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SCENE II.
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127

SCENE II.

Enter GNATHO; PARMENO behind.
Gnat.
Good heav'ns! how much one man excels another!
What diff'rence 'twixt a wise man and a fool!
What just now happen'd proves it: Coming hither
I met with an old countryman, a man
Of my own place and order, like myself,
No scurvy fellow, who, like me had spent
In mirth and jollity his whole estate.

128

He was in a most wretched trim; his looks
Lean, sick, and dirty; and his cloaths, all rags.
How now! cry'd I, what means this figure, friend?
Alas, says he, my patrimony's gone.
—Ah, how am I reduc'd! my old acquaintance
And friends all shun me.—Hearing this, how cheap
I held him in comparison with me!
Why, how now? wretch, said I, most idle wretch!
Have you spent all, nor left ev'n hope behind?
What! have you lost your sense with your estate?
Me!—look on me—come from the same condition!
How sleek! how neat! how clad! in what good case?
I've ev'ry thing, though nothing; nought possess,
Yet nought I ever want.—Ah, Sir, but I
Have an unhappy temper, and can't bear
To be the butt of others, or to take
A beating now and then.—How then! d'ye think
Those are the means of thriving? No, my friend!
Such formerly indeed might drive a trade:
But mine's a new profession; I the first

129

That ever struck into this road. There are
A kind of men, who wish to be the head
Of ev'ry thing; but are not. These I follow;
Not for their sport and laughter, but for gain
To laugh with them, and wonder at their parts:
Whate'er they say, I praise it; if again
They contradict, I praise that too: Does any
Deny? I too deny: Affirm? I too
Affirm: and in a word I've brought myself
To say, unsay, swear, and forswear, at pleasure:
And that is now the best of all professions.

Par.
A special fellow this! who drives fools mad.

Gnat.
Deep in this conversation, we at length

130

Come to the Market, where the sev'ral tradesmen,
Butchers, cooks, grocers, poult'rers, fishmongers,
(Who once did profit, and still profit by me)
All run with joy to me, salute, invite,
And bid me welcome. He, poor half-starv'd wretch,
Soon as he saw me thus carest, and found
I got my bread so easily, desired
He might have leave to learn that art of me.
I bad him follow me, if possible:
And, as the Schools of the Philosophers
Have ta'en from the Philosophers their names,
So, in like manner, let all Parasites
Be call'd from me Gnathonicks!

Par.
Mark, what ease,
And being kept at other's cost produces!

Gnat.
But hold, I must convey this girl to Thais,
And bid her forth to sup.—Ha, Parmeno!
Our rival's slave, standing at Thais' door!
—How melancholy he appears! All's safe:
These poor rogues find but a cold welcome here.
I'll play upon this Knave.

[aside.
Par.
These fellows think
This present will make Thais all their own.

[aside.
Gnat.
To Parmeno, his lov'd and honour'd friend,

131

Gnatho sends greeting. [ironically.]
—What are you upon


Par.
My Legs.

Gnat.
I see it.—Is there nothing here
Displeasing to you?

Par.
You.

Gnat.
I do believe it.
But prithee, is there nothing else?

Par.
Wherefore?

Gnat.
Because you're melancholy.

Par.
Not at all.

Gnat.
Well, do not be so!—Pray, now, what d'ye think
Of this young handmaid?

Par.
Troth, she's not amiss.

Gnat.
I plague the rascal.

[half-aside.
Par.
How the knave's deceiv'd!

[half-aside.
Gnat.
Will not this gift be very acceptable
To Thais, think you?

Par.
You'd insinuate
That we're shut out.—There is, alas, a change
In all things.

Gnat.
For these six months, Parmeno,

132

For six whole months at least, I'll make you easy;
You shan't run up and down, and watch till day-light;
Come, don't I make you happy?

Par.
Very happy.

Gnat.
'Tis my way with my friends.

Par.
You're very good.

Gnat.
But I detain you: you, perhaps, was going
Somewhere else.

Par.
No where.

Gnat.
May I beg you then
To use your int'rest here, and introduce me
To Thais?

Par.
Hence! away! these doors
Fly open now, because you carry her.

Gnat.
Wou'd you have any one call'd forth?

[Exit.
Par.
Well, well!
Pass but two days; and you, so welcome now,
That the doors open with your little finger,
Shall kick against them then, I warrant you,
Till your heels ache again.

