University of Virginia Library

THE SHOWMAN'S COURTSHIP.

Thare was many affectin ties which made me
hanker arter Betsy Jane. Her father's farm jined
our'n; their cows and our'n squencht their thurst at
the same spring; our old mares both had stars in
their forrerds; the measles broke out in both famerlies
at nearly the same period; our parients (Betsy's
and mine) slept reglarly every Sunday in the same
meetin house, and the nabers used to obsarve,
“How thick the Wards and Peasleys air!” It
was a surblime site, in the Spring of the year, to
see our sevral mothers (Betsy's and mine) with
their gowns pin'd up so thay could'nt sile 'em,
affecshunitly Bilin sope together & aboozin the
nabers.

Altho I hankerd intensly arter the objeck of my

affecshuns, I darsunt tell her of the fires which was
rajin in my manly Buzzum. I'd try to do it but
my tung would kerwollup up agin the roof of my
mowth & stick thar, like deth to a deseast Afrikan
or a country postmaster to his offiss, while my hart
whanged again my ribs like a old fashioned wheat
Flale again a barn floor.

T'was a carm still nite in Joon. All nater was
husht and nary zeffer disturbed the sereen silens.
I sot with Betsy Jane on the fense of her farther's
pastur. We'd bin rompin threw the woods, kullin
flours & drivin the woodchuck from his Nativ Lair
(so to speak) with long sticks. Wall we sot thar on
the fense, a swingin our feet two and fro, blushin as
red as the Baldinsville skool house when it was fust
painted, and lookin very simple, I make no doubt.
My left arm was ockepied in ballunsin myself on
the fense, while my rite was woundid luvinly round
her waste.

I cleared my throat and tremblinly sed, “Betsy,
you're a Gazelle.”

I thought that air was putty fine. I waitid to

see what effeck it would hav upon her. It evidently
didn't fetch her, for she up and sed,

“You're a sheep!”

Sez I, “Betsy, I think very muchly of you.”

“I don't b'leeve a word you say—so there now
cum!” with which obsarvashun she hitched away
from me.

“I wish thar was winders to my Sole,” sed I,
“so that you could see some of my feelins. There's
fire enuff in here,” sed I, strikin my buzzum with
my fist, “to bile all the corn beef and turnips in
the naberhood. Versoovius and the Critter ain't a
circumstans!”

She bowd her hed down and commenst chawin the
strings to her sun bonnet.

“Ar, could you know the sleeplis nites I worry
threw with on your account, how vittles has seized
to be attractiv to me & how my lims has shrunk up,
you would'nt dowt me. Gase on this wastin form
and these 'ere sunken cheeks”—

I should have continnered on in this strane
probly for sum time, but unfortnitly I lost my

ballunse and fell over into the pastur ker smash,
tearin my close and seveerly damagin myself ginerally.

Betsy Jane sprung to my assistance in dubble
quick time and dragged me 4th. Then drawin herself
up to her full hite she sed:

“I won't listen to your noncents no longer.
Jes say rite strate out what you're drivin at. If
you mean gettin hitched, I'm in!”

I considered that air enuff for all practicul purpusses,
and we proceeded immejitly to the parson's,
& was made 1 that very nite.

(Notiss to the Printer: Put some stars here.)

I've parst threw many tryin ordeels sins then,
but Betsy Jane has bin troo as steel. By attendin
strickly to bizniss I've amarsed a handsum Pittance.
No man on this foot-stool can rise & git up & say I
ever knowinly injered no man or wimmin folks,
while all agree that my Show is ekalled by few and
exceld by none, embracin as it does a wonderful
colleckshun of livin wild Beests of Pray, snaix in

grate profushun, a endliss variety of life-size wax
figgers, & the only traned kangaroo in Ameriky—
the most amoozin little cuss ever introjuced to a
discriminatin public.