University of Virginia Library

Scene V.

—The Village Green.
(Enter Gianetta R., meeting Catarina and female peasants L.)
Cat
Our peasants say they'll join the sergeant's troop!
Belcore's 'listing all at one fell swoop!
Ricardo, Nemorino, and Elvino,
And Carlo, and Edgardo, and Jackino,
Have gone to join him.

Gia
(contemptuously)
Well, they won't be mis't,
They are quite free to go, Miss, where they 'list!
But what has caused it, goodness only knows.

Cat
Oh! jealous of the soldiers, I suppose!
They all declared together they would ride hence
(whispering)
They saw us cooing?

Gia
What a cooing-cidence!

(Enter Tomaso.)
Tom
It is—and I can tell you, if I will—
Of one that's more extraordinary still—
Ricardo, Nemorino, and Elvino,
And Carlo, and Edgardo, and Jackino,
Each has his uncle lost!

Gia
What will they do?
They were so fond of those relations too!
Their cartes-de-posits always had about them!
Their uncles? Why, what will they do without them?

Tom
Why, what is stranger still, girls—is it not?—
Each uncle leaves his nephew all he's got;
So if these nephews you're disposed to fleece,
To them you'd best go down upon your kniece.

Cat
Ricardo!

1st Peas.
Nemorino!

2nd Peas.
Dear Elvino!

3rd Peas.
And Carlo!

4th Peas.
Sweet Edgardo!

5th Peas.
Loved Jackino!

Gia
(to Catarina)
They're all worth catching, dearest, every man—
Go and secure your prize, dear, if you can.

Cat
But I'm so naïve—so led by Nature's rule.

Tom
(aside)
I think I may say you're more knave than fool!
I must propose at once, or I'll be done.
(lovingly to Gianetta)
And won't you ever kindly think of one
Who, to accommodate your whims, will try—
Who thinks you are the apple of his eye.

Gia
Of one of them—that's very likely, since
His apples are not pairs.

Tom
How so?

Gia
He squince!

Trio—Tomaso, Gianetta, and Catarina.
Air—“Lin and Tin.”
Tom
Now maidens all, these youngsters tall,
You'd all do well to wed—
They've all come in to no end of tin,
For their uncles all are dead.

Cat
We do not doubt that all you spout
To-day's extremely true—

Gia
But all they'll say, when they hear us pray,
Is “Oodley umpty oo!”
Chorus
—Oodley umpty oo! &c.
Each girl's engaged to one,

Tom
Well tell them, you know, that they all may go,
Why every day it's done!
But all they'll say, when they hear us pray,
Is—Oodley oodley umpty oo!

(Dance off R. and L.)
(Enter Dr. Dulcamara with Beppo. Nemorino, Notary, and male peasants meet them.)
Bep
Walk in, walk in, walk in, walk in, walk in!
The doctor's just a-going to begin!
He's going to commence, indeed it's true!
(aside, with deep feeling)
Come hence! Go hence is what I'd like to do!
(aloud, with melodramatic action)
I can NOT keep it any longer—I'm—
But humph! no matter! Well, some other time.

Dul
My learned friend will walk around the show,
If he'll allow me so to call him?

Bep
(bowing with exaggerated action)
Oh!

(Beppo clears a space, with a rope and two balls, around Doctor's cart.)
Dul
Now, Mr. Merriman, around you go!

Bep
Merriman! Ha, ha! Merriman! Ho, ho!
(aside)
But soft! another time for that will do.

Dul
Now Nemorino, how can I help you?

Nem
(sighing)
My sorrow's in my humble bosom locked.

Dul
Ha! chest disease! I'm really very shocked.
You'd better far inhale, as you can see,
If you in hale condition wish to be.

Nem
No—it's too dear.

Bep
An undisputed cure!
His profit isn't great—success is sure.
One single farthing now is all he's sacked—
One trial, gentlemen, has proved the fact.

