University of Virginia Library

24. CHAPTER XXIV.
The Hegira continued, with some philosophical reflections in the
boot of a coach.

Along this excellent and highly agreeable road,
miring at every step, buffeted by the winds, without
my hat, (which, with my knapsack, I had left in
Mr. Bloodmoney's drawing-room,) I journeyed onward
with all the speed I could, being more and
more frightened, the more I thought of it, at the terrible
quandary into which I had now fallen.

To be so egregiously duped, as I had been, by Captain
Brown, was mortifying enough to my self love,
as proving that, with all my vanity and conceit, I was
but a schoolboy in the world after all; but to be duped
into a burglary, to be rendered, or made to appear,
the actual accomplice of a robber in a felony the
most audacious ever attempted;—there was the rub,
there was the rock upon which I found my bark of
adventure was in danger of going to pieces. How
I was to extricate myself from this dilemma, by my
own unaided exertions, unless by flight, I knew not.
That I could sooner or later, indeed, establish my
innocence, through the means of my patron, I did
not doubt; but I had seen enough of Mr. Bloodmoney,
and the opinion he had formed of me, to know
that any attempt to explain the circumstance to him,
without the assistance of the letter of which Captain

Brown had deprived me, could result in nothing but
my being immediately consigned, like any common
rogue, to a prison; whence—not to speak of the ignominy
of such confinement—I had good reason to
expect to be discharged only into the hands of a
New Jersey police officer, duly commissioned to
conduct me back to the scene of the M'Goggin adventure,
and perhaps the gallows;—a thought that
set my teeth to chattering worse than even the wet
and cold did, and gave a vigour to my feet that was
the more necessary, as without some such stirring
impulse to urge me on, I should never have been
able to make any progress through the mud, and
against the storm. Upon the whole, it appeared to
me, that my only hope of safety, the only course
that was left me, was to get out of the reach of Mr.
Bloodmoney and the prisons of Philadelphia, as soon
as possible; and, this having been effected, to write
to my patron, informing him of all my mishaps, of
the last in particular, leaving it to him to make my
peace, and restore my credit, with Mr. Bloodmoney.

While I was debating this matter in my mind, it
was my fortune to be overtaken by a mail-coach, (for
such it proved,) that had just left the city, and was
floundering through the mud like myself, though at
a rate of travel somewhat more rapid than my
own. Whither it was going I had not the remotest
idea; nevertheless, being heartily sick of trudging
in the mire and rain, I felt disposed to hail the
driver, and demand a seat; and I should have done
so had I not been afraid of finding in it some villanous
constable, watchman, or agent of Mr. Bloodmoney,
sent in pursuit of me. But as I perceived
behind it a very capacious boot, that seemed, from
the flapping of its leather covering, to be quite
empty, and was capable of affording me both carriage

and shelter from the storm, I could not resist
the temptation to clamber into it; which I did, unseen
by the driver, and there esconced myself,
defended somewhat from the rain by the leather
covering, which I buckled around me as well as I
could.

In this position, lugged along like the lion of a
travelling caravan in his cage, or a duck in a coop,
(which may be the better simile,) I had ample leisure
to reflect upon my extraordinary ill luck in
getting into difficulties, whether I would or not,
and to devise some plan of avoiding them for the
future. And, I have no doubt, I thought many very
sensible thoughts, and framed many wise resolutions
while thus cooped up in my little prison; from
which, however, I derived the less profit, as there
was never a thought entered my head, or a determination
formed in my mind, that it was not, a moment
after, beaten out of my recollection, by some
sudden plump of the coach into a mud-hole, or furious
jolt over a stone, by which I was either frightened
or bruised out of my philosophy.

I remember, however, that, having pondered my
affair with the pseudo Mr. Bloodmoney, alias
Captain Hellcat, over and over again, and satisfied
myself that my being duped was more owing to my
own simple credulity, than to any peculiar skill in
hoaxing on the part of that honest personage, I manfully
resolved never again to be duped by mortal
man; to prevent which, nothing more appeared to
me necessary than to act upon a maxim of great
vogue among philosophers, and to consider every
man a rogue, until he should prove himself honest,
and so remain on the alert against knavery and
deception.

This resolution I was the better able to fix in my

memory, as at the time of framing it, the coach
suddenly emerged from mud and stones and rolled
softly along a bed of plank and timber; which
moving my curiosity, I peeped out, and found we
were upon a low floating bridge, crossing a river.
This, I supposed, was the Schuylkill, as, in fact, it
was; and hence, as I knew this river ran west of
Philadelphia, I inferred the coach was taking me
exactly the way I wished to go—that is, from Philadelphia,
and not back into New Jersey, and perhaps
even southward, towards the Chesapeake, whither,
of all the places in the world, I now desired most
to go, in the hope of meeting my friend Dicky
Dare; under whose command and protection I was
resolved to place myself, and so fight the enemies of
my country on dry land.

