55. CHAPTER LV.
WOMAN TRAPS LAID BY MR. JINKS.
No sooner had O'Brallaghan retreated into his store, than Mr.
Jinks cast after him defiant words and gestures, calling on the
crowd to take notice that O'Brallaghan had ignominiously yielded
ground, and declined his, Mr. Jinks', proposition to have a combat.
If any wonder is felt at Mr. Jinks' bravery, we may dispel it,
probably, by explaining that Mr. O'Brallaghan had two or
three months before been bound over in a large sum to keep the
peace of the commonwealth against the inhabitants of the said
commonwealth, and especially that portion of them who dwelt
in the borough of Winchester; which fact Mr. Jinks was well
acquainted with, and shaped his conduct by. If there was anything
which O'Brallaghan preferred to a personal encounter with
fists or shillelahs, that object was money; and Mr. Jinks knew
that O'Brallaghan would not touch him.
Therefore Mr. Jinks sent words of defiance and menace after
the retreating individual, and said to the crowd, with dignified
calmness:
“My friends, I call you to bear witness that I have offered to
give this—this—person,” said Mr. Jinks, “the amplest satisfaction
in my power for the unfortunate conduct of my animal,
which I have just purchased at a large sum, and have not
exactly learned to manage yet. We have not come to understand
each other—myself and Fodder—just yet; and in passing
with a young man whom I kindly permitted to mount behind me,
the animal ran into the shop of this—individual. If he wants
satisfaction!” continued Mr. Jinks, frowning, and laying his hand
upon his sword, “he can have it, sir! yes, sir! I am ready, sir!
—now and always, sir!”
These words were ostensibly addressed to Mr. O'Brallaghan,
who was, in contempt of Mr. Jinks, busily engaged at his work
again; but, in reality, the whole harangue of Mr. Jinks was intended
for the ears of a person in the crowd, who, holding a hot
“iron” in her hand, had run up, like the rest, when the occurrence
first took place.
This person, who was of the opposite sex, and upon whom Mr.
Jinks evidently desired to produce an impression, gazed at the
cavalier with tender melancholy in her ruddy face, and especially
regarded the legs of Mr. Jinks with unconcealed admiration.
It was Mistress O'Calligan, the handsome ruddy lady, whom
we have met with once before, on that day when Mr. Jinks, remembering
O'Brallaghan's incapacity to fight, challenged that
gentleman to mortal combat.
Between this lady and Mr. Jinks, on the present occasion,
glances passed more than once; and when—O'Brallaghan not
appearing—Mr. Jinks rode away from the shop of the dastard,
in dignified disgust, he directed the steps of Fodder, cautiously
and gently, around the corner, and stopped before the door of
Mistress O'Calligan's lodging.
The lamented O'Calligan was gone to that bourne which we
all know of, and his widow now supported herself and the two
round, dirty-faced young gentlemen who had choked themselves
in their astonishment at Ralph, by taking in washing and ironing,
to which she added, occasionally, the occupation and mystery
of undergarment construction.
Thanks to these toils, Mistress O'Calligan, who was yet young
and handsome, and strong and healthy, had amassed a very snug
little sum of money, which she had invested in a garden, numberous
pigs, chickens, and other things; and, in the neighborhood,
this lady was regarded as one destined to thrive in the world;
and eventually bring to the successor of the lamented O'Calligan,
not only her fair self, and good-humored smile included, but also
no contemptible portion of this world's goods.
O'Brallaghan's ambition was to succeed the lamented. He
had long made unsuccessful court to the lady—in vain. He suspected,
not without justice, that the graceful and military Mr.
Jinks had made an impression on the lady's heart, and hated Mr.
Jinks accordingly.
It was before the low, comfortable cottage of Mistress O'Calligan,
therefore, that Mr. Jinks stopped. And tying Fodder to
the pump, he pushed aside the under-tunics which depended from
lines, and were fluttering in the wind, and so made his entrance
into the dwelling.
Mistress O'Calligan pretended to be greatly surprised and fluttered
on Mr. Jinks' entrance; and laid down the iron she was
trying, by putting her finger in her mouth, and then applying it
to the under surface.
She then smiled; and declared she never was in such a taking;
and to prove this, sat down and panted, and screamed good-humoredly
to the youthful O'Calligans, not to go near that
pretty horse; and then asked Mr. Jinks if he would'nt take
something.
Mr. Jinks said, with great dignity, that he thought he would.
Thereupon, Mistress O'Calligan produced a flat bottle of poteen,
and pouring a portion for her own fair self, into a cup,
said that this was a wicked world, and handed the flask to Mr.
Jinks.
That gentleman took a tolerably large draught; and then setting
down the bottle, scowled.
This terrified Mistress O'Calligan; and she said so.
Mr. Jinks explained that he was angry,—in a towering rage;
and added, that nothing but the presence of Mistress O'Calligan
had prevented him from exterminating O'Brallaghan, who was
a wretched creature, beneath the contempt, etc.
Whereto the lady replied, Really, to think it; but that these
feelings was wrong; and she were only too happy if her presence
had prevented bloodshed. She thought that Mr. Jinks was flattering
her—with more of the same description.
Thus commenced this interview, which the loving and flattered
Mistress O'Calligan wrongly supposed to be intended as one of
courtship, on the part of Mr. Jinks. She was greatly mistaken.
If ever proceeding was calm, deliberate, and prompted by revengeful
and diabolical intentions, the proceeding of Mr. Jinks, on
the present occasion, was of that description.
