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Stultifera Navis

or, The Modern Ship of Fools [by S. W. H. Ireland]

Ireland, W. H. (1777-1835)

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STULTIFERA NAVIS.

I.

SECTION I. OF FOOLISH UNPROFITABLE BOOKS.

II.

SECTION II. OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAR DISGUISED GARMENTS.

III.

SECTION III. OF OLD FOOLS—VIZ. THE LONGER THEY LIVE THE MORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO FOLLY.

IV.

SECTION IV. OF OLD FOOLS WHO HANKER AFTER YOUNG WOMEN.

V.

SECTION V. OF SUCH AS KNOW NOTHING, AND WILL LEARN NOTHING, OR OF FOOLS OPPRESSED BY THEIR OWN FOLLY.

VI.

SECTION VI. OF FOOLISH COUNSELLORS, JUDGES, AND MEN OF LAW.

VII.

SECTION VII. OF FOOLISH MODERN WIVES AND FASHIONABLES.

VIII.

SECTION VIII. OF FOOLS WHO CONTEMN AND DESPISE RELIGION.

IX.

SECTION IX. OF FOOLISH GLUTTONS AND DRUNKARDS.

X.

SECTION X. OF YOUNG FOOLS WHO MARRY OLD ONES FOR LOVE OF GOLD.

XI.

SECTION XI. OF VENAL FOOLS.

XII.

SECTION XII. OF FOOLS WHO MASQUERADE AT MIDNIGHT.

XIII.

SECTION XIII. OF FOOLS WHO SEEK FORTUNE AT GAMES OF CHANCE, &c.

XIV.

SECTION XIV. OF FOOLISH PRIESTS AND BABBLING PARSONS IN THE CHOIR.

XV.

SECTION XV. OF FOOLS WHO PRACTISE VILENESS OF MANNERS AT TABLE.

XVI.

SECTION XVI. OF AVARICIOUS FOOLS.

XVII.

SECTION XVII. OF THE VICE OF SLOTH IN FOOLS.

XVIII.

SECTION XVIII. OF FOOLISH FLATTERERS AND GLOSSERS.

XIX.

SECTION XIX. OF THE VANITY OF FOOLS.

XX.

SECTION XX. OF USURIOUS FOOLS.

XXI.

SECTION XXI. OF FOOLS WHO SUPERINTEND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.

XXII.

SECTION XXII. OF PRODIGAL FOOLS.

XXIII.

SECTION XXIII. OF CURIOUS AND PRYING FOOLS.

XXIV.

SECTION XXIV. OF THE FOOL THAT IS JEALOUS OF HIS WIFE WITHOUT A CAUSE.

XXV.

SECTION XXV. OF FOOLS THAT KNOW AND ARE INSTRUMENTAL TO THEIR WIVES' INCONSTANCY.

XXVI.

SECTION XXVI. OF FOOLS THAT ARE PASSIONATE AT TRIFLES.

XXVII.

SECTION XXVII. OF FOOLS WHO RELY ON THE STABILITY OF FORTUNE.

XXVIII.

SECTION XXVIII. OF FOOLISH SCOFFERS AND BACKBITERS.

XXIX.

SECTION XXIX. OF FOOLS THAT DO OTHER MEN'S BUSINESS, AND NEGLECT THEIR OWN.

XXX.

SECTION XXX. OF FOOLS WHO COLLECT OLD BOOKS AND PRINTS.

XXXI.

SECTION XXXI. OF FOOLISH ANTIQUARIES.

XXXII.

SECTION XXXII. OF FOOLS WHO DELIGHT IN THE CHASE.

XXXIII.

SECTION XXXIII. OF FOOLS WHO PRETEND TO DESPISE DEATH.

XXXIV.

SECTION XXXIV. OF DISCONTENTED FOOLS.

XXXV.

SECTION XXXV. OF FOOLS WHO GO TO LAW FOR TRIFLES.

XXXVI.

SECTION XXXVI. OF FOOLS WHO PROVIDE NOTHING IN YOUTH TO LIVE IN AGE.

XXXVII.

SECTION XXXVII. OF FOOLS WHO ARE IN LOVE.

XXXVIII.

SECTION XXXVIII. OF FOOLISH ASTRONOMERS AND STAR GAZERS.

XXXIX.

SECTION XXXIX. OF FOOLISH ALCHEMISTS.

XL.

SECTION XL. OF THE VAIN BOASTING OF FOOLS.

XLI.

SECTION XLI. OF AMBITIOUS FOOLS.

XLII.

SECTION XLII. OF FOOLS WHO BOAST THEIR ANCESTRY AND PEDIGREE.

