide the nettill:
Their milde propertees in me to settill.
And you, in laiyng vnto me your nose,
Shall smell, how a nettle maie change to a rose.
He did so, whiche done, his nostrils so pritcht,
That rasshely he rubd, where it no whit itcht,
To whiche smart mocke, and wyly begylyng,
He the same smellyng, saide smoothly smylyng,
Roses conuert nettils? Nay, they be to fell,
Nettils will peruet Roses rather, I smell.

Of the wyues and hir husbandes waste. 35.

Where am I least husband? quoth he, in the wast:
Which comth of this, thou art vengeable streit laste.
Where am I biggest wife? in the waste (quoth shee)
For all is waste in you, as far as I see.

An olde wiues boone. 36.

A talke of two conies. 37.

In tyme whan dum beastes, as well as birds spake,
Two conies their mindes in this mater brake.
Were all conies in such case (said the one)
That of two winters weather we must choose one?
Whiche were best choice, frost neuer, and snowe euer?
Or els to choose frost euer, and snow neuer.
Frost (quoth the other) maketh vs lustie and fat,
And snow lameth vs for leane. What (quoth he) for that?
Fortie fat conies be oft kylde in one night,
Whan leane conies with lyfe scape away quight.
Ye (quoth the tother) but where snow to long lyeth,
Conies by famin well nie euery one dieth.
Better all be fatte, though some die as lotts fall,
Than linger in leannesse, and therby die all.

A prisoner. 38.

In prison, a prisoner condemned to die,
And for execucion waityng daylie,
In his handes for woormes lookyng on a daie,
Smilyng to him selfe these woordes did saie:
Sence my foure quarters in foure quarters shall stand,
Why harme I these seely woormes eatyng my hand?
Nought els in this deede doo I, but my selfe show,
Enemy to the woorine and freend to the crow.

Two blinde men. 39.

One blynde man to supper an other bad,
Whiche twayne sittyng at such meate as they had,
Me thinkth (quoth the blind host) this candell burnth dim.
So thinkth me sir, saide the blind guest to him.
Wife (saide the good man) with sorow mend this light.
She put out the candell, whiche burned very bright.
And chopt downe emptie candelsticks two or three.
So lo: now eate and welcome neighbour (quoth he.)

Debilitee of senses. 40.

A foolishe husbande. 41.

Husband, two wittes are better then one, clarks saie,
To debate mattiers: whiche seemeth true this waie.
Whan we two contend whats my wit without thyne,
To conuince thy selfe, thy wyt conducth mine.

A wytty wyfe. 42.

Handsom handlyng. 43.

Some wonder to see thy handlyng of things neate,
But it is no wonder as the case stands.
The toes of thy feete in handlyng of things feate,
Are as hansom as the fyngers of thy hands.

A saiyng of Patche my lord cardinals foole. 44.

Master Sexten, a parson of knowne wit,
As he at my lord Cardinals boord did sit,
Gredily raught at a goblet of wyne:
Drinke none (said my lord) for that sore leg of thine.
I warrant your grace (quoth Sexten) I prouide
For my leg: For I drinke on the tother side.

Certaine folies. 45.

To cast faire white salte into wise mens meate,
To make them count salt suger, when they eate, (a foly.)
To beare a man in hand he itcheth in eche parte
Whan the man feeleth an vniuersall smarte, (a foly.)
To speake alwaies well, and do alwaies ill,
And tell men those deedes are doone of good wyll, (a foly.)
Thy lustie limd horse to leade in thy hand,
When on thy lame lyms thou canst scantly stand, (a foly.)
Of kyks for cage woorke, to builde thy house hie,
And couer it with leade to kepe thy house drie, (a foly.)

Of two studentes. 46.

A merie woman. 47.

A louse and a flea. 48.

Of him that forgat his pater noster in latine. 49.

An olde homely man at shrift commaundid
By his Curate his pater noster to bid.
After long studie, he saide: Master vicker,
By Iys cham a shamd, my wyt is no quicker.
Ich said it within littell more then fortnight.
And now, lyke a beast, cha forgote it quight.
Fye on age. In youth Ich had euer suche wit,
That what so euer Ich had to dooe, yit
At shrift chad my pater noster euermore,
Whan Iche saide it not twise in the yere before.

Of him that could not learne his Pater noster in Englishe. 50.

Of the fist and the hart. 51.

One curst an others hart for a blowe in a fume,
Curse not his hart (quoth one by) curse his fist.
His hert (quoth he) to mine eare did not presume,
But his hart to mine eare did his fist assist.
Sens eche lim must frame in feate, as the hart list,
Whan the hart willth any lym in any faute to fall.
No man blame any man, to blame the hart for all.

Of this woorde enough. 52.

A mery man by his maister at mete set.
Me thinkth (quoth the maister) thou canst no drinke get.
Here is enough, though there be none said hee:
Than art thou not drie. Yes so moote I thee,
And faine would drinke. How be thy words true than?
Thus: This woord enough twoo waies we may skan.
Thone much enough, thother littell enough.
And here is littel enough. His maister lough,
Callyng in his wife to discant vpon this.
How saiest thou wife? our man in this case is
Drie, and would drinke, and drinke nothyng nie him.
And yet proueth he drinke enough by him.
Sens he (quoth she) proueth drinke enough in store,
More then enough were wast. He getth no more.

Of table play. 53.

Wife, I will no more play at tables with thee:
When wee come to bearyng, thou begylest mee,
In bearyng of thy men, while thou hast any,
Eche other caste thou bearest a man to man.

The cocke, and the hen. 54.

A cocke and his hen perchyng in the night,
The cocke at his houre crode loude as he might,
The hen heuy of slepe, praide the cock that he
Would leaue of his crowyng, but it would not be,
The hen saw the cock sticke to his tacklyng,
In hir treble voyce, she fell so to cacklyng,
That the cocke praide hir, hir cacklyng to seare,
And he of his crowyng would hold his peace,
Nay chorle (quoth she) be sure, that will I not.
And for thy learnyng hencefoorth marke this knot.
Whan euer thou wouldest seeme, to ouer crow mee,
Than will I surely ouer cakill thee.

Cheepenyng of a face of furre. 55.

Into a skinners shop, while his wife there wrought,
In hast ran a gentilman there to espie.
A fayre face of fur, which he woulde haue bought.
What fur (quoth she) would your maistership bie?
Harlots wombs (quoth he) know ye any nie?
Harlots wombs (forsooth) I haue none (quoth she)
But ye shall haue knaues shankes, meete as can be.

Biyng of showes. 56.

Whan I at the shoemakers shall shoes assay,
If they be to littell, they will stretche (saith he)
If they be to muche, they will shrinke streight way:
To long, to short, how narrow or wide they be,
All is one matter as he shapth them to me.
For may he once get his shooes on my feete,
Without last or lingel his woordes make them meete.

A suspicion cleared. 57.

Of spite. 58.

If there be any, as I hope there be none,
That would leese both his eies, to leese his foe one,
Than feare I, there be many as the world gothe,
That would leese one eie, to leese their foes bothe.

Of the letter H. 59.

H, is worst among letters in the crosse row,
For if thou finde him other in thine elbow,
In thine arme, or leg, in any degree,
In thy head, or teeth, in thy toe or knee,
Into what place so euer H, may pike him,
Where euer thou finde ache, thou shalt not like him.

Il fliyng of idelnesse. 60.

If flight from idelnesse may be deemed.
Mayn meane to vertue beyng fled warely:
How maist thou than therby be esteemed?
Thou fleest that vice not meanly nor barely,
But mainely: scrupulously, and so charely,
That in thee, er idelnesse shalbe spied,
Thou wilt yet rather be ill occupied.

A tounge and a clocke. 61.

Thy tong should be a clocke wife, had I gods power,
For than would it strike but once in one hower,
Yet it might ren (quoth she) and strike er the time,
And should that clocke haue (as my tong hath) a chime?
I beyng sexten, might set the clocke foorth soone,
To strike and chime .xij. twoo houres before noone.

A hearer of a sermon. 62.

What bringst thou from the sermon Iacke? declare that.
Forsooth maister (quoth he) your cloke and your hat.
I can thee good thanke Iacke. for thou art yet sped,
Of somwhat in thy hande, though nought in thy hed.

A man without wit, strength, and cunnyng. 63.

Thou art a wight to wonder at.
Thy head, for wit, showth thee a wat.
Thy bodie for strength shewth thee a gnat.
Thy voyce for tune sheweth thee a cat.
Doo, say, or syng, in any what,
Thou art a minion marmsat.

How to wishe. 64.

How may I haue thee Gill, whan I wishe for thee?
Wishe not for me Iacke, but whan thou maist haue mee.
This is a lesson Gill propre and pleasaunt.
For by these woordes this winning Iacke may auaunt,
Though Iacke be no nere Gill then Iacke was before, ]
Yet Iack is nere his wit, by yis, by ten score.

A doubtfull demaunde of choise. 65.

An olde widower and a yong mayde. 66.

A widower riche, with riueld face old,
Wooyng a fayre yong woman, his minde he told.
Bostyng what he had, as wowers doe, that can,
Wherin he bosted of a goodly yong man.
A son of his owne, whome god had him sent,
Of condicions and qualitees excellent,
In this whot wooyng this old mans behauour
So far foorth had won this yong womans fauour,
That in short tale, whan his long tale was don,
She prayd him to go home, and send hir his son.

Gaping oysters. 67

On whom gape thine Oysters so wide, oysterwife?
Mine Oysters gape on you sir, god saue your life.
Wherfore gape they? Sir they gape for promocion.
They hope (to promote them) you haue deuocion.
Nay (quoth he) the perill were pernicious,
To promote oysters, that be ambicious.

The Judge and the Juggler. 68.

To a iustice a iuggler did complaine
Of one, that dispraised his liger demaine.
Whats thy name (sayd the iustice) Dauson said hee.
Is thy father aliue? Nay, dead sir pardee.
Than thou shalt no more be Daus son, a clere case,
Thou art Daw thy self now, in thy fathers place.

Of lookyng. 69.

To saue mine head, whan I vpward cast mine eie,
And looke not to my feete: to the ground fall I,
Whan I looke downeward to my feete, to take heede,
A tile falne from a house makth my hed bleede.
And looke I right foorth, betweene my feete and hed,
Broken head, breke necke falls, of both I am sped.
I thinke it as good, by ought I can deuise,
To be starke staryng blinde, as thus to haue eies.

Of constancie. 70.

Some say, thou art inconstant, but I say nay,
What though thy wit be wauryng euery way?
Whose wit like the winde hath been wauryng euer,
And in vnstedy wauryng doth perseuer,
A constant man I affirme him constantly,
For he is constant in inconstancy.

Of a face and a witte. 71.

In thy youth and age these properties are sprong,
In youth thy face was olde, in age thy wit is yong.

Of blowyng. 72.

What winde can there blow, that doth not some man please?
A fart in the blowyng doth the blower ease.

To the flatterer. 73.

Thy flatteryng of me, this foloweth thervpon:
Other thou art a foole, or els I am one.
Where flattrie aperth, at least: by wyse mens schoole
The flattrer, or the flattred, is a foole.

Of contentacion. 74.

Is not the poore man riche, that is contented?
Yes: riche by his contentacion consented.
Is not the riche man poore, that is not content?
Yes: poore by lacke of contentacion here ment.
Than riches and pouertee in mens mindes lie.
Ye: but we may far sooner learne (thinke I)
To thinke our selues riche, hauyng no riches nie,
Than make our selues riche, hauyng much riches by.

Of waytyng. 75.

I would see a man waite to his maisters minde,
As the weathercock waiteth on the winde,
Blow it here or there, blow it low or hie,
The weathercocks beke is still in the winds eie.

Of fore knowlage. 76.

Mistakyng an errand. 77.

Feastyng a freend, the feaster (whose man did waite)
Bad him at the last course, fetche the clouted conceite.
What bringst thou here knaue (quoth he) what hast yu doone?
I haue (quoth his man) brought here your clouted shoone.
Clouted shoone carterly knaue, what dost thou dreame?
Eate thou the clouted shoone, fetche vs the clouted creame.

Of holdyng an Inne. 78.

Beyng holden in Newgate, thou canst not bee
An inholder, for thine Inne holdeth thee.

A wiues defence of hir beetill brow. 79.

Were I to wed againe wife, I make a vow,
I would not wed a wife with a beetill brow.
And I (quoth she) rather would a husband wed
With a beetill brow, than with a beetell hed.

The shrewde wiues tounge. 80.

A fooles tounge. 81.

Upon a fooles prouocacion
A wise man will not talke:
But euery light instigacion
May make a fooles toung walke.

Of glas and lattise. 82.

Where glasiers and lattise makers worke in sight,
This one difference in their twoo feates wee finde:
Glas keepeth out the winde and letth in the light,
Lattise keepeth out the light and letth in the winde.
Of both sorts I wishe, whan I shall wish any,
Lattise makers few, and glasiers many.

Two wisshers for two maner of mouthes. 83.

I wisshe thou hadst a littell narrow mouth wife,
Littell and littell to droppe out words in strife.
And I wisshe you sir, a wide mouth for the nonce,
To speake all that euer you shall speake at once.

Of dispraise. 84.

All men must be blinde and deafe er thou prayse win.
For no man seeth or herth ought to prayse thee in.

A discharge from hipocrisie. 85.

Thou art no birde of hipocricise broode.
For thou fleest all things, that might shew thee goode.

Of the foole and the gentlemans nose. 87.

A foole taken for wise. 87.

Wisdome and foly in thee (as men scan)
Is as it were a thyng by it selfe soole:
Among fooles thou art taken a wise man,
And among wyse men, thou art knowne a foole.

Thinges to forbeare. 88.