Nem
To puff those wares, you needn'nt now endeavour,
We want a dozen—“Beautiful for ever.”
That we to-day may fascinating be.

Tom
You'll let me pay you when I've got my fee?
'Twill do you credit.

Bep
Pooh—you're talking trash!
We don't want credit—what we want is cash!

Dul
I give no tick at all—to sane or sick—
It's cost you cash—although it is cos'-me-tic.

(Nemorino buys and pays for a sufficient number of bottles to give one to each peasant.)
Tom
(expostulating)
That doesn' square with what I think is sound.

Bep
The gentleman has stood a dozen round.

(Peasants all uncork the bottles and rub the contents simultaneously on their faces.)
Nem
How do we look?

Dul
Enchanting, all the lot.

Tom
(very conceitedly)
You couldn't photograph us on the spot?

Dul
(to Beppo, alluding to Notary)
You'd hardly know him, but for wig and hose—
(pointing to wig)
That shows the Notary!

Bep
Quite an autre-y chose!

Nem
There goes all that I got by my enlisting,
That Dulcamara there is no resisting!

Dul
Well, as for that, I'm such a wheedling talker,
Some people call me Dulcamary Walker!
But that's absurd—it's plain to any man,
I'm not a Mary—I'm a Charlotte-Ann.

Quartette—Dulcamara, Nemorino, Beppo, and Tomaso.
Air—“Old Sarah Walker.”
Tom
Such a change was never known—why, how beautiful you've grown!
Your mother if she saw you now would tremble,

Bep
His mother, ha, ha, ha! how the words upon me jar;
But soft, I am observed—I must dissemble!

Nem
When my face the maidens see, I shall happy, happy be!
Of my wounds Adina soon will be a caulker.

Dul
Well, a phase of woman's mission is to act as a physician—
The sentiments of Dulcamary Walker!

Bep
Tol de dol de dol, &c.
I think a time has come, when no more I shall be dumb;
But soft—on second thoughts I will postpone it.

Tom
By this time, I daresay, I'm as beautiful as they,
If Nemorino there would only own it.

Nem
Adina will be mine, and together we will shi—
She'll take my arm and be a loving talker!

Dul
In woman there's a charm when she's taking off an arm—
The sentiments of Dulcamary Walker!

Bep
Tol de dol de dol, &c.

(All dance off, except Nemorino, who leans against a tree.)
(Enter Adina—she does not see Nemorino.)
Adi
Oh, am I not a dreadful little story,
To throw up Nemorino for Belcore?
My love to Nemorino back I'll carry—
Besides, the Sergeant can't get leave to marry.
Of money Nemmy's come into a store—
A coin-cidence that, and nothing more,
And doesn't influence me in the least.
(sees him)
Ah, there he stands! Oh, how my love's increas't!
(goes to him)
Why sit so glum and still? You well might be
A marble man beneath a stony tree—
A petrifaction quite, as stiff as starch.

Nem
(pointing to tree)
Adina, this is not the marble (L)arch

Adi
How thin and pale you look, from constant sighing!
To think that for Adina he is dying!

Nem
I'm not dead yet, though I'm as thin as spillikens:
You are A-dina, but I'm not a Willikens.

Adi
It's true, Belcore's got a lot of money—
But if you'll have me I'll be sweet as honey!

Nem
I'm sage enough to know you love this money 'un.

Adi
You're sage; but what is sage without a honey 'un?

Nem
(aside)
That the Elixir's working now it's plain.
At first I'll cool indifference maintain (whistles).

(aloud)
Don't bother me, you false, coquettish jade!

Adi
You've steeled your heart, just like your dagger-blade—
Just as in Don Giovanni did Masetto!

Nem
My blade? I see, because my heart's to let O!
In that condition I am not alone,
Your heart is steeled as wall.

Adi
Its all your own!
At grammar, dear, you're clearly not a Solon—
(wheedlingly)
Of steal, the participle, dear, is stolen—

Nem
You love me then—and me to love you bid?

Adi
Oh Nemorino, I should think I did!

