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Stultifera Navis

or, The Modern Ship of Fools [by S. W. H. Ireland]
  

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 L. 
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 LVI. 
SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.
 LVII. 
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246

SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.

Al firnir del givoco si ve de chi guadagna.

He fights against experience stout,
That, always losing, holds it out;
And, knowing nothing of the game,
Makes skilful players do the same;
Who, leading card for him to answer,
He'll only do it by mere chance, sir .
Supposing hundreds were at stake,
And all the senses wide awake,

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'Tis sure enough to make one sick,
When, fighting hard for single trick,
To view the fool, who then might choose it,
Trump your best card, and thereby lose it .
'Gainst player fam'd the ideot see,
Who bets at billiards gallantly,
To strike a cannon, pocket balls;
When mark what sad mischance befalls:
He makes the daring effort, silly elf!
And, missing all, naught pockets but himself .
In all those games which skill require,
Your fools, thus obstinate, admire

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To persevere, and thereby choose
Their time and cash at once to lose.
Nay, more—they'll laugh, and think it funny,
To squander thus their partner's money .

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

If thou enact'st the zany, 'tis no rule,
That others should be deck'd in ideot fame.
'Tis, sure, enough to play thyself the fool;
And not make them the partners of thy game.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.
 

This is, certainly, a very amusing circumstance; particularly when the partner has betted upon the rubber with half a dozen persons; and expects, that what was the effect of chance, originated in a thorough knowledge of the game, which he too soon finds out, by lamentable experience, was not the case.

For a splenetic man, and a very fine player, or a crabbed old maid, that has, for the last twenty years, been glued to a whist table, and who places great reliance on her card money, to experience this circumstance, is a shock easier conceived than expressed, and productive of effects, not unlikely to set all the company present in a dreadful uproar.

This game, which solely depends on science and practice, is too often mangled by unskilful hands: and the ridiculous attitudes into which it frequently throws, not only the player, but the bye standers, is well exposed in Bunbury's caricature of the Billiard Room.

This race of fools is very extensive; no card room being without some of its votaries, to the no small discomfiture of such as have to own them for partners in a game.