Displeasures that fume and fret
Good to forgeue and forget.
All othes, what whan, and where,
Better forbeare, than forsweare.
Other mens liuyngs
As good forsteale as forstall,
Not at bottom but at brynke,
Better foresee, than forthinke.

Of medlars. 89.

To feede of any frute at any feast,
Of all kinds of medlers, meddell with the least.
Meddle not with great medlers. For no question,
Medlyng with great medlers, makth yll digestion.

Of dwelling. 90.

Betwene Ludgate and Newgate thou canst dwell neuer,
For in Ludgate or Newgate thou must dwell euer.

Of the Milner and the Sexten. 91.

The milner tolth corne, the sexten tolth the bell,
In whiche tollyng, tollers thriue not a lyke well.
Thon tolth with the clapper, thother in the hopper.
Thone sauerth of syluer, thother soundeth of copper.

Of bookes and cheese. 92.

No thre thinges in all thinges can seeme onely one:
Because two thynges so, must be one thing alone.
How be it readyng of bookes and eatyng of cheese,
[illeg.] things for some things, more like one then theese.
The talent of one cheese in mouthes of ten men,
Hath ten different tasts in iudgement most times when.
He saith tis to salt, he saith tis to freshe,
He saith, tis is hard, he saith tis to neshe.
It is to strong of the rennet, saith hee.
It is saith he, not strong enough for mee.
It is saith an other, well as can bee.
No two of any ten in one can agree.
And as they iudge of cheese, so iudge they of bookes.
On look ys on whiche, who that narowly lookes.
Maie serve for this: Seith he, that booke is to long.
Tis to short saith he, Nay, saith he, ye say wrong,
Tis of meete length, and for fine phrase or faire stile:
The like that booke was not made a good whyle:
And in touchyng the truth inuincibly wrought.
Tis all lies, saith a nother, the booke is nought.
No booke, no cheese, be it good, be it bad.
But prayse and dispraise it hath, and hath had.

Of heades. 93.

Some heades haue taken two heads better then one:
But ten heads without wit, I wene as good none.

The woodcocke and the daw. 94.

A woodcocke and a dawe set vpon a playne,
Both shewde comparison eche other to disdaine.
Back (quoth the woodcocke: Straw for the, quoth the dawe.
Shall woodcocks kepe dawes now in dredfull awe?
None awe (quoth the woodcocke) but in behauour
Ye ought to reuerence woodcocks, by your fauour.
For what cause (quoth the daw?) For your long bils?
Nay (quoth the woodcocke) but lords will by their wils
Rather haue one woodcock, than a thousand dawse.
Woodcocks are meate, daws ar carren, wey this clause.
In deede sir (saide the daw) I must needes agree,
Lords loue to eate you, and not to eate mee.
Cause of dawes curtesis, so, if woodcocks thus gather.
Ye shall haue curtsy: For this I would rather.
Be a daw, and to woodkock curtesy make:
Than be a woodcocke, and of dawes curtesy take.
I were double a daw, had I not leuer,
Byrders should (in their byrdyng endeuer)
Take vp gins, and let me go, whan they geat mee,
Than set gins to get me, for lordes to eate mee.

Of few woordes. 95.

Few woords shew men wise, wise men doe deuise,
Whiche is oft tyme true, and oft otherwise.
In some case silence may as stifly stand
With folly, as with wisdome, wisely scand:

Wottyng and weenyng. 96.

A much like matter. 97.

Tom, thou thinkst thy selfe wise, ye what of that Hew?
Thou thinkst thy selfe wyser then I. Ye tom, trew.
It seemth (said a third man) by this deuise,
No maistry for fooles, to weene them selues wise.

Wisedome and foly. 98.

Thy wisedome and foly both, nay no one
Can be conteined in volumes great nor small.
Thy wisedome beyng none, occupieth place none,
Thy folly beyng all, occupieth place all.

Of lacke 99.

One lacke of late in thee saw wee,
Whiche lackth not now, for this we see,
Thou hast lackt lacke of honestee:
But now that lacke lackth not in thee.

The weathercocke, the reede, and the wynde. 100.

The wethercocke and the reede comparyng late,
Their seruice done to the wynde, fel at debate.
The wynde (quoth the weathercock) windth no where,
But streight bolt vpryght I stand waityng there.
Forsooth said the reede & where the wynd is found,
At euery blast I bow downe to the ground.
Surely said the wynde, the waytyng of the tone,
And curtesie of the tother I take both one.
And none of both good but rather yll to me:
For whan I oft in corners secrete would be,
Other the crooked curtsy of the reede,
Or weathercockes waytyng, bewraith me with speede.
As liefe is to me, in such seruyng pretence
Single negligence, as double diligence.
The weathercocke and the reede, beynge both blanke,
Ech told him selfe, much seruice haue small thanke.

Three hundred Epigrammes, vpon three hundred prouerbes

Of amendment. 1.

If euery man mende one, all shall be mended.
This meane to amendment, is now intended.
For though no man looke to mend him self brother:
Yet eche man lookth to controll and mend other.

Wagging of beardes. 2.

It is mery in hall when beardes wagge all.
Husband for this, these woordes to minde I call:
This is ment by men, in their mery eatyng:
Not to wag their beardes in brawlyng and threatyng.
Wyfe, the meanyng herof, differth not twoo pins,
Betweene waggyng of mens beardes and womens chins.

Of haste. 3.

The hastie man wanteth neuer woo.
In hastie women not euer soo.
With suffring husbands hasty wiues,
Haue oft we see, full mery liues.

Breakyng of square. 4.

Lookyng and leapyng. 5.

Looke er thou leape, nay thou canst in no wise brooke.
To looke ere thou leape, for thou leapst ere thou looke.

Weddyng and hanging. 6.

Weddyng and hangyng, are desteny I see.
Weddyng or hangyng, which is best, sir (quoth shee?)
Forsooth good wife, hangyng I thinke best (quoth hee)
So helpe me god, good husband, so thinketh mee.
Oh how like lambes, man and wyfe here agree.

Of delay. 7.

He that will not when he may,
When he would he shall haue nay.
But to that nay, nay I say:
If of my wife I delay,
To take shroude woordes: yet that stay
Stayth them not from me next day.

Of wittes. 8.

So many heades, so many wittes, nay nay.
We see many heades, and no wittes some day.

No lacke in loue. 9.

Of homely home. 10.

Home is homely, yea and to homely sometyme.
Where wiues footestooles, to their husbandes heads clime.

Geuyng and takyng. 11.

Better giue then take, all say, but so thinke none:
All thinke better take, xx. poundes, then giue one.

Jacke and Gill. 12.

All shalbe well, Iacke shall haue Gill:
Nay nay, Gill is wedded to wyll.

Of the ende of a wit. 13.

Thou art at thy wits ende, which I wonder in
To se a wit at ende before it begin.

Of bought wit. 14.

Of haste and waste. 15.

Haste makth waste: which perceiued by slouth,
Slouth will make no haste, he swerth by his trouth.

Makyng of malte. 16.

Soft fire maketh sweete malte, as malt makers tel:
Then to make sweete malte, fire is to rashe in hel.
Wherby sins in hell no good ale is to sel,
Drie drunken soules can not lyke in hell to dwel.

Of an akyng eye. 17.

Better eye out, then alway ake:
In rage of ache, true as I spake:
But in meane ache, meanely to mone,
Better an akyng eye then none.

What thing beggers choose. 18.

Beggers should be no choosers, but yet they will:
Who can bryng a begger from choyse to begge still?

Of robbyng. 19.

Rob Peter and pay Poule, thou sayst I do:
But thou robst and poulst Peter and Poule to.

Of neede and law. 20.

Neede hath no law: in some case in very deede.
Neede hath no law: and yet of law we haue neede.

Of beginnyng and endyng. 21.

Of a harde beginning, comth a good endyng:
Truth, on this terme is not alway dependyng.
Some hardely begin, by the feete to sit fast:
That ende with harde hangyng, by the neckes at last.

Of grace. 22.

In space comth grace, I graunt grace may come in space:
But in rule, by thy rule neuer looke for grace.

Of fore prouision. 23.

Of saiyng and doyng. 24.

Saying and doyng are twoo thinges, we say:
But thy sayinges and doynges euery way,
Ioyne iumpe in one thy woordes and deedes proceede:
But thou art good, nother in woorde nor deede.

Of treadyng on a worme. 25.

Treade a worme on the tayle, and it turneth agayne:
But thou tredst on the wormes head, that to restrayne.

Of ease in an Inne. 26.

How to proue a freende. 27.

Proue thy freende ere thou neede, that canst thou no way:
For without neede of thy freende thou art no day.

Vnwise weddyng. 28.

Who wedth ere he be wise, shall die ere he thriue.
Then shalt not thou be wedded and riche aliue.

Some thyng and nothyng. 29.

Some thyng is better then nothyng.
In some thyng I graunt this othyng:
In some I deny: for I see
As good haue nothyng, as haue thee.

The sleapyng dogge. 30.

It is ill wakyng of a sleapyng dogge.
So thinke many, namely the wrotyng hogge.

Of hap. 31.

It hapth in an houre that hapth not in. vii. yeere.
That hapth this houre wife, for thou makst me good cheere.

Of syght and mynde. 32.

Out of sight out of minde, this may run right:
For all be not in mynde, that be in sight.

Of mirth with wisdome. 33.

Tis good to be mery and wyse:
How shall fooles folow that aduyse?

Of holding of a nose. 34.

Thou canst hold my nose to the gryndstone:
So can not I thine, for thou hast none.

An eye sore. 35.

It is but an eie sore, but an eye sore, fye
That eye sore is as yll as any sore eye.

Of recknyng. 36.

Recknyng without thine hoste thou must recken twyse:
Maie not my hostes disapoint that deuise?

Settyng vp a candell. 37.

To set vp a candell before the deuyll.
Dym syghted deuyls, I deeme, deeme it not euyll.

Of cloudes and weather. 38.

After clouds blacke, we shall haue wether cleere:
And after wether cleere, we shall haue cloudes blake:
Now whot, now colde, now fayre, now foule appeere:
As wether cleerth, or cloudth, so must men take.

Of making and marryng. 39.

Make or mar I wyll, so saist thou euer:
But thou doost euer marre, thou makst neuer.

Of byrdes and byrders. 40.

Better one byrde in hande, then ten in the wood.
Better for byrders, but for byrdes not so good.

Of sorowes. 41.

Make not two sorowes of one, if thou can:
Lest makyng of two sorowes, marre one man.

Of feedyng and teaching. 42.

Thou art better fed then taught, I vnder take:
And yet art thou skyn and bone, leane as a rake.

Of suffiance. 43.

Of suffrance comth ease: how shall I know that, wyfe?
I haue suffred the, without ease, all my lyfe.

Of him that set his hand on his money. 44.

Thy hand is on thy halfepeny, and must Iohn:
For thou hast no more coine to set thy hand on.

Of a horse coriyng. 45.

A shorte hors is soone coride, thats to weete,
When short hors, and short coriers doo meete.

Of shame. 46.

Shame take him that shame thinkth, for thou dost thinke non.
Thou art to far past shame, shame to thinke on.

A lordes hart and a beggers purse. 47.

There is nothing in this world that agreeth wurse,
Then doth a lordes harte and a beggers purse,
And yet as yll as those two do agree,
Thou canst not bryng them a sunder to bee.

Of fergettyng. 48.

The paryshe priest forgeth, he was paryshe clarke:
And the person forgeth, he was parishe pryste.
But priest, clarke, and no clarke, all, who wyll marke,
To forget what we were, shall see vs entyste.

Of the harte and the heele. 49.

Praise of a man aboue a horse. 50.

A man may well leade a horse to the water:
But he can not make him drinke without he list.
I praise the aboue the horse, in this mater:
For I leadyng the to drynke, thou hast not mist
Alway to be ready without resistens
Both to drinke, and be drunke, ere thou were led thens.

Of weeping. 51.

Better children weepe then olde men, say wyse men.
But olde men weepe when children laugh, now and then.

Of two false knaues. 52.

Two false knaues neede no broker: but it is neede
That brokers breake false knaues felowshyp with speede.

A hart in a hose. 53.

Thy hart is in thy hose, which iayle is not stronge,
Thy hose are to full of holes, to kepe it longe.

Of creeping and goyng. 54.

Children must learne to creepe ere they can go.
In the spyttell, olde knaues learne to do so.

Of flotyng and fleetyng. 55.

Thou art a flote thou weenst, beyng in the fleete:
But flotyng and fleetyng agree not there meete.

A man at an ebbe. 56.

Thou art at an ebbe in Newgate, thou hast wrong.
But thou shalt be a flote at Tyburne ere long.

Syght in a mylstone. 57.

Thou seest far in a mylstone: thanke God therfore.
Thou seest in a milstone in nothing more.

Of throwyng. 58.

Throw no gyft againe at the gyuers hed:
Namely no gyfte of thy wyfe, geuen in checke.
If thou do, the rebounde may be so red,
That the red bloud, may run downe in thy necke.

Of store. 59.

Store is no sore, yes, store may be a sore.
I thinke it a sore, of sores to haue store.

Of one in prison. 60.

Thou art in by the weeke, nay syr I am here,
Not in by the weeke, I am in by the yere.

Saintes and deuilles. 61.

Yong sainte, olde diuell: thers mo of woman kynde:
Then yong deuilles olde saintes, in mankynde as I fynde.

Of botching. 62.

God is no botcher, but when God wrought you twoo.
God wrought as like a botcher, as God might doo.

Of a yeres fayre. 63.

The fayre lastth all the yere, but wyfe I tell thee,
In this yeres fayre, for fayre I can not sell thee.
I haue woorse lucke (quoth she) and began to scoule,
I can not sell thee there, for faire nor for foule.

