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Stultifera Navis

or, The Modern Ship of Fools [by S. W. H. Ireland]
Ireland, W. H. (1777-1835)
  
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DEDICATION.
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STULTIFERA NAVIS.
 I. 
SECTION I. OF FOOLISH UNPROFITABLE BOOKS.
 II. 
SECTION II. OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAR DISGUISED GARMENTS.
 III. 
SECTION III. OF OLD FOOLS—VIZ. THE LONGER THEY LIVE THE MORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO FOLLY.
 IV. 
SECTION IV. OF OLD FOOLS WHO HANKER AFTER YOUNG WOMEN.
 V. 
SECTION V. OF SUCH AS KNOW NOTHING, AND WILL LEARN NOTHING, OR OF FOOLS OPPRESSED BY THEIR OWN FOLLY.
 VI. 
SECTION VI. OF FOOLISH COUNSELLORS, JUDGES, AND MEN OF LAW.
 VII. 
SECTION VII. OF FOOLISH MODERN WIVES AND FASHIONABLES.
 VIII. 
SECTION VIII. OF FOOLS WHO CONTEMN AND DESPISE RELIGION.
 IX. 
SECTION IX. OF FOOLISH GLUTTONS AND DRUNKARDS.
 X. 
SECTION X. OF YOUNG FOOLS WHO MARRY OLD ONES FOR LOVE OF GOLD.
 XI. 
SECTION XI. OF VENAL FOOLS.
 XII. 
SECTION XII. OF FOOLS WHO MASQUERADE AT MIDNIGHT.
 XIII. 
SECTION XIII. OF FOOLS WHO SEEK FORTUNE AT GAMES OF CHANCE, &c.
 XIV. 
SECTION XIV. OF FOOLISH PRIESTS AND BABBLING PARSONS IN THE CHOIR.
 XV. 
SECTION XV. OF FOOLS WHO PRACTISE VILENESS OF MANNERS AT TABLE.
 XVI. 
SECTION XVI. OF AVARICIOUS FOOLS.
 XVII. 
SECTION XVII. OF THE VICE OF SLOTH IN FOOLS.
 XVIII. 
SECTION XVIII. OF FOOLISH FLATTERERS AND GLOSSERS.
 XIX. 
SECTION XIX. OF THE VANITY OF FOOLS.
 XX. 
SECTION XX. OF USURIOUS FOOLS.
 XXI. 
SECTION XXI. OF FOOLS WHO SUPERINTEND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
 XXII. 
SECTION XXII. OF PRODIGAL FOOLS.
 XXIII. 
SECTION XXIII. OF CURIOUS AND PRYING FOOLS.
 XXIV. 
SECTION XXIV. OF THE FOOL THAT IS JEALOUS OF HIS WIFE WITHOUT A CAUSE.
 XXV. 
SECTION XXV. OF FOOLS THAT KNOW AND ARE INSTRUMENTAL TO THEIR WIVES' INCONSTANCY.
 XXVI. 
SECTION XXVI. OF FOOLS THAT ARE PASSIONATE AT TRIFLES.
 XXVII. 
SECTION XXVII. OF FOOLS WHO RELY ON THE STABILITY OF FORTUNE.
 XXVIII. 
SECTION XXVIII. OF FOOLISH SCOFFERS AND BACKBITERS.
 XXIX. 
SECTION XXIX. OF FOOLS THAT DO OTHER MEN'S BUSINESS, AND NEGLECT THEIR OWN.
 XXX. 
SECTION XXX. OF FOOLS WHO COLLECT OLD BOOKS AND PRINTS.
 XXXI. 
SECTION XXXI. OF FOOLISH ANTIQUARIES.
 XXXII. 
SECTION XXXII. OF FOOLS WHO DELIGHT IN THE CHASE.
 XXXIII. 
SECTION XXXIII. OF FOOLS WHO PRETEND TO DESPISE DEATH.
 XXXIV. 
SECTION XXXIV. OF DISCONTENTED FOOLS.
 XXXV. 
SECTION XXXV. OF FOOLS WHO GO TO LAW FOR TRIFLES.
 XXXVI. 
SECTION XXXVI. OF FOOLS WHO PROVIDE NOTHING IN YOUTH TO LIVE IN AGE.
 XXXVII. 
SECTION XXXVII. OF FOOLS WHO ARE IN LOVE.
 XXXVIII. 
SECTION XXXVIII. OF FOOLISH ASTRONOMERS AND STAR GAZERS.
 XXXIX. 
SECTION XXXIX. OF FOOLISH ALCHEMISTS.
 XL. 
SECTION XL. OF THE VAIN BOASTING OF FOOLS.
 XLI. 
SECTION XLI. OF AMBITIOUS FOOLS.
 XLII. 
SECTION XLII. OF FOOLS WHO BOAST THEIR ANCESTRY AND PEDIGREE.
 XLIII. 
SECTION XLIII. OF FOOLS WHO PURSUE UNPROFITABLE STUDY.
 XLIV. 
SECTION XLIV. OF FOOLISH POETS AND AUTHORS.
 XLV. 
SECTION XLV. OF IMPERIAL FOOLS.
 XLVI. 
SECTION XLVI. OF FOOLS WHO THINK NONE SO WISE AS THEMSELVES.
 XLVII. 
SECTION XLVII. OF FOOLS WHO DAILY PROLONG THEIR OWN AMENDMENT.
 XLVIII. 
SECTION XLVIII. OF NOBLE FOOLS.
 XLIX. 
SECTION XLIX. OF THE DISEASED FOOL, THAT WILL NOT ATTEND TO HIS PHYSICIAN.
 L. 
SECTION L. OF FOOLS THAT WILLINGLY PUT THEMSELVES IN THE WAY OF PERIL.
 LI. 
SECTION LI. OF GENTLEMEN FOOLS.
 LII. 
SECTION LII. OF FOOLS WHO IN AGE GIVE BAD EXAMPLES TO YOUTH.
 LIII. 
SECTION LIII. OF THE ENVIOUS FOOL.
 LIV. 
SECTION LIV. OF FOOLS WHO BELIEVE IN PREDESTINATION.
 LV. 
SECTION LV. OF MARTIAL FOOLS.
 LVI. 
SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.
 LVII. 
SECTION LVII. OF FOOLS WHO PLACE THEIR TRUST IN HERITAGE.
 LVIII. 
SECTION LVIII. OF TRADING FOOLS.
 LIX. 
SECTION LIX. OF FOOLS THAT WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH, FOR FEAR OF PUNISHMENT.
 LX. 
SECTION LX. OF FOOLS WHOSE LABOUR CONSTITUTES THEIR PLEASURE.
 LXI. 
SECTION LXI. OF FOOLS WHO DESPISE MISFORTUNE.
 LXII. 
SECTION LXII. OF THE FOLLY OF ALL THE WORLD.
 LXIII. 
SECTION LXIII. DESCRIPTION OF A WISE MAN.
 LXIV. 
SECTION LXIV. OF THE REWARD OF WISDOM .
 LXV. 
SECTION LXV. OF BACKBITERS, AND SUCH AS SHALL DESPISE THIS WORK.
 LXVI. 
SECTION LXVI. THE AUTHOR A FOOL.

