 | IX.
LIFE IN PANAMA. The Squibob papers |  |
9. IX.
LIFE IN PANAMA.
Scene. — The interior of one of our principal
hotels. — Gen. Plates, the “spirited proprietor
is discovered sitting behind his bar, engaged in
the pleasing occupation of estimating the profits
of the day, and reflecting on his “sacred honor.”
A long table is seen in an adjoining apartment,
covered with dirty sheets, and lavishly spread
with dark boiled rice, jerked beef, hard bread
and the other delicacies of the season. Deep
groans are heard at intervals from the two hundred
and forty famished boarders, imprisoned
and partially smothering in squads of five in
small pens, six feet by eight. A decidedly unwholesome
effluvia pervades the entire building.
Gen. Plates (reflectively). — Two hundred
and forty boarders, at two dollars a day, is, let
me see, twice oughts an ought, and — four hundred
and eighty dollars, from which take for expenses,
say five dollars, leaves a clear profit of—
(Enter Dodge, Blatherskite, Flatbroke
and others.)
Dodge.— Well, General, the steamer are here,
and me and the boys is bound to go. Now, we've
been a living with you for two weeks, and what with
the derned monte banks and other extravagances,
we're completely busted, and havn't a red to pay
our bills with.
Gen. Plates. — Why, d—n your impudence,
—
Blatherskite, — Oh, dry up, General. Here,
just take a look at this here, [Hands a document
to Plates, who reads aloud:]
TO THE PUBLIC.
Lion's Den, Oct. 1, 1852.
To Gen. Plates, Col. T. Cupp, Lt.-Col. Saucer, and Maj. Pott.
Gentlemen, — At a large and respectable meeting
room of your exquisite hotel.
A. Dodge, Esq., of Texas, was called to the
Chair, and Kosciusko Blatherskite, of New Foundland,
chosen Secretary.
On motion of Capt. Flatbroke, a committee
was appointed to draft resolutions, expressive of
the sense of the meeting, consisting of Mr. Dunep,
Dr. Busted, and Capt. Flatbroke, who retired a
few minutes, and returned with the following preamble
and resolutions:
Whereas, it becomes us all to be grateful and
benevolent to all who treat us with impunity; we
cannot therefore resist the incumbent duty that
is now forced to devolve upon us, of expressing at
the following time our sentiments in regard to our
kind reception, elegant entertainment and genteel
treatment by Messrs. Plates & Co., the worthable
proprietors of the Lion's Den, in this city; and
when we think on the above, we would, in our
unitarian capacity, give emitterance to the following
resolutions:
Resolved 1st.—That since we landed at Aspinwall,
we have been treated awfully by everybody,
and plundered beside, except General Plates & Co.
Resolved 2nd.—That we advise hereby most
earnestly all our friends, who intend to cross the
Isthmus, to go by the way of Cape Horn.
Resolved 3rd.—That we deem the Lion's Den
at Panama, under its present management, equal
to any house in the United States, and rather
a-head of the Astor House and Lovejoy's Hotel.
Resolved 4th.—That we consider General
Plates & Co. perfect gentlemen, and that they
spare no pains or expense to appear so.
Resolved 5th.—That we caution all travelers
across this Isthmus against the Montebanks and
the Peter Funks on this route, for our experience
calls forth our most bitter indignation as American
citizens.
Resolved 6th.—That the proceedings of this
meeting be presented to General Plates & Co. and
published in the Panama papers, the New York
and the Farmers' Almanac, for 1853.
And 1600 others.
Gen. Plates.—(Smiling.) — Well, boys, this
is doing the fair thing. Never mind the bills, they
aint much any how, I reckon. Walk up and
liquor. [All imbibe an infusion of pokeberries
and alcohol, and exeunomnes, mutually delighted
with each other.]
| IX.
LIFE IN PANAMA. The Squibob papers | |