Of a cap and a head. 64.

A theefe that hath no felow. 65.

Aske my felow whether I be a theefe,
No way, can that way, of thy theft make preefe:
Thou hast no felow in theft: to catche thee:
For there is no theefe (in thefte) can match thee.

False measures. 66.

Thou fearst false measures, which are things to feare sore:
But I feare false measures, as much and more.

Of cleane sweepyng. 67.

Newe broome swepeth cleane, which is thus vnderstande:
New broome swepeth cleane, in the cleane swepers hande.

Turnyng of typpettes. 68.

Of theft and receite. 69.

Where are no receiuers, there are no theeues:
Where nought is to receiue, theues bryng no greeues.

Of woorke and play. 70.

As good to play for nought, as to woorke for nought:
But thou wylt play for nought, and not woorke for ought.

Of a peinted sheathe. 71.

Thou makst much of thy peynted sheathe, and wylt do,
It hauynge not one good knyfe longyng therto.

The hare and the hound. 72.

Holde with the hare and run with the hounde, run thare
As wight as the hounde, and as wyse as the hare.

Of beggers syngyng. 73.

Beggers syng before theeues, but what of that?
When beggers synge so, theues see nought to laugh at.

Of two faces. 74.

Thou berest two faces in one whood:
Thou hast one yll face, both be not good.

Of beggyng. 75.

Thou begst at wrong doore, and so hast begd longe:
Thy gettyng by beggyng, showth euery doore wrong.

Of nothing. 76.

Of ventring. 77.

Nought venter nought haue, and ventryng of much,
May haue a lyttle, ventryng is now such.

Of shalbe and shall not be. 78.

That shalbe, shalbe. but all that shulde bee:
Shall not be, nor hath bene, as far as I see.

The blacke oxe. 79.

The blacke Oxe neuer trode on thy foote:
But the dun Asse hath trode on both thy feete.
Whiche Asse and thou, may seeme sproong of one roote:
For the asses pace, and thy pace are meete.

Of brydlyng. 80.

I wyll brydell the with rough byt wyfe. Quoth she,
If thou wylt brydell me, I wyll snafell the.

Mendyng and payryng. 81.

I will mende this house, and peyre another.
Ye, but when wylt thou mend thy selfe brother?

Of runnyng without turnyng. 82.

He runth far, that neuer turnth againe: nay nay,
Though the snayle neuer turne, he runth no far way.

Biyng a pyg. 83.

I will neuer bye the pyg in the poke:
Thers many a foule pyg in a feyre cloke.

Hungry flies. 84.

Hungry flies byte sore, which shall byte vs euer.
For without hungry flies, we shalbe neuer.

Of louyng a dog. 85.

Loue me, loue my dog: by loue to agree,
I loue thy dog, as well as I loue thee.

Of precious stones. 86.

Of yll and good wynde. 87.

It is an yll wynde, that blowth no man to good:
And lyke good wynde, that blowth no man yll.
But fearynge yll wyndes, olde men most tymes stood.
Out of all extreme wyndes vnder the hyll.

Of sooth boorde. 88.

Sooth boorde, is no boorde: sooth boorde soundeth yll,
In false fayre flattryng boorde: boorde as ye wyll.

Of tales tolde in the eare. 89.

In at the tone eare and out at the tother.
If tales tolde the, go in and out so brother,
Then the trauell of those tales shewe much woonder:
Thy two eares be two hundred myle a sunder.

Of goyng. 90.

Of neede. 91.

Neede makth tholde wyfe trot: is she a trotter now?
Gallop yonge wyues, shall tholde trot, out trot you?

Takyng hart of grasse. 92.

Thou takest hart of grasse wyfe, not hart of grace.
Cum grasse, cum grace, syr, we grase both in one place.

Of nothyng and althing. 93.

Where nothing is, a little thyng doth ease.
Where al thyng is, nothyng can fully please.

Couetyng and leesing. 94.

All couet, all loose: this comth oft in vre.
But nought haue, nought loose: this is euer sure.

Of the marche hare. 95.

As mad as a marche hare: where madnes compares:
Are not midsomer hares, as mad as march hares?

How god will not do for vs. 96.

Euery man for him self, and god for vs all:
God will not seale that writing, write it who shall?

Of harping on a string. 97.

Harpe no more on that strynge, for it standth to hie:
And soundeth as basely as a halter, wel nie.

A losse by the deuils death. 98.

Of a sheepes iye. 99.

He cast a sheepes eye at her: a straunge eye spred,
To se a sheepes eye, looke out of a calues hed.

Of ruse. 100.

Better rule, then be rulde: wife thy endeuer,
Hath shewde thee to be rulde, by that rule euer.

Of blinde bayard. 101.

Who so bolde as blinde bayerd: no beast of trouth.
Wherof my bolde blinde bayerd, perfit proofe shouth,
Both of his boldnes, and for his bolde blindnes.
By late occasion, in a cause of kindnes:
A company of vs, rode in certaine grounde:
Where we welny, an impassible slough founde.
Their horses, ere they entred began to stay.
Euery one horse geuyug an other the way.
Of good manner as it were, and more and more,
Eche horse gaue backe, to set his better before.
Saue this rude rustie, bolde blinde bayerd of mine,
As rashely, as rudely, chopt foorth: and in fine,
Without any curtsie, ere any man bids:
Blindly and boldly, he lepte into the mids.
And looke how boldly, the mids he lept in till,
Euen with like boldnes, in the mids he lay still:
And trow you the Iade, at the best mens wordes theare,
Woulde stur one ioynte: nay not the breade of one heare.
But starde on them, with as bolde a countenaunce:
As that hole had ben his, by enheritaunce:
He hauyng no more to do there then had I.
But streight there cumth, a carteweare, of good hors by:
By force wherof, and helpe of all that rout,
Blynde bayerd and I, were drawen together out.
Which blinde boldenes, by this admonicion:
Except he amend in some meete condicion,
Rather then ride so, I will a foote take payne,
Blynde bolde bayerd, shall not thus beare me againe.

Of the spinsters thrift. 102.

Thus rideth the rocke. if the rocke be ridyng,
The spinsters thrift, is set a foote slidyng.

Of defenes. 103.

Who is so deafe, as he that will not heare:
Not the deuill, till will draw his hearyng neare.

Of a good hors. 104.

It is a good hors, that neuer stumbleth.
Then haue I a good hors, for my hors tumbleth.
And fauleth downe right, my hors stumbleth neuer.
So well am I horst, and haue bin horst euer.
And so loth to lend him, to feelde or townes eende.
That as soone shall my fo ride him, as my freende.

Of waies to the wood. 105.

There be mo wayes to the wood then one.
Of all good wayes to wood, thou goste none.

Of one that may soone amend. 106.

He may soone amend, for he can not apeyre.
A good euidence to proue him the deuils heyre.

An ill hearer. 107.

I can not heare on that side, no, trueth to tell:
Of any side, thou couldst neuer yet heare well.

Of a good face. 108.

I did set a good face on the matter Ione,
Thou didst borow it then Bes, for thou hast none.

A sharpe thorne. 109.

It prickth betimes, that shalbe a sharpe thorne.
I weene thou prickst wife, ere time thou were borne.

Commyng and goyng. 110.

As fast as one goth, an other cumth in vre.
Twoo buckets in a well, come and go so sure.
But go or cum, who shall, while all come and go:
Seldome cumth the better, practise preeueth so.

The better cumth seldome. 111.

Seeldome cumth the better, come or go who will,
One nayle driueth out an other, wee se still.

One driueth out an other. 112.

One nayle driueth out an other, with strokes so stout:
That the hammer hed which driueth them, werth quite out.

Of burden. 113.

Runnyng and goyng. 114.

He may ill run, that can not go:
He that sitth by the feete, finde so.

A locke of tooles. 115.

What is a workeman without his tooles.
How may bables be mist among fooles.

Tast of a mans tales. 116.

A tale of a tub, thy tales taste all of ale.
Not of pescod ale, syr, my tales are not stale.

Of a cattes looke. 117.

A cat may looke on a kyng, and what of that.
When a cat so lookth: a cat is but a cat.

One put out of a creede. 118.

Thou maist be in my pater noster in deede.
But surely thou shalt neuer come in my creede.
I care not, though I do not, what can I win,
To come in a creede, whiche creede god is not in.

All that may be won of the fox. 119.

Wee can haue no more of the Fox but the skin:
And the Foxe thinketh that, to much for vs to win.

The suertie of some seale. 120.

As sure as it were sealde with butter, for sooth:
Sum butter seale lastth, as longe as some waxe dooth.

The hares goyng away. 121.

There goth the Hare away, is she gone say you?
Let her go, we haue Hares, and hare heds ynou.

Judgement of colours. 122.

Blinde men should iudge no coloures: should they nat?
Blinde men will iudge all colours, for all that.

Hap and wit. 123.

Of fortune to fooles. 124.

Of loosers wordes. 125.

Let the loosers haue their wordes, all at onse:
Shall the loosers talke? there will be chat for the nonse.

Gettyng and spendyng. 126.

Ill gotten ill spent: be that tale true to tell,
Thou art neuer lyke to spende peny well.

Matters not leyde a water. 127.

My matter is leyde a water, thats a false tale:
Thy matters lie not in water, they lie in ale.

Measure. 128.

Goyng beyonde the wall. 129.

Furder then the wall, we can not go,
Thine vsage showth otherwise, then so:
Thou goste, when thou must start out of sight:
To the wall, and ouer the wall quight.

Of harme. 130.

Wit kept by warmth. 131.

Thou art wyse inough, if thou keepe thee warme:
But the least colde that cumth, kilth thy wit by harme.

Light comyng and goyng. 132.

Of kissing. 133.

Of leaue. 134.

God in the almery. 135.

There is god in thalmery, a well playde part.
Shut god in thine almery, out of thy hart.

The diuell in thorologe. 136.

The best. 137.

The woorst. 138.

Lastyng of woonder. 139.

A woonder lasteth but. ix. daies:
Yes thou dydst. ix. yeres gon
But one good deede, for whiche sum saies,
Thou art yet woondred on.

Of a galde horse. 140.

Rub a galde horse on the backe and he wyll kycke:
But the galde asse wyll stande styll, rub, spur, or pricke.

Good begynnyng and ende. 141.

Of a good begynnyng, there cumth a good eende:
Nay, Lucyfer began well, and now a feende.
But of good begynnyng and endyng, truth to tell,
The best way to ende well, is to begyn well.

The still soowe. 142

The styll sowe eath all the draffe, my sowe eath none,
The deuill stylth not my sowe, tyll hir groyne be gone.

Of stumblyng. 143.

Of the shoe and the sole. 144.

Myght and ryght. 145.

Myght ouercumth ryght. God kepe vs from that myght,
God geue vs that might, that stryueth not with ryght.

Byrth and teaching. 146.

Better vnborne then vntaught, but of truth, thow
Were as well taught afore thou were borne, as now.

Of hangyng. 147.

I haue hangd vp my hatchet. and scapte thy selfe?
Thou shuldest rather be hangde, then thy hatchet, elfe.

An olde knaue. 148.

An olde knaue is no babe, no. but we knowe,
Of an olde knaues babe, an olde knaue may growe.

A mans heare and his whood. 149.

Thy heare growth through thy whood, is thy whood torne?
Or dooth thy heare perse through thy whood, lyke a horne.

Geynes and losses. 150.

Theeues fallyng out. 151.

When theeues fall out, trewe men come to their goode.
Cum betymes, or els it is gone by roode.

Of a shorne face. 152.

Thy face is shorne ageynst the wull, very deepe,
Haue I wool in my face? ye, thou art a sheepe.

A benche whistler. 153.

Thou art a bench whistler. a shryll whystlyng wenche,
But how long hast thou whistled in the kynges benche,
I haue whystled in the kynges bench (Gefrey)
As longe as thou hast marcht in the Marshalsey.

What god sayde to one. 154.

Boowyng and breaking. 155.

Of wrestlyng. 156.

The weaker hath the woorse, in wrestlyng alway,
Best for the weake to leaue wrestlyng then I say,

God and the church. 157.

The neare to the churche, the furder from god,
Bothe one to thee, a reame thence, or a rod.

Of one tale in all men tolde. 158.

Of malkin. 159.

There be mo maydes then Malkyn, thou saist truth Ione.
But how may we be sure, that Malkin one?

Rashe ventringe. 160.

I will set all, euen at syre and at seuen,
Ye, and repent all, betwene ten and eleuen.

A scabde horse. 161.

A scabde horse is good enough, for a scalde squyre.
Your mastershyp, nede not care, what horse ye hyre.

Of syttyng. 162.

Betweene two stooles, my tayle goth to the grounde.
Better stande then syt, tyll sure seate be founde.

Ale and wyt. 163.

When ale is in, wyt is out.
When ale is out, wyt is in.
The fyrst thou shewst, out of dout,
The last in the hath not byn.

Of restitucion. 164.

Steale a goose, and sticke downe a fether.
In a fether, and such conscience,
If I shoulde stycke them downe together:
I can deuyse no great difference.

Eatyng of flies. 165.

The blynde eateth many a flie, not thou wife,
For though blyndnes haue banysht thyne eyes defence,
Yet when flies in flienge to thy mouth be ryfe,
Thy toung is a flie flap, to flap flies from thence.

Of the foxes preaching. 166.

When the foxe preacheth, then beware our geese.
You that feare your geese, learne wyt here a peese.
Kepe foxes from pulpets, your geese to teache:
Or kepe geese from sermons, when foxes do preache.

Of poore mens soules. 167.

Promise of lycence. 168.

I wyll say no more, tyll the day be longer,
No no, say no more tyll thy wyt be stronger.