XLIII.

SECTION XLIII. OF FOOLS WHO PURSUE UNPROFITABLE STUDY.

XLIV.

SECTION XLIV. OF FOOLISH POETS AND AUTHORS.

XLV.

SECTION XLV. OF IMPERIAL FOOLS.

XLVI.

SECTION XLVI. OF FOOLS WHO THINK NONE SO WISE AS THEMSELVES.

XLVII.

SECTION XLVII. OF FOOLS WHO DAILY PROLONG THEIR OWN AMENDMENT.

XLVIII.

SECTION XLVIII. OF NOBLE FOOLS.

XLIX.

SECTION XLIX. OF THE DISEASED FOOL, THAT WILL NOT ATTEND TO HIS PHYSICIAN.

L.

SECTION L. OF FOOLS THAT WILLINGLY PUT THEMSELVES IN THE WAY OF PERIL.

LI.

SECTION LI. OF GENTLEMEN FOOLS.

LII.

SECTION LII. OF FOOLS WHO IN AGE GIVE BAD EXAMPLES TO YOUTH.

LIII.

SECTION LIII. OF THE ENVIOUS FOOL.

LIV.

SECTION LIV. OF FOOLS WHO BELIEVE IN PREDESTINATION.

LV.

SECTION LV. OF MARTIAL FOOLS.

LVI.

SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.

LVII.

SECTION LVII. OF FOOLS WHO PLACE THEIR TRUST IN HERITAGE.

LVIII.

SECTION LVIII. OF TRADING FOOLS.

LIX.

SECTION LIX. OF FOOLS THAT WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH, FOR FEAR OF PUNISHMENT.

LX.

SECTION LX. OF FOOLS WHOSE LABOUR CONSTITUTES THEIR PLEASURE.

LXI.

SECTION LXI. OF FOOLS WHO DESPISE MISFORTUNE.

LXII.

SECTION LXII. OF THE FOLLY OF ALL THE WORLD.

LXIII.

SECTION LXIII. DESCRIPTION OF A WISE MAN.

LXIV.

SECTION LXIV. OF THE REWARD OF WISDOM .

LXV.

SECTION LXV. OF BACKBITERS, AND SUCH AS SHALL DESPISE THIS WORK.

LXVI.

SECTION LXVI. THE AUTHOR A FOOL.

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117

SECTION XXIX. OF FOOLS THAT DO OTHER MEN'S BUSINESS, AND NEGLECT THEIR OWN.

Aliena negotia curo, excussus propriis.

Some oafs there are so condescending,
So vastly fond of men's commending,
So prone at all times to be civil,
As to enact the thing that's evil.
Yet, when they thus the point attain,
And by their loss cause others' gain,
The world at large pursues one rule,
Forgets the favour and the fool .

118

A thousand proofs might be related,
Of time thus idly dissipated;
Yet none so well suits my reflection,
As busy fools at an Election :
Who think themselves the bless'd of fate,
In dining with the candidate;
Who, when return'd, pursues one rule,
For place discarding rights and fool.

Yet such is not the sole punition;
Of ills oft rise a coalition;

119

Which proves the stupid dolt's undoing,
Who would be others' work pursuing.
'Tis then his quondam friends turn tail,
And he who serv'd 'em rots in gaol;
Where, though too late, he learns this rule,
Who serves all but himself's—a fool.

L'ENVOY OF THE FOET.

None is so able favours to bestow,
As he whose labour gains the promis'd end;
By industry thus teaching men to know,
Who serves himself, can others' wants befriend.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

These are a silly tribe of ideots, who find their own concerns in life so vastly smooth, that they must needs meddle in the puddle of other men's disquietudes and follies, which are thereby very frequently transferred from the back of the sufferer to that of the fool who would be meddling; but that the reader may not say that I adduce facts without a proof, let me only ask him if he ever affixed his name to a promissory note for a distressed friend, without having himself to honour it, and on his reply will I ground my position. Let it not, however, be understood, that I mean to render every man selfish, and a niggard of his kindness, for such is by no means my intention; on the contrary, no man should withhold from extending his hand to support the falling, so long as he can conscientiously say, he neither injures himself or those connected with him: but it is to the stupid fool I would speak, who, discarding every rational caution, will, in despite of reason, clap his neck into the halter.

The folly of electioneering fools is, perhaps, of all others, the most conspicuous, for not only time is lost, to the prejudice of the man's family who embarks in this species of servitude, but he generally bestows his labour on one, whose first step will be to barter the liberty of his constituents for a place or a pension.