University of Virginia Library

16. CHAPTER XVI.
Robin Day arrives at Philadelphia, and meets many adventures
therein, and some grievances, which he cures with a pinch of
snuff.

Having got over my first amazement at the sight
of such a prodigious number of houses and people,
and emerged from a species of dejection which held
me for a moment at the thought of my insignificance
and almost nonentity among such a multitude of
men, I began to enjoy greater ease and contentment
of mind than I had known for several days. My
very insignificance, it appeared to me, was my best
protection; for “sure,” thought I, “among so many
people, I shall be in little danger of my pursuers, the
constables and deputy-sheriffs, who might hunt for
me in such a city for weeks in vain.”

With this encouraging reflection, my natural spirits
returned at length, to such a degree, that instead of
jumping into the gutter, to make room for every
body that passed, as I had modestly done at first, I
elbowed my way along like others, endeavouring to
assume, as far as I could, the air of ease, and the step of
busy haste, which seemed to characterize thecitizens.

In this I succeeded to my wish, and had just begun
to conceit myself almost a citizen, and to fancy
that every body else so considered me, when my
equanimity received a blow from the wheelbarrow

of a black porter; who, coming up from behind,
whistling Yankee Doodle with a vigour that drowned
the creaking of his wheel, tumbled me into a lot of
pottery arranged along the pavement; whereby,
though I received no greater injury than a rent or
two in my coat, great damage was done among the
merchandise.

This accident, which might have moved the concern
of any rational being, its cause, the negro, did
not seem in the least to regard, but went on his way,
whistling as before; which incensing me, I started
up, intending to chastise him for his impudent assault,
with a staff I had cut in the woods, and still
retained. But here I was doomed to a disappointment,
the dealer in washbowls and pattipans seizing
me by the collar, and declaring I should not leave
him until I had paid for the damage I had done,
which he estimated at two or three dollars, though
he afterwards abated his demand to one. I would
have remonstrated upon the injustice of making me
pay for a mischief evidently caused by the negro;
but my merchant only grew angry, and declared he
would carry me to the nearest justice; which was an
alternative so frightful to me, who had such terror
of, and such occasion to keep at a distance from, all
limbs of the law, that I consented to satisfy his demand,
and handed him a five-dollar bill accordingly.
But this being a New Jersey note, which, he affirmed,
was, like the bills of all New Jersey banks, at a discount,
he refused to receive it, unless I allowed him
an additional half-dollar by way of premium; and I
was about yielding to his demand, when a decent
looking man stepped forward, inveighed against the
roguery of the fellow for endeavouring, as he said,
to take advantage of my youth and ignorance, swore
that New Jersey bank-bills were never at a discount,

but always at par, and ended by giving the fellow a
dollar bill of some Philadelphia bank, and handing
me four others as change; which being done, he
clapped my Jersey note into his own pocket, and
walked off to escape the thanks, with which I,
charmed with his politeness and liberality, was disposed
to overwhelm him.

This occurrence gave me a high idea of the generosity
and kindness of Philadelphians to strangers;
which was only abated by my discovering, as I did
about five minutes afterwards, that the four bills
given me by the good-natured stranger were counterfeit,
and my liberal gentleman a rascally swindler,
who had rescued my youth and ignorance from the
jaws of the pottery merchant, only to enjoy a huger
bite of them himself.

Having accomplished this adventure, I proceeded
onward, intending to hunt my way to some respectable
hotel, without asking assistance of any one to
direct me; a measure that I thought was needless,
and which I had, besides, the greater aversion to, as
it would be to acknowledge myself a stranger; and
I considered that the fewer who knew that, the
less would be my danger of discovery.

I had not well got over the anger I had been
thrown into by the assault of the porter, when it
was my fate to encounter another blackamoor, a
strapping tatterdemalion, who had upon his shoulder
an axe and beetle, with a brace of iron wedges suspended
by a string, which he clinked together as he
went, crying at intervals, “Wood! wood! split
wood!” with a very nasal twang, and a melodious
snap quite inimitable. This vagabond, who seemed
as deeply engaged in the enjoyment of his music as
the porter had been, I very naturally expected
would get out of the way, as he passed me; instead

of doing which, he stalked against me, as if entirely
ignorant of my presence, or quite indifferent to it;
and I was, in a twinkling, laid upon my back by his
maul, which struck me on the head, while his two
wedges, at the same time, beat such a tattoo on my
breast, that I thought, during the instant of contact,
they would have drummed my heart out. I leaped
up, greatly exasperated, and snatched at my stick to
beat the villain; who, perceiving my design, which
was made the more manifest by some abusive epithet
I let fly at him, paused a moment, and regarding
me with extreme astonishment and contempt, exclaimed—“Guy!
guess the younker's a fool! Git
out of my way, will you?” And with these words,
and the addition of his usual twanging note, “Wood!
wood! split wood!” he passed on, leaving me covered
with rage and mortification; which were the
greater for my not having dared to beat him; for,
in truth, while he spoke, he laid hold of his beetle
as if resolved to requite any attack I should presume
to attempt, by making a wedge of me, and
driving me through the pavement.

In two minutes more, I encountered a similar accident;
a third negro running against me with a
violence that pitched me into a cellar; where was a
cooper making cedar barrels or churns, one of which
I had the satisfaction to demolish, just as he had
completed his task of putting its different parts together.
And here again I expected to be met with
a claim for damages; but my cooper was a good-natured
fellow; and having eyed me a moment with
surprise, while I was dragging my leg from amid
the ruins of his work, he said, as if giving me
friendly counsel—“You've kicked the barrel to pieces
this time, my fine fellow; take care, the next, you
don't kick the bucket.” Which piece of wit—for

a piece of wit, I believe, he considered it—having
passed his lips, he burst into a haw-haw of approbation
at his own smartness; and I cursing him in my
heart for his insensibility to my pangs—for I had
broken my shin by the accident—and mad with
vexation and a vengeful desire to punish the author
of my misfortunes, clambered up to the street again,
but only to find the victorious rascal had vanished
away.