Of little saiyng. 169.

Lyttle sayde, soone amended.
Lyttle good, soone spended.
Lyttle charge, soone attended.
Lyttle wyt, soone ended.

Of the tyde. 170.

The tyde taryeth no man. but here to scan,
Thou art tyde so, that thou taryst euery man.

Praise of good ende. 171.

All is well that endth well, a good saiynge (wyfe)
But I would see it proued, by thende of thy lyfe.

Of hearyng and iudgeyng. 172.

Here all parts, ere ye iudge any.
God sende suche hearers many.

A lesson for lookyng. 173.

Sum man may better Steale a horse:
Then sum may stand and looke vpone.
Where suche suspicion standth in force,
Flee syght of stolne horse, looke on none.

Of a womans lines. 174.

Wyfe, a woman hath nine liues lyke a cat.
Syr, you haue but one lyfe, and yet inough of that.

The crowe called white. 175.

Of the olde foole. 176.

Of a beane. 177.

A beane in a monkes whood, very good,
Here is the beane, but where is the whood.

The gyft of a pyg. 178.

Syr ye gyue me a pyg, of myne owne sowe.
Wyfe, I gyue a sowe pyg to a sowe nowe.

Chaunge and robery. 179.

Chaunge is no robry, that is a tale not straunge,
Chaunge is no robry, but robry maketh chaunge.
Many sweete blyssynges chaunge to bytter curses.
When trewe mens money, chaungth into theeues purses.

Of fayre woordes. 180.

Of laughyng. 181.

I laught in my sleeue, feynt laughynges there to wyn,
Sleeues be to narowe, to laugh lustily in.

Of seekyng. 182.

Of a head vnder a gyrdell. 183.

He hath thy hed vnder his gyrdell, take heede
He hange not thy hed, in his gyrdell in deede.

Of wyde shootyng. 184.

The fooles bolte. 185.

A fooles bolte is soone shot, and fleeth oftymes fer,
But the fooles bolte and the marke, cum few tymes ner.

Of a marchant. 186.

Of tongue. 187.

Of speeche. 188.

Spare to speake, spare to speede. If speeche bring speede,
Then wilt thou speede, for thou speakst more then neede.

A busy body. 189.

Of time. 190.

Of far castyng. 191.

Of hunger. 192.

Hunger droppeth out of his nose,
That is the woorst kinde of the pose.

Of feedyng. 193.

He hath fed till he is as full as a toon.
I meane an emptie toon. what foode hath he woon?

Of Mortimers sow. 194.

Of fleabytyng. 195.

Tis but a fleabityng: freende if fleas bite so,
They will bite men to the bare bones where they go.

The breechelesse maister. 196.

The master weareth no breeche, then I protest,
The master is a girle, a boy, or a best.

Of meate and sauce. 197.

Of proferd seruice. 198.

Of common medlers. 199.

He that medleth with all thyng, may shooe the goslyng:
If all such medlers were set to goose shoyng:
No goose neede go barfote betwene this and Greese,
For so: we should haue as many goose shooers as geese.

Of enough and a feast. 200.

Of plaine fashion. 201.

Of him that cumth last. 202.

Of striuyng. 203.

He striueth agaynst the streme, by custums scoole
That striuer is either a fishe or a foole.

Of sittyng. 204.

Better sit still then rise and fall
If all fayle ye may hange when ye shall.

Of writyng to frendes. 205.

Ye may write to your freendes that ye are in helth:
Who may write to his freendes that he is in welth.

Of great clarkes. 206.

The greatest clarkes be not the wisest men
Be smaule learnd or vnlernd fooles wysest then.

Of killyng. 207.

He will kill a man for a messe of mustard
He will kill ten men then for a custard.

Of falshed. 208.

Of bleedyng. 209.

Here lithe all and bleadth, all, thats fals and foolish,
Thou neuer sawst bloud bleed out of a stockfish.

Of seyng. 210.

Seest me and seest me not, both one thing for soth
As good vnseene as seene whose sight no good doth.

Of ils. 211.

Of Pepper. 212.

Of an ill stake. 213.

An ill stake that can not stand one yere in a hedge
If the stake self fayle, the stake is as ye alege.
But if stake stoobbers will not let stakes stand
Blame not the stake, blame the stake stoobbers hand.

Of suffraunce. 214.

Suffrans is no quittans, but suffryng to longe,
Showth much like a quittans in suffryng of wrong.

Of misrecknyng. 215.

Of euen recknyng. 216.

Euen recknyng makth long freends
Od reckyng makth many feends.

Of takyng. 217.

I will take as falth in the sheafe, where euer it fall
In the sheafe or out of the sheafe thou takst all.

Of mum. 218.

Mum is counsell in euery man we see
But mum except, nothyng is counsell in thee.

Of stoppyng a mouth. 219.

He shall not stop my mouth, no Nan I thinke that
I beleue all the deuils in hel stopth it nat.

Of castyng. 220.

He is cast in his owne turne, that is likly
And yet in all turnes he turnth wonders quikly.

Of Jacke. 221.

He is iacke out of office, curtsie withdrawe
Iacke once out of office all hayle Iack dawe.

Of the winking Cat. 222.

Of saying nay. 223.

Of the pie and crowe. 224.

Not to hie for the pie nor to lowe for the crowe
Hie pies made lowe crowes we haue inough I trowe.

Of saying nought but mum. 225.

Of tounge and wit. 226.

Thy tounge runth before thy wit, thats no rashe rase
For so may it run, runnyng but a snayle pace.

Of owne. 227.

Of spinnyng. 228.

She hath spun a fayre threede, which showth in deede
That a fowle spinner may spin a fayre threede.

Of laughyng. 229.

Of pleying. 230.

Of the winde blowyng. 231.

Let this winde ouerblow, when ouer blow
This winde will ouer blow vs first I trow.

Of far and nie. 232.

I haue seene as far come as nie, come no nere
The ferder thou art hence the better is it here.

Of thynstep. 233.

He is hie in thynstep, his steps may be hie,
But to stepe in good steps he stepth nothyng nie.

Of smaule and greate. 233.

Many smaul make a great, and sum great made small,
Thou hadst great good manners, and thou hast non at all.

Of the keyse. 234.

The keise hang not all by one mans gyrdle, no
Euery key hath a clog, who wolde be clogd so.

Of prouender. 236.

Of sum here and there. 237.

Here sum and there sum, ye here and there sum:
But most when and most where no sum doth cum.

Of the persons lemman. 238.

She is as tender as a persons leman,
Parsons lemans are tough inough now and than.

Of il weede. 239.

Of synkyng. 240.

He shall synke in his owne sinne. ye when he synkth,
But he fleeeth in his owne sin yet me thinkth.

Of good syluer. 241.

She thinkth hir farthing good syluer, but trust me
She is quycke syluer what euer hir farthyng be.

Of the proude cocke. 242

Euery cocke is proude on his owne dunghyll,
The hen is proud inough there marke who wyll.

Of fat in the fyre. 243.

The fat is in the fyre, that is a shrowde turne,
Cast the leane after, fat and leane let all burne.

Of bowe bent. 244.

I haue the bent of his bowe, that I know.
What bolts shootst thou from that bow, fooles bolts I trow.

Of gods beynge. 245.

God is where he was. ye but so art not thow
Thou were abrode late and art in Newgate now.

Of kinsfolke. 246.

Many kynsfolke fewe freends,
Fewe freends and many feends.

Of Freendshippe. 247.

A freende is neuer knowne tyll a man haue neede
Nor then nother for any I know in deede:

Of nothinge. 248.

Where nothyng is thē kynge must leese his ryght,
Where althynge is there ryght is lost by myght.

Of pouertee. 249.

Pouertee partth felowship, thats not trewe euer,
Pouertie in beggers partth felowship neuer.

Of eares glowyng. 250.

Thyne eares may glowe, lets see whether they glow Iohn.
I lye: thyne eares can not glowe for thou hast non.

Of poste and pyller. 251.

Tost from post to pyller, thou art a pyller stronge,
And thou hast byn a pyller sum say to longe.

Of may be. 252.

Be as be may is no bannynge.
But be as be shall hath much scannynge.

Of vse. 253.

Use maketh mastry, that is a trew tale to tell,
In that vse hath made the pycke a purse so well.

[Folly to spurne or kycke ageynst the harde wall.]

Of tiyng the bell. 255.

Who shall ty the bell about the cats necke how,
Not I (quoth the mouse) for a thing that I know.

Of had I wyst. 256.

Beware of had I wyst wyfe. Oh man tys to late
To beware therof syns thou were my wedded mate.

Of daunsyng. 257.

He dauncth attendance. are attendantes daunsyng?
Then haue we much daunsyng with small auaunsyng.

Of the cat eatyng fyshe. 258.

The cat woulde eate fyshe but she wyll not weate hir feete,
She thinkth fleshe with dry feete more sweete thē fish wt weete.

Of the blinde. 259.

The blynde eate many a flie, that we fynde,
Chefly where caruers to the blynde are blynde.

Of the woorst and best. 260.

Prouyde for the woorst, the best wyll saue it selfe.
For that sauyng syde thou art a suttle elfe.
Of all kyndes of thynges thou hast prouish in prest,
For thy neighbours the wurst, for thy selfe the best.

Of fyue egges. 261.

He cumth in with his. v. egges, what egges to call?
Hen egges, goose egges, or ducke egges, nay dawes egges all.

Of clymyng.. 262.

He that neuer clymbd neuer fell, sum men clyme
For douys nests and fynde dawes nests sum tyme.

Of the wey. 263.

It is out of my way, so it lyghtly may,
To all good thyngs thy way is out of the way.

Of waytyng. 264.

He wayteth for moone shyne in the water,
Such waytyng such wynnyng thats a meete mater.

Of Ryme. 265.

It may ryme but it acordth not. cordth not Wyll,
Beware of cording rymes those rymes agree yll.

Of fyshyng. 266.

It is yll fyshyng before the net.
Wurse fyshyng behynde as nets are set.

Of good. 267.

He knowth none ende of his good, marke his wynnyng,
He knowth of his good none ende, nor begynnyng.

Of the hot yron. 268.

When the Iron is hot stryke, stryke hot Iron and steele,
But golde or syluer to stryke we haue no deele.

Of the purse. 269.

Thy purse is threede bare, we see on the out syde,
And more bare on the in syde when both sydes are tryde.

Of many handes. 270.

Of the lothe stake. 271.

Of hauinge. 272.

Of counsell. 273.

Of Roome. 274

Roome was not bylt on one day, that is well knowne,
Nor in one day Rome wyll not be ouerthrowne.
For where Roome semd puld downe in one day brother,
There is Roome set vp agayne in an other.

Of Speeche. 275.

Spare to speake spare to speede.
Doome men wyn nought in deede,
And speech as speeche may fall
May wyn nought, and leese all.

Of one had in the wynde. 276.

I haue him in the wynde. wel syr it is your mynde
To haue him in the wynde, or hange him in the wynde.

Of one yll shod. 277.

Who is woorse shod then is the shomakers wyfe?
The deuyls wyfe, she was neuer shod in hir lyfe.

Of all and naught. 278.

He woulde all haue and naught forgo, no,
He may all forgo and naught haue so,

Of warnyng. 279.

I gaue him scarborow warnyng, scarborow
That warnyng cam short to bryng good harborow.

Of byrdes flowne. 280.

Of leauyng. 281.

Leaue it or it leaue you, leaue what folly,
He can neuer leaue it nor it him wholly,

Of settyng in foote. 282.

Of fast byndyng. 283.

Fast bynd fast fynd, nay thou weare prentyse fast bownde,
And yet ranst thou a way where thou couldst not be founde.

Of hap. 284.

Of tyme. 285.

Of the fat hog. 286.

The bale and boote. 287.

When bale is hekst, boote is next, though boote be nye.
What helpyth boote, where bale is euer moste hye.

Of sowes. 288.

As meete as a sowe to beare a saddle Ihon.
A sowe to beare a saddle, we haue seene none,
But though sowes beare no saddles yet may we say
We see saddles beare sowes welny euery day.

Of makyng a crosse. 289.

I wyll make a crosse vpon this gate, ye crosse on
Thy crosses be on gates all, in thy purse non.

Of a pad. 290.

It wyll breede a pad in the strawe, very weele.
Beware it breede not a padlocke on thy heele.

Of long standyng. 281.

Long standyng and small offryng makth poore parsons,
Long wayghtyng and small wages makth poore garsons.

Of the weaker, 282.

The weaker goth to the pot, ye, and god wot,
Sum the weaker for ofte goyng to the pot.

Of catchyng. 293.

Catch that catch may, after catchyng and snatchyng,
Pyllyng and pollyng, we fall now to patchyng.

Of holdyng. 294.

Holde fast when ye haue it, if it be not thyne,
Holde fast and run fast when thou hast it freend myne.

Of knowledge. 295.

I know him as well as the begger knowth his bag.
Thou knowst him, but when wilt thou know thy selfe wag.

Of smellyngs 296.

I smeld him out, furder then he myght smell thee.
The smeller of smellers then, thou art euyn he.

Of nought laide downe. 297.

Nought lay downe nought take vp, welsayde,
Nought ly downe nought ryse vp, welwayde.

Of syght and fare. 298.

Ye see your fare, a very straunge fare to see,
A blynde man may see our fare as well as wee.

Of the pot not broken. 299.

Neyther pot broken nor water spylt, water
Thou spylst none, but thou spylst all other mater.

Of late and neuer. 300.

The fifth hundred of Epygrams.

To the reader.

