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Stultifera Navis

or, The Modern Ship of Fools [by S. W. H. Ireland]
Ireland, W. H. (1777-1835)
  
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DEDICATION.
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STULTIFERA NAVIS.
 I. 
SECTION I. OF FOOLISH UNPROFITABLE BOOKS.
 II. 
SECTION II. OF NEW FASHIONS, AND FOOLS THAT WEAR DISGUISED GARMENTS.
 III. 
SECTION III. OF OLD FOOLS—VIZ. THE LONGER THEY LIVE THE MORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO FOLLY.
 IV. 
SECTION IV. OF OLD FOOLS WHO HANKER AFTER YOUNG WOMEN.
 V. 
SECTION V. OF SUCH AS KNOW NOTHING, AND WILL LEARN NOTHING, OR OF FOOLS OPPRESSED BY THEIR OWN FOLLY.
 VI. 
SECTION VI. OF FOOLISH COUNSELLORS, JUDGES, AND MEN OF LAW.
 VII. 
SECTION VII. OF FOOLISH MODERN WIVES AND FASHIONABLES.
 VIII. 
SECTION VIII. OF FOOLS WHO CONTEMN AND DESPISE RELIGION.
 IX. 
SECTION IX. OF FOOLISH GLUTTONS AND DRUNKARDS.
 X. 
SECTION X. OF YOUNG FOOLS WHO MARRY OLD ONES FOR LOVE OF GOLD.
 XI. 
SECTION XI. OF VENAL FOOLS.
 XII. 
SECTION XII. OF FOOLS WHO MASQUERADE AT MIDNIGHT.
 XIII. 
SECTION XIII. OF FOOLS WHO SEEK FORTUNE AT GAMES OF CHANCE, &c.
 XIV. 
SECTION XIV. OF FOOLISH PRIESTS AND BABBLING PARSONS IN THE CHOIR.
 XV. 
SECTION XV. OF FOOLS WHO PRACTISE VILENESS OF MANNERS AT TABLE.
 XVI. 
SECTION XVI. OF AVARICIOUS FOOLS.
 XVII. 
SECTION XVII. OF THE VICE OF SLOTH IN FOOLS.
 XVIII. 
SECTION XVIII. OF FOOLISH FLATTERERS AND GLOSSERS.
 XIX. 
SECTION XIX. OF THE VANITY OF FOOLS.
 XX. 
SECTION XX. OF USURIOUS FOOLS.
 XXI. 
SECTION XXI. OF FOOLS WHO SUPERINTEND THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
 XXII. 
SECTION XXII. OF PRODIGAL FOOLS.
 XXIII. 
SECTION XXIII. OF CURIOUS AND PRYING FOOLS.
 XXIV. 
SECTION XXIV. OF THE FOOL THAT IS JEALOUS OF HIS WIFE WITHOUT A CAUSE.
 XXV. 
SECTION XXV. OF FOOLS THAT KNOW AND ARE INSTRUMENTAL TO THEIR WIVES' INCONSTANCY.
 XXVI. 
SECTION XXVI. OF FOOLS THAT ARE PASSIONATE AT TRIFLES.
 XXVII. 
SECTION XXVII. OF FOOLS WHO RELY ON THE STABILITY OF FORTUNE.
 XXVIII. 
SECTION XXVIII. OF FOOLISH SCOFFERS AND BACKBITERS.
 XXIX. 
SECTION XXIX. OF FOOLS THAT DO OTHER MEN'S BUSINESS, AND NEGLECT THEIR OWN.
 XXX. 
SECTION XXX. OF FOOLS WHO COLLECT OLD BOOKS AND PRINTS.
 XXXI. 
SECTION XXXI. OF FOOLISH ANTIQUARIES.
 XXXII. 
SECTION XXXII. OF FOOLS WHO DELIGHT IN THE CHASE.
 XXXIII. 
SECTION XXXIII. OF FOOLS WHO PRETEND TO DESPISE DEATH.
 XXXIV. 
SECTION XXXIV. OF DISCONTENTED FOOLS.
 XXXV. 
SECTION XXXV. OF FOOLS WHO GO TO LAW FOR TRIFLES.
 XXXVI. 
SECTION XXXVI. OF FOOLS WHO PROVIDE NOTHING IN YOUTH TO LIVE IN AGE.
 XXXVII. 
SECTION XXXVII. OF FOOLS WHO ARE IN LOVE.
 XXXVIII. 
SECTION XXXVIII. OF FOOLISH ASTRONOMERS AND STAR GAZERS.
 XXXIX. 
SECTION XXXIX. OF FOOLISH ALCHEMISTS.
 XL. 
SECTION XL. OF THE VAIN BOASTING OF FOOLS.
 XLI. 
SECTION XLI. OF AMBITIOUS FOOLS.
 XLII. 
SECTION XLII. OF FOOLS WHO BOAST THEIR ANCESTRY AND PEDIGREE.
 XLIII. 
SECTION XLIII. OF FOOLS WHO PURSUE UNPROFITABLE STUDY.
 XLIV. 
SECTION XLIV. OF FOOLISH POETS AND AUTHORS.
 XLV. 
SECTION XLV. OF IMPERIAL FOOLS.
 XLVI. 
SECTION XLVI. OF FOOLS WHO THINK NONE SO WISE AS THEMSELVES.
 XLVII. 
SECTION XLVII. OF FOOLS WHO DAILY PROLONG THEIR OWN AMENDMENT.
 XLVIII. 
SECTION XLVIII. OF NOBLE FOOLS.
 XLIX. 
SECTION XLIX. OF THE DISEASED FOOL, THAT WILL NOT ATTEND TO HIS PHYSICIAN.
 L. 
SECTION L. OF FOOLS THAT WILLINGLY PUT THEMSELVES IN THE WAY OF PERIL.
 LI. 
SECTION LI. OF GENTLEMEN FOOLS.
 LII. 
SECTION LII. OF FOOLS WHO IN AGE GIVE BAD EXAMPLES TO YOUTH.
 LIII. 
SECTION LIII. OF THE ENVIOUS FOOL.
 LIV. 
SECTION LIV. OF FOOLS WHO BELIEVE IN PREDESTINATION.
 LV. 
SECTION LV. OF MARTIAL FOOLS.
 LVI. 
SECTION LVI. OF FOOLS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND A GAME, AND YET WILL PLAY.
 LVII. 
SECTION LVII. OF FOOLS WHO PLACE THEIR TRUST IN HERITAGE.
 LVIII. 
SECTION LVIII. OF TRADING FOOLS.
 LIX. 
SECTION LIX. OF FOOLS THAT WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH, FOR FEAR OF PUNISHMENT.
 LX. 
SECTION LX. OF FOOLS WHOSE LABOUR CONSTITUTES THEIR PLEASURE.
 LXI. 
SECTION LXI. OF FOOLS WHO DESPISE MISFORTUNE.
 LXII. 
SECTION LXII. OF THE FOLLY OF ALL THE WORLD.
 LXIII. 
SECTION LXIII. DESCRIPTION OF A WISE MAN.
 LXIV. 
SECTION LXIV. OF THE REWARD OF WISDOM .
 LXV. 
SECTION LXV. OF BACKBITERS, AND SUCH AS SHALL DESPISE THIS WORK.
 LXVI. 
SECTION LXVI. THE AUTHOR A FOOL.