These three several assaults led me to further observation
of the deportment of the coloured gentlemen
of Philadelphia; and I was soon convinced that they
were, next to the pigs, the true aristocracy of the
town, or, at least, of the streets thereof. I perceived
that all passers-by of white complexion and genteel
appearance, of all ages and both sexes, gave the way to
their sable brethren, stepping reverentially aside, to
let them pass; and that, if they did not, the chance
was that the sable brethren would revenge the slight
by jostling them into the gutter or any open packing-box
that lay convenient. I observed also, that there
was nothing to be gained by the sufferer remonstrating,
in such cases; except a deal of insolent and abusive
language, which the lords of the trottoir had
always ready at command, by way of convincing the
complainant that they were as good as himself, if not
a great deal better. The insolence of the black republicans
was to me astonishing, though not more so
than the general submissiveness with which I found
it endured. I saw one fellow, a porter with a wheelbarrow,
execute, upon a well dressed lady, the same
feat that his comrade had lately performed upon me;
that is, he knocked her down with his carriage,
though not upon a pile of pottery; and the only apology
the villain made was a great horse-laugh, and
a giggling cry of, “Couldn't help it, Missus, 'pon

wudder honor!” Nor did I find a single one of
the many persons who witnessed the aggression, and
helped the lady to her feet, who was disposed to resent
it, further than by declaring, “the coloured people
were growing too insolent;”—except, indeed,
myself; who being, by this time, boiling over with
indignation, saluted the grinning baboon with a
thwack of my staff over the shins, which had the
effect of surprising him into a very singular leap or
dodge, that carried him head-foremost into his own
barrow; the back of which giving way under the
blow, he went shooting over the wheel, like a ship, at
a launch, rushing down her rollers into the dock,
ploughing his way with his nose over the bricks, in
a manner that was astonishing to behold. For this
salutation, it is highly probable, I should have received
in return a furious drubbing from the incensed
gentleman, had not a shopkeeper who stood at his
door, surveying the spectacle, advised me to retreat
before the negro had recovered his feet; assuring me
that he (the blacky) would have me immediately
taken up and carried before a magistrate; by whom
I would be heavily fined for the liberty I had taken.

The name of magistrate was sufficient to put me
on my best behaviour; and I left the place, accordingly,
without delay. But I was still so much enraged
at the insolence of these black gentry, having
never before been accustomed to see any that were
not very polite and humble in their carriage, that I
could not resist an impulse, which now seized me,
to provide in advance a suitable punishment—that is,
of a character that should not endanger myself—for
the next one I should happen to meet. Perceiving
a tobacconist's shop at my elbow, I entered it, and
bought some Scotch snuff, and a box to hold it; and
it was here that I made the discovery of my four

bank-notes being counterfeit, the tobacconist refusing
to receive them, and even showing some inclination
to detain me and send for an officer to inquire how
I had got them; until I appeased his distrust by producing
one of my Jersey bills, and relating how I
had been imposed upon. This man I found to be
as facetious as the cooper. Upon my demanding
if he had any very strong snuff, he replied,
with a grin—“he had some so strong the box
wouldn't hold it;” and when I told him of my mishap
with the pottery, he declared that “that was
only a way of taking pot-luck uninvited.” He consoled
me for the imposition practised upon me with
the four notes, by saying that, “whatever we might
think of them, they were undoubtedly counterfeit—
which he supposed, in plain English, meant fit for
the counter.” In short, this happy personage astounded
me by a multitude of quibbles, which he
produced as a hen does her eggs, with a furious
cackle after each; and then dismissed me with my
box of snuff, which, its violence setting me sneezing
as I left the door, he declared was, nevertheless,
“not to be sneezed at.”

I had not walked twenty steps, before I beheld a
black fellow approaching, dressed like a dandy,
though of the shabby genteel order, his hat cocked
smartly on the side of his head, a rattan in his hand,
with which he thwacked his boots at every second
step, with a swaggering gait, and a look that said as
plainly as if labelled in show-bill letters on his nose,
which was the broadest part of his countenance,
“Get out of my way, white man!”—an injunction
very dutifully observed by every well dressed white
man who met him.

As for me, who was not at all disposed to yield
him such indulgence, but was, on the contrary, eager

for the encounter, I loosened the cover of my snuff-box,
as if to regale me with a pinch; and, pretending
to look over my shoulder, as if ignorant of his
approach, continued to advance in the middle of the
walk, until the gentleman, scandalized at my presumption,
and resolved to punish it, suddenly came
in contact with me in such a way, and with such
violence, as must have prostrated me, had I not prepared
myself for the assault. I took advantage of
the concussion to tap the bottom of my snuff-box,
from which the contents immediately flew into the
rascal's face, filling eyes, nose, mouth, and lungs;
from which last there presently issued a most terrific
yell of surprise and anguish, that was followed by a
volley of shrieks and execrations without number,
the fellow dancing about, in the agony of pain and
blindness, in a manner highly consolatory to my insulted
feelings. I crowned my triumph by exclaiming,
as if with indignation and rage at my loss,
“Hang you, you rascal, you've spilled my snuff!”
With which reproach, that served the purpose of
both explanation, and apology for the accident, to the
persons who came crowding round the negro, I immediately
took my departure, turning into another
street, and walking away with all the unconcern
imaginable.