60. CHAPTER LX.
RUFFLETON IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
The day after the evacuation of Washington City by the
President and the Federal army, Ruffleton promenaded the
saloons of the Presidential Mansion, now crowded with
exultant partisans. And it was observed that several of
the heads of bureaus and clerks of the departments, that
had vanished a few days before, were present on that interesting
occasion mingling their congratulations with the rest,
and urging the Despot to assume the functions of the Chief
Magistracy of the Union north of the Potomac river. And
Ruffleton yielded to the solicitations of his friends. He
issued a proclamation, requiring the Representatives of the
People to convene at Washington on the 1st of the ensuing
November. Then he selected Cabinet Ministers, and reorganized
the Departments on the old basis, with the difference
that none of his appointments were to be subject to
the advice and consent of the Senate.
“But where is Virus?” was the question continually on
the lips of Ruffleton.
“Willy knows,” was responded in the crowd.
“Willy!” said Ruffleton, his quick ear catching the words.
“Ah!” he continued, when his eye detected the very demure
face of Willy, “now I shall learn all about him.
Come, sir; unfold!”
“General,” said Willy, “if you will promise not to guillotine
me, I'll show you Mr. Virus, and also his friend
Windvane.”
“Still in terror of the guillotine, eh? It is a glorious
auxiliary, and will be erected to-day on the common. But
I promise, Willy. Now where are they?”
“General, if you'll get a telescope, and come with me
to the window, you shall see them.”
The instrument was procured, and they were followed to
the window by a large number of officers.
“They are boys,” said Ruffleton, looking at the distant
island.
“No, sir!” said Willy. “They are up to their knees in
the mud and spatterdocks.”
This announcement produced some merriment.
“Mud and spatterdocks!” said Ruffleton. “Who placed
them there?”
“I did,” said Willy, “and you've promised not to punish
me.”
“You placed them there? You, Willy?”
“I did, sir, upon my honor! But it was because the
President ordered me.”
“The President! Ha! ha! ha! Gentlemen,” said Ruffleton,
turning to his Generals, “Virus and Windvane were
engaged in an enterprise for the capture of Randolph; but
instead of placing the last of the Presidents in my hands,
the last of the Presidents—and by George! he was about
the best of them—has placed them in the mud and spatter-docks!”
An explosion of laughter followed.
“I thought at first,” said Balatrum, “they were geese,
and came near firing on them!”
“But the impudence of the thing!” continued Ruffleton.
“To place them in full view of the White House! Still
I admire the fellow's humor—and a flying President should
be allowed a little insolence. Nevertheless, the thing does
not look like despair. To place my Secretary of State in
the mud and spatterdocks!”
“He ordered Willy to do it,” repeated Willy, upon perceiving
the rising anger of Ruffleton, the more he dwelt on
the practical joke of Randolph.
“I am not condemning you, Will! General, order them
to be rescued from their ludicrous position with as little
delay as possible.”
“There will be no delay at all, General,” said Balatrum;
“and I am happy to inform you that the enemy will interpose
no obstacle. Randolph has withdrawn from the river,
without even destroying the bridges.”
“He knew very well that we could leap over at the Little
Falls. We shall soon be upon his track.”
This announcement was followed by applause.
“Yes, gentlemen,” continued Ruffleton, elated with his
success, and the fancied popularity of a prosecution of the
invasion, “we shall track him like a wolf to his lair, and he
cannot escape. He will not fight, it seems, even on his
own dunghill, else he would show his teeth now, with three
hundred thousand men at his back. No! these Southerners,
who have achieved such a terrible reputation for contempt
of danger and life, are arrant cowards after all!”
This was followed by a prodigious burst of applause.
And, indeed, successive messengers brought intelligence of
the retreat of the Federal forces towards Alexandria, and
the abandonment of several inviting positions, and particularly
one at Four Mile Run, where a superior force might
have been checked in its career by inferior numbers.
