University of Virginia Library

Scene I.

—The Exterior of Adina's Farm. A Bright Landscape, with Cornfield, &c., in the distance. Adina's house R.
(Gianetta, Catarina, Maria, and Village Girls discovered around Tomaso, who is in the act of retailing village scandal.)
Tom
She did indeed!

Mar
Oh, dear! how very dreadful!

Gia
Who of such nonsense could have crammed her head full?

Cat
Adina, too, who treats us all like dirt!

Gia
Oh, what a wicked, heartless little flirt!
(with an air of regret)
I am so sorry! it will grieve her pa so!
(All shake their heads and sigh.)
(with vivacity)
Tell us some more, you dear old duck Tomaso!

Tom
Well, then, I hear—but p'raps it isn't true—

Gia
But what? (impatiently)


Tom
That you, and you, and you (indicating Gianetta, Catarina, and Maria)—

(changing his mind)
But, after all, I may malign the dear.

All
but Gia.
Oh, do go on—we do so want to hear!

Tom
Well, then—but, no!

All
Oh, do!

Tom
Well, then, in fine,
Although maligning isn't in my line,
She said that you (whispering Gianetta).


Gia
(placing her hand on her back hair)
How dare she! It's my own!

Tom
Said that its colour didn't match in tone;
(Other girls chuckle aside.)
Said that its life hung on a single spare pin,
Which might come out—for accidents will hair-pin.

Gia
To take my style off pleases Addy, does it? (sneering)


Tom
She says you always take it off to fuzz it.
(to Catarina)
She says you (whispers)
—

Cat
(indignantly)
Oh, a pretty tale you're fetching!
I never touch a paint—except for sketching.

Tom
She says you paint your face, to catch each duller he—
Which she calls skitching, p'raps because it's colour-y.
She says in painting you've such erudition,
She may say you're a perfect Exhibition!
Isn't it shocking?

Gia
Well, of all the spiteful—
(Enter Adina, followed by Nemorino.)
But here she comes (to Adina).
You darling dear delightful—
(Girls crowd round her.)
We've come to see you, as it is your fête
To-day, dear Addy, you're twenty-eight!

Adi
(with apparent regret)
Oh no, alas! in error there you fall,
(sighing)
I'm but a paltry eighteen, dear, that's all!
(gushing)
How kind of you, your welcome so to frame,
That I might share the dignity you claim!

Gia
That you are joking, Ady, I'll engage.
You haven't raised my anger!

Adi
Nor your (r)age!

(Gianetta looks spitefully at Adina. All take leave of her and go off L. Enter Nemorino R.)
Nem
Adina!

Adi
(impatiently)
Well?

Nem
Adina, I am here
To urge my suit upon its wild career—
My undivided love on you I set,
The very first occasion that we met—
When through the poultry yard I saw you pickin'
Your way as chicken-tender—tender-chicken!
Scattering barley—and altho' 'twas plain
That feeding chicks went quite “against the grain,”
I envied e'en the fowls who comicahly
Hopped round you like a feathery corps de barley:
One of those Dorkings I would be, in one sense.

Adi
What! be a Dorking? Pooh, you're dorking nonsense!

Nem
I feel most madly jealous, Bella Venere,
To see you daily going to your Hen-ery!
(attempts to kiss her. She resists.)
Oh, come, I think my love may take that scope,
You'll be my dear rib very soon, I hope.

Adi.
Your dear rib? How can that be? As I bide
Here in the Poultry, you must mean Cheap-side.
It seems, sir, from this very rash confession,
That on your heart I've made some slight impression.

Nem.
Impression! think you that my heart is flint?
Of the impression, dear, a proof I'll print.
(Attempts to kiss her—she resists.)
Nay, twill not hurt you—do not stand aloof,
I vow it shall not be an Injure proof (kisses her.)


Adi.
(angrily)
Oh, gracious goodness, if we were detected!
I'm sure that proof requires to be corrected,
So please consider that I've done so.

Nem.
Yes—
The next step, then will be to “go to press.”
(squeezing her round the waist.)
Resist not one who faithfully adores!

Adi.
Now, once for all, I never can be yours.

Nem.
Oh! if indifferent to you I be—

Adi.
No, you are not indifferent to me;
For if you were describable as such
I shouldn't like you or dislike you—much!

Nem.
Say, am I fast, or fond of running ticks;
False, old, bald, ugly—

Adi.
Yes, you are—all six.

Duet.
Air—“Hot Corn.”
Nem.
Do, do,
Pity me; you
Willy me, nilly me, charm me so!

Adi.
Pooh, pooh,
Coming to woo;
Pity me—quit o' me—calm me so!

Nem
If you say nay, I can only say,
Skid-a-ma-link and a doodah day,
Boodle, oodley, umshebay,
And a hunky dorum, doodle day—

Both
I say/You say, nay he/I can only say,
Skid-a-ma-link and a doodah day,
Ah! ah! ah! ah!