(They rush into each others arms. Enter Belcore, who starts on seeing them.)
Bel
Ha ha! Adina twining with another!
Suppose, you naughty girl, I told your mother?

Adi
I am an orphan, sir—

Bel
Of course you is,
I plainly see that you're a fondling, miss!
I'll settle this (to Nemorino)
there—you're on soldier's pay,
Come, quick march! several hundred miles away—
And stand on sentry there, till you're relieved.

Adi
To disappoint you, sir, I'm deeply grieved (giving money to sergeant.)

(to Nemorino)
You're free—I've paid your smart!

Nem
What's that you're sayin'—
Have you paid much?
No smart, dear, without pay in'

Trio—Adina, Belcore, Nemorino.
Air—“The Mousetrap Man.’
Nem
(to Belcore)
Don't it occur that you rather intrude?
Back to your quarters you'd much better wend—
I should be sorry to seem to you rude,
But we should be grieved to detain you, my friend!

Bel
I hardly know whether I sleep or I wake,
At owning defeat I'm uncommonly slow—
But this is behaviour, unless I mistake,
That's meant as a hint that she wants me to go!

Adi
Heigho, Nemorino!
This Bel-core may go.
We can be happy, my dear, on your late
Deeply lamented old uncle's estate!

All
Heigho, Nemorino, &c.

(Enter Dulcamara, meeting Gianetta walking with Tomaso, and all the village girls arm in arm with the male peasants. The soldiers saunter in afterwards and range themselves at the back of the stage.)
Dul
(to Peasants)
Ha! ha! I see affairs are getting right.

Tom
Thanks to your philtre, we've enchained 'em quite.

Adi
His philtre! sold in little bottles black—
Invented by my pa!—a famous quack?
He called it “Love's Elixir!”

Dul
I did—rather!

Adi
Then you must be—ha! ha! My long lost father!

Nem
My uncle! (embrace,)


Bel
And my cousin! (embrace.)


Not
Nephew loved! (embrace.)


Gia
(counting rapidly on her fingers)
Then you are my first cousin once remuved! (embrace).


Adi
(to Nemorino)
Then you're my cousin! (embrace)


Tom
(to Belcore)
Yes, and you're my son!

Gia
(to Notary)
And you, my grandfather—and what a one!
To wed one's grandpapa one didn't oughter.

Bel
(to Gianetta)
Then you must be my late lamented daughter.

(Enter Beppo. He takes Dulcamara mysteriously down to the footlights.)
Duet—Beppo and Dulcamara.
“The Frog in Yellow.”
Bep
I've a secret for to whisper—a secret for to tell, oh!

Dul
Then please to let us have it in a word, you silly fellow!

Bep
Look at me—look at me!
Don't you seem to know me well, oh?
Look at me—look at me!
Don't you seem to know me well, oh?

(Dulcamara shakes his head.)
Chorus.
Look at he—look at he, &c.

Bep
Perhaps you will be good enough to look a little more, oh!

Dul
Well, I rather think I seem to have seen that face before, oh!

Bep
Look at me—look at me!
Don't you trace me to another?

Dul
Let ma see—let me see!
Yes it is—my long-lost mother!

(embrace)
Chorus.
Let him see—let him see, &c.

Bep
We'll all together live—life lies before us.
There's nothing left now but the final Chorus!

During the Finale the scene changes to
Finale.
“Bell Chorus,” from “Stradella.”
Dul
Any man a girl may fix, sir,
If he Love's Elixir buys—

Nem
If he loves he never licks her,
But to make her happy tries.

Chorus
Any man a girl, &c.

Bel
(to audience)
Love's Elixir he can fix, sir—
Life's Elixir rests with you!

Adi
(imitating applause)
That's the only known Elixir
That can pull us safely through.

Chorus
Lovers' philtres he can fix, sirs.

       

			Dulcamara
		Beppo		Belcore
	Adina				Gianetta
Nemorino						Tomaso

CURTAIN.