But none of this appeared upon the countenance of our friend.
Mr. Jinks was himself—he was gallant, impressive; and warming
with the rum, entered into details of his private feelings.
He had ever admired and venerated—he said—the character
of the beautiful and fascinating Judith O'Calligan, who had
alone, and by her unassisted merits, removed from his character
that tendency toward contempt and undervaluation of women,
which, he was mortified to say, he had been induced to feel from
an early disappointment in love.
Mistress O'Calligan here looked very much flurried, and ejaculated,
Lor!
Mr. Jinks proceeded to say, that the lady need not feel any
concern for him now; that the early disappointment spoken of,
had, it was true, cast a shadow on his life, which, he imagined,
nothing but the gory blood of his successful rival could remove;
that still he, Mr. Jinks, had had the rare, good fortune of meeting
with a divine charmer who caused him to forget his past sorrows,
and again indulge in hopes of domestic felicity and paternal
happiness by the larean altars of a happy home. That the visions
of romance had never pictured such a person; that the lady
whom he spoke of, was well known to the lady whom he addressed;
and, indeed, to be more explicit, was not ten thousand
miles from them at the moment in question.
This was so very broad, that the “lady” in question blushed
the color of the red bricks in her fire-place, and declared that Mr.
Jinks was the dreadfulest creature, and he need'nt expect to
persuade her that he liked her—no, he need'nt.
Mr. Jinks repelled the accusation of being a dreadful creature,
and said, that however terrifying his name might be to his enemies
among the men, that no woman had ever yet had cause to
be afraid of him, or to complain of him.
After which, Mr. Jinks frowned, and took a gulp of the poteen.
Mistress O'Calligan thought that Mr. Jinks was very wrong
to be talking in such a meaning way to her—and the lamented
O'Calligan not dead two years. That she knew what it was to
bestow her affections on an object, which object did not return
them—and never, never could be brought to trust the future of
those blessed dears a-playing on the side-walk to a gay deceiver.
After which observation, Mistress O'Calligan took up a corner
of her apron, and made a feint to cry; but not being encouraged
by any consternation, agitation, or objection of any description
on the part of her companion, changed her mind, and smiled.
Mr. Jinks said that if the paragon of her sex, the lovely Judith,
meant to say that he was a gay deceiver, the assertion in question
involved a mistake of a cruel and opprobrious character.
So far from being a deceiver, he had himself been uniformly deceived;
and that in the present instance, it was much more
probable that he would suffer, because the lovely charmer before
him cared nothing for him.
Which accusation threw the lovely charmer into a flutter, and
caused her to deny the truth of Mr. Jinks' charge; and in addition,
to assert that there existed no proof of the fact that she
did'nt care much more for Mr. Jinks than he did for her—and
whether he said she did'nt, or did'nt say she did'nt, still that this
did'nt change the fact: and so he was mistaken.
Whereupon Mr. Jinks, imbibing more poteen, replied that assertions,
though in themselves worthy of high respect when they
issued from so lovely and fascinating a source, could still not stand
in opposition to facts.
Mistress O'Calligan asked what facts.
Which caused Mr. Jinks to explain. He meant, that the
test of affection was doing one a service; that the loving individual
would perform what the beloved wished; and that here
the beautiful Judith was deficient.
To which the beautiful Judith, with a preparatory caution to
the young O'Calligans, replied by saying, that she had never
been tried; and if that was all the foundation for such a charge,
the best way to prove its falseness was to immediately test her—
friendship.
At this Mr. Jinks brightened up, and leaning over toward the
ruddy-faced Judith, whispered for some minutes. The whispers
brought to the lady's face a variety of expressions: consternation,
alarm, doubt, objection, refusal. Refusal remained paramount.
Mr. Jinks imbibed more poteen, and observed, with dignity,
that he had been perfectly well aware, before making his communication,
that the protestations of the lady opposite to whom
he sat were like those of ladies in general, calculated to mislead
and deceive. He would therefore not annoy her further, but
seek some other—
Incipient tears from the lady, who thought Mr. Jinks cruel,
unreasonable, and too bad.
Mr. Jinks was rational, and had asked a very inconsiderable
favor; his beautiful acquaintance, Miss Sallianna, would not
hesitate a moment to oblige him, and he would therefore respectfully
take his departure—for some time, he was afraid, if
not forever.
Mr. Jinks had played his game with much skill, and great
knowledge of the lady whom he addressed. He brought out his
trump, so to speak, when he mentioned Miss Sallianna, and
alluded to his intention never to return, perhaps.
The lady could not resist. The moment had arrived when
she was to decide whether she should supply the youthful O'Calligans
with a noble father and protector, or suffer them still to
inhabit the dangerous side-walk in infant helplessness, and exposed
to every enemy.
Therefore the fair Mistress O'Calligan found her resolution
evaporate—her objections removed—she consented to comply
with Mr. Jinks' request, because the object of her affections
made it—yes, the object of her affections for many a long day,
through every accusation of cabbaged cloth, and other things
brought by his enemies—the object of her ambition, the destined
recipient of the garden, and the chickens, and the pigs, when fate
removed her!
And having uttered this speech with great agitation, and
numerous gasps, Mistress O'Calligan yielded to her nerves, and
reposed upon Mr. Jinks' breast.
Fifteen minutes afterwards Mr. Jinks was going back to
Bousch's tavern, mounted on Fodder, and grimacing.
“She'll do it, sir! she'll do it!” said Mr. Jinks; “we'll see.
Look out for gory blood, sir!”
And that was all.