Adi
No, no,
Toddle and go,
Thingummy, sing o'me, now no more—

Nem
So, so,
Pretty a beau!
Sad o' me, mad o' me, vow no more—

Adi
If I say nay, he can only say,
Skida-ma-link and a doodah day,
Boodle, oodley, umshebay,
And a hunky dorum, doodah day.

Both
If he/she, &c.

(Dance—Towards conclusion Adina dances towards wing, followed closely by Nemorino—she faces him, turns him to the right-about, and both dance off in opposite directions, Nemorino expressing despair.)
(Drum heard. Enter Tomaso, meeting Gianetta.)
Gia
What are those sounds that strike upon me now?
Tell me, Tomaso, what's the tow-row-row.

Tom
Gianetta, twenty soldiers, all in blue,
With great Belcore marching with them too,
Approach the village—and this way he comes,
I hear their trumpets sounding (on my drums.

(Enter Belcore's soldiers L. U. E., headed by drum-major and small drummer, and preceded by a troop of village boys and girls, singing.)
Chorus of Villagers and Soldiers.
Air—“Johnny comes marching home.”
Belcore comes marching home again,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
He'll turn our village girls insane,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
On a soldier's coat all maidens doat,
Those joyful shouts that fact denote,
We'll all be gay!
Belcore comes marching home!

(Enter Belcore L. U. E.)
Song.—Belcore.
Air—“La tremenda ultrice spada” (Capuletti.)
Bel
For this welcome, unrivalled in story,
Belcore's thanks are truly, truly due,
I'll be civil, tho' sated with glory—
How de do? How de do? How de do?
(to Nemorino)
Even you, sir!
I ask you how you do, sir?
I'll be civil, tho' sated with glory—
How de do? How de do? How de do?
(surveying the Villagers with exaggerated scorn.)
Humph! happy villagers! I think I oughtn't
To miss this chance of showing I'm import'nt.
(ferociously to crowd)
Ha ha! (all start)
He he! ho ho!—once more ha ha!
Also, Yah! Pshaw! Phew! Ugh! Pish! Tush! Pooh! Bah!
(aside)
The only interjection that I know,
Except, “alas,” which don't my meaning show.
(to crowd)
Are you convinced, to treat me ill were folly?

All
We are!

Bel
You are? All right—then let's be jolly.


(to Nemorino)
Some wine! (he hesitates)
my order don't you be gainsayin' it,
I'll make you be obeyin' it—with a bayonet.
(threatens him—Adina brings wine, R.)
A stoup of wine, my pretty little friend!
A stoup's the thing to make a man unbend.
(Belcore drinks.)
What cherry lips! This chance, who would be missing! (attempts to kiss her.)


Adi
(coyly)
They're made for talking, sir, and not for kissing.

Bel
You mus'n't try my wishes, Miss, to baulk,
(kisses her.)
I like the cherry better than its talk!
Sure, such a sergeant's fit to be your beau!

Nem
Such as are gents don't treat a lady so!

Adi
Allow me, sir, to disentangle, please.

(removes his arm.)
Bel
But, tell me where I am, and who are these?

Tom
You're in a village during harvest time,
Where all the humblest peasants talk in rhyme.
And sing about their pleasures and their cares
In parodies on all the well-known airs.
They earn their bread by going in a crowd.
To sing their humble sentiments aloud,
In choruses of striking unanimity—
(aside)
The only rhyme I know to that, is dimity,
They never wear umbrellas—so they get
Their dress of watered silk—or else well wet.
Their dresses of drawing rooms is emblematic
Although their mode of life is upper-atic!

Quintette and Chorus.—Nemorino, Gianetta, Adina, Tomaso, and Belcore.
Air—“The Sugar Shop.”
Adi
If you intend to stay with us, before you've been a day with us,
You'll learn the proper way with us, of saying what you say with us.
Each speech should have a pun in it, with very foolish fun in it—
And if you can't bring one in it, you'd better stop away.

Gia
Rule rule, of where you've been intruding to—
Fool, fool, learning please begin,
You'll, you'll learn to be alluding to
The neighbourhood of Chancery Lane as “Skid a ma Lincoln's Inn.”

Tom
And when of punning speech, you know, the end you nearly reach you know,
Experience will teach, you know, a comic song to screech, you know;
And laughter to enhance, you know, each song must have a dance you know—
A needful circumstance, you know, a dozen minutes long!

Nem
Rule, rule, enjoyment not diminishing,
Fool, fool, booby, booby, boob;
You'll, you'll learn each ballad finishing
With a flip-up in the Skidamalink, and a flip in the juben-jube!

Gia
A soldier of his rank, you know, whose spurs and sabre clank, you know,
Won't condescend to thank, you know, advice so very frank, you know—
(aside)
Of all eccentric villages on whose productive tillages
He's made his martial pillages, this is the oddest, far!

Bel
Cease, cease, superfluous admonishing,
Please, please, allow me, ma'am to say
These, these syllables astonishing—
(And please encore 'em) “Hunky-dorum doodle diddle cum day.

Chorus—Cease, cease, &c.
(Comic dance, upon which Scene I closes.)