University of Virginia Library

Let women their own causes plead,
'Tis ten to one but they succeed.

For many years, with conq'ring sword
Tebald the brave, Spoletto's lord,
His valour 'gainst the Greeks had shwon,
And shook Emanuel on his throne;
Yet tho' with foes he strew'd the plain,
His Hydra foes start up again;
Surpriz'd, he found the more he slew,
His enemies more numerous grew:—
In order to their diminution,
He form'd the strangest resolution;
Throughout his camp he orders gave,
That ev'ry Grecian captive slave,
In battle for the future taken,
Shou'd without mercy be—Castraten,
(A kind of punishment, ye Fair,
Poor Abelard was doom'd to bear)
And in that order kindly sent,
By way of friendly compliment,
To the Greek Emp'ror, in whose grace
Castratos held the foremost place;
One pipe destroy'd, it was intended
The other thereby should be mended:
For all your naturalists own,
That when the bee becomes a drone,
Tho', stingless, he can work no more,
He humms far sweeter than before;
This Tebald boasted in his mirth,
Was killing foes before their birth;
The axe applying to a root,
Which cut, again would never shoot;
“Oxen were harmless beasts, he swore,
“But bulls enrag'd wou'd toss and gore;
“And Greeks, when of the neutral kind,
“No Hydra foes cou'd leave behind,
“Nor with that holy text comply,
“Which bids—Increase and multiply.”

Affairs for some time thus went on,
And many a captive was undone;
When one day (Tebald in his tent,
Among his lords in merriment)
A Grecian dame, whose lusty mate
Had by the cruel hand of Fate
Been captive made, and bid prepare
To lose—what Madam cou'd not spare,
Into the Gen'ral's presence broke,
And, kneeling, thus the Prince bespoke:

“Is Tebald's glory sunk so far,
“Against weak Woman to make war?
“And shall that sword, which in the field
“Has ever made his rivals yield,
“Which not by man can be withstood,
“Be poorly stain'd with woman's blood?—
“Heroes, and Tebald sure is one,
“To us have still protection shewn:
“A Cock counts all his brethren foes,
“But among Hens he peaceful crows;
“Tho' Bull gores Bull, yet still he scorns
“To plunge within the Cow his horns;
“Have mercy then, most potent Lord,
“Nor with our blood debase your sword.”

The Prince, amaz'd, accosts the Dame—
“Why brand'st thou, undeserv'd, my name?
“When was it ever known, he said,
“That female blood by me was shed?
“Or since the Amazonian race,
“(Of your soft sex the foul disgrace)
“Can it with justice be averr'd,
“That war with woman was declar'd?”

“What war more cruel, cries the Fair,
“Can Tebald 'gainst our sex declare?
“You rob our mates of what kind Heaven
“Has for our health and pleasure given;
“It gives us in our children, wealth;
“Your Lady knows it causes health;
“To that, my Lord, each wedded dame
“Pleads an exclusive lawful claim,
“And mutilating Nature's stem,
“Is mutilating Us, not Them:
“For goods and cattle I ne'er griev'd,
“Cattle and goods may be retriev'd,
“But woman,—once that comfort gone,
“Is irretrievably undone;
“For mercy then let Truth implore,
“Nor lay our murders at your door.”

Th' admiring chiefs, with loud applause
Back her request and plead her cause;
Ev'n Tebald's Princess, with each look
A feeling approbation spoke;
For shou'd the chance of War, she thinks,
(And at the thought she inward shrinks)
Throw Tebald in the captive's place,
Alas! how frightful her own case!—

“Your pray'r, quo' Tebald, shou'd I grant,
“With all and every thing you want;
“If on the hostile bloody plain,
“Once more your husband wear my chain,
“Say woman, what are you content
“Shou'd be the ingrate's punishment?”

“My Lord, the honest Dame replies,
“My husband has—legs, arms, and eyes;
“These are his own;—and if once more
“Ungrateful, he shou'd force your power,
“They're yours in right of Victory;
“Take them, my Lord, but rob not me.”

Tebald convinc'd admits her prayer,
Nor longer mutilates the Fair;
The army with a loud acclaim,
Hail the plain-spoken honest Dame:—
The chiefs with presents large reward her,
And thro' the camp in safety guard her;
Which done—with her beloved spouse
She arm in arm regains her house;
Not quite recover'd of her fright,
Till well convinc'd that All was right.