University of Virginia Library

52. CHAPTER LII.
HOW MR. JINKS DETERMINED TO SPARE VERTY.

Ralph stretched himself.

Mr. Jinks sipped his rum, and ruminated.

Ralph was smiling; Mr. Jinks scowling, and evidently busy
with great thoughts, which caused his brows to corrugate into
hostile frowns.

It was the room of Mr. Jinks, in Bousch's tavern, which saw
the companions seated thus opposite to each other—the time,
after breakfast; the aim of the parties, discussion upon any or
every topic.

Mr. Jinks was clad in his habitual costume: half dandy, half
militaire; and when he moved, his great sword rattled against his
grasshopper legs in a way terrifying to hear.

Ralph, richly dressed as usual, and reclining in his chair,
smiled lazily, and looked at the scowling Mr. Jinks. The apartment
in which the worthies were seated was one possessing the
advantages of dormer windows, and an extensive prospect over
the roofs of Winchester; the furniture was rough; and in the
corner a simple couch stood, whereon Mr. Jinks reposed himself
at night.

While the various events which we have lately adverted to
have been occurring, Mr. Jinks has not forgotten that triple and
grand revenge he swore.

Mr. Jinks has un-christian feelings against three persons, for
three reasons:

First, against Verty: the cause being that gentleman's defiance
and disregard of himself on various occasions; also his
rivalry in love.

Second, against Miss Sallianna: beautiful and perfidious; the
cause: slights put on his youthful love.

Third, against O'Brallaghan; the cause: impudence on various
occasions, and slanderous reports relating to cabbaged cloth since
the period of their dissolving all connection with each other.

Mr. Jinks has revolved, in the depths of his gloomy soul, these
darling projects, and has, perforce of his grand faculty of invention,
determined upon his course in two out of the three affairs.

Verty annoys him, however. Mr. Jinks has ceased to think
of a brutal, ignoble contest with vulgar fists or weapons ever since
the muzzle of Verty's rifle invaded his ruffles on the morning of
his woes. He would have a revenge worthy of himself—certain,
complete, and above all, quite safe. Mr. Jinks would wile the
affections of Miss Redbud from him, fixing the said affections on
himself; but that is not possible, since the young lady in question
has gone home, and Apple Orchard is too far to walk.
Still Mr. Jinks does not despair of doing something; and this
something is what he seeks and ruminates upon, as the mixed rum
and water glides down his throat.

Ralph yawns, laughs, and kicks his heels.

Then he rises; goes to the mantel-piece and gets a pipe; and
begins to smoke—lazier than ever.

Mr. Jinks sets down his cup, and murmurs.

“Hey!” cries Ralph, sending out a cloud of smoke, “what are
you groaning about, my dear fellow?”

“I want money,” says Mr. Jinks.

“For what?”

“To buy a horse.”

“A horse?”

Mr. Jinks nods.

“What do you want with a horse?”

“Revenge,” replies Mr. Jinks.

Ralph begins to laugh.

“Oh, yes,” he says, “we spoke of that; against Sallianna.
I'll assist you, my boy. The fact is, I have caught the infection
of a friend's sentiments on Sallianna the divine. I have a
cousin who abominates her. I'll assist you!”

“No; that affair is arranged,” says Mr. Jinks, with gloomy
pleasure; “that will give me no trouble. That young man
Verty is the enemy I allude to. I want revenge.

And Mr. Jinks rattled his sword.

Ralph looked with a mischievous expression at his friend.

“But I say,” he observed, “how would a horse come in there?
Do you want to run a-tilt against Sir Verty, eh? That is characteristic
of you, Jinks!”

“No,” says Mr. Jinks, “I have other designs.”

“What are they?”

“You are reliable?”

“Reliable! I should say I was! Come, make me your
confidant.”

Mr. Jinks complies with this request, and details his plans
against Verty and Redbud's happiness. He would ride to Apple
Orchard, and win his rival's sweetheart's affections; then
laugh “triumphantly with glee.” That is Mr. Jinks' idea.

Ralph thinks it not feasible, and suggests a total abandonment
of revengeful feelings toward Verty.

“Suppose I sent him a cartel, then,” says Mr. Jinks, after a
pause.

“A cartel?”

“Yes; something like this.”

And taking a preparatory gulp of the rum, Mr. Jinks continues:

“Suppose I write these words to him: `A. Jinks, Esq., presents
his compliments to — Verty, Esq., and requests to be informed
at what hour Mr. Verty will attend in front of Bousch's

tavern, for the purpose of having himself exterminated and
killed?' How would that do?”

Ralph chokes down a laugh, and, pretending to regard Mr. Jinks
with deep admiration, says:

“An excellent plan—very excellent.”

“You think so?” says his companion, dubiously.

“Yes, yes; you should, however, be prepared for one thing.”

“What is that?”

“Mr. Verty's reply.”

“What would that be, sir? He is not a rash young man, I
believe?”

“No—just the contrary. His reply would be courteous and
cool.”

“Ah?”

“He would write under your letter, demanding at what hour
you should kill him—`ten,' or `twelve,' or `four in the afternoon'—at
which time he would come and proceed to bloodshed.”

“Bloodshed!”

“Yes; he's a real Indian devil, although he looks mild, my
dear fellow. If you are going to send the cartel, you might as
well do so at once.”

“No—no—I will think of it,” replies Mr. Jinks; “I will
spare him a little longer. There is no necessity for hurry. A
plenty of time!”

And Mr. Jinks clears his throat, and for the present abandons
thoughts of revenge on Verty.

Ralph sees the change of sentiment, and laughs.

“Well,” he says, “there is something else on your mind,
Jinks, my boy; what is it? No more revenge?”

“Yes!”

“Against whom, you epitome of Italian hatred.”

Mr. Jinks frowns, and says:

“Against O'Brallaghan!”

“No!” cries Ralph.

“Yes, sir.”

“I, myself, hate that man!”

“Then we can assist each other.”

“Yes—yes.”

“We can make it nice, and good, and fine,” says Mr. Jinks,
smacking his lips over the rum, as if he was imbibing liquid vengeance,
and was pleased with the flavor.

“No!” cries Ralph again.

“Yes!” says Mr. Jinks.

“Revenge, nice and good?”

“Supreme!”

“How?”

“Listen!”

“Stop a moment, my dear fellow,” said Ralph; “don't be
hasty.”

And, rising, Ralph went to the door, opened it, and looked
out cautiously, after which, he closed it, and turned the key in
the lock; then he went to the fire-place, and looked up the
chimney with a solemn air of precaution, which was very striking.
Then he returned and took his seat, and with various gurglings
of a mysterious nature in his throat, said:

“You have a communication to make, Jinks?”

“I have, sir.”

“In relation to revenge.”

“Yes.”

“Then go on, old fellow; the time is propitions—I am
listening.”

And Ralph looked attentively at Mr. Jinks.