University of Virginia Library

The Right-Hand,—'twas but t'other day,
Thus to the Left was heard to say:
“If some folks knew themselves, 'twere well,
“Give 'em an inch, they'll take an ell;
“'Twou'd be with manners more consistent,
“If, Sir, you kept a little distant;
“Tho' now and then I condescend
“To use you as a menial friend,
“Kindly to clasp, embrace, and shake ye,
“When frosty seasons chilly make ye;
“Because, forsooth, I sometimes stoop,
“You seem to ride quite cock o' hoop;
“And dare, tho' so much underbred,
“Equal with me to hold your head:—
“If to your proper use apply'd,
“You're only fit to wipe b---e,
“Or some such servile work—whilst I
“The noblest scenes of art supply:
“By me his Wonders Genius shows
“By me the mimic canvas glows;
“And what the Sister Nine indite,
“Were lost, if I, Sir, did not write:
“'Tis I who Wisdom's Truths explain,
“I'm premier Midwife to the brain;
“Lovers by me their pains reveal,
“The cards I shuffle, cut and deal:
“But what's superior to the rest,
“What makes me most supremely blest,
“The Fair I'm licens'd to approach,
“To touch, and lead 'em to their coach;
“Thus blest, 'tis I, Sir, can impart
“Raptures most trilling to the heart;
“While you, with aukwardness disguis'd,
“Are to a proverb ev'n, despis'd:
“So good Sinister, judge the sequel,
“You're not to think yourself my equal.”

Sinister, cool and free from passion,
Thus answer'd Dexter his Relation.

“Good Brother—for say what you will,
“You're only my Twin-brother still;—
“What's all this mighty fuss about?
“You quite forget yourself, I doubt;—
“In ev'ry thing you undertake,
“What a fine figure you must make
“By me unaided, worthy Sir!
“You'd look as strange as one-ear'd Cur:
“You know in quibbling I delight,
“You're sometimes Wrong, tho' always Right:
“In every monument of Art
“I never fail to bear a part;
“The Muses' bus'ness I cou'd do
“Upon a pinch, as well as you;
“And with the Fair the Hand that gives
“The heart, and mutually receives,
“Or Right or Left, 'tis all the same;
“Such trifles burning hearts disclaim:—
“One plea you must admit as true,
“I'm nearer to the heart than you:
“In Dancing too—nay, never stare,—
“Right hand and Left my worth declare;
“And Hoyle himself, without my aid,
“Wou'd find Quadrille an aukward trade.

“Those great advantages you boast,
“Are accidental at the most;
“To Education they are due,
“Not to intrinsic worth in you:
“With equal talents born, had I
“Been taught my talents to apply,
“You had not call'd me your Inferior,
“But, envious, found me your Superior;
“For Envy in that breast must dwell,
“That with Pride's meanness thus can swell.

“What's yours, Chance might have made another's,
“Tho' Right and Left we still are Brothers.”

How sweeter far the garden rose,
To that which on the hedges grows!
How diff'rent Afric's tawny race,
From those who Europe's climates grace!
Tho' Nature the foundation lays,
Art must the superstructure raise;
And the Criterion of each station,
Proceeds alone from Education.