54. CHAPTER LIV.
EXPLOITS OF FODDER.
Ralph looked from the donkey to Mr. Jinks, and from Mr.
Jinks to the donkey; then he laughed.
“I say, my dear fellow,” he observed, “you wanted a horse,
did'nt you?”
“I did, sir,” said Mr. Jinks.
“What do you say to a donkey?”
Mr. Jinks appeared thoughtful, and gazing at the sky, as though
the clouds interested him, replied:
“I have no objection to the animal, sir. It was in former
times, I am assured, the animal used by kings, and even emperors.
Far be it from me, therefore, to feel any pride—or look
down on the donkey.”
“You'll have to,” said Ralph.
“Have to what, sir?”
“Look down on Fodder here—we call him Fodder at the
farm, because the rascal won't eat thistles.”
“Fodder, sir?” said Mr. Jinks, gazing along the road, as
though in search of some wagon, laden with cornstalks.
“The donkey!”
“Ah?—yes—true—the donkey! Really, a very handsome
animal,” said Mr. Jinks, appearing to be aware of the existence
of Fodder for the first time.
“I asked you how you would like a donkey, instead of a horse,
meaning, in fact, to ask if Fodder would, for the time, answer
your warlike and gallant purposes? If so, my dear fellow, I'll
lend him to you—Tom can go back to the farm in the wagon
—it comes and goes every day.”
Tom looked at Mr. Jinks' legs, scratched his head, and grinning
from ear to ear, added the assurance that he was rather
pleased to get rid of Fodder, who was too small for a man of his
weight.
Mr. Jinks received these propositions and assurances, at first,
with a shake of the head: he really could not deprive, etc.;
then he looked dubious; then he regarded Fodder with admiration
and affection; then he assented to Ralph's arrangement, and
put his arm affectionately around Fodder's neck.
“I love that animal already!” cried the enthusiastic Mr.
Jinks.
Ralph turned aside to laugh.
“That is highly honorable, Jinks, my boy,” he said; “there's
no trait of character more characteristic of a great and exalted
intellect, than kindness to animals.”
“You flatter me, sir.”
“Never—I never flatter. Now, Tom,” continued Ralph to
the negro, “return homeward, and inform my dear old Governor
that, next week, I shall return, temporarily, to make prepations
for my marriage. Further, relate to him the fate of Fodder—go,
sir.”
And throwing Tom, who grinned and laughed, a piece of
silver, Ralph turned again to Jinks.
“Do you like Fodder?” he said.
“I consider him the paragon of donkeys,” returned Mr.
Jinks.
And, hugging the donkey's neck—“Eh, Fodder?” said Jinks.
Fodder turned a sleepy looking eye, which was covered with
the broad, square leather of the wagon-bridle, toward Mr. Jinks,
and regarded that gentleman with manifest curiosity. Then
shaking his head, lowered it again, remonstrating with his
huge ears against the assaults of the flies.
“He likes you already! he admires and respects you, Jinks!”
cried Ralph, bursting into a roar of laughter; “a ride! a ride!
mount, sir!”
“Is he vicious?” asked Mr. Jinks.
“Hum! he has been known to—to—do dreadful things!” said
Ralph, choking.
Mr. Jinks drew back.
“But he won't hurt you—just try.”
“Hum! I'd rather test his character first,” said Mr. Jinks;
“of course I'm not afraid; it would be unnecessary for me to
prove that, sir—I wear a sword—”
“Oh, yes?”
“But dangerous accidents have frequently resulted from—”
“Donkeys? you are right. But suppose I mount with you!”
said Ralph, who had fallen into one of his mischievous moods.
“Hum! sir—will he carry double, do you think?”
“Carry double! He'd carry a thousand—Fodder would!
Just get into the saddle, and I'll put my handkerchief on his
back, and mount behind—I'll guide him. Come!”
And Ralph, with a suppressed chuckle, pushed Mr. Jinks
toward the saddle.
Mr. Jinks looked round—cleared his throat—glanced at the
expression of the donkey's eyes—and endeavored to discover
from the movement of his ears if he was vicious. Fodder
seemed to be peaceful—Mr. Jinks got into the saddle, his grasshopper
legs reaching nearly to the ground.
“Now!” cried Ralph, vaulting behind him, “now for a ride!”
And seizing the reins, before Mr. Jinks could even get his feet
into the stirrups, the young man kicked the donkey vigorously,
and set off at a gallop.
Mr. Jinks leaned forward in the saddle with loud cries,
balancing himself by the pummel, and holding on to the mane.
Fodder was frightened by the cries, and ran like a race-horse,
kicking up his heels, and indeed rendered Ralph's position somewhat
perilous. But that gentleman was experienced, from earliest
infancy, in riding bareback, and held on. He also held Mr. Jinks
on.
The great swordsman continued to utter loud cries, and to remonstrate
piteously. Only the elatter of his sword, and Ralph's
shouts of laughter, answered him.
Still on! and in five minutes Fodder was opposite the store of
O'Brallaghan.
A brilliant idea suddenly struck Ralph; with the rapidity and
presence of mind of a great general, he put it into execution.
Fodder found one rein loosened—the other drawn violently
round; the consequence was, that from a straight course, he
suddenly came to adopt a circular one. Mr. Jinks had just saved
himself by wrapping his legs, so to speak, around the donkey's
person, when Ralph's design was accomplished.
Fodder, obeying the pull upon the rein, sweeped down upon
O'Brallaghan's shop, and in the midst of the cries of babies, the
barking of dogs, and the shrill screams of elderly ladies, entered
the broad door of the clothes-warehouse, and thrust his nose into
Mr. O'Brallaghan's face, just as that gentleman was cutting out
the sixth pair of pantaloons for himself, in which he was to
personate St. Michael.
O'Brallaghan staggered back—Ralph burst into a roar of
laughter, and sliding from Fodder, ignominiously retreated, leaving
Mr. Jinks and O'Brallaghan face to face.
The scene which then ensued is dreadful to even reflect upon,
after the lapse of so many years. Fodder backed into the street
immediately, but he had accomplished the insult to O'Brallaghan.
That gentleman ran out furiously, shears in hand, and with these
instruments it seemed to be his intention to sever the epiglottis of
Mr. Jinks, or at least his ears.
But, as on a former occasion, when Mr. Jinks threatened to
rid the earth of a scoundrel and a villain, the execution of this
scheme was prevented by the interposition of a third party; so on
the present occasion did the neighbors interfere and quiet the
combatants.
Ralph perfected the reconciliation by declaring that Fodder
was the most vicious and dangerous of animals, and that no one
could rationally wonder at his conduct on this occasion.
O'Brallaghan thereupon observed that he despised Mr. Jinks
too much to touch him, and would forgive him; and so he
elbowed his way through the crowd of gossips and re-entered his
shop, scowling at, and being scowled at by, the severe Mr.
Jinks.
Ralph also embraced the opportunity to slip through the
crowd, and hasten round a corner; having achieved which movement,
he leaned against a pump, and laughed until two babies
playing on the side-walk nearly choked themselves with marbles
as they gazed at him. Then chuckling to himself, the young
worthy returned toward the tavern, leaving Mr. Jinks to his fate.
