John heywoodes woorkes :: :: University of Virginia Library

John heywoodes woorkes

A dialogue conteynyng the number of the effectuall prouerbes in the Englishe tongue, compact in a matter concernynge two maner of maryages. With one hundred of Epigrammes: and three hundred of Epigrammes upon three hundred prouerbes: and a fifth hundred of Epigrammes. Whereunto are now newly added a syxt hundred of Epigrams by the sayde John Heywood

Heywood, John (1497?-1580?)

[section]

The Preface.

[Of mine acquayntance a certaine yong man]

ii.

iii.

iiii.

vi.

vi.

vii.

The seuenth chapiter.

viii.

ix.

xi.

xii.

xiii.

The .xiii. chapiter.

ii.

iii.

iiii.

vi.

vii.

viii.

ix.

xi.

The firste hundred of Epigrammes.

To the reader.

An Epygramme on this booke of Epygrammes. 1.

Of three sages. 2.

Questions answered. 3.

Of water, wine, and ale. 4.

To muche or to little. 5.

Of the senses. 6.

Of talkyng. 7.

Of heares and wyttes. 8.

A dronkard. 9.

10.

The foxe and the mayde. 10.

11.

Of an yll gouernour called Jude. 11.

12.

Of geuyng an almes. 12.

13.

Of a surfet. 13.

14.

Repugnancie in apparance. 14.

15.

The ape and the asse. 15.

16.

A foole and a wise man. 16.

17.

Of syght. 17

18.

Feigned newes. 18.

19.

Two, arme in arme. 19.

20.

Of hearyng and speakyng. 20.

21.

Of wit, will, and wisdome. 21.

22.

The wrenne, and hir birdes. 22.

23.

The maister and the man. 23.

24.

Vpon penance. 24.

25.

Jacke and his father. 25.

26.

Of a daw. 26.

27.

Of shewyng the waie. 27.

28.

A quiet neighbour. 28.

29.

Of dogges and theeues. 29.

30.

A keper of the commaundementes. 30.

31.

Of a nose. 31.

32.

Lettyng of a ferme. 32.

33.

Age and youth. 33.

34.

A rose and a nettill. 34.

35.

Of the wyues and hir husbandes waste. 35.

36.

An olde wiues boone. 36.

37.

A talke of two conies. 37.

38.

A prisoner. 38.

39.

Two blinde men. 39.

40.

Debilitee of senses. 40.

41.

A foolishe husbande. 41.

42.

A wytty wyfe. 42.

43.

Handsom handlyng. 43.

44.

A saiyng of Patche my lord cardinals foole. 44.

45.

Certaine folies. 45.

46.

Of two studentes. 46.

47.

A merie woman. 47.

48.

A louse and a flea. 48.

49.

Of him that forgat his pater noster in latine. 49.

50.

Of him that could not learne his Pater noster in Englishe. 50.

51.

Of the fist and the hart. 51.

52.

Of this woorde enough. 52.

53.

Of table play. 53.

54.

The cocke, and the hen. 54.

55.

Cheepenyng of a face of furre. 55.

56.

Biyng of showes. 56.

57.

A suspicion cleared. 57.

58.

Of spite. 58.

59.

Of the letter H. 59.

60.

Il fliyng of idelnesse. 60.

61.

A tounge and a clocke. 61.

62.

A hearer of a sermon. 62.

63.

A man without wit, strength, and cunnyng. 63.

64.

How to wishe. 64.

65.

A doubtfull demaunde of choise. 65.

66.

An olde widower and a yong mayde. 66.

67.

Gaping oysters. 67

68.

The Judge and the Juggler. 68.

69.

Of lookyng. 69.

70.

Of constancie. 70.

71.

Of a face and a witte. 71.

72.

Of blowyng. 72.

73.

To the flatterer. 73.

74.

Of contentacion. 74.

75.

Of waytyng. 75.

76.

Of fore knowlage. 76.

77.

Mistakyng an errand. 77.

78.

Of holdyng an Inne. 78.

79.

A wiues defence of hir beetill brow. 79.

80.

The shrewde wiues tounge. 80.

81.

A fooles tounge. 81.

82.

Of glas and lattise. 82.

83.

Two wisshers for two maner of mouthes. 83.