Were it as parellous to deale cardes at play,
As it is quarellous to deale bookes this day,
One and forty men, among one and fiftie,
Wolde flee one and thirtie, to flee one vnthriftie.
And yet Cardes so dealt should hane, in reuealyng,
Foredeale of bookes in this harde time of dealyng.
Cardes be tooted on but on the tone side:
Bookes on both sides: in all places porde and pride.
Not to content, but to contend, vpon spiall
Of least tittle, that can come in triall.
If the best writer to write be much afrayde,
More may I (the woorst) by fearefull feare be stayde.
And were not this one thing, feare should stay me so,
That booke or ballet, I neuer durst write mo.
In all my simple writyng neuer ment I,
To touche any priuate person displeasantly.
Nor none do I touche here: by name, but onely one,
Which is my selfe: whom I may be bolde vpon.
This ment in my makyng, syns proofe doth declare,
I pray you readers to scan this, by this square.
As I, for mirth, myrily did make it,
So you, in mirth, mirily will take it.

Of weenyng and wottyng. I.

Wise men in olde time, wold weene thē selues fooles.
Fooles now in new time, wil weene thē selues wise.
Weene wise, and wot wise differ in wise schooles:
To make them selues wise, when fooles so deuise,
As foolish as fruitlesse is thenterprise.
This case is thus adiudged in wisedomes schoole:
Who weenth him self wise, wisdome wotth him a foole.
Made by Iohn Heywood to these fooles everychone,
And made of Iohn Heywood, when he weenth him selfe none:

Of a man of law and his clientes. 2.

Twentie clientes to one man of lawe,
For counsell in twentie matters did drawe.
Eche one praiyng at one instant to speede,
As all at once woulde haue speede to proceede.
Freendes all (quoth the learned man) ile speake with none,
Till one barber haue shauen all, one by one.
To a barber they went all together:
And beyng shauen, they returnde agayne thyther.
Ye haue (quoth the lawier) tarid longe hence.
Sir (quoth one) twentie coulde not be shauen sence
Of one barber, for ye well vnderstande,
One barber can haue but one shauyng hande.
Nor one lawier (quoth he) but one talkyng tung
Learne clients this lesson of this lawier sprung.
Like as the barber, one after one must shaue,
So clientes of counsailours, counsaile must haue.

An aduise against mockyng. 3.

Use to thy true freende no derision
If thy freende spie it, he takth it poyson.
Though thy freend dissemble the spiall cleerely,
Yet spide in a freende it toucheth him neerely.
Tellyng thy freende his faute, mockyng him not,
If he thanke thee not, then is he a sot.

Of itchyng and smartyng. 4.

Itching and smartyng, both touch vs at quicke.
When we itche, we scratch: when we smart, we kicke.
But in our kickyng at our present smarte,
Let vs consider our former desarte.

Of a sharpe tunge. 5.

Wife, I perceiue thy tunge was made at Egeware.
Ye sir, and yours made at Rayly, harde by thare.

Of a horse. 6.

A Tilt horse, alias a beere horse to bee,
Which wouldst thou bee? a beere horse I say to thee.
When the horse is seene cheerely to drawe the beere.
He is so praysde, that he may be proude to heere.
At Tilte when the horse runthe as fast as he can,
All crie well runne, not to the horse, to the man.
And if the horse fall with the man ouerlade,
Then crie they all, a vengeance on that lame iade.

Of a butler and a hors. 7.

The butler and the beere horse both be like one.
They drawe beere both: that is truth to bide one.
Bothe drawe beere in deede, but yet they differ Ione:
The butler drawth and drinkth beere, the horse drinkth none.

Of brasse. 8.

I perceiue well now that brasse is waxen proude,
Because brasse so much with siluer is aloude.
And beyng both ioynde, sins they most by brasse stande,
That makth brasse bolde, to stande on the vpper hande.

Of a louces dwellyng place. 9.

Were thou a louce and shouldst choose one dwellyng place,
Whether woldst thou dwell, hauing choise in this case,
In mens bigge breeches, or in womens thicke ruffes?
I would be, both for the places and stuffes,
In sommer with women, in winter with men.
In sommer the womans necke pleasant then,
In winter the mans breeche is close and warme.
Large walks for life to walke warme without harme.
Galeries, gable endes, cambers, parlers, halles,
Colde frost to defende, a dosen double walles.
Som seeld, som hangd, som dide, some painted, som staind,
Rents of all sises great and small rentes retaynd.
And when by louce bitynges the legge is itchyng,
The barres of mens breeches haue such strōg stitching,
Such bolstring, such broydring, let men stare and stampe,
The louce is as safe there, as he were in a campe.
In winter I say these breeches are alone.
But then in sommer let the louce thens be gone,
For feare of a plague: if he then thither gette,
A thousande to one, he shall die of the swette.

Of a straunge glasse. 10.

Good god what a glasse to vewe is this?
See what an vnsightly sight here is.
Great promise, small performance.
Great countenaunce, small continuance.
Great winnyng, small sauyng.
Great hopyng, small hauyng.
Great hiues, small hony.
Great purses, small mony.
Great gappes, small bushes.
Great speares, small pushes.
Great wine, small water.
Great woords, small mater.
Great botome, small brinke.
Great brewyng, small drinke.
Great rent, small place.
Great space, small grace.
Great drift, small shifte.
Great gift, small thrifte.
Great watchyng, small catchyng.
Great patchyng, small matchyng.
Great bloud, small bruite.
Great flowers, small fruite.
Great wooddes, small okes.
Great staues, small strokes.
Great hennes, small egges.
Great hose, small egges.
Great studie, small arte.
Great desyre, small desarte.
Great geuyng, small takyng.
Great marryng, small makyng.
Great shippes, small saylyng.
Great losse, small auaylyng.
Great markyng, small myndyng.
Great seekyng, small findyng.
Great lawyng, small louyng.
Great sturryng, small mouyng.
Great sowyng, small growyng.
Great trowyng, small knowyng.
I trow so great ill, and so small good,
In one glasse together, neuer stood.

Of driuyng and drawyng. 11.

If thou must be forste foorth to take iorney quicke,
Whether woldst thou be driuen forth, or drawne forth Dicke?
I wolde be driuen forth Iacke: for as doth appeere,
Drawyng and hangyng drawe vengeable neere.
I thynke it lesse ill Iacke, hauyng choose in slope.
To be driuen with the whip, then drawne to the rope.

Of longe sutes. 12.

Sutes hange halfe a yere in Westminster hall,
At Tyburne, halfe an houres hangyng endeth al.

Of lightnesse. 13.

Nothyng is lighter then a feather, Kytte,
Yes climme: what light thing is that? thy light wytte.

Of a disagreement. 14.

Eche one man welny falth out with an other,
And lykewyse eche thynge disagreeth with other.
Namely malte and water, these two thinges are
So far falne a sunder, by scornefull square,
That no bruer, be he lustie or lither,
Dare couch malte and water, in house togyther.
But chiefly sowre water now beareth such sway,
That, sweete malte from brewhouse, water driuth away.

Of chepenyng of conies. 15.

Iane thou sellest sweete conies in this pultry shoppe:
But none so sweete as thy selfe, sweete conye moppe.
What is the price of thee? forsooth she tolde,
At what pryce so euer my selfe shalbe solde,
Strange is the hearyng, for ware or for monye,
To heare a woodcocke cheapen a conye.

Of a wyfe hauyng childe. 16.

My wyfe hath a childe now at fowre score and ten.
At fowre score and ten yeres? nay freend, nay: what then?
At fowre score and ten quarters of a yere I ment.
Ment ye so? and I ment yeres. by which extent
Your wyfe might seeme your mother: but now I smell,
You may seeme your wyues father wonderfoole well.

Of a bachiler and a mayde. 17.

Is that bachiler a wooer to that mayde?
The commons common so: tys commonly sayde.
Where dwelth that bachiler? wyde a bowe of brydewell.
Where dwelth that mayde? at broken wharfe very well.

Of shorte payment. 18.

Thy dettar wyll paie thee shortly: shortly?
He will make that short lye, a longe lye, dread I.

Whence certaine thinges came fyrst. 19.

Whens come great breeches? from little wittam.
Whens come great ruffes? from small brainfoorth they cam.
Whens come these round verdingales? from square thrift.
Whens come deepe copped hattes? from shallow shift.
Whens come braudered gards? from the towne of euill.
Whens come vncomde staryng heades? from the deuill.
Whens come these womans scarfs? from folly Iohn.
Whens come their glitteryng spanges? from much wanton.
Whens come perfumde gloues? from curiositee.
Whens come fyne trapt moyles? from superfluitce.
Whens come cornde crooked toes? from short shapen shoone.
Whens come wylde hie lookers? from midsomer moone.
Whens come fayre painted faces? from peinters tooles.
Whens come all these? from the vicar of sainct fooles.

Of furred and lyned gownes. 20.

Thicke furd gownes worne in somer, shew bare worn threeds.
Thin linde gownes worne in winter, come from S. needes.

Of a wyne drawer. 21.

Drawer, thy wyne is euen with thee now I see:
Thou persyste the wyne, and the wyne perseth thee.

Shorte checkes betwene a man and his wyfe. 22.

I am carefull to see thee carelesse, Iyll:
I am wofull to see thee wytlesse, Wyll.
I am anguishte to see thee an ape, Iyll:
I am angry to see thee an asse, Wyll.
I am frettyng to see thee flee from me, Iyll:
I am sory to see thee seeke to me, Wyll,
I am madde to see the mate thy husbande, Iyll:
I am sad to see thee sklaunder thy wyfe, Wyll.
I am dumpyshe to see thee play the drabbe, Iyll:
I am knappyshe to see the plaie the knaue, Wyll.

Of a woman deckt in two coloures. 23.

My honny bes, blacke and white doth set the out nette.
Thy here whyte as perle, thy teeth blacke as iette.

Of vnsweete breath. 24.

Thine vnsauery breath lackth salte, beale belsabubbe:
It hath tane to much wynde in the poudryng tubbe.
Thy breath, hodge, with salte is so sauery to smell,
That no seasonyng lyckour, can season it well.

Of clyppyng and clensyng. 25.

Not clyppyng your beards, why clyp you your nayles?
Not kombyng your heades, why wype you your tayles?
These beyng superfluous thinges euery chone,
Kombe, clip, or clense all: or clip or clense none.

Of a man and his wyues departyng. 26.

Wife I will go abrode. wyll ye take the payne?
Beete: but when the diuell will ye come in agayne?
Makst thou me a diuell? nay then be out of dout,
The diuell will come in, when the diuels damme goth out.

An account of a mans children. 27.

Wyfe, of ten babes betwene vs by encrease growne,
Thou saist I haue but nyne. no mo of your owne.
Of all thynges encresyng, as my conscience lythe,
The parson must needes haue the tenth for the tythe.

Of a woman of Huntington. 28.

Where dwelst thou Sys? I dwell at huntington nowe.
Lyke so, for thou lookst lyke a nowe hunted sowe.
Where dwelst thou Sym? at hammer smith dwell I.
A meete soyle for thee? for hammer hed is hard by.

Of a laundres. 29.

A lyke laundres to thee, neuer sawe I.
Thy clothes washt but once a weeke commonly,
Thy selfe washte once in an houre vsually.
And yet eche weekes ende doth this thus trie,
Thy clothes euer wette, thy selfe euer drie,

Of a cutter of purslane.

This herbe purslane thou cutst pretily I see:
But to cut apurse in a lane, none lyke thee.

Of one standyng in his owne conceite. 31.

He standth well in his owne conceyte eche man tels.
So had he neede, for he standth in no mans els.

Of one that hard without eares. 32.

I see men heare, though they eares haue none.
Thou doste heare me speake, thine eares beyng gone.

Of an archers rouyng. 33.

What a shafte shootes he with a rouyng arrowe?
Styll he hyts the marke, be it wyde or narrowe.
Where shooteth this sharpe shootyng archer most, Wyll:
He shooteth most at rouers on shooters hyll.

Of perill to one by the number of three. 34.

In thy hand I see, thy fortune shalbe suche,
That the numbre of three shall daunger the muche.
Three bedfelowes in thy bed shall displease thee,
Three lice in thy bumme breeche shall ofte disease thee,
Three cuppes full at once shall oft dysgyse thee,
Three bearers of the horn shall ofte dispise thee
Three drinkes, wyne, ale, and beere, shall ouerflowe thee,
Three wrestlers in one sygne shall ouerthrowe thee,
Three wiues in three yeres shall wondersly weare thee,
Three she beares those three yeres, shall al to teare thee.
But in thinges numbred by three, aboue all theese,
Blis the three thousand tymes, from frame of three treese.

Of gloria patri. 35.

Dicke I meruaile muche, why in eury plat,
Gloria paitri standth before Sicut erat.
Tom, Gloria patri is a gentleman:
In pleasant speeche, speake so sweetely no tung can.
Sicut erat is a churle so rude and playne,
That to here him speake, all degrees do disdaine.

Of a dyar. 36.

Is thy husband a dyar woman? alacke,
Had he no colour to die the on but blacke?
Dieth he oft? ye, to oft when customers call,
But I wolde haue him one day, die once for all.
Were he gone, diar woulde I neuer mo wed.
Diars be euer diyng, but neuer ded.

Of a Jugge. 37.

Pot him Iacke: pot him Iacke? nay pot him Iugge.
To pot the drunkarde, the Iugge is the dugge.

Of the three cuppes. 38.

Whers thine In Iohn? at three cuppes in bredstrete Ihone.
At three cuppes in breadstrete? well let bread alone.
At those three cuppes when euer thou dines or suppes,
Ere thou goe to bed, thou hast in all thy cuppes.

Of brasse and Iron. 39.

Of Jacke and John. 40

Iacke and Iohn in degree dyffer farre brother.
Iacke dawe is one, master Iohn dawes is an other.

