University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Enter HARPAX, foot-boy to the Captain.
Har.
This is the place, and this the very spot
My master pointed out to me, if rightly
My eyes the measure take of the directions,
Which thus my master gave me—From the gate
The seventh house; that house the captain told me,
Where the procurer liv'd; to whom he bad me
Carry this money, and this ring.—I wish
Some one for certain would inform me where
This Ballio lives—

Pseu.
[aside.]
'St! 'St!—This is my man.
If gods and men do not at once desert me,
Here is new matter, that requires new counsel.
I at first sight, find I must change my measures,
And alter my first battery—A smart onset
I'll make upon this soldier-like appearance,
This captain's messenger—

Har.
I'll beat the door,
And call out some one hither from the house.

Pseu.
Whoe'er you are, I soon shall stop your knocking,
I, patron and defender of these doors.

Har.
Are you then Ballio?

Pseu.
No: I'm Under-Ballio.—

Har.
How's that?

Pseu.
Why, yeoman of the larder, butler,
And caterer.

Har.
O ho! that's to say, his porter.

Pseu.
Nay, I'm above his porter.

Har.
Then what are you?
Are you a slave, or freeman?

Pseu.
I'm as yet
A slave.

Har.
So it should seem; nor by your looks
E'er likely to be otherwise.

Pseu.
When you
Abuse another, do you ne'er look back
Upon yourself?

Har.
A sly chap!

[aside.
Pseu.
As the gods
Shall love and favour me, this man's my anvil:
And many a project shall I forge on him.

[aside.
Har.
What is it he keeps muttering to himself?

Pseu.
What is't you say, young man?

Har.
What is't I say?

Pseu.
Com'st thou or no, from the Macedonian captain
A messenger, who bought a girl of us?
Who fifteen minæ to my master paid,
And owes five more?—

Har.
I do—But how i'th'world
Do you know me? where seen, or spoke to me?
For I have never been before at Athens;
Nor, till this day have e'er set eyes on you.

Pseu.
I thought you seem'd from thence; because your master
Appointed, when he went away, this day
For payment of the money; and ne'er sent it.

Har.
Here 'tis.

Pseu.
And have you brought it?

Har.
Ay, myself.

Pseu.
Why then not give it me?

Har.
Give it to you?

Pseu.
By Hercules! to me, I'm Ballio's steward,
Look after his accounts; receive, lay out,
And pay his money where 'tis due.

Har.
By Hercules!
If you was treasurer to Jove supreme,
I would not trust you with a doit.

Pseu.
How stout
Soe'er you are, the money will be paid.

Har.
No, I shall rather keep it closer.

Pseu.
Fie!
Are you the first man that has found the way
To call in question my fidelity;
As if I was not often trusted with
Six hundred times as much!

Har.
Others may trust you;
But by my troth, not I.

Pseu.
Why, that's as if
You said I should defraud you—

Har.
You say that—
'Tis but as if I only should suspect it.
But what's your name?

Pseu.
[aside.]
This pandar has a slave
Call'd Syrus—I will say that I am he—
My name is Syrus. [to him.]


Har.
Syrus?

Pseu.
That's my name.

Har.
We wast the time.—If Ballio is at home,
Why, call him forth, that I may do my message,
Whatever your name may be.

Pseu.
Where he within,
I'd call him—But if you will give it me,
The business shall be better done, than if
You gave it him.

Har.
But you're to know, my master
Sent me to pay this money, not to lose it.
You're in a fever now, because you can't
Lay your claws on it. I'll not trust a doit,
To any one, except to Ballio's self.

Pseu.
But he is busy now: he has a cause
Before the judge.

Har.
Success attend him in it!
And when I judge that he's at home, I'll come
Again—Here take this letter; give it him:
For there's the token between both our masters
About the girl.

Pseu.
I know full well, my master
Order'd the girl shou'd be deliver'd him,
Who with the money shou'd produce his figure
Cut on a ring; and left its fellow here.

Har.
You know the whole affair.

Pseu.
Ay, what should hinder?

Har.
Then, give this ring to him—

Pseu.
Depend upon it.
And now what is your name?—

Har.
Harpax.

Pseu.
How! Harpax!
I like you not, friend Harpax! and, by Hercules!
You shall not come within these doors, for fear
You verify your name; call'd rightly Harpax.

Har.
I us'd to carry captives off alive
From battle; thence I had the name of Harpax.

Pseu.
Rather, by Pollux! from your carrying off
From houses, pots and kettles.

Har.
'Tis not so.
I scorn your words. But, Syrus, do you know
What I'd beg of you?

Pseu.
Yes, if you would tell me.

Har.
I go to step aside into a tavern,
The third without the gate; 'tis kept by Chrysis,
A tun-bellied, lame, heavy crone—

Pseu.
What then?

Har.
That you, as soon as e'er your master comes,
May send for me from thence—

Pseu.
Ay, if you chuse it—

Har.
For as I am fatigu'd with my long journey,
I want refreshment—

Pseu.
Sensible enough!
I like your scheme—But when I send for you,
Be sure you're in the way—

Har.
O, after dinner
My business always is, to take a nap—

Pseu.
That I suppose—

Har.
Have you ought else with me?

Pseu.
Only that you will go and take your nap—

Har.
I'm gone—

Pseu.
But hark you, Harpax!—Take good care
That you have clothes enough to cover you;
A sweat will do you good.

[Exit Harpax.