University of Virginia Library

LETTER XXXV.

Dear Uncle Josh. — It's pretty trying times here.
They carry on so like the old smoker, I dont hardly know
what to make of it. If I had n't said I would n't leave
Washington till I got an office, I dont know but I should
come back to Downingville and go to planting potatoes.
Them are Huntonites and Jacksonites down there in
Maine last winter were pretty clever sort of folks to what
these chaps are here. Cause down there if they got ever
so mad, they did n't do nothing but talk and jaw one
another; but here if any body does n't do to suit 'em,
fact they 'll up and shoot him in a minute. I did n't
think getting an office was such dangerous kind of business,
or I dont know as I should have tried it. Howsomever,
it's neck or nothing with me now, and I must
do something to try to get some money here, for I about
as lieves die as to undertake to foot it away back again
clear to the State of Maine. And as the folks have to go
armed here, I want you to put my old fowling piece into
the stage and send it on here as quick as possible. I

hope you'll be as quick as you can about it, for if I get
an office I shant dare to take it till I get my gun. They
come pretty near having a shooting scrape here yesterday.
The Telegraph paper said something about Mr
Eaton's wife. It was nothing that I should think they
need to make such a fuss about; it only said that some
of the ladies here refused to visit her. But some how or
other it made Mr Eaton as mad as a March hair. He
declared he'd fight somebody, he did n't care who.

The first man he happened to come at was Mr Ingham.
So he dared Mr Ingham out to fight. Not to box, as
they do sometimes up in Downingville, but to stand and
shoot at each other. But Mr Ingham would n't touch to,
and told him he was crazy. That made Mr Eaton ten
times more mad than he was before; and he declared
he'd flog him any how, whether he was willing or not.
So he got a gang of gentlemen yesterday to go with him
to the Treasury office where Mr Ingham does his writing,
and waited there and in a grog shop close by as
much as two hours for a chance to catch him and give it
to him. Mr Ingham was out a visiting in the city, and
when he got home his folks told him what was going on,
and begged him not to go to the office for he would certainly
be killed. Poh, says he, do you think I'm afraid
of them are blustering chaps? There's more smoke than
fire there, I can tell ye; give me my pistols, it is time for
me to go to the office. Some of the ladies cried, and some
almost fainted away. But he pacified 'em as well as he
could, and then set out for the office, and three or four
men went with him, and I guess they carried something
under their arms that would make daylight shine through
a feller pretty quick. And I guess the gang of gentlemen
waiting for him begun to smell a rat, for they cleared
out pretty soon and never touched him. But their
courage came again in the evening, and this same gang
of gentlemen turned out and marched up to Mr Ingham's
house, and threatened to burst the doors open and drag

him out by the hair of the head and skin him alive. I
thought this was carrying the joke rather too far, so I
tho't I'd put in my oar; for when I see any body run
upon too hard I cant help taking their part.

So I stepped up on to Mr Ingham's front door steps,
and threw my hat down, and rolled up my sleeves, and
spit on my hands; and by that time the chaps began to
stare at me a little. And now, says I, Major Eaton, this
is quite too bad. A man's house in his castle. Here's
Mr Ingham in his house as peaceable as a lamb; he is
n't a meddling with nobody, and you need n't think to
drag him out here to-night, I can tell ye. If you really
want to take a bit of a box, just throw away your powder
and ball, and here's the boy for you. I'll take a fist
or two with you and glad of the chance. You impudent
scoundrel, says he, who are you? what business is it to
you what I done? Clear out, or I'll send you where you
ought to been long ago. Well, then, you'll send me into
some good office, says I, for there's where I ought to
have been more than two years ago. Well, says he,
clear out, and up he come blustering along towards the
steps. But I jest put my foot down, and doubled up my
fist, and now, says I, Major Eaton, it wont be healthy for
you to come on to these steps to-night.

Says he, I'm going through that door whether or no.
Says I, you dont go through this door to-night, without
you pass over the dead body of Jack Downing of the State
of Maine. My stars, when they heard that, they dropt
their heads as quick as though they had been cut off, for
they did n't know who I was before. Major Eaton and
the whole gang of gentlemen with him turned right about
and marched away as still as a pack of whipped puppies.
They were afraid I should have 'em all up before the
President to-day, and have 'em turned out of office; for
it's got whispered round the city that the President sets
a great deal by me, and that I have a good deal of influence
with him.

This morning Mr Ingham started for Philadelphy.
Before he left, he thanked me a thousand times for defending
his house so well last night, and he wrote a letter
to the President, telling him all about the scrape. I went
a piece with him to see him safe out of the city on the
great road towards Baltimore.

About my prospects for an office, I cant tell you yet
how I shall come out. I've been in to see the President
a number of times, and he talks very favorable. I have
some chance to get in to be Secretary of War, if old
Judge White dont take it; and if I dont get that the
President says he 'll do the best he can for me.

I never had to be so strict a republican before in my
life as I've had to be since I've been here in order to get
the right side of the President. I'll tell you something
about it in my next, and about my visits to the President,
and a good many other famous things here.

P. S. Be sure and send the old gun as quick as possible.