Of wrestlyng. 41.

Where we wrestled by couples, we wrestle alone:
And shall, tyll tyme our shakled breeches be gone.
In steppyng and strydyng it is a wunder,
How we wrestle to get our legges a sunder.

Of pryde. 42.

If thou wil needes be proud, marke this freend myne:
Of good deedes be not proude: they are not thyne.
But when thou plaiest the knaue in yll deedes growne,
Be proud of those yll deedes: they are thyne owne.

Of one hanged. 43.

What faute had he done that was hangde yesterday?
Of any faute done by hym I can nought say.
Two or three two peny tryfles were layd to him,
But, his fayre gay hangde house, man, did vndo hym,
Here is tyt for tat, measure met very trym:
First he hangd his house, now his house hath hangd him.

Of a dettar. 44.

Doth your mastershyppe remember your dette to mee?
Remember my dette? ye freende, I warrant thee:
I remember it so, that though I say it,
Ile neuer forget it, nor neuer pay it.

Of louinge of a goose. 45.

Of harpe stringes. 46.

Which string in all the harpe wouldst thou styll harpe on.
Not the base, I will be none vnderlyng, Iohn.
Nor the standyng tennor: for stiffe standyng.
Nor the treble: for feare of to hye hangyng.
Nor the counter tennor: for countryng to long.
Upon what harpe stryng then wouldst thou harpe thy song?
Aboue all stryngs, when we shall fall to harpyng.
The harp stryng to harp on, is the meane harp stryng.

Of fortune. 47.

Take thy fortune as it falth, some aduiseth:
But I wolde fayne take fortune as it riseth.

Of choyce. 48.

Choice is good in most things folke say, in which choise,
For choise of one of two thinges, thou maist reioice:
For man aliue lyke thee franke choyse can haue,
To play the knauyshe foole, or the foolyshe knaue.

Of a false bragge.

I was neuer but an honest man.
Put out that but, and thou saist truth than.

Of liyng and true saiyng. 50.

Wyfe, the people are disposed all to lye:
For thou art commended vnyuersallye.
Nay syr: the people to tell truth, are all bolde,
For you are discommended of younge and olde.

Of a dawe pate. 51.

Thou arte a very dawe pate, as euer I sawe.
Sir, in deede the pate is chiefe parte of a dawe:
For when dawes shall appere in any coste,
For all those dawes parts, their dawe pates be moste.

Of water and wyne. 52.

Thou makst curtsy to washe hands with water of mine.
Makyng no curtsy to washe thy mouth with my wine.
But I pray the make this change in this matter?
More curtsy at my wyne, and lesse at my water.

Betwene dogges and a deere. 53.

Set malles asyde: sayde a bucke to a greyhounde.
Beware of pryde: said that dogge to that deere.
Be pacient in trouble: a hounde sayde rounde,
Louyng aduyse to this deere this dyd appeere.
In which counsell geuen, to kyll him they run neere.
Whiche counsayle amounth to this euery man seeth,
Comfort him with their tunges, kyll him with their teeth.

Of twelue and one. 54.

It is twelue a clocke: syr tys more, well ny one.
Is one more then twelue? thats a reason alone.
Sir when the daie to after noone dooth amounte,
One is more then twelue, by our sextens accounte.

Of verdingales. 55.

Alas poore verdingales must lie in the streete:
To house them, no doore in the citee made meete.
Syns at our narow doores they in can not win,
Send them to Oxforde, at Brodegates to get in.

Preceptes of a man to his wyfe. 56.

Stande styll wyfe, I wyll:
Be still wyfe, I nyll.
Now barke wyfe, I wyll:
To warke wyfe, I nyll.
Proue me wyfe, I wyll:
Loue me wyfe, I nyll.
Now chat wyfe, I wyll:
Leaue that wyfe, I nyll.
Keepe chayre wyfe, I wyll:
Speake fayre wyfe, I nyll.

Of an expert man. 57.

Is he such an expert man? an expert man?
Put out that ex, and no man more expert than.

Of deliuerance from yll. 58.

Wyfe, from all euyll, when shalt thou deliuered bee?
Sir, when I (said she) shalbe deliuered from thee.

Of cuttyng of the herbe tyme. 59.

All tymes of the day to night from the pryme,
Thou gardner wylte not leaue cuttyng of tyme.
Thou wylt neuer leaue cuttyng of tyme, I see,
Tyll suche tyme, as tyme, shall in tyme cutte of thee.

Of one fearyng the swette. 60.

Sweatyng sicknes so fearst thou beyonde the marke,
That winter or sommer thou neuer sweatst at warke.

Of one thinkyng on an other. 61.

When doth your maistership thinke on me? euer.
When do you thinke vpon my matter? neuer.
Me ye remember, my matter ye forget:
Remembrance and forgetfulnesse, is wrong set.
For I wolde wishe you rather, if it might bee,
To remember my matter, and forget mee.

Of one beyng at a poynt. 62.

Is he at a poynte with his creditors? yee.
For he is not woorth a pointe they all see.

Of testons. 63.

Testons be gone to Oxforde, god be their speede:
To studie in Brasennose there to proceede.

Of redde Testons. 64.

These Testons looke redde: how like you the same?
Tis a tooken of grace: they blushe for shame.

Of stampyng. 65.

We stampe crabs, we stamp testons: which stamping doone.
We stare vppon Testons now beyond the moone.
Which stampyng of Testons brought it not some skill,
Our staryng on Testons coulde iudge them but ill.
But as the whot sunne melteth snowe away,
So shall whotte fire melt colde Testons, as folke say.
We, for Testons leauyng scoldyng and squaryng.
And on Testons leauyng stampyng and staryng.

Of John longe the carier.

Of what length is Iohn long the carier Prat?
A quarter of a yere long. how prouest thou that?
Therteene weekes past he shuld haue brought me a wat:
But yet long Iohn, Iohn long: with that wat comth nat.
Wherby I Iohn short, am as short to compare,
As Iohn longe by this length is long to declare.
For as Iohn long lurkth to long this wat to fet,
So I Iohn short leape to short this wat to get.

Of turnyng. 67.

Wilt thou vse turners craft still? ye by my trouth.
Much thrift and most suretie in turners craft growth.
Halfe turne or whole turne, where turners be turning,
Turnyng keepes turners from hangyng and burning.

Of master Carter. 68.

Is that gentlemans name master Carter? ye.
How his name and condicions differ now se.
So cunnyng, so cumly, so curteisie, so kinde,
So gentle a gentleman in eche mans minde:
That all men are striken in pitifull wunder,
To see master carter and the carte a sunder.

Of goyng farre. 69.

As he goth farre that neuer doth turne him backe,
So goste thou farre wide: thou neuer turnst againe.
Wher thou goest, or what thou doste, come luck come lacke,
Thy selfe or thy matters foorth they go amaine.
To turne againe no counsayle can thee strayne.
Except thy will shall showe thy witte in the wane,
Finde meanes to take a house in turne againe lane.

How money is made lame. 70.

Money, with couetousnesse thou dost rest so,
That lacke of vse doth lame thee: thou canst not go.
With prodigalitee thou trudgest so fast,
That excesse of to much exercise, doth lame thee at last,
These twoo beyng lame letts of extremitees,
Where woldst thou be lotted to be from both thees?
With liberalitee wolde I be the meane.
With liberalitee? nay he is gone cleane.

Of an olde woer. 71.

Lady I loue you, in way you to wed:
But mine age with your youth disagreeth so,
That if I speake: I thinke not to be sped.
Your age in your sute, is no whit your fo,
To your yeres many, had ye many mo.
We wolde wed the sooner by yeres, showyng plaine,
That I should the sooner be vnwed againe.

Of a yong wooer. 72.

I brought thee late an olde riche widow to woo:
Whom thou mightst haue had, but nought woldst thou thē doo
Nor nought canst thou do now: thrift and thou art od.
For now lieth she speechles at mercy of god.
For the mercy of god bring me now to hir:
I neuer sawe meete time: till now, to woo hir.

Of weakenesse and strength. 73.

Weakenes and strength, here showst thou both in preefe,
Thou art a weake man, and yet a strong theefe.

Warnyng of pride. 74.

Beware of pride, sayst thou to mee?
Let pride, say I, beware of thee.
In euery place thou doost so watche him,
That if pride sturre, thou wilt sure catche him.

Of pacience. 75.

Be pacient in trouble. how can that bee?
Sins out of trouble nothyng pleaseth thee.

Of pleasyng. 76.

Be glad to please, yea be glad to please brother.
But whom? please thy selfe, see thou please none other.

Of a hande gonne and a hande. 77.

Thou hast a good handgoonne: but whats thy hand?
When thou shootst of, out of daunger to stand,
No standyng more sure in any place or plat,
Then to stande close to the marke thou shootst at.

Of brasse and siluer. 78.

Brasse hath beene a loft, with siluer set vp.
Come downe brasse and drinke on an ashen cup.

Of difference betwene wise men and fooles. 79.

Betweene wise men and fooles, among thinges many
This one differth. when both sortes get things any.
Which to their pleasures are pleasantly alloud,
Of those things wun, wise mē are glad, fooles be proud.

Of a pithy witte. 80.

Good god, what a pithy wit hast thou Dicke?
The pith of thy woordes so deepe and so tricke,
Thy woordes so pythily pearse to the quicke,
Pith of no woordes agaynst thy woordes may kicke,
No more then the pith of a goonstone may pricke,
Against the pithy pith of an elder sticke.

Of choise to be a wise man or a foole. 81.

A wyse man or a foole: if thou must be one,
Which woldst thou be in winter, Iohn? a foole Ihone.
Where best men in winter sit next fire from colde,
There stands the foole warme while all his tales be tolde.
Which woldst thou be in sommer, when winter is gon?
A foole. a foole, why? that why showth herevpon.
In sommer when states sit from fire in the coole,
At that boordes end in coole ayre there stands the foole.
Winter and sommer what time men must to wurke,
Which woldst thou be? a foole to looke on and lurke.
All times of the yere for one thing or other,
Better be a foole then a wise man brother.

Of a knightes carterly coller. 82.

I bad this carter bryng my collar of golde:
And he bringth me my horse collar, holde knaue holde.
Sir if I may speake my thought without fearyng,
This collar of both showth best for your wearyng.

Of males and male horses. 83.

Of al horse, a male horse would I not bee.
Where he erst bare one male, now berth he three.
Those are one behinde and one on eche side,
The man, who on the male horse doth ride,
Werth on eche legge, one male for his sloppes are,
Eche one sloppe one male (kindely to declare.)
Longe, round, wyde, weightie as a male eche one.
But all horse are now male horses euerychone.
For euery one horse, bearth twoo males at leaste.
Of male horse and male men, freends heres a feaste.

A man discommended. 84.

Not once a yere ought seene in thee to alowe.
Not once a yere thy knee to god doost thou bowe.
Not once a yere openest thou thy lippes to pray.
Not once a yere showste thou goodnesse any way.
Not once a yere geuest thou almes to the poore,
Not once a yere doost thou repent thee therfore.
But all times a yere thou wouldst all vnderstood.
Thou neuer doost repent, but when thou doost good.

Of runnyng. 85.

In pooste haste run hooreson run. art thou here yet?
Shall I run out of breath? nay run out of thy wit.

Of polling. 86.

Our heads grow to long, god geue our barbers curses.
Our barbers polle no heads, our barbers polle purses.

Of plate lente forth. 87.

Where is thy plate? lent out to a mariage.
Whither? to sainct needs. to whom? to master gage.

Of a man of law and his wife. 88.

You beyng a pleader at law exelente,
Yet hath your wife brought you to an exigent.
Pray hir to let fall thaction at law now,
Or els, so god helpe me, she will ouerlaw yow.

Of pennes and pence. 89.

Pennes and pence, differ far in proporcion.
The penny flat and round, the pen straight and long.
And yet for aydes, in case of extorcion,
Pennes and pence are like in workyng of wrong.

Of a womans thinne tounge. 90.

I neuer saw wife like thine for this thyng: Dicke,
Hir tung woondrous thin, and hir speech wondrous thicke.
Tom, I haue spent much in vaine since she was yong,
To haue hir thicke speeche as thinne as hir tong.
It is the tunge of tunges: Dicke, for runnyng rounde:
I take the tippe for siluer: by the shrill sounde.
It hath Tom, a shakyng sharpe sounde in the eare,
But it is no siluer, wolde god it weare.

Of drinkyng to a man. 91.

I drinke to thee Iohn: nay thou drinkst frō me Ihone.
When thou drinkst to me, drinke for me thou leuest none.

Of runnyng at Tilte. 92.

We apply the spigot, till tubbe stande a tilte.
Ye, ren at the spigot tilt, leaue the speare tilte thou wilte

Of expence. 93.

What may he spend? ten pound a yere he might spend.
Ist morgagde? nay: no man will one peny lende
Upon it. ist solde? nay, no man will bie it.
Then he holdth it: nay, he can not come nie it.
Why foole? how may he spend ten pound by yere tgan?
I said not he may, but he might spende it man.
Meanyng he might spend it, if he had it.
O, if he had it: a sir the diuell mad it.

Of fraying of babes. 94.

When do mothers fray their babes most from duggs.
When they put on blacke scrafs, and go like beare buggs.

Of Reedes and Okes. 95.