84.

Of dispraise. 84.

85.

A discharge from hipocrisie. 85.

87.

Of the foole and the gentlemans nose. 87.

87.

A foole taken for wise. 87.

88.

Thinges to forbeare. 88.

89.

Of medlars. 89.

90.

Of dwelling. 90.

91.

Of the Milner and the Sexten. 91.

92.

Of bookes and cheese. 92.

93.

Of heades. 93.

94.

The woodcocke and the daw. 94.

95.

Of few woordes. 95.

96.

Wottyng and weenyng. 96.

97.

A much like matter. 97.

98.

Wisedome and foly. 98.

99.

Of lacke 99.

100.

The weathercocke, the reede, and the wynde. 100.

Three hundred Epigrammes, vpon three hundred prouerbes

Of amendment. 1.

Wagging of beardes. 2.

Of haste. 3.

Breakyng of square. 4.

Lookyng and leapyng. 5.

Weddyng and hanging. 6.

10.

11.

Geuyng and takyng. 11.

12.

Jacke and Gill. 12.

13.

Of the ende of a wit. 13.

14.

Of bought wit. 14.

15.

Of haste and waste. 15.

16.

Makyng of malte. 16.

17.

Of an akyng eye. 17.

18.

What thing beggers choose. 18.

19.

Of robbyng. 19.

20.

Of neede and law. 20.

21.

Of beginnyng and endyng. 21.

22.

Of grace. 22.

23.

Of fore prouision. 23.

24.

Of saiyng and doyng. 24.

25.

Of treadyng on a worme. 25.

26.

Of ease in an Inne. 26.

27.

How to proue a freende. 27.

28.

Vnwise weddyng. 28.

29.

Some thyng and nothyng. 29.

30.

The sleapyng dogge. 30.

31.

Of hap. 31.

32.

Of syght and mynde. 32.

33.

Of mirth with wisdome. 33.

34.

Of holding of a nose. 34.

35.

An eye sore. 35.

36.

Of recknyng. 36.

37.

Settyng vp a candell. 37.

38.

Of cloudes and weather. 38.

39.

Of making and marryng. 39.

40.

Of byrdes and byrders. 40.

41.

Of sorowes. 41.

42.

Of feedyng and teaching. 42.

43.

Of suffiance. 43.

44.

Of him that set his hand on his money. 44.

45.

Of a horse coriyng. 45.

46.

Of shame. 46.

47.

A lordes hart and a beggers purse. 47.

48.

Of fergettyng. 48.

49.

Of the harte and the heele. 49.

50.

Praise of a man aboue a horse. 50.

51.

Of weeping. 51.

52.

Of two false knaues. 52.

53.

A hart in a hose. 53.

54.

Of creeping and goyng. 54.

55.

Of flotyng and fleetyng. 55.

56.

A man at an ebbe. 56.

57.

Syght in a mylstone. 57.

58.

Of throwyng. 58.

59.

Of store. 59.

60.

Of one in prison. 60.

61.

Saintes and deuilles. 61.

62.

Of botching. 62.

63.

Of a yeres fayre. 63.

64.

Of a cap and a head. 64.

65.

A theefe that hath no felow. 65.

66.

False measures. 66.

67.

Of cleane sweepyng. 67.

68.

Turnyng of typpettes. 68.

69.

Of theft and receite. 69.

70.

Of woorke and play. 70.

71.

Of a peinted sheathe. 71.

72.

The hare and the hound. 72.

73.

Of beggers syngyng. 73.

74.

75.

76.

77.

78.

Of shalbe and shall not be. 78.

79.

The blacke oxe. 79.

80.

Of brydlyng. 80.

81.

Mendyng and payryng. 81.

82.

Of runnyng without turnyng. 82.

83.

Biyng a pyg. 83.

84.

Hungry flies. 84.

85.

Of louyng a dog. 85.

86.

Of precious stones. 86.

87.

Of yll and good wynde. 87.

88.

Of sooth boorde. 88.

89.

Of tales tolde in the eare. 89.

90.

Of goyng. 90.

91.

Of neede. 91.

92.

Takyng hart of grasse. 92.

93.

Of nothyng and althing. 93.

94.

Couetyng and leesing. 94.

95.

