University of Virginia Library

CELEBRATION AT BALDINSVILLE IN HONOR
OF THE ATLANTIC CABLE.

Baldinsville, Injianny, Sep the onct, 18&58.—I
was summund home from Cinsinnaty quite suddin
by a lettur from the Supervizers of Baldinsville,
sayin as how grate things was on the Tappis in that
air town in refferunse to sellebratin the compleshun
of the Sub-Mershine Tellergraph & axkin me to be
Pressunt. Lockin up my Kangeroo and wax wurks
in a sekure stile I took my departer for Baldinsville—“my
own, my nativ lan,” which I gut intwo
at early kandle litin on the follerin night & just
as the sellerbrashun and illumernashun were commensin.

Baldinsville was trooly in a blaze of glory.
Near can I forgit the surblime speckticul which met
my gase as I alited from the Staige with my umbreller

and verlise. The Tarvern was lit up with taller
kandles all over & a grate bon fire was burnin in
frunt thareof. A Transpirancy was tied onto the
sine post with the follerin wurds—“Giv us Liberty
or Deth.” Old Tompkinsis grosery was illumernated
with 5 tin lantuns and the follerin Transpirancy
was in the winder—“The Sub-Mershine
Tellergraph & the Baldinsville and Stonefield Plank
Road—the 2 grate eventz of the 19th centerry—
may intestines strife never mar their grandjure.”
Simpkinsis shoe shop was all ablase with kandles and
lantuns. A American Eagle was painted onto a flag
in a winder—also these wurds, viz—“The Constitooshun
must be Presarved.” The Skool house
was lited up in grate stile and the winders was filld
with mottoes amung which I notised the follerin—
“Trooth smashed to erth shall rize agin—YOU CAN'T
STOP HER.” “The Boy stood on the Burnin Deck
whense awl but him had Fled.” “Prokrastinashun
is the theaf of Time.” “Be virtoous & you will be
Happy.” “Intemperunse has cawsed a heap of
trubble—shun the Bole,” an the follerin sentimunt
written by the skool master, who graduated at Hudson
Kollige. “Baldinsville sends greetin to Her
Magisty the Queen, & hopes all hard feelins which
has heretofore previs bin felt between the Supervizers
of Baldinsville and the British Parlimunt, if
such there has been, may now be forever wiped frum
our Escutchuns. Baldinsville this night rejoises
over the gerlorious event which sementz 2 grate nashuns
onto one anuther by means of a elecktric wire
under the roarin billers of the Nasty Deep. Quosque
tantrum, a butter, Caterliny, patent nostrum!”
Squire Smith's house was lited up regardlis
of expense. His little sun William Henry
stood upon the roof firin orf crackers. The old
'Squire hisself was dressed up in soljer clothes and
stood on his door-step, pintin his sword sollumly to a
American flag which was suspendid on top of a pole
in frunt of his house. Frequiently he wood take
orf his cocked hat & wave it round in a impressive
stile. His oldest darter Mis Isabeller Smith, who
has just cum home from the Perkinsville Female
Instertoot, appeared at the frunt winder in the West
room as the goddis of liberty, & sung “I see them
on their windin way.” Booteus 1, sed I to myself,
you air a angil & nothin shorter. N. Boneparte
Smith, the 'Squire's oldest sun, drest hisself up as
Venus the God of Wars and red the Decleration of
Inderpendunse from the left chambir winder. The
'Squire's wife didn't jine in the festiverties. She
sed it was the tarnulest nonsense she ever seed.
Sez she to the 'Squire, “Cum into the house and go
to bed you old fool, you. Tomorrer you'll be goin
round half-ded with the rumertism & won't gin us a
minit's peace till you get well.” Sez the 'Squire,
“Betsy, you little appresiate the importance of the
event which I this night commemerate.” Sez she,
“Commemerate a cat's tail—cum into the house
this instant, you pesky old critter.” “Betsy,” sez
the 'Squire, wavin his sword, “retire.” This made
her just as mad as she could stick. She retired.
but cum out agin putty quick with a panfull of
Bilin hot water which she throwed all over the
'Squire, & Surs, you wood have split your sides larfin
to see the old man jump up and holler & run
into the house. Except this unpropishus circumstance
all went as merry as a carriage bell, as Lord
Byrun sez. Doctor Hutchinsis offiss was likewise
lited up and a Transpirancy on which was painted
the Queen in the act of drinkin sum of “Hutchinsis
invigorater,” was stuck into one of the winders.
The Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty noospaper offiss
was also illumernated, & the follerin mottoes stuck
out—“The Press is the Arkermejian leaver which
moves the world.” “Vote Early.” “Buckle on
your Armer.” “Now is the time to Subscribe.”
“Franklin, Morse & Field.” “Terms $1,50 a
year—liberal reducshuns to clubs.” In short the
villige of Baldinsville was in a perfect fewroar. I
never seed so many peple thar befour in my born
days. Ile not attemp to describe the seens of that
grate night. Wurds wood fale me ef I shood try to
do it. I shall stop here a few periods and enjoy my
“Oatem cum dig the tates,” as our skool master
obsarves, in the buzzum of my famerly, & shall then
resume the show bisnis, which Ive bin into twenty-two
(22) years and six (6) months.