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Stultifera Navis

or, The Modern Ship of Fools [by S. W. H. Ireland]

Ireland, W. H. (1777-1835)

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STULTIFERA NAVIS.

I.

SECTION I. OF FOOLISH UNPROFITABLE BOOKS.

II.

SECTION II. OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAR DISGUISED GARMENTS.

III.

SECTION III. OF OLD FOOLS—VIZ. THE LONGER THEY LIVE THE MORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO FOLLY.

IV.

SECTION IV. OF OLD FOOLS WHO HANKER AFTER YOUNG WOMEN.

V.

SECTION V. OF SUCH AS KNOW NOTHING, AND WILL LEARN NOTHING, OR OF FOOLS OPPRESSED BY THEIR OWN FOLLY.

VI.

SECTION VI. OF FOOLISH COUNSELLORS, JUDGES, AND MEN OF LAW.

VII.

SECTION VII. OF FOOLISH MODERN WIVES AND FASHIONABLES.

VIII.

SECTION VIII. OF FOOLS WHO CONTEMN AND DESPISE RELIGION.

IX.

SECTION IX. OF FOOLISH GLUTTONS AND DRUNKARDS.

X.

SECTION X. OF YOUNG FOOLS WHO MARRY OLD ONES FOR LOVE OF GOLD.

XI.

SECTION XI. OF VENAL FOOLS.

XII.

SECTION XII. OF FOOLS WHO MASQUERADE AT MIDNIGHT.

XIII.

SECTION XIII. OF FOOLS WHO SEEK FORTUNE AT GAMES OF CHANCE, &c.

XIV.

SECTION XIV. OF FOOLISH PRIESTS AND BABBLING PARSONS IN THE CHOIR.

XV.

SECTION XV. OF FOOLS WHO PRACTISE VILENESS OF MANNERS AT TABLE.

XVI.

SECTION XVI. OF AVARICIOUS FOOLS.

XVII.

SECTION XVII. OF THE VICE OF SLOTH IN FOOLS.

XVIII.

SECTION XVIII. OF FOOLISH FLATTERERS AND GLOSSERS.

XIX.

SECTION XIX. OF THE VANITY OF FOOLS.

XX.

SECTION XX. OF USURIOUS FOOLS.

XXI.

SECTION XXI. OF FOOLS WHO SUPERINTEND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.

XXII.

SECTION XXII. OF PRODIGAL FOOLS.

XXIII.

SECTION XXIII. OF CURIOUS AND PRYING FOOLS.

XXIV.

SECTION XXIV. OF THE FOOL THAT IS JEALOUS OF HIS WIFE WITHOUT A CAUSE.

XXV.

SECTION XXV. OF FOOLS THAT KNOW AND ARE INSTRUMENTAL TO THEIR WIVES' INCONSTANCY.

XXVI.

SECTION XXVI. OF FOOLS THAT ARE PASSIONATE AT TRIFLES.

XXVII.

SECTION XXVII. OF FOOLS WHO RELY ON THE STABILITY OF FORTUNE.

XXVIII.

SECTION XXVIII. OF FOOLISH SCOFFERS AND BACKBITERS.

XXIX.

SECTION XXIX. OF FOOLS THAT DO OTHER MEN'S BUSINESS, AND NEGLECT THEIR OWN.

XXX.

SECTION XXX. OF FOOLS WHO COLLECT OLD BOOKS AND PRINTS.

XXXI.

SECTION XXXI. OF FOOLISH ANTIQUARIES.

XXXII.

SECTION XXXII. OF FOOLS WHO DELIGHT IN THE CHASE.

XXXIII.

SECTION XXXIII. OF FOOLS WHO PRETEND TO DESPISE DEATH.

XXXIV.

SECTION XXXIV. OF DISCONTENTED FOOLS.

XXXV.

SECTION XXXV. OF FOOLS WHO GO TO LAW FOR TRIFLES.

XXXVI.

SECTION XXXVI. OF FOOLS WHO PROVIDE NOTHING IN YOUTH TO LIVE IN AGE.

XXXVII.

SECTION XXXVII. OF FOOLS WHO ARE IN LOVE.

XXXVIII.

SECTION XXXVIII. OF FOOLISH ASTRONOMERS AND STAR GAZERS.

XXXIX.

SECTION XXXIX. OF FOOLISH ALCHEMISTS.

XL.

SECTION XL. OF THE VAIN BOASTING OF FOOLS.