Wyll you reedes at the winds will stil make lowe becks?
Wyll you Okes stand stiffe stil while wind breke your necks?
Wyll you reedes, like apes, still tucke & bowe eche ioynt?
Wyll you okes, like asses, still stand stiffe at one point?
Wyll you reedes be still bendyng bowyng bodies?
Wyll you okes be still stoute stiffe necked nodies?
Wyll you reedes be staggeryng still for vayne auayles?
Will you okes be stern still till your tops kisse your tayles?
Will you reedes shrinke still to all windes towardly?
Wyll you okes swell still at all windes frowardly?
Wyll you reedes crouch still to be the winds footestooles?
Wyll you okes crake still to be the winds hed fooles?
Okes wyll doo as we haue doone. so wyll we reedes.
Wherin for our purpose marke what ende proceedes.
In eche one storme a thousand okes downe are blowne
In a thousand stormes not one reede ouerthrowne.

Of biyng a morter. 96.

That spice mortar to sell it be you willyng?
Yea mistres: whats the price? ten shillyng.
Ten shillyng? freende: I am hither entised
To bie a spice morter, not a morter spised.

Of a stepmother. 97.

Thy fathers second wife, thy steppe mother,
For a steppe mother thers not such an other.
At three steppes I saw hir steppe, sins she was wed,
From a stayre foote, straight vp to thy fathers hed.

Of a lyar. 98.

Where doth Frances fabler now lie, Iane?
At signe of the whetstone in double tunge lane.
He lieth by night: and by day dayly hee
Lieth downe right, in what place so euer he bee.
That he lieth still day and night, this thing doth trie,
He neuer speketh woorde but it is a lie.

Of tunges and pinsons. 99.

One difference this is, on which our tunges may carpe,
Betweene pinching pinsons, and tauntyng tunges sharpe.
Where these twoo nippers nip any were or when,
Those pinsons nip dead things, those tunges nip quick men.

Of Heywood. 100.

Art thou Heywood with the mad mery wit?
Ye forsooth maister, that same is euen hit.
Art thou Heywood that applieth mirth more then thrift?
Ye sir, I take mery mirth a golden gift.
Art thou Heywood that hath made many mad plaies?
Ye many plaies, fewe good woorkes in all my daies.
Art thou Heywood that hath made men mery long?
Ye: and will, if I be made mery among.
Art thou Heywood that woulde be made mery now?
Ye sir: helpe me to it now I beseche yow.

A sixt hundred of Epigrammes.

To the reader.

Readers , reade this thus: for Preface, Proface.
Much good do it you: the poore repast here,
A syxt hundred dyshes I bryng in place
To make good welware, nay to make good cheere.
Fare is foode: cheere is mirth: sins meate is deere,
Not of meate but of myrth, cum yong cum olde,
Cum who cum wyll, here is open housholde.

Of Rebellion. 1.

Of toung, mouth, teeth, and wisdome. 2.

The tounge is assinde, of woordes to be sorter:
The mouth is assinde, to be the tounges dorter:
The teeth are assynde, to be the tounges porter:
But wisdome is synde, to tye the tounge shorter.

Of syluer to be borowed. 3.

Hast thou any bowde syluer to lende me Ione?
Nay: hast thou any broken syluer for me? none.
Hast thou any clypt syluer? I had, but tis gone.
Hast thou any crakt grote? crakt grote? nay not one.
No syluer, bowde, broken, clypt, crakt, nor cut,
Hers a freend for freendshyp, not woorth a crakt nut.

Of an vnkyndly march. 4.

This lyke marche, as lyke as I am a march hare.
March is not so lyke marche freend: I would it ware.
Though shap of the March hare show not in thee,
Yet hast thou the marche hares mad propertee.

Of goyng to heauen and hell. 5.

Of heauen or of hell, which go folke fastest to?
To hell foole to hell, go fer more fast they do.
The hie way to both lyth thus as clarks tell,
Up hill to heauenward, downe hill to hell.

Of the high way and a maydes face. 6.

The more the highway is washt, the fouler it is.
Mayde, the high way and thy face, are lyke in this.

Of one that would be praysed. 7.

Wouldst thou be praised? ye: why? praise pleaseth me well.
Ye, but how doth deserte of prayse please the, tell.

Of lookyng. 8.

Looke vpward to heauen my freend: what, where lookst thou?
Sir, I was lookyng downeward to hell for you.

Of a hare a foote. 9.

I here by the hounds, the hare is a foote.
Then must she to horsbacke, none other boote.
Nothyng doth more a hares hope of lyfe quayle,
Then doth a houndes nose, ny a hares tayle.

Of Hob and John. 10.

Horse and harnesse vp, on all hands: Hob and Iohn.
Hob and Iohn? nay. Lob and Iohn: would now be gon.
But tyll your prince sturre you to harnesse to start:
Harnesse you your horse, and get ye to the cart.

Of seekyng a daw. 11.

I haue sought fer to finde a daw: why thou elfe,
When thou wouldst quicly fynde a daw, seeke thy selfe.
What is Domine dawe in Englishe to say?
No mo Dawes: thou dawe, art dawes enowe for this day.

Of saiyng grace. 12.

To say grace fayre and to say grace oft Iohn,
From Gracechurch to Grantam, thy lyke thers non.
At breackfast, at diner, at supper, at all,
At syttyng, at rysyng, haue grace we shall.
Thers no man a lyue, in house, streete, or feelde,
That saith grace so ofte, and showth grace so seelde.

Of Dette. 13.

What diffrence in true dette, and blew dette, to rate?
Diffrence as in distance Ludgate and Newgate.

Of stepping. 14.

In steppyng one foote backe, steppyng forward twayne,
My steps so stept, are not stept in vayne.
If one backstep, be as much as foresteps three,
By your stout steppyng your wynnyng let vs see.
Where wyde strydyng steppyng gets no gayne ought woorth,
As good to stand stone styll, as step one step foorth.

Of wrytyng a gentleman. 15.

Thou writst thy selfe gentleman in one woord brother.
But gentle is one woord, and man is a nother.

Of a wyues affection to hir husband. 16.

I wene thers no wyfe lyke the wyfe of thyne.
Thy body beyng hers, yet dooth she enclyne,
Fayrest, or foulest, whom fancy doth prefer,
To take whom thou lyst, so thou touche not her.

Of a mans thrift. 17.

Lorde what thrift aryseth in thy behalfe?
Thy sowe great with pyg, thy cowe great with calfe:
Thy ewe great with lambe: thy bytch great with whelpe:
Thy cat great with kytte: and more encrease to helpe,
Thy wyfe great with childe: and to shew thy thrift soole,
Thy mare great with fole, and thy selfe great with foole.

Of learnyng the lawe. 18.

Thou wilte lerne the lawe, where euer thou bee.
Lyncolnes In, or Lincolne towne, both one to thee.

Of good wyll and good deedes. 19.

Is good will the best part of a freend? nay, nay:
Beggers with lordes so, for freendshyp compare may.
Good deedes by good wyll had, differ there brother.
A pooddyng pricke is one, a mylpost is an other.

Of Newgate wyndowes. 20.

All Newgate wyndowes bay wyndowes they bee.
All lookers out there stand at bay we see.

Of treadyng a shooe awrye. 21.

My wife doth euer tread hir shooe a wry.
Inward, or outward? nay, all outwardly:
She treadth so outward, that if she out wyn,
She wyll by hir wyll, neuer treade foote within.

Of a fayre soowe. 22.

I neuer sawe a fayrer soowe in my lyfe.
A syr, thy soowe is euen as faire as thy wyfe.

Of prayer. 23.

Some pray familorum familarum.
Sum say, that is folorum, folarum.

Of cheese. 24.

I neuer saw Banbery cheese thicke enough:
But I haue oft seene Essex cheese quicke enough.

Of a lease. 25.

Thy lease of fresh wharfe, byndth thee there to dwell:
Which thou hast forfyted, as thy neighbors tell:
These foure yeres at fresh wharfe as folke consyther,
Thou hast not bene fresh, full foure houres togyther.

Of stockes. 26.

Thy vpper stocks be they stufte with sylke or flocks,
Neuer become the lyke a nether payre of stocks.

A taunt of a wife to her husband. 27.

Wyfe, I weene thou art dronke or Leunitike.
Nay husband: women are neuer moone sicke.
Come that coniunction in time, late, or soone,
Wee say (not the woman) the man in the moone.

Of pride. 28.

Fie on pride when men go nakte: nakte or clothed,
Pride is in all men a thyng to be lothed.
But yet may ye see, though it doo ill acorde,
Sum nakte begger as proude, as some clothed lorde.

To walke, talke, drinke or sleape. 29.

Walke groundly,
Talke profoundly,
Drinke roundly,
Sleape soundly.

Of a santhorne and light. 30.

A Lanthorne and a light mayde: manerly sayde.
But whiche to be light? the Lanthorne, or the mayde.

Of a crie. 31.

Thou losist a marke in issews, criers cry.
Crie not so for me crier, and marke this why.
I woulde rather geue thee a gowne of Tissew,
Then be in dread to leese my marke in issew.

Of a watermans rowyng. 32.

Thy fares ouer the water thou shouldst row them,
But vnder the water thou doost bestow them.

Of tunge and witte. 33.

Thou hast a swift runnyng tunge: how be it,
Thy tounge is nothing so quicke as thy wit.
Thou art when wit and tounge in running contende,
At thy wittes ende, er thou be at the tales ende.

Of a peinter. 34.

Thou arte the painter of painters, marke who shall,
In makyng and settyng colours aboue all,
No painter, paintyng within Englands bounds,
Can set so fayre colours vpon so fowle grounds.

Of Peter and Poll. 35.

I dwell from the citee in subbarbes at rowles.
I pray to saint Peter to bring me nere Powles.
Alas, thou praist all in vaine, poore seely soule:
Peter will set no hand, to bryng thee to Poule.

Of losse of helth and wealth.. 36.

How lost you your helth?
That glotony telth.
How lost you your welth?
That lost I by stelth.
Who was your welthes wringer?
My thombe and my finger.

Of lookyng out. 37.

Stande in and looke out: hange out and looke not out.
Newgate and Tiburne, do bring both these aboute.

Of chafyng disshes. 38.

Wyfe, all thy disshes be chaffyng disshes plast:
For thou chafest at sight of euery dishe thou hast.

Of hanging and standyng. 39.

Whether wilt thou hang vp with ropes of ynions?
Or stifly stande vp, with roperipe minions?
Forsooth, both for nomber and stuffe truly cast,
As good hange with the first, as stand with the last.

Of a mans head and the Pillery. 40.

Upon the Pillery, your worshipfull hed,
Unto the pillery doth woorship far spred.
Which woorship the pillery requitthe ill now:
For as you woorship it, so it shameth yow.

A prayse of one. 41.

Se how some aboue some other, praises win.
I praise thee for one thing aboue all thy kin.
They, without teachyng could neuer practise ought,
Thou canst play the knaue, and neuer was taught.

Of diuers bandes. 42.

All kinds of bands to be bounde in being stande,
Headband, smockbande, staileband, houseband, or husbande,
Which shall binde thee? not the last on sea nor lande.
Before husbands bands, in deuils bands I wil stande.

Of couenantes. &c. 43.

Many posis without apposicion.
Many couenants without good condicion.
Many promises without good payment.
Many arbitterments without good dayment.

Of promise and paiment. 44.

May I trust that he promised?
Ye: scantly to be performed.
Promisth he thrise or he once pay?
Somtimes he doth: but not alway.
Some thinges he promisth to pay euer.
Which thinges so promisde he paithe neuer.

Of one that dare not steale. 45.

Thou borowst, and thou begst, but when wilt thou steale?
Neuer: for to be hanged sir I haue no zeale.
Thou wouldst steale if thou durst: ye but I dare not.
Well then for thy hangyng, in this world care not.
And in the world to come, as well thou shalt speede,
For good will to steale, as thou hadst stolne in deede.

Of the creation of the deuils dam. 46.

When was the deuils dam create, tholde withred iade?
The next leape yere after wedding was first made.
In an ill time. when the deuill will that deuill die?
At that yeres end, that endth weddyng finally.

Of reward to a seruyng man. 47.

Wayte well: thy maister will do for thee I wis:
Canst thou spie nothing to aske of him? yis:
But when I aske, I can not haue that I craue.
No, aske him blissyng: and that shalt thou surely haue.

Two properties of a seruaunt. 48.

Who so that hath a good seruaunt, kepe him well.
Wel must I keepe thee then by this that I tell.
Singuler in many things: in this aboue all,
To take thy wages great, and make thy seruice small.

Of toughnes and tendernes. 49.

For toughnes and tendernes bothe in one man seene,
One like your mastership few or none hath beene.
Are ought of ye: then are ye so tart and tough,
That your taunts would touche a hors hart most rough.
Giue ought to ye: thus tender and meeke are you,
Teares like Tares from your iyes, your knees to ground bow

A question to a childe. 50.

Who is thy father childe, axt his mothers husband.
Axe my mother (quoth he) that to vnderstand.
The boy dalieth with you sir: for verily
He knowth who is his father as well as I.
The man, of this childes wit, was wrapt in such ioy.
That he knew not what he might make of the boy.

Seekyng for a dwellyng place. 51.

Still thou seekest for a quiet dwellyng place.
What place for quietnes hast thou now in chase?
London bridge. Thats ill for thee for the water.
Queene hyth. thats more ill for an other mater.
Smarts Key. thats most ill for feare of smartyng smart.
Carter lane. nay, nay, that soundth all on the cart.
Powles cheine. nay in no wise dwell not neere the chaine.
Wood street: why wilt thou be wood yet once againe?
Bread streete. thats to drie by drought thou shalt be dead.
Philpot lane. that breedth moist humours in thy head.
Siluer streete: Coper smiths in Siluer streete: fie.
Newgate streete. ware that man, Newgate is hard bie.
Faster lane: thou wilt as soone be tide fast: as fast.
Crooked lane: nay crooke no more, be streight at last.
Creede lane: they fall out there, brother against brother.
Aue mary lane: thats as ill as the tother.
Pater noster row: Pater noster row?
A greede: thats the quietest place that I know.

