University of Virginia Library

42. CHAPTER XLII.
HOW MR. JINKS REQUESTED RALPH TO HOLD HIM.

Our last view of Mr. Jinks was at Bousch's tavern, when,
mounting in a manner peculiar to himself behind Ralph, the
warlike gentleman set out to take revenge.

He had ridden thus almost to the Bower of Nature; but on
reaching the belt of willows at the foot of the hill, requested to
be placed upon the earth, in order to make his toilet, to prepare
himself for the coming interview, and for other reasons.

Ralph had laughed, and complied.

Mr. Jinks had seated himself upon a bank by the little stream—
the same which we have seen the picnic party cross higher up—
upon a log, and then drawing from his pocket a small mirror, he
had proceeded to make his toilet.

This ceremony consisted in a scrupulous arrangement of his
artificial locks—a cultivation of the warlike and chivalrous expression
of countenance—and a general review of the state of his
wardrobe.

He soon finished these ceremonies, and then continued his way
toward the Bower of Nature.

He arrived just as Ralph had proposed the excursion to the
young girls—consequently, some moments after the young fellow's
interview with Miss Sallianna—and entered with the air of a
conqueror and a master.

History and tradition—from which, with the assistance of
imagination, (nothing unusual,) our veritable narrative is drawn
—history affords us no information in regard to what occurred
at this interview between Mr. Jinks and Miss Sallianna.

That the interview would have been terrific, full of reproaches,
drowned in tears, objurgations, and jealous ravings, is certainly no
more than the words of Mr. Jinks would have led an impartial
listener to believe. But Mr. Jinks was deep—knew women, as
he often said, as well as need be—and therefore it is not at all
improbable that the jealous ravings and other ceremonies were,
upon reflection, omitted by Mr. Jinks, as in themselves unnecessary
and a waste of time. The reader may estimate the
probabilities, pro and con, for himself.

Whatever doubt exists, however, upon the subject of this
interview—its character and complexion—no doubt at all can
possibly attach to the picturesque denouement which we have
referred to in the last lines of our last chapter.

Mr. Jinks was on his knees before the beautiful Sallianna.

The girls and their companions saw it—distinctly, undoubtedly,
without possibility of mistake; finally, hearing the sound of footsteps
on the graveled walks, Mr. Jinks turned his head, and saw
that they saw him!

It was a grand spectacle which at that moment they beheld:
Mr. Jinks erect before his rival and his foes—Mr. Jinks with his
hand upon his sword—Mr. Jinks with stern resolve and lofty
dignity in his form and mien.

“Sir,” said Mr. Jinks to Ralph, “I am glad to see you—!”

“And I am delighted, my dear Jinks!” returned Ralph.

“A fine day, sir!”

“A glorious day!”

“A heavy storm.”

“Tremendous!”

“Wet?”

“Very!”

And Ralph wrung the water out of his falling cuff.

“I say, though,” said he, “things seem to have been going on
very tranquilly here.”

“Sir?”

“Come, old fellow!” don't be ashamed of—”

“What, sir! I ashamed?”

“Of kneeling down—you know.”

And Ralph, smiling confidentially, made significant signs over
his shoulder toward Miss Sallianna, who had withdrawn with
blushing diffidence to the other end of the portico, and was
gently waving her fan as she gazed upon the sunset.

“The fact is, I was arranging her shoe-bow,” said Mr. Jinks.

“Oh!” said Ralph, “gammon.”

“Sir?”

“You were courting her.”

“Courting!”

“Ah—you deny it! Well, let us see!”

And to Mr. Jinks' profound consternation he raised his voice,
and said, laughing:

“Tell me, Miss Sallianna, if my friend Jinks has not been
courting you?”

“Oh, sir!” cried Miss Sallianna, in a flutter.

“Did you say, no?” continued Ralph, pretending to so understand
the lady; “very well, then, I may advise you, my dear
Jinks, not to do so.”

“Do what, sir?”

“Court Miss Sallianna.”

“Why not, sir?” cried Mr. Jinks, bristling up.

“Because you would have no chance.”

“No chance, sir!”

Ralph's propensity for mischief got the better of him; and
leaning over, he whispered in the warlike gentleman's ear, as he
pointed to Miss Sallianna.

“I say, Jinks, don't you understand?—desperately in love—
hum—with—hum—Verty here; no doubt of it!”

And Ralph drew back, looking mysterious.

Mr. Jinks cast upon the quiet Verty a glance which would
have frozen giants into stone.

“No, sir! all explained!” he said.

“It can't be, my dear fellow,” said Ralph, in a low tone.
“Verty has the proofs.”

“Did you speak to me?” said Verty, smiling: he had been
talking with Redbud during this conference.

“Yes, I did,” said Ralph. Verty smiled, and said:

“I did not hear what you asked.”

“No wonder,” said Ralph. And turning to Mr. Jinks:

“Observe,” he said, in a low tone, “how Mr. Verty is trying
to make Miss Sallianna jealous.”

“Perdition!” said Mr. Jinks.

“Oh, certainly!” replied Ralph, with solemn sympathy;
“but here is Mr. Verty waiting patiently to hear what I have
to say.”

“Yes,” said Verty, still smiling.

“It is Mr. Jinks who desires to speak,” said Ralph, retiring
with a chuckle, and leaving the adversaries face to face.