Of the marche hare. 95.

96.

How god will not do for vs. 96.

97.

Of harping on a string. 97.

98.

A losse by the deuils death. 98.

99.

Of a sheepes iye. 99.

100.

Of ruse. 100.

101.

Of blinde bayard. 101.

102.

Of the spinsters thrift. 102.

103.

Of defenes. 103.

104.

Of a good hors. 104.

105.

Of waies to the wood. 105.

106.

Of one that may soone amend. 106.

107.

An ill hearer. 107.

108.

Of a good face. 108.

109.

A sharpe thorne. 109.

110.

Commyng and goyng. 110.

111.

The better cumth seldome. 111.

112.

One driueth out an other. 112.

113.

Of burden. 113.

114.

Runnyng and goyng. 114.

115.

A locke of tooles. 115.

116.

Tast of a mans tales. 116.

117.

Of a cattes looke. 117.

118.

One put out of a creede. 118.

119.

All that may be won of the fox. 119.

120.

The suertie of some seale. 120.

121.

The hares goyng away. 121.

122.

Judgement of colours. 122.

123.

Hap and wit. 123.

124.

Of fortune to fooles. 124.

125.

Of loosers wordes. 125.

126.

Gettyng and spendyng. 126.

127.

Matters not leyde a water. 127.

128.

Measure. 128.

129.

Goyng beyonde the wall. 129.

130.

Of harme. 130.

131.

Wit kept by warmth. 131.

132.

Light comyng and goyng. 132.

133.

Of kissing. 133.

134.

Of leaue. 134.

135.

God in the almery. 135.

136.

The diuell in thorologe. 136.

137.

The best. 137.

138.

The woorst. 138.

139.

Lastyng of woonder. 139.

140.

Of a galde horse. 140.

141.

Good begynnyng and ende. 141.

142.

The still soowe. 142

143.

Of stumblyng. 143.

144.

Of the shoe and the sole. 144.

145.

Myght and ryght. 145.

146.

Byrth and teaching. 146.

147.

Of hangyng. 147.

148.

An olde knaue. 148.

149.

A mans heare and his whood. 149.

150.

Geynes and losses. 150.

151.

Theeues fallyng out. 151.

152.

Of a shorne face. 152.

153.

A benche whistler. 153.

154.

What god sayde to one. 154.

155.

Boowyng and breaking. 155.

156.

Of wrestlyng. 156.

157.

God and the church. 157.

158.

Of one tale in all men tolde. 158.

159.

Of malkin. 159.

160.

Rashe ventringe. 160.

161.

162.

163.

164.

165.

Eatyng of flies. 165.

166.

Of the foxes preaching. 166.

167.

Of poore mens soules. 167.

168.

Promise of lycence. 168.

169.

Of little saiyng. 169.

170.

Of the tyde. 170.

171.

Praise of good ende. 171.

172.

Of hearyng and iudgeyng. 172.

173.

A lesson for lookyng. 173.

174.

Of a womans lines. 174.

175.

The crowe called white. 175.

176.

Of the olde foole. 176.

177.

Of a beane. 177.

178.

The gyft of a pyg. 178.

179.

Chaunge and robery. 179.

180.

Of fayre woordes. 180.

181.

Of laughyng. 181.

182.

Of seekyng. 182.

183.

Of a head vnder a gyrdell. 183.

184.

Of wyde shootyng. 184.

185.

The fooles bolte. 185.

186.

187.

188.

189.

190.

191.

192.

193.

194.

Of Mortimers sow. 194.

195.

Of fleabytyng. 195.

196.

The breechelesse maister. 196.

197.

Of meate and sauce. 197.

198.

Of proferd seruice. 198.

199.

Of common medlers. 199.

200.

Of enough and a feast. 200.

201.

Of plaine fashion. 201.

202.

Of him that cumth last. 202.

203.

Of striuyng. 203.

204.

Of sittyng. 204.

205.

Of writyng to frendes. 205.

206.

Of great clarkes. 206.

207.

208.

209.

210.

211.

212.

213.

Of an ill stake. 213.

214.

Of suffraunce. 214.

215.

Of misrecknyng. 215.

216.

Of euen recknyng. 216.

217.

Of takyng. 217.

218.