XLI.

SECTION XLI. OF AMBITIOUS FOOLS.

XLII.

SECTION XLII. OF FOOLS WHO BOAST THEIR ANCESTRY AND PEDIGREE.

XLIII.

SECTION XLIII. OF FOOLS WHO PURSUE UNPROFITABLE STUDY.

XLIV.

SECTION XLIV. OF FOOLISH POETS AND AUTHORS.

XLV.

SECTION XLV. OF IMPERIAL FOOLS.

XLVI.

SECTION XLVI. OF FOOLS WHO THINK NONE SO WISE AS THEMSELVES.

XLVII.

SECTION XLVII. OF FOOLS WHO DAILY PROLONG THEIR OWN AMENDMENT.

XLVIII.

SECTION XLVIII. OF NOBLE FOOLS.

XLIX.

SECTION XLIX. OF THE DISEASED FOOL, THAT WILL NOT ATTEND TO HIS PHYSICIAN.

L.

SECTION L. OF FOOLS THAT WILLINGLY PUT THEMSELVES IN THE WAY OF PERIL.

LI.

SECTION LI. OF GENTLEMEN FOOLS.

LII.

SECTION LII. OF FOOLS WHO IN AGE GIVE BAD EXAMPLES TO YOUTH.

LIII.

SECTION LIII. OF THE ENVIOUS FOOL.

LIV.

SECTION LIV. OF FOOLS WHO BELIEVE IN PREDESTINATION.

LV.

SECTION LV. OF MARTIAL FOOLS.

LVI.

SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.

LVII.

SECTION LVII. OF FOOLS WHO PLACE THEIR TRUST IN HERITAGE.

LVIII.

SECTION LVIII. OF TRADING FOOLS.

LIX.

SECTION LIX. OF FOOLS THAT WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH, FOR FEAR OF PUNISHMENT.

LX.

SECTION LX. OF FOOLS WHOSE LABOUR CONSTITUTES THEIR PLEASURE.

LXI.

SECTION LXI. OF FOOLS WHO DESPISE MISFORTUNE.

LXII.

SECTION LXII. OF THE FOLLY OF ALL THE WORLD.

LXIII.

SECTION LXIII. DESCRIPTION OF A WISE MAN.

LXIV.

SECTION LXIV. OF THE REWARD OF WISDOM .

LXV.

SECTION LXV. OF BACKBITERS, AND SUCH AS SHALL DESPISE THIS WORK.

LXVI.

SECTION LXVI. THE AUTHOR A FOOL.

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278

SECTION LXVI. THE AUTHOR A FOOL.

A fool, a fool! I met a fool i'the forest;
A motley fool—a miserable world—
As I do live by food, I met a fool.
Good morrow, fool, quoth I.—No, Sir; quoth he:
Call me not fool, till Heav'n hath sent me fortune.

As I've judg'd others, by that very rule,
Must I alike condemn myself for fool :

279

For who, that was not oaf, would take such pains,
To store a world of empty skulls with brains?
Then, row on, fools; my vessel's ably mann'd,
Well freighted, sense and virtue to withstand.
Vain are opponents: wisdom naught can do,
While this great globe's the ship—mankind the crew.

280

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Then trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

Heyday! What have we here? A very pretty confession, indeed! So, after all, I have only been annotating the sections of a fool: a glorious recompense, truly, for all my toil.—Yet, soft; let us not condemn too rashly: for, perhaps, the two next lines may be tantamount to the unsaying what hath been before said: therefore, by your leaves, gentle fools.

Ho! Ho! That's your meaning, is it, Mr. Poet? I now comprehend the text perfectly: ay, and must coincide with you in opinion, by calling you a most consummate fool. Why, as I live, there will not, perhaps, be one zany found, who will think fit to requite the bard, by even honouring his labours with a perusal; or, if any such should appear, what will avail all this exposition of folly, and the advice to fools? Why, it is but scattering chaff before the wind, or strewing pearls in the way of swine; and then, what are to become of all my notes, truly; and who is to repay me for the time I have expended, which might have been so much more profitably employed under the directions of a Minerva? Zounds and death! Why, I shall starve! Pens, ink, and paper too, as I live, all gone to pot! I have no remedy left but to publish, if I can get credit, that is to say. Therefore, imperial fools, noble fools, reverend fools, nay, fools all, do read me: and I was going to promise you a second volume in Praise of Folly; but another and a wiser man hath given it you before me.