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253

SECTION LVIII. OF TRADING FOOLS.

Fortuna multis dat nimium, nulli satis.

To gold this fool pays such devotion,
That, to ensure the precious store,
He, on the wide, inconstant ocean,
Ventures his certain wealth for more .
Now billows raging, winds loud beating,
Soon the fragile bark destroy:
Or, if rocks, shoals, or quicksands meeting,
Farewell the golden dreams of joy .
254

But, if dame fortune, less capricious,
Wafts to thee the precious mine;
Awake, thou fear'st—while dreams suspicious,
Ev'ry succeeding night are thine .
For what's possess'd, thou prov'st ungracious;
And thus defy'st all common sense;
Relying on pursuit fallacious,
Though bless'd with ease and competence.
Thus ever thankless fools, unsteady,
Spite of their reason, act amiss:
And, to exchange for ills, are ready,
The body's ease and mental bliss .
255

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Take special care, my friend, of what is thine;
For, this plain truth I'd have thee understand;
The storm will follow, tho' the sun doth shine:
Two birds in bush are not worth one in hand.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.
 

When the mercantile fool acts thus, he may well exclaim, Fortunæ cætera mando: or verify the Italian proverb, that says, A torto si lamenta del mare, chi due volte ei vuol tornare.

When the evil arrives, the fool then recollects the words of Syrus too late, who saith, Fortuna vitrea est, tum cum splendet, frangitur.

This stanza of the poet brings to mind the words of Shakspeare, who, speaking of fortune, thus expresses himself:

Will fortune never come with both hands full;
But write her fair words still in foulest letters?
She either gives a stomach, and no food;
Such are the poor in health: or else, a feast,
And takes away the stomach: such the rich,
That have abundance, and enjoy it not,

No country can afford more instances of maniac, speculative fools, than England, where they not only risk their fortunes in ventures abroad, but will equally grasp at any mad scheme at home. Some delve for mines in the bowels of the earth, and procure naught but dust for their cost and pains; whilst others must build houses for wise men to purchase at half price, when the speculator has become a bankrupt. In short, there is nothing too absurd for the folly of discontented minds, which prompts them to exchange affluence for poverty, ease and liberty, for the confines of a gaol.

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