Of mum. 218.

219.

Of stoppyng a mouth. 219.

220.

Of castyng. 220.

221.

Of Jacke. 221.

222.

Of the winking Cat. 222.

223.

Of saying nay. 223.

224.

Of the pie and crowe. 224.

225.

Of saying nought but mum. 225.

226.

Of tounge and wit. 226.

227.

228.

229.

230.

231.

Of the winde blowyng. 231.

232.

Of far and nie. 232.

233.

Of thynstep. 233.

233.

Of smaule and greate. 233.

234.

Of the keyse. 234.

236.

Of prouender. 236.

237.

Of sum here and there. 237.

238.

Of the persons lemman. 238.

239.

Of il weede. 239.

240.

Of synkyng. 240.

241.

Of good syluer. 241.

242.

Of the proude cocke. 242

243.

Of fat in the fyre. 243.

244.

Of bowe bent. 244.

245.

Of gods beynge. 245.

246.

Of kinsfolke. 246.

247.

Of Freendshippe. 247.

248.

Of nothinge. 248.

249.

Of pouertee. 249.

250.

Of eares glowyng. 250.

251.

Of poste and pyller. 251.

252.

Of may be. 252.

253.

Of vse. 253.

254.

[Folly to spurne or kycke ageynst the harde wall.]

255.

Of tiyng the bell. 255.

256.

Of had I wyst. 256.

257.

Of daunsyng. 257.

258.

Of the cat eatyng fyshe. 258.

259.

Of the blinde. 259.

260.

Of the woorst and best. 260.

261.

262.

263.

264.

265.

266.

267.

268.

Of the hot yron. 268.

269.

Of the purse. 269.

270.

Of many handes. 270.

271.

Of the lothe stake. 271.

272.

273.

274.

275.

276.

Of one had in the wynde. 276.

277.

Of one yll shod. 277.

278.

Of all and naught. 278.

279.

Of warnyng. 279.

280.

Of byrdes flowne. 280.

281.

Of leauyng. 281.

282.

Of settyng in foote. 282.

283.

Of fast byndyng. 283.

284.

Of hap. 284.

285.

Of tyme. 285.

286.

Of the fat hog. 286.

287.

The bale and boote. 287.

288.

Of sowes. 288.

289.

Of makyng a crosse. 289.

290.

Of a pad. 290.

281.

Of long standyng. 281.

282.

293.

294.

295.

296.

297.

Of nought laide downe. 297.

298.

Of syght and fare. 298.

299.

Of the pot not broken. 299.

300.

Of late and neuer. 300.

The fifth hundred of Epygrams.

To the reader.

Of weenyng and wottyng. I.

Of a man of law and his clientes. 2.

An aduise against mockyng. 3.

Of itchyng and smartyng. 4.

Of a sharpe tunge. 5.

Of a horse. 6.

Of a butler and a hors. 7.

Of brasse. 8.

Of a louces dwellyng place. 9.

10.

Of a straunge glasse. 10.

11.

Of driuyng and drawyng. 11.

12.

Of longe sutes. 12.

13.

Of lightnesse. 13.

14.

Of a disagreement. 14.

15.

Of chepenyng of conies. 15.

16.

Of a wyfe hauyng childe. 16.

17.

Of a bachiler and a mayde. 17.

18.

Of shorte payment. 18.

19.

Whence certaine thinges came fyrst. 19.

20.

Of furred and lyned gownes. 20.

21.

Of a wyne drawer. 21.

22.

Shorte checkes betwene a man and his wyfe. 22.

23.

Of a woman deckt in two coloures. 23.

24.

Of vnsweete breath. 24.

25.

Of clyppyng and clensyng. 25.

26.

Of a man and his wyues departyng. 26.

27.

An account of a mans children. 27.

28.

Of a woman of Huntington. 28.

29.

Of a laundres. 29.

Of a cutter of purslane.

31.

Of one standyng in his owne conceite. 31.

32.

Of one that hard without eares. 32.

33.

Of an archers rouyng. 33.

34.

Of perill to one by the number of three. 34.

35.

Of gloria patri. 35.

36.

Of a dyar. 36.

37.

Of a Jugge. 37.

38.

Of the three cuppes. 38.

39.