Re-enter GNATHO.
Gnat.
Ha! Parmeno!
Are you here still? What! are you left a Spy,

133

Lest any Go-between should run by stealth
To Thais from the Captain?

[Exit.
Par.
Very smart!
No wonder such a wit delights the captain!
But hold! I see my master's younger son
Coming this way. I wonder much he should
Desert Piræus, where he's now on guard.
'Tis not for nothing. All in haste he comes,
And seems to look about.

 

These characters, the Parasite and the Soldier, as the Poet himself confesses, are not in the Eunuch of Menander, but taken from the Colax.

Donatus.

Two actions, equally laboured and driven on by the writer, would destroy the unity of the poem; it would be no longer one play, but two: Not but that there may be many actions in a play, as Ben Jonson has observed in his Discoveries, but they must be all subservient to the great one, which our language happily expresses in the name of under-plots: Such as in Terence's Eunuch is the difference and reconcilement of Thais and Phædria, which is not the chief business of the play, but promotes the marriage of Chærea and Chremes's sister, principally intended by the poet. There ought to be but one action, says Corneille, that is, one complete action, which leaves the mind of the audience in a full repose; but this cannot be brought to pass, but by many other imperfect actions which conduce to it, and hold the audience in a delightful suspence of what will be.

Dryden's Essay of Dramatic Poesie.

Instead of the quarrels of Thais and Phædria, which were most probably in the Eunuch of Menander, it would have been better to have instanced the characters taken from the Colax; which Terence has very artfully connected with the rest of the fable, by representing the Girl, loved by Chærea, as given to Thais by Thraso, which produces the absence of Phædria, leaves room for the comical imposture of Chærea, and, although adscititious, becomes the main spring of the whole action.

This is the only scene in Terence, which I remember, that can be charged with being superfluous. Thraso has made a present to Thais of a young Girl. Gnatho is to carry her. Going along with her, he amuses himself with giving the Spectator a most agreeable eulogium on his profession. But was that the time for it? Let Gnatho pay due attention on the stage to the young woman whom he is charged with, and let him say what he will to himself, I consent to it. Diderot.

Though the Vain Man and the Flatterer were characters in great measure dependant on each other, and therefore commonly shewn together, yet it is most probable, that in the Colax of Menander, from whence Gnatho and Thraso were taken by our author, the Parasite was the chief character, as in the Αλαζων, or the Boaster, the Greek Comedy from which Plautus took his Miles Gloriosus, the Braggadochio Captain was most probably the principal. But this I think is not all: for in the present instance the Poet seems to have intended to introduce a new sort of Parasite, never seen upon the stage before; the master of a more delicate manner of adulation than ordinary flatterers, and supporting his consequence with his patron at the same time that he lives upon him, and laughs at him. Comedendo & deridendo. Gnatho's acquaintance describes the old school of Parasites, which gives him occasion to shew in his turn, the superior excellence of the new sect, of which he is himself the founder. The first of these, as Madam Dacier observes justly, was the exact definition of a Parasite, who is described on almost every occasion by Plautus, as a fellow beaten, kicked, and cuffed at pleasure.

Et hic quidem, hercle, nisi qui colophos perpeti
Potis Parasitus, frangique aulas in caput,
Vel ire extra portam trigeminam ad saccum licet.
Capteivei, Act I. And here the Parasite, unless he can
Bear blows, and have pots broken on his sconce,
Without the city-gate may beg his bread.

Gnatho, on the contrary, by his artful adulation, contrives to be caressed instead of ill-treated. Had the Colax of Plautus at least remained to us, we should perhaps have seen the specifick difference between Him and other Parasites more at large. In the Eunuch Gnatho is but episodical; but if this manner of considering his character be not too refined, it accounts for the long speech, so obnoxious to Diderot, with which he introduces himself to the audience; throws a new light on all he says and does; and is a strong proof of the excellence of Menander in drawing characters. However this may be, it is certain that Gnatho is one of the most agreeable Parasites in any play, antient or modern, except the incomparable Falstaff.

Quid agitur?—Statur. A mere play upon words, which is also in the Pseudolus of Plautus. There is much the same kind of conceit with the present in the Merry Wives of Windsor.

Falstaff.
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am About.

Pistol.
Two Yards and more.

Piræus, as well as Sunium, was a maritime town of Attica, with a port, where the Athenian youth were placed on guard, to watch against the incursions of Pirates, or other enemies. Donatus.