University of Virginia Library

20. XX.
THE MASSACHUSETTS DENTAL ASSOCIATION.

While deeply interested in the discussion of the
luxurious repast provided for the happy guests of
this mansion yesterday afternoon, my attention
was diverted by the sound of music of a wild and
Saracenic description, resounding from the exterior
of the building. The melody appeared to be
that portion of the “Battle of Prague” which
represents the “cries of the wounded,” accompanied
by an unlimited amount of exertion on the
part of the operator on the bass drum. Hastily
rushing to the window, bearing elevated on my
fork the large potato from which I had partially
removed the cuticle, (Stevens gives us enormous
potatoes, it takes twenty minutes to skin one properly,)
I beheld a procession, numbering some three
or four hundred, all in their Sunday clothes, every

man with a cigar in his mouth, slowly and solemnly
moving past the hotel. They bore a banner at
their head, on which was depicted an enormous
cork-screw, or some instrument of that description,
with the motto “A long pull, a strong pull, and a
pull all together.” Judge of my astonishment
and delight in recognizing in the beam of this banner,
my old friend, the philanthropic tushmaker,
of wide-spread dental renown. As the procession
reached the front of the hotel, each man threw
away his cigar, and having replaced it by a large
quid of tobacco, defiled on the esplanade beneath
the piazza in a tolerably straight line, and then
gazing intently at the windows, opened his mouth,
from one auricular orifice to the other, and showed
his teeth. Never have I seen so glittering a display.
Filled with curiosity, I was about to ask an
explanation, when my friend Doolittle from Androscoggin,
who had rushed to the window at the
same time with myself, saved me from the trouble,
by demanding with an incoherent and exceedingly
nasal pronunciation, “Why, what on airth is this
ere?” “This,” replied the courteous Hiram,
whose suavity of manner is only equalled by the
beauty of his person, “this, sir, is the American
Dental Association, composed of members from all
parts of both continents, and the British West
India Islands.” “Jerewsalem,” said Doolittle,
“three hundred tewth carpenters!”

It was indeed a thrilling spectacle. To think
of the amount of agony that body of men had
produced, and were capable of yet producing, to
think of the blood they had shed, and of their
daring and impetuous charges, after the gory action
was over! The immortal charge of the six
hundred at Balaclava was not a circumstance to
the charges made daily by this three hundred.
As Hiram had truly said, these were dentists from
all parts of the civilized world and elsewhere.
There was the elegant city practitioner, with shiny
hat and straw colored gloves, side by side with the
gentleman from the country, who hauls a man all
over the floor for two hours, for a quarter of a
dollar, and gives him the worth of his money. I

[ILLUSTRATION]

SEDAN-CHAIRS AND PANNIERS.—See page 244.

[Description: 548EAF. Illustration Page. Two boxed line drawings. The upper one shows two men carrying another man, whose legs protrude, in a sedan chair. The lower one shows a donkey carrying two large baskets. ]

observed that forty-seven of them wore white hats,
and two hundred and sixty-eight used tobacco in
some form. There can be no question that this
substance is a preservative to the teeth. I observed,
in the rear rank, the ingenious gentleman
who invented the sudden though painful method
of extracting a tooth by climbing a tree, and connecting
by a catgut string the offending member
with a stout limb, and then jumping down; a
highly successful mode of operation, but not calculated
to become popular, in the community. He
wore buckskin moccasins and did not appear to be
enjoying a successful practice.

But while I gazed with deep interest upon the
assembly, the band struck up “Tom Tug,” and
away they went. Three times they encircled the
hotel, then “with their wings aslant, like the fierce
cormorant “swooped down upon the bar, registered
their names, and took a grand united Federal
drink, (each man paying for himself.) Here
toasts and sentiments were the order of the day.
“The American Dental Association, like watermen,

we pull one way and look another.” — “A
three dollar cavity, very filling at the price.” —
“The woodcock, emblem of dentistry — he picks
up his living from the holes and passes in a precious
long bill.” The memory of Dr. Beale,
drank standing. These, with other sentiments of
a similarly meritorious character were given, and
received with great applause.

Having all drank from the flowing bowl, the association
again formed in line in front of the piazzas,
which were now crowded with a curious and
admiring throng, and sang with surprising harmony
the following beautiful, plaintive and appropriate
chant: —

This chant finished, and the applause subsiding,
an air of gravity came over the association, and
the president, Dr. Tushmaker, stepping forward,
announced that a few pleasing and wonderful performances
would now be gone through with, with
the object of exhibiting the dexterity acquired by
the members of the society. Then turning to the
line he gave the command, “Draw!” In an instant
every one of the association was armed with
a brilliant turnscrew. “Fix!” shouted Dr. Tushmaker,
and each member opened his mouth and
attached the fearful instrument to a back tooth.
“Haul!” screamed the doctor. “Hold, for
God's sake,” shouted I, but it was too late; three
hundred double fanged back teeth, dripping with
blood, were held exultant in the air. The association
looked cool and collected; there might have
been pain, but, like the Spartan boy, they repressed
it; the ladies with a wild cry of horror fled from
the piazza. “Replace!” shouted Dr. Tushmaker,
and in an instant every tooth returned to

the mouth whence it came, I understood it at
once, it was ball practice with blank cartridge —
they were all false teeth. Several other interesting
exercises were gone through with. A hackman
passing by on his carriage was placed under
the influence of chloroform, all his teeth extracted
without pain, and an entire new and elegant
set put in their place, all in forty-two seconds.
His appearance was wonderfully improved; he had
been known, for years, as “snaggled toothed Bill,”
but a new and more complimentary title will have
to be devised for him. Wonderful are the improvements
of science. At 5 o'clock the procession was
reformed, and the band played “Pull Brothers,
Pull,” the association moved off, returning by the
Nelly Baker to Boston.

I have never seen three hundred dentists together
before, and I don't believe any body else
ever did, but I consider it a pleasing and an improving
spectacle, and would suggest that the next
time they meet they make an excursion which

shall combine business with pleasure, and all go
down together and remove the snags from the
mouth of the Mississippi.