University of Virginia Library

12. XII.
WE SEE TWO WITCHES.

Two female fortune-tellers recently came
hither, and spread “small bills” throughout
the city. Being slightly anxious, in
common with a wide circle of relatives
and friends, to know where we were
going to and what was to become of us,
we visited both of these eminently respectable
witches yesterday and had our fortune
told “twict.” Physicians sometimes disagree,
lawyers invariably do, editors occasionally
fall out, and we are pained to
say that even witches unfold different tales
to one individual. In describing our interviews
with these singularly gifted female women,
who are actually and positively here
in this city, we must speak considerably of
“we”—not because we flatter ourselves
that we are more interesting than people

in general, but because in the present case
it is really necessary. In the language of
Hamlet's Pa, “List, O list!”

We went to see “Madame B.” first. She
has rooms at the Burnett House. The
following is a copy of her bill:

MADAME B.

The celebrated Spanish Astrologist, Clairvoyant
and female Doctress, would respectfully
announce to the citizens that she has
just arrived in this city, and designs remaining
for a few days only. The Madame can
be consulted on all matters pertaining to life,
either past, present or future, tracing the
line of life from Infancy to Old Age, particularizing
each event, in regard to Business,
Love, Marriage, Courtship, Losses,
Law Matters, and Sickness of Relatives
and Friends at a distance.

The Madame will also show her visitors
a life-like representation of their Future
Husbands and Wives.

Lucky Numbers in Lotteries can also be
selected by her, and hundreds who have
consulted her have drawn capital prizes. The

Madame will furnish medicine for all diseases,
for grown persons, male or female,
and children.

Persons wishing to consult her concerning
this mysterious art and human destiny,
particularly with reference to their own individual
bearing in relation to a supposed
Providence, can be accommodated by calling
at Room No. 23, Burnett House, corner
of Prospect and Ontario streets, Cleveland.

The Madame has traveled extensively
for the last few years, both in the United
States and the West Indies, and the success
which has attended her in all places
has won for her the reputation of being the
most wonderful Astrologist of the present
age.

The Madame has a superior faculty for
this business, having been born with a Caul
on her Face, by virtue of which she can
more accurately read the past, present and
future; also enabling her to cure many diseases
without using drugs or medicines.
The Madame advertises nothing but what
she can do. Call on her if you would consult

the greatest Foreteller of events now
living.

Hours of Consultation, from 8 A. M. to
9 o'clock P. M.

We urbanely informed the lady with the
“Caul on her Face” that we had called to
have our fortune told, and she said “hand
out your money.” This preliminary being
settled, Madame B. (who is a tall, sharp-eyed,
dark-featured and angular woman, dressed
in painfully positive colors, and heavily
loaded with gold chain and mammoth jewelry
of various kinds) and Jupiter indicated
powerful that we were a slim constitution,
which came down on to us from our father's
side. Wherein our constitution was not
slim, so it came down on to us from our
mother's side. “Is this so?” and we said
it was. “Yes,” continued the witch, “I
know'd t'was. You can't deceive Jupiter,
me, nor any other planick. You may swim
over Hell's-Point same as Leander did, but
you can't deceive the planicks. Give me
yer hand! Times ain't so easy as they has
been. So—so—but 'tis temp'ry. T'wont

last long. Times will be easy soon. You
may be tramped on to onct or twict, but
you'll rekiver. You have talenk, me child.
You kin make a Congresser if sich you
likes to be. [We said we would be excused
if it was all the same to her.] You kin be
a lawyer. [We thanked her, but said we
would rather retain our present good moral
character.] You kin be a soldier. You
have courage enough to go to the Hostrian
wars and kill the French. [We informed
her that we had already murdered some
“English.”] You won't have much money
till you're thirty-three years of old. Then
you will have large sums—forty thousand
dollars perhaps. Look out for it! [We
promised we would.] You have traveled
some, and you will travel more, which will
make your travels more extensiver than they
has been. You will go to Californy by way
of Pike's Pick. [Same route taken by
Horace Greeley.] If nothin' happens on
to you you won't meet with no accidents
and will get through pleasant, which you
otherwise will not do under all circumstances
however which doth happens to all both
great and small likewise to the rich as also
the poor. Hearken to me! There has
been deaths in your family, and there will
be more! But Reserve your constitution
and you will live to be seventy years of old.
Me child, HER hair will be black—black as
the Raving's wing. Likewise black will
also be her eyes, and she'll be as different
from which you air as night and day. Look
out for the darkish man! He's yer rival!
Beware of the darkish man! [We promised
that we'd introduce a funeral into the
“darkish man's” family the moment we
encountered him.] Me child, there's more
sunshine than clouds for ye, and send all
your friends up here.

A word before you goes. Expose not
yourself. Your eyes is saller which is on
accounts of bile on your systim. Some
don't have bile on to their systims which
their eyes is not saller. This bile ascends
down on to you from many generations
which is in their graves and peace to their
ashes.

MADAME CROMPTON.

We then proceeded directly to Madame
Crompton, the other fortune-teller.

Below is her bill:

MADAME R. CROMPTON,

The world-renowned Fortune Teller and
Astrologist. Madame Crompton begs leave
to inform the citizens of Cleveland and vicinity,
that she has taken rooms at the Farmers'
St. Clair House, corner of St. Clair
and Water Streets, where she may be consulted
on all matters pertaining to Past and
Future Events. Also, giving information
of Absent Friends, whether living or
dead.

P.S.—Persons having lost or having property
stolen of any kind, will do well to give
her a call, as she will describe the person or
persons with such accuracy as will astonish
the most devout critic.

Terms Reasonable.

She has rooms at the Farmers' Hotel, as
stated in the bill above. She was driving an

extensive business, and we were forced to
wait half an hour or so for a chance to see
her. Madame Crompton is of the English
persuasion, and has evidently searched many
long years in vain for her H. She is small
in stature, but considerably inclined to corpulency,
and her red round face is continually
wreathed in smiles, reminding one of
a new tin pan basking in the noonday sun.
She took a greasy pack of common playingcards,
and requested us to “cut them in
three,” which we did. She spread them out
before her on the table, and said: “Sir to
you which I speaks. You'av been terrible
crossed in love, and your'art'as been much
panged. But you'll get all over it and marry
a light complected gale with rayther reddish
'air. Before some time you'll have a leggercy
fall down on to you, mostly in solick
Jold. There may be a lawsuit about it
and you may be sup-prisoned as a witnesses,
but you'll git it—mostly in solick Jold, which
you will keep in chists, and you must look
out for them. [We said we would keep a
skinned optic on “them chists.”] You 'as
a enemy and he's a lightish man. He wants
to defraud you out of your'onesty. He is
tellink lies about you now in the'opes of
crushin' yourself. [A weak invention of
“the opposition.”] You never did nothin'
bad. Your'art is right. You'ave a great
taste for hosses and like to stay with'em.
Mister to you I sez! Gard aginst the lightish
man and all will be well.” The supernatural
being then took an oval-shaped chunk of
glass (which she called a stone) and requested
us to “hang on to it.” She looked
into it and said: “If you're not keerful
when you git your money you'll lose it, but
which otherwise you will not, and fifty cents
is as cheap as I kin afford to tell anybody's
fortune and no great shakes made then as
the Lord in Heving knows.”