“Hum—at—yes, sir—I desired to speak, sir!” said Mr.
Jinks, with threatening calmness.

“Did you?” said Verty, smiling.

“Yes, sir!”

“I can hear now.”

“It is well that you can, sir! Mark me, sir! Some people
cannot hear!”

“Ah?” said Verty, “yes, you mean deaf people!”

“I refer to others, sir!”

“Yes?”

“Nor can they see.”

“Blind people,” suggested Verty.

Mr. Jinks had an impression that Verty was trifling with
him; and considering him too good-natured to quarrel, advanced
toward him with a threatening gesture.

“I refer to people neither blind nor deaf, who cannot see nor
hear insults, sir!” he said.

“I never knew any,” said Verty, wondering at Mr. Jinks.

“You are one, sir!”

“I!”

“Yes!”

“Do you mean I am afraid of anything?”

“I mean, sir, that I have been wronged.”

“I don't care,” said Verty, “you are not good-natured.”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“You are angry.”

“I am, sir!”

“I advise you not to be; you don't look handsome,” said
Verty.”

“Sir!” cried Mr. Jinks.

Verty's face assumed an expression of mild inquiry.

“Will you fight?”

“Yes,” said Verty, “but you ought not to fight with that
old sword. It's too long, and besides it would frighten old
Scowley—”

“Sir!” cried Mr. Jinks, ferociously.

“And I know Miss Sallianna would scream,” said Verty. “I
would'nt mind that, though—I would'nt—for I don't like her—
she told me a story!”

Mr. Jinks flashed out his sword, and brandished it around his
head.

“Oh, me! you've been scrubbing it!” said Verty, laughing.

To describe the terrific rage of Mr. Jinks at this disregard of
himself, his threats and weapon, would be utterly impossible.

The great Jinks raved, swore, and executed such ferocious
pirouettes upon his grass-hopper legs, in the direction of the

smiling Verty, that Ralph became alarmed at the consequence
of his mischief, and hastened to the rescue.

“No, Jinks!” he cried, “there must be no fighting.”

“No fighting!” cried Mr. Jinks, whose ferocity, as soon as he
found himself held back, became tremendous,—“no fighting!”

“No,” said Ralph.

“Release me, sir!”

“Never!” cried Ralph, pinning his arms.

“Hold me, sir! or I will at once inflict condign punishment
upon this individual!”

“Certainly,” said Ralph, beginning to laugh. “I will hold
you; I thought you said release you!”

“I did, sir!” cried Mr. Jinks, making a very faint effort to
get at Verty.

“Which shall I do?”

“I will murder him!” cried Mr. Jinks, struggling with more
energy, from the fact that Ralph had grasped him more tightly.

“Jinks! Jinks! you a murderer!”

“I have been wronged!” said the champion, brandishing his
sword.

“Oh, no.”

“The respectable Mrs. Scowley has been insulted!”

“You are mistaken!”

“The divine Sallianna has been charged with falsehood!”

“A mere jest.”

“Let me run the villain through!”

And Mr. Jinks made a terrific lunge with his sword at Verty,
and requested Mr. Ashley to hold him tight, unless he wished to
see the Bower of Nature swimming in “gory blood!”

The colloquy we have faithfully reported, took place in far
less time than we have taken to narrate it.

Redbud had hastened forward with terror in her face, Fanny
with bewilderment—lastly, Miss Sallianna had rushed up to the
spot with a scream; the various personages came together just

when Mr. Jinks uttered his awful threat in relation to “gory
blood.”

“Oh, Verty!” said Redbud.

Verty smiled.

“Alphonso!” cried Miss Sallianna, with distraction.

Alphonso Jinks made overwhelming efforts to get at his
enemy.

“Please don't fight—for my sake, Verty!” murmured Redbud,
with pale lips.

“Spare him, Alphonso!” cried Miss Sallianna, with a shake
of agony in her voice; “spare his youth, and do not take opprobrious
revenge!”

“He has wronged me!” cried Mr. Jinks.

“Pardon him, Alphonso!”

“He has insulted you!”

“I forgive him!” cried Miss Sallianna.

“I will have revenge!”

And Mr. Jinks brandished his sword, and kept at a distance
from Verty, making a feint of struggling.

“Jinks,” said Ralph, “you are tiring me out. I shall let you
go in another second, if you don't put up that sword, and stop
wrestling with me!”

This threat seemed to moderate Mr. Jinks' rage, and he replied:

“This momentary anger is over, sir—I forgive that young
man—Sallianna! beautiful Sallianna! for thy sake!”

But overcome with nerves, and the revulsion produced by this
change in affairs, the beautiful Sallianna's head drooped upon
one shoulder, her eyes were closed, and her arms were extended
towards Mr. Jinks.

Before that gentleman was aware of the fact, Miss Sallianna
had been overcome by nerves, and reclined in a faint state upon
his bosom.

We need not detail the remaining particulars of the scene
whose outline we have traced.

Verty, who had received all Mr. Jinks' threats and gesticulations
with great unconcern, applied himself to conversation with
Redbud again: and no doubt would have conversed all the evening,
but for Ralph. Ralph drew him away, pointing to the damp
clothes; and with many smiles, they took their leave.

The last thing the young men observed, was Mr. Jinks supporting
Miss Sallianna, who had fainted a second time, and
raising his despairing eyes to heaven.

They burst out laughing, and continued their way.