LETTER LXIV.
In which Major Downing tells about going to Cambridge
and making the President a Doctor of Laws.
On board the Steam-boat, going from Providence to York, July 2, 1833.
To my old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners'
Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore street,
away down east in the State of Maine.
My dear Friend. — We are driving back again full
chisel, as fast as we come on when we were on the Rail
Road between Washington and Baltimore. And we 've
been drivin so fast on a round turn in all the places
where we've been, and have had so much shaking hands
and eating and one thing another to do, that I could n't
get time to write to you at half the places where I wanted
to, so I thought I'd set down now, while the President's
laid down to rest him awhile, and tell you something
about Cambridge and Lowell. Ye see when we
were at Boston they sent word to us to come out to Cambridge,
for they wanted to make the President a Doctor
of Laws. What upon arth a Doctor of Laws was, or
why they wanted to make the President one, I could n't
think. So when we come to go up to bed I asked the
Gineral about it. And says I, Gineral, what is it they
want to do to you out to Cambridge? Says he they want
to make a Doctor of Laws of me. Well, says I, but
what good will that do? Why, says he, you know Major
Downing, there's a pesky many of them are laws passed
by Congress, that are rickety things. Some of 'em have
very poor constitutions, and some of 'em have n't no
constitutions at all. So that it is necessary to have
somebody there to Doctor 'em up a little, and not let
'em go out into the world where they would stan a
chance to catch cold and be sick, without they had good
constitutions to bear it. You know, says he, I have had
to doctor the Laws considerable ever since I've been at
Washington, although I was n't a regular bred Doctor.
And I made out so well about it, that these Cambridge
folks think I better be made into a regular Doctor at
once, and then there 'll be no grumbling and disputing
about my practice. Says he, Major, what do you think
of it? I told him I thought it was an excellent plan;
and asked him if he did n't think they would be willing,
bein I'd been round in the military business considerable
for a year or two past, to make me a Doctor of War.
He said he did n't know, but he thought it would be no
harm to try 'em. But says he, Major, I feel a little kind
of streaked about it after all; for they say they will go
to talking to me in Latin, and although I studied it a
little once, I dont know any more about it now than the
man in the moon. And how I can get along in that case
I dont know. I told him my way, when any body talked
to me in a lingo that I did'nt understand, was jest to say
nothing, but look as knowing as any of 'em, and then
they ginerally thought I knew a pesky sight more than
any of 'em. At that the Gineral fetched me a slap on
my shoulder, and haw hawed right out. Says he, Major
Downing, you are the boy for me; I dont know how I
should get along in this world if it was n't for you.
So when we got ready we went right to Cambridge as
bold as could be. And that are Cambridge is a real
pretty place; it seems to me I should like to live in them
Colleges as well as any place I've ssen. We went into
the Libry, and I guess I stared a little, for I did n't
think before there was half so many books in the world.
I should think there was near about enough to fill a
meetin house. I dont believe they was ever all read or
ever will be to all ages.
When we come to go in to be made Doctors of, there
was a terrible crowding round; but they give us a good
place, and then sure enough they did begin to talk in
Latin or some other gibberish; but whether they were
talking to the Gineral, or who 'twas, I could n't tell. I
guess the Gineral was a little puzzled. But he never
said a word, only once in a while bowed a little. And
I spose he happened sometimes to put in the bows in the
wrong place, for I could see some of the sassy students
look up one side once in a while, and snicker out of one
corner of their mouths. Howsomever the Gineral stood
it out like a hero, and got through very well. And when
'twas over, I stept up to Mr Quincy and asked him if he
would n't be so good as to make me a Doctor of War,
and hinted to him a little about my services down to
Madawasca and among the nullifiers. At that he made
me a very polite bow, and says he, Major Downing, we
should be very happy to oblige you if we could, but we
never give any degrees of war here; all our degrees are
degrees of peace. So I find I shall have to practise war
in the natural way, let nullification, or what will, come.
After 'twas all over we went to Mr Quincy's and had a
capital dinner. And on the whole had about as good a
visit to Cambridge as most any where.
I meant to a told you considerable about Lowell, but
the steamboat goes so fast, I shant have time to. We
went all over the Factories; and there! I wont try to
say one word about 'em, for I've been filled with such a
wonderment ever since, that my ideas are all as big as
hay stacks, and if I should try to get one of 'em out of
my head, it would tear it all to pieces. It beat all that
ever I heard of before, and the Gineral said it beat all
that ever he heard of. But what made the Gineral hold
his head up and feel more like a soldier, than he had
before since he was at New Orleans, was when we
marched along the street by them are five thousand gals,
all dressed up and looking as pretty as million of butterflies.
The Gineral marched along as light as a boy,
and seems to me I never see his eyes shine so bright
afore. After we got along about to the middle of 'em,
he whispered to me, and says he, Major Downing, is
your Cousin Nabby here among 'em; if she is, I must
be introduced to her. I told him she was not; as they
were expecting us to come to Downingville, she staid
to home to help get ready. Well, says he, if any thing
should happen that we can't go to Downingville, you
must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Joshua to
come on to Washington to see me. I will bear all the
expenses, if they will only come, says he; these northern
gals are as much afore our southern and western
gals as can be, and I've thought of your Cousin Nabby
a great deal lately — he looked as though he was going
to say something more, but Mr Van Buren and the rest
of 'em crowded along up so near that it broke it off, and
we had to go along.
I see we've got most to York, and shall have to go ashore
in a few minutes, so I can't write any more now, but
remain vour sincere and loving friend,