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228

SECTION LII. OF FOOLS WHO IN AGE GIVE BAD EXAMPLES TO YOUTH.

------Velocius ac citius nos,
Corrumpunt vitiorum exempla domestica, magnis,
Cum subeant animos auctoribus.

If old fools are to eating prone,
And will indulge when at the table;
'Tis little wonder sense must own,
That youths should guttle while they're able.
If grey hairs will get drunk with wines,
And yield to shameful conversation;
No wonder youth that way inclines,
And wafts to lewdness his oblation .
229

If dotards will be fops and game,
And 'spite of impotence be wenching ;
Why feel surprise? youth doth the same,
Whose raging fuel needs some quenching.
If mothers will give bad advice,
'Tis little wonder that the daughter
Is not in virtue over nice,
When we reflect the parent taught her .

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

If moral thou wouldst see the rising race,
Beware, nor let thy faults appear in view;
Such conduct will their dawning ills efface,
And they'll prove virtuous, finding worth in you.
230

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis,
Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.
 

If we are to judge of our ancestors, by the conduct of the rising generation, they must indeed have been very expert practitioners in every species of debauchery and iniquity; as we may well exclaim to ninety-nine out of the hundred of both sexes in the present era, Ecce signum!

We certainly have a sufficiency of old fools, both with and without titles, to corrupt any youthful race that has flourished since the period of our great progenitor Adam, and on the score of conversation, they certainly verify the Latin proverb,

Corrumpunt bonos mores, colloquia prava.

Would to Heaven that the string of divorces, which has of late years contaminated the page of female morality in high life, did not avouch the truth of our Poet's assertion, and that the conduct of modern wives was not an escort to these lines from Butler.

When o'er the breeches greedy women,
Fight to extend their vast dominion;
When wives their sexes shift like hares,
And ride their husbands, like night mares;
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[OMITTED]
For when men by their wives are cow'd,
Their horns of course are understood.

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