Of three soules. 52.

Thou hast three soules in charge: thy body soule one,
Thy feete soules twayne: but let thy feete soules alone:
Discharge thy body soule: and feete soules, poore elues,
They shall pay their owne fees and discharge them selues.

Of one saying of a hat. 53.

Sayd he that hat on his hed? nay: chaunce so led,
That by that time the hat cam he had no hed.

Of biyng a coate. 54.

I must bie a new coate for shame.
To get shame? nay tauoyde the same.
Tauoyde shame, thou maist desire it,
But ten new coates will not hier it.

Of paryng neyles. 55.

Payre my neyles wife: nay man, if your neiles fayle,
Where can ye finde freendes to scrat your scabd tayle?
Pare thine owne neyles then: for as they be led,
They proue feendly freendes in scrattyng my hed.
That may be: but as those woordes are soone spoken,
So euen as soone is a scald mans head broken.

Of a mans head. 56.

Thy head is great, and yet seemth that head but thin:
Without here without, and without wit within.

Of money in ones purse. 57.

He hath in his purse fortie or fiftie pounde.
Put n to or, and marke then how that doth sounde.

Of freendes and foes. 58.

The deuill shall haue freends: and as good reason goes,
That the deuill shall haue freends: as god shall haue foes.

Of diffrence in sondry thinges. 59.

Small diffrence betweene receiuyng and takyng:
Great difference betweene maryng and making.
Small diffrence betweene sighyng and sobbing:
Great diffrence betweene bassyng and bobbyng.
Small diffrence betweene fayre lookes and fayre woordes:
Great diffrence betweene blount woordes and sharp swoordes.
Small diffrence betweene talkyng and tellyng:
Great diffrence betweene smartyng and smellyng.
Small diffrence betweene true loue and trustyng
Great diffrence betweene rubbyng and rustyng.
Small diffrence betweene lowryng and snowryng:
Great diffrence betweene laughyng and lowryng.
Small diffrence betweene waste ware and weedes:
Great diffrens betweene good woordes and good deedes.
Small diffrens betweene cloosnes and consealyng:
Great diffrence betweene geuing and stealyng.

Of callyng one flebergebit. 60.

Thou flebergibet: flebergebet, thou wretche?
Wottst thou wherto last part of that word doth stretche?
Leaue that woorde or Ile baste ye with a libet:
Of all woords I hate woordes that end with gibet.

Of crowes breedyng. 61.

I woulde wish some good prouision to prouide,
That Crowes should neuer breede by the hie waies side.
They so mistrust euery man to steale their burdes,
That no man can scape their opprobrious wurdes.
No man passeth by, what soeuer he bee,
But those crowes be knaue him to the ninth degree.
Should the crowes word stand when he ragis and raues,
We should haue in England fortie thousand knaues.

Of Powles. 62.

Thankes to god and good people, Powles goth vp well:
Powles goth vp, but when goth poolyng downe: that tell.

Of a crowe keper. 63.

There be many cald crowe keepers: but in deede
Thers no crowe keeper but thou. in time of seede,
Where other keepe crowes out, like steruelinges forlorne,
To keepe crowes in plight, thou keepest crowes in the corne.

Of Rape seede. 64.

Hast thou any Rapeseede? ye: if you to rape fruite fall,
Here is Rapeseede: but thers hempseede mixt withall.

Of red Roses. 65.

What thinke ye worthe one busshell of red roses?
More worthe then are two busshels of red noses.

Of Peniryall. 66.

I seeke Peniryall: haue ye eny?
Seeke furder: I haue nother ryall nor peny.

Of Margerum. 67.

Hast any Margerumgentill? ye in deede.
But it is somwhat mingled with Nettilseede.

Of Poppie. 68.

Lets se Poppie seede: my Poppie seede is gone.
But for your grounde, I haue puppie seede alone.

Of Time seede. 69.

Haue ye any Time seede? Time seede, ye be roode:
But it is so mistimde, that it bringth no time goode.

Of Rue. 70.

I would haue a groatesworth of your seede of rew.
Ye shall haue Rew seede inough, both olde and new.

Lyuerworte. 71.

What lacke you sir? Lyuerwort seede I come to craue.
Lyuerwort I haue none: but Lipwort seede I haue.

Of pine appell. 72.

Hast thou any graffes of the Pine appell tree?
Ye: pining graffes, great growers as can bee.

Of hartes ease. 73.

Haue you any hartes ease seede? ye for god, I.
But what other ware with harts ease will ye bie?
None: then haue I no harts ease for you brother:
We seede sellers must sell seedes one with an other.
To bie harts ease seede of me, that no man shall,
Except he bye some seedes of ars smart withall.

Of Parsnip seede. 74.

Here is Parsnip seede that will nip you as nere,
As ye were nipt with any parsnip this yere.

Of Annesse seede. 75.

This Annesse seede is browne: but to occupie,
Browne Annes as sweete, as white Annes like I.

Of lettis seede. 76.

I would bie lettes seede for my garden Ihone.
Lettes seedes? forsooth good master I haue none.
But put out e s, and these seedes Ile auow,
Best seedes in England for your garden and you.

Of good newes to a man. 77.

What newes? good newes for thee as wit can scan.
We haue newes that thou art an honest man.
These newes comyng euen now thus fresh and new,
All men take for good: no man takth for trew.

Of least and most mastrie. 78.

What is the least maistrie thou canst deuise?
Least maistrie is a foole to weene him selfe wise.
What is the most maistrie that thy wit spise?
The most maistrie is, to make a foole wise.

Of a man and a clocke. 79.

Men take man of earthly thinges most excellent:
But in one thing thou semst vnder that extent.
A clocke after noone aboue thee I avowe.
A clocke can go alone then: so canst not thou.

Of a spare horse. 80.

Hast thou any spare horse to lend me one?
A spare horse? thers one: take him and be gone.
Sadled and brydled he was, and with that,
As the man leapt vp, the horse fell doune flat.
He fell without helpe: but then vp to get,
Fyue men were to fewe him on foote to set.
A spare horse (quoth he) the diuell may spare him:
He that shall occupie him must bare him.
Sins this spare horse will not serue the brother,
Yet of my spare horses hers an other.
Up lept the man, hens ran the horse amayne:
In ten myles galloppyng he turnd not agayne.
For iudgement in spare horse, let this be comparde:
Run euer, run neuer which may best be sparde.

Of a husband hangd. 81.

Is thy husband hangd? he was: but he is nat:
In spyght of his foes I found freends to ease that.
For or my deere hart had hangd fully houres twayne,
I gat his pardon and cut him downe againe.

Of Horsadowne. 82.

Hyredst thou not this horse at Horsadowne? yis.
Where is Horsadowne? that maist thou lerne by this:
In hye way, lowe way, feyre way, foule way, feeld, towne,
Where so euer this horse is, there is Horseadowne.

Of a Cocke and a Capon. 83.

A braue capon by a brag cocke late beyng,
The proud cocke thinkyng scorne, the same so seeyng,
Sayde to the capon: what thou barren bastarde,
Perkst thou with me here as I were a haskarde.
Where I, comely combed crowyng cockyng cock,
Am husband or father to all this hole flock.
What (quoth the capon) thou lewde lecherous wretch:
These chickens all for thine bendst thou this brag to stretch?
As though there were but one treadyng cock alone,
Yes cocke yes: there be mo treadyng cockes then one.
But syns thou thus proudly dost make this auaunt,
To represse thy pryde, take this tale for a taunt.
I haue of mine owne: I treadyng hennes neuer,
As many chickens as thou, treadyng thy hennes euer.
This strake the cocke in a deepe dumpe, dull and dead.
Hauyng a styll toung he had a besy head.
Two daies after this, he trode not nor fed not,
His comb sore cut: but thankes to god it bled not.

Of disdeigne. 84.

Ist maistry to disdeigne thinges by enuyse scoole?
Nay nay, no more maistry then to be a foole.

Of Peter. 85.

Peter the proude, and Peter the poore, in whiche,
Poore Peter oft as proude, as Peter the riche.

Of one in Newgate. 86.

Art thou in Newgate to stand to thy tacklyng?
Nay: I am in Newgate to stand to my shaklyng.

Of sauyng of shooes. 87.

Thou wearst (to weare thy wyt and thrift together)
Moyles of veluet to saue thy shooes of lether.
Ofte haue we seene moyle men ryde vpon assys:
But to see assys go on moyles: that passys.

Of hogstowne. 88.

The head man in hogstowne, hogherd is exprest:
Where hogs be parishoners, hogherd must be best.
Yet hogs head in hogstowne is no Iohn a droyne,
Pigs dare not quick there, if hogs head hang the groyne.

Of coleprophet. 89.

Thy prophesy poysonly to the pricke goth:
Galeprophet and cole poyson thou art both.

Of thinges vnlyke. 90.

Lyke wyll to lyke men say: but not alway so.
Contrary to contrary oftymes doth go.
When folke be most open, their lowe parts most lose,
Then go they to stooles that be made most close.

Of the gentlenesse of a wyfe. 91.

Thy wyfe is as gentle as a falcon: trew.
And namely in this kynde of gentlenesse: Hew.
Beyng not hungry, lewre falcons when ye lift,
They wyll check oft, but neuer come to the fist.

Of catchyng a fly. 92.

A boy on his booke clapt hand to catche a fly:
Hast hir cryde his maister? nay god wot I.
Then thou shalt drinke: maister I haue hir I thinke.
If thou haue hir saide the maister, thou shalt drynke.
To furious maisters, what helpth fayre speeches:
Flies caught or not caught, vp go boyes breeches.

Of a horse wearyng great breeches. 93.

My horse to weare greate breeches is now asynde:
Why? to kepe him from enterferyng behynde.

Of a recknyng at a shotte. 94.

Geue vs a recknyng vppon this pot fyllyng:
What haue we to pay in all? ten shyllyng.
What comth our meate to? foure shyllyngs vp and downe.
Whats drynke? syxe shyllyngs: thats to say a french crowne,
Why: haue we droonke more then we haue eaten, knaue?
Ye, as many other men, many tymes haue.
Looke where so euer malte is aboue wheate.
There in shotte euer drinke is aboue meate.

Of vse. 95.

Use maketh maistry, this hath bene said alway:
But all is not alway: as all men do say,
In Apryll the Koocoo can syng hir song by rote,
In June out of tune she can not syng a note.
At fyrst, kooco, kooco, syng styll can she do,
At last kooke, kooke, kooke: syxe kookes to one ko.

Of one askyng for sheepe. 96.

Cam there any sheepe this way, you sheepishe maids? nay:
But euen as you cam: there cam a calfe this way.

Of walkyng and talkyng. 97.

Walke thou narowly, walke thou neerely:
Walke as thy walke may ende cheerely.
Talke thou basely, talke thou boldely:
In all thy talke, talke thou coldly.
Walke thou weatly, walke thou dryly:
In thy walke, walke not to hyly.
Talke thou meryly, talke thou sadly:
Talke as thy talke may take ende gladly.
Walke thou dayly, walke thou weekely:
In all thy walke, walke thou meekely.
Talke thou softly, talke thou loudly:
In any talke, talke not proudly.
Walke thou fyrstly, walke thou lastly:
Walke in the walke that standth fastly.
Talke or walke oldly or newly:
Talke and walke plainly and trewly.

Of seeyng and feelyng money. 98.

Lackyng spectacles, canst thou see money, Iohn?
Ye: but hauyng spectacles I can feele non.

Of takyng thinges wronge. 99.

Perseyued and taken thinges right, thou hast long:
But for one thyng in thee long sens taken wrong,
Thy credite is toucht, and thou therby the wurs.
What thyng sayst thou haue I taken wrong? a purs.

Of a number of rattes mistaken for diuelles in a mans sloppes. 100.

A byg breecht man fearyng a deere yere to cum,
Bestowde in his breeche a cheese hard by his bum.
And leauyng of those hose for dayes two or three.
Rattes two or three crept into that breeche they bee:
Poyntyng them selues of that cheese to be keepers.
In which ware watch be sure they weare no sleepers.
No wyght rydyng men: from Sandwich to Sarum,
Could wyn that cheese from them without a larum.
At three daies end this man puttyng these hose on,
Hauyng tyde his points, the ratts began anon
To starte and to sturre that breeche round aboute,
To seeke and fynde sum way, what way to get out.
But that breeche was bolstred so with such brode barres,
Suche cranks, such cony holes, such cuttes and such starres,
With warde, within warde, that the rattes were as fast,
As though they with theeues in newgate had bene cast.
But this man in his breech feelyng such fumblyng,
Such rollyng, such rumblyng, ioystyng and iumblyng,
He was therwith striken in a frantike feare:
Thinkyng sure to him selfe that some sprites were theare.
He ran out, he cride out, without cote or cloke,
Those rattes in those ragges whinde lyke piggs in a poke.
A coniurer cride he in all haste I beseeche,
To coniure the diuell: the diuell is in my breeche.
Runnyng and turnyng in and out as he flung,
One of the ratts by the rybbes he so wrung,
That the rat in rage to his buttock gat her,
She set in hir teeth, his eyes ran a water.
She bote, he cride, dogs barkt, the people showted,
Hornes blewe, bells rung, the diuell dredid and douted.
To be in his breech to bryng him streight to hell.
The wo and wunder and wherof, to much to tell.
At last to see what buggs in his breech fraide him.
Foure or fyue manfull men, manfully stayde him.
The rattes hoppyng out at his hose pullyng of,
All this sad matter, turnd to mery scof.
When he saw these rattes by this cheese brought this feare
Reioysyng the scape he solemnly did sweare,
That in his breeche shuld come no cheese after that,
Except in his breeche he weare sure of a cat.