Of brasse and Iron. 39.

40.

Of Jacke and John. 40

41.

42.

43.

44.

45.

Of louinge of a goose. 45.

46.

Of harpe stringes. 46.

47.

Of fortune. 47.

48.

Of choyce. 48.

49.

Of a false bragge.

50.

Of liyng and true saiyng. 50.

51.

Of a dawe pate. 51.

52.

Of water and wyne. 52.

53.

Betwene dogges and a deere. 53.

54.

Of twelue and one. 54.

55.

Of verdingales. 55.

56.

Preceptes of a man to his wyfe. 56.

57.

Of an expert man. 57.

58.

Of deliuerance from yll. 58.

59.

Of cuttyng of the herbe tyme. 59.

60.

Of one fearyng the swette. 60.

61.

Of one thinkyng on an other. 61.

62.

Of one beyng at a poynt. 62.

63.

Of testons. 63.

64.

Of redde Testons. 64.

65.

Of stampyng. 65.

Of John longe the carier.

67.

Of turnyng. 67.

68.

Of master Carter. 68.

69.

Of goyng farre. 69.

70.

How money is made lame. 70.

71.

Of an olde woer. 71.

72.

Of a yong wooer. 72.

73.

Of weakenesse and strength. 73.

74.

Warnyng of pride. 74.

75.

Of pacience. 75.

76.

Of pleasyng. 76.

77.

Of a hande gonne and a hande. 77.

78.

Of brasse and siluer. 78.

79.

Of difference betwene wise men and fooles. 79.

80.

Of a pithy witte. 80.

81.

Of choise to be a wise man or a foole. 81.

82.

Of a knightes carterly coller. 82.

83.

Of males and male horses. 83.

84.

A man discommended. 84.

85.

Of runnyng. 85.

86.

Of polling. 86.

87.

Of plate lente forth. 87.

88.

Of a man of law and his wife. 88.

89.

Of pennes and pence. 89.

90.

Of a womans thinne tounge. 90.

91.

Of drinkyng to a man. 91.

92.

Of runnyng at Tilte. 92.

93.

Of expence. 93.

94.

Of fraying of babes. 94.

95.

Of Reedes and Okes. 95.

96.

Of biyng a morter. 96.

97.

Of a stepmother. 97.

98.

Of a lyar. 98.

99.

Of tunges and pinsons. 99.

100.

Of Heywood. 100.

A sixt hundred of Epigrammes.

To the reader.

Of Rebellion. 1.

Of toung, mouth, teeth, and wisdome. 2.

Of syluer to be borowed. 3.

Of an vnkyndly march. 4.

Of goyng to heauen and hell. 5.

Of the high way and a maydes face. 6.

Of one that would be praysed. 7.

Of lookyng. 8.

Of a hare a foote. 9.

10.

Of Hob and John. 10.

11.

Of seekyng a daw. 11.

12.

Of saiyng grace. 12.

13.

Of Dette. 13.

14.

Of stepping. 14.

15.

Of wrytyng a gentleman. 15.

16.

Of a wyues affection to hir husband. 16.

17.

Of a mans thrift. 17.

18.

Of learnyng the lawe. 18.

19.

Of good wyll and good deedes. 19.

20.

Of Newgate wyndowes. 20.

21.

Of treadyng a shooe awrye. 21.

22.

Of a fayre soowe. 22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

A taunt of a wife to her husband. 27.

28.

Of pride. 28.

29.

To walke, talke, drinke or sleape. 29.

30.

Of a santhorne and light. 30.

31.

Of a crie. 31.

32.

Of a watermans rowyng. 32.

33.

Of tunge and witte. 33.

34.

Of a peinter. 34.

35.

Of Peter and Poll. 35.

36.

Of losse of helth and wealth.. 36.

37.

Of lookyng out. 37.

38.

Of chafyng disshes. 38.

39.

Of hanging and standyng. 39.

40.

Of a mans head and the Pillery. 40.

41.

A prayse of one. 41.

42.

Of diuers bandes. 42.

43.

Of couenantes. &c. 43.

44.

Of promise and paiment. 44.

45.

Of one that dare not steale. 45.

46.

Of the creation of the deuils dam. 46.

47.

Of reward to a seruyng man. 47.

48.

