A new and original extravaganza, entitled : Dulcamara ; or the Little Duck and the Great Quack First produced at the Theatre Royal St. James's, December 29, 1866 |
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Scene IV.
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 | A new and original extravaganza, entitled : Dulcamara ; or the Little Duck and the Great Quack |  |
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Scene IV.
—Interior of Adina's farm. Beppo on the stage.Bep
So I'm alone again! Once more alone!
Now for a highly intellectual tone!
Let me disclose at leisure all I feel—
Which I, to man, for worlds would not reveal!
My only confidants are foolish mutes,
And sticks and stones, and uninspired brutes!
To use a Roman almanacky tone,
Whate'er from men I 'ide, to them is known!
Or would be—but some prying fool comes by,
And interrupts my grand soliloquy!
With them try to be confidential, comin' it—
And be more definite—when they are dumb in it.
To this mysterious dress and visage blistery,
Some tale attaches—I may say, some 'istory.
Now to reveal it—if you're not unnerved—
Know, then, that I—but soft! we are observed!
(Enter Nemorino L. Beppo resumes his expression of idiotcy, and retires up, unseen by Nemorino.)
Nem
The doctor says that I may yet, to-night,
Adina win—Belcore put to flight
If I but for one other bottle pay—
(looking at coins)
I've but three-ha'pence—so I must to-day,
Borrow a loan, to free me from my sorrow,
If not, I shall be quite alone to-borrow!
'Tis but a bob I want—if fate would send it me!
(sees Beppo)
The doctor's fool! He's mad—perhaps he'll lend it me!
Bep
(drivelling)
Not I—not even if you were a dook!
Nem
I see you're not the idiot that you look.
Bep
(changing his tone)
You think me mad? I'm not! Why, I intention it!
Nem
(after a pause)
I think you're very right, my friend, to mention it.
Bep
It's an assumption—I, at will, can move it—
I'm sane as you!
Nem
That's an assumption? Prove it.
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Air—“The Nerves.”
Bep
My woeful tale will make you quail,
Excuse me if I whine! (weeps.)
Nem
I don't suppose, that all your woes,
Can nearly equal mine (weeps.)
Bep
I said before, and now, encore,
As I just now observed—
When I unveil my painful tale,
You'll surely be unnerved!
Both
Unnerved, unnerved, unnerved, unnerved,
He'll/I'll surely be unnerved.
Nem
I see, though foolishly he talks,
He's sane, decidedlie,
Bep
You never were, by many chalks,
As sane, my friend, as I—
I'll tell you now, without a cram—
But you will be unnerved—
I am—I am—I am—I am—
(starts)
But soft, we are observed!
Both
Observed, observed, observed, observed,
But soft, We/You are observed!
(Enter Belcore, L. and marriage party. Beppo dances off idiotically.)
Nem
Adina lost! Once more I'll press my suit!
Adina, take me—not this hulking brute!
Adi
This hulking brute, indeed—because he's bulky!
I see, with half an eye, the brute who's 'ulky.
Nem
(desperately)
I'll be a so'ger—when I'm shot you'll you'll weep.
Adi
Well, as you sowed yer crop so you must reap.
Nem
Or as a tar endeavour to forget you,
Tossed on the briny wave—
Adi
How it will wet you!
Nem
And covered with sea-salt in every weather!
Adi
Oh, let this subject, sir, cease alt-ogether.
With rage at your behaviour, sir, I burn!
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Once more, then, to my diary I'll turn,
And enter up my heart's most recent bleedings.
(Enter Tomaso and Gianetta L., and Dulcamara R.)
Tom
Young man, you're-enter-upting the proceedings—
(aside)
It seems they all are going here to dine 'em,
The deeds can wait—we'll after dinner sign 'em.
Quintette—Adina, Belcore, Notary, Gianetta, and Dr. Dulcamara.
Air—“I vowed that I never would leave her.”
Adi
We are all to be married to-day,
In a way, you may say,
That'll be undeniably gay—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
In a way, you may say,
That'll be undeniably gay—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
Dul
And the notary here in full fig,
In a wig much too big,
Will join us in jumping a jig—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
In a wig much too big,
Will join us in jumping a jig—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
Adi
He'll turn about soon in a measure—
So we'll be admitting with pleasure
This rotary notary into our côterie—
Tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
So we'll be admitting with pleasure
This rotary notary into our côterie—
Tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
Bel
You may open your wondering eyes
With surprise at the size
Of the joints and the puddings and pies
Which are lavished upon you to-day!
With surprise at the size
Of the joints and the puddings and pies
Which are lavished upon you to-day!
Gia
So, notary, please take a seat,
For to eat of the meat—
For you won't often get such a treat—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
For to eat of the meat—
For you won't often get such a treat—
Oh, tootle-tum tootle-tum tay!
Bel
Surrounded by roses and myrtle,
We'll stow within jerkin and kirtle
Mock turtle, mock turtle, mock turtle, mock turtle,
Mock turtle, mock turtle tum tay!
We'll stow within jerkin and kirtle
Mock turtle, mock turtle, mock turtle, mock turtle,
Mock turtle, mock turtle tum tay!
Tom
Indeed, you're exceedingly kind,
I'm inclined—have a mind—
And in fact, all along have designed,
To join in your revels to-day.
I'm inclined—have a mind—
And in fact, all along have designed,
To join in your revels to-day.
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I'll join you, indubitablee,
If so be we agree—
That it isn't instead of my fee—
Oh! tootle tum, tootle tum tay!
If so be we agree—
That it isn't instead of my fee—
Oh! tootle tum, tootle tum tay!
(aside)
I hope he don't think that a pre-sent
Of dinner reduces my decent
Sum total, sum total, sum total, sum total,
Sum total, sum total, tum tay!
I hope he don't think that a pre-sent
Of dinner reduces my decent
Sum total, sum total, sum total, sum total,
Sum total, sum total, tum tay!
(Dance, and all dance off and R. and L., except Belcore and Nemorino.)
Nem
(seizing Belcore's hand, and bringing him down)
I want a shilling!
Bel
No uncommon want
Nem
Can you oblige me?
Bel
Certainly I can't.
But—here's the Queen's—come, be a soldier, lad?
Nem
A soldier? Come, the notion isn't bad.
Bel
A shilling down—next week, a dozen more,
I'll be your banker for at least a score!
Nem
(aside)
In wars alarms I shall be soon delighting,
The only prospect that's at all in-fighting!
(to Bel)
Yes, I'm your boy. I love the beat of drum—
You'll find me snap at dangers, when they come!
Bel
(contemptuously)
A snapper of the kind that's known as whipper!
A shop-boy!
Nem
Yes—but no encounter-skipper—
I'm the most dashing fellow ever seen!
Bel
A haber-dashing fellow, p'r'aps you mean,
Nem
An insult! Ha! (draws stiletto)
Bel
Come, stop this boyish rancour,
You've early learnt to draw upon your banker!
Duet—Belcore and Nemorino.
Air—“Jog along Boys.”
Nem
Well, thanks to you I've got the tin
My dear Adina for to win,
This shilling, please to understand,
Will purchase dear Adina's hand.
Bel
When you within my clutches come
I'll tie you up to the beat of drum—
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The cat shall lacerate your back.
Both
For it's flog along, flog along, flog along, boys,
Flog along boys, for the cat'll make a noise,
Flog along, flog along, flog along, boys,
Flog along, boys, Hurrah!
(Dance off together.)
| A new and original extravaganza, entitled : Dulcamara ; or the Little Duck and the Great Quack | |