These thoughts were highly agreeable and consolatory,
and banished half the fears and distresses
from my mind; so that, by and by, in spite of the jolts,
I fell fast asleep, being pretty well worn out by the
watchings and labours of the night, not to speak of
my insufficient slumbers in the woods in New
Jersey, the preceding night. I dreamed that I had
stumbled on my friend Dicky Dare, who was a great
general at the head of an army, and I his second in
command; that we went into battle with an army
of red-coats, whom we put to rout, performing prodigies
of valour—I, in particular, cutting off so many
heads that I quite eclipsed my friend Dicky, as
well as all the other great heroes, Hannibal, Julius
Cæsar, &c., that ever lived, so that the soldiers were
in a rapture, assembling on the field of victory to
crown me king over them; a consummation of
triumph that made me feel very glorious, but which
I should have been still better pleased with, had it
not been for a sudden jolt of the coach, (that was, at

that moment, fording a brook, swollen by the rain,)
whereby I was tossed out of my perch, plumped
head over heels in the flood, and well nigh drowned,
before I knew what was the matter with me. By
dint of much effort and scrambling, however, I made
my way, at length, to the bank, without loss or
damage, which I was the better able to do, as the
day was now beginning to break, and the storm to
clear away; and having devoted a moment or two
to lamenting my unlucky fate in meeting so many
uncomfortable accidents, I resolved to make my
misfortune the means of helping me to a seat in the
coach; which I had, for some time, suspected, from
not having heard any voices in it, was without passengers;
as, indeed, proved true.

My resolution to treat, for the future, every person
I met as a rogue, until he should prove himself
an honest man, involved also a determination to act
like a rogue myself:—that is, to quibble, cozen, and
deceive, as far as was necessary to keep me out of
trouble. For this reason, being conscious that I
made but a strange and sorry appearance in my reeking
clothes, and that an application for a seat in the
coach, in such a place, and at such an hour, and
coming from such a figure, must look somewhat
suspicious, I told the driver, whom I was obliged
to wake out of a nap he was snugly taking on his
seat, first, “that he had certainly set out that morning
earlier than usual,” (meaning to insinuate that I
had intended to enter the coach in the city, and had
been compelled to walk after it, to overtake it,) and,
secondly, “that I had had the misfortune, to get out
of my depth, in crossing the brook, and thereby to
lose my hat and bundle”; “all which,” the honest
man declared, rubbing his eyes with great zeal, “was
like enough, considering the weather:” though which

he meant was like enough, considering the weather,
the early start of the coach, or my dip in the brook,
I did not trouble myself to inquire.

I found, as I expected, that the coach was entirely
empty, so that I was relieved of all fear of uncomfortable
companions; and the driver told me we
should soon arrive at a village to breakfast, where I
might easily get a hat and such clothes as I desired;
provided, as he took care to add, looking at me as
if he had some apprehensions for his fare, I had the
money to buy them. I easily satisfied him on this
score, and we, by and by, reached the village; where
I procured a cap, and a valise, with a few pieces of
linen to put in it, being all the ready made articles
of clothing, except cowskin boots, quaker hats, and
a rejected coat made for a Daniel Lambert, that were
for sale in the village. But for this I cared the less,
as I imagined I should soon be a volunteer under
some gallant commander, who would, doubtless, fit
me out in a handsome uniform at the expense of the
government, and thereby enable me to keep my
money for more pressing occasions.

I found out, also, after a little roundabout manœuvering—for
it would not do to avow ignorance on
so important a point—that the coach was bound to
Wilmington, in Delaware; a discovery that greatly
rejoiced me, that town being on the direct road to
the Chesapeake, whither I was now so desirous to
go. And at that town—not to waste time in describing
a journey, that was without adventure—we did
not arrive until after nightfall, in consequence of
the badness of the road and the horses, together
with, I believe, some fears the coachman had of driving
into the midst of a British army; which, from a
thousand flying rumours that now met us at every
roll of the wheels, we supposed had landed on the

Chesapeake, and almost feared had already taken
possession of Wilmington.

We found, however, no British there, but great
talk about them, with a prodigious deal of drumming
and fifing, shouting and swearing, and riding up and
down; for it seems, they had received news of the
enemy having actually landed in great force at the
head of Elk, or some other water of the Chesapeake,
not more than twenty or thirty miles off, and
were in consequence beating up with great spirit,
for volunteers to proceed forthwith to the scene of
danger.

This news, though it seemed to have disconcerted
every body else, was by no means disagreeable to
me; who, besides perceiving that my greatest security
from all law officers would be found amid the
din and terrors of a camp, was beginning to warm
with patriotism and martial ardour. I resolved, if
any band of volunteers or other armed men, should
set out in the night, I would go with them; in which
thought, I entered the hotel where the coach stopped,
to get my supper, together with such useful
information as I might be able to pick up.

As for my supper, I was ushered into a room where
stood a table bountifully furnished with the good
gifts of nature, but so thronged with guests, all older
and wiser than myself, and all so much better skilled
in the art of storming bread and butter, and dividing
the spoils of the platter, that I had much ado to lay
hands upon a morsel of food. As for information,
the case appeared still more desperate; for though
every man present seemed as martially inclined as
I, (indeed, the conversation ran on nothing but blood
and battle,) and perfectly well disposed to hold forth
on the subject that engrossed all minds to any one
at all inclined to listen, I could obtain no information

of one man that was not immediately contradicted
by the next person to whom I addressed myself. In
short, there was nothing to be learned but that the
British had landed, or were about to land, somewhere
at the head of the Chesapeake, and that sundry companies
of militia and volunteers either had set out, or
were on the point of setting out, with the full intention
of sweeping these audacious invaders from the
face of the earth.