Two properties of a seruaunt. 48.

49.

Of toughnes and tendernes. 49.

50.

A question to a childe. 50.

51.

Seekyng for a dwellyng place. 51.

52.

Of three soules. 52.

53.

Of one saying of a hat. 53.

54.

Of biyng a coate. 54.

55.

Of paryng neyles. 55.

56.

Of a mans head. 56.

57.

Of money in ones purse. 57.

58.

Of freendes and foes. 58.

59.

Of diffrence in sondry thinges. 59.

60.

Of callyng one flebergebit. 60.

61.

Of crowes breedyng. 61.

62.

Of Powles. 62.

63.

Of a crowe keper. 63.

64.

65.

66.

67.

68.

69.

70.

71.

72.

73.

74.

Of Parsnip seede. 74.

75.

Of Annesse seede. 75.

76.

Of lettis seede. 76.

77.

Of good newes to a man. 77.

78.

Of least and most mastrie. 78.

79.

Of a man and a clocke. 79.

80.

Of a spare horse. 80.

81.

Of a husband hangd. 81.

82.

Of Horsadowne. 82.

83.

Of a Cocke and a Capon. 83.

84.

Of disdeigne. 84.

85.

Of Peter. 85.

86.

Of one in Newgate. 86.

87.

Of sauyng of shooes. 87.

88.

Of hogstowne. 88.

89.

Of coleprophet. 89.

90.

Of thinges vnlyke. 90.

91.

Of the gentlenesse of a wyfe. 91.

92.

Of catchyng a fly. 92.

93.

Of a horse wearyng great breeches. 93.

94.

Of a recknyng at a shotte. 94.

95.

Of vse. 95.

96.

Of one askyng for sheepe. 96.

97.

Of walkyng and talkyng. 97.

98.

Of seeyng and feelyng money. 98.

99.

Of takyng thinges wronge. 99.

100.

Of a number of rattes mistaken for diuelles in a mans sloppes. 100.

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The .xiii. chapiter.

Ah sir (said my freend) when men will needs mary,
I see now, how wisdome and hast maie varie,
Namely where they wed for loue altogether.
I would for no good, but I had come hyther.
Sweete beautie with soure beggery, naie I am gon,
To the welthy wythered wydow, by Sent Iohn.
What yet in all haste (quoth I) Ye (quoth hee)
For she hath substance inough. and ye see,
That lacke is the losse of these two yong fooles.
Know ye not (quoth I) that after wise mens schooles,
A man should here all parts, er he iudge any?
Why axe ye that (quoth he.) For this (quoth I.
I tolde you, whan I this began that I woulde
Tell you of two couples. and I hauyng told
But of the tone, ye be streight startyng away,
As I of the tother had right nought to say.
Or as your selfe of them right nought wold here.
Naie not all so (quoth he) but syns I thynke clere,
There can no way appeere so peinfull a lyfe,
Betwene your yong neighbour and his old ryche wyfe.

As this tale in this yong poore couple dooth show,
And that the most good or least yll ye know.
To take at ende, I was at begynnyng bent,
With thanks for this, and your more peyne to preuent,
Without any more matter now reuolued.
I take this matter here cleerely resolued.
And that ye herein awarde me to forsake,
Beggerly beautie, and riueld riches take.
Thats iust, if the halfe shall iudge the whole (quoth I)
But yet here the whole, the whole wholly to try.
To it (quoth he) than I praie you by and by.
We will dyne fyrst (quoth I) it is noone hy.
We maie as well (quoth he) dine whan this is doone.
The longer forenoone the shorter after noone.
All comth to one, and therby men haue gest,
Alwaie the longer east the shorter west.
We haue had (quoth I) before ye came, and syn,
Weather, meete to sette paddockes abroode in.
Rain, more than enough, and when all shrews haue dind,
Chaunge from foule weather to faire is oft enclind.
And all the shrews in this parte, sauyng one wife
That must dine with vs, haue dinde peine of my life.
Now if good chaunge of ill weather be dependyng
Upon hir diet, what were mine offendyng,
To kepe the woman any longer fastyng.
If ye (quoth he) fet all this far castyng,
For common wealth, as it apeereth a cleere case,
Reason would your will shuld, and shall take place.