An Original Collection of Songs sung at the Theatres Royal, Public Concerts &c. &c. By W. T. Moncrieff |
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BOOKS AND BIPEDS! |
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 | An Original Collection of Songs |  |
BOOKS AND BIPEDS!
Human Nature's a large library,
We 're each a volume in it;
Some good, some bad, some hard to be made out,
Some few well read.
Kind Heaven the Author is of all,
Which none can doubt a minute,
When we are born we're published,
And we're out of print when dead.
We 're each a volume in it;
Some good, some bad, some hard to be made out,
Some few well read.
Kind Heaven the Author is of all,
Which none can doubt a minute,
When we are born we're published,
And we're out of print when dead.
A Soldier is a red book,
And a Parson is a prayer book,
A Lawyer's a black letter book,
Producing lots of pelf;
A Cuckold is a horn book,
An honest man is a rare book—
Actors, books in parts,
And old Maids, works upon the shelf.
And a Parson is a prayer book,
A Lawyer's a black letter book,
Producing lots of pelf;
A Cuckold is a horn book,
An honest man is a rare book—
Actors, books in parts,
And old Maids, works upon the shelf.
Pretty women have good frontispieces,
Scolds are full of matter—
Young maids are books in nonpareil,
And Scriveners, in vellum—
Blacklegs they are piracies,
Rogues, books fraught with errata,
And Patriots very good books,
You so soon can buy and sell 'em.
Scolds are full of matter—
Young maids are books in nonpareil,
And Scriveners, in vellum—
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Rogues, books fraught with errata,
And Patriots very good books,
You so soon can buy and sell 'em.
Dwarfs, books in duodeeimo,
And Giants, books in folio—
Drunkards books in quarto,
Which wet from the Press appear—
Our Veterans books with cuts,
While an Author is an olio,
And Mistresses are almanacs,
That changed are every year!
And Giants, books in folio—
Drunkards books in quarto,
Which wet from the Press appear—
Our Veterans books with cuts,
While an Author is an olio,
And Mistresses are almanacs,
That changed are every year!
Old Bachelors odd volumes are,
Lying lumbering about—
Widows, volumes second hand,
That sometimes go off best.
Doctors, books in the dead languages,
That oft a drug turn out—
Our Courtiers they are spelling books,
While Spendthrifts are hot pressed.
Lying lumbering about—
Widows, volumes second hand,
That sometimes go off best.
Doctors, books in the dead languages,
That oft a drug turn out—
Our Courtiers they are spelling books,
While Spendthrifts are hot pressed.
A Proctor is a testament,
A Bishop is a bible—
Surgeons are Reviewers,
Cutting up ten where they save one;
A good man is a sermon,
A Liar is a libel—
A merry man 's a jest book,
And a Sexton is a grave one.
A Bishop is a bible—
Surgeons are Reviewers,
Cutting up ten where they save one;
A good man is a sermon,
A Liar is a libel—
A merry man 's a jest book,
And a Sexton is a grave one.
Clowns volumes are in foolscap,
And Kings in royal crown—
Placemen work in post—
And Cooks in pot ne'er bettered:
Lords are books in capitals,
That still command the town—
Our wealthy men all gilt are,
While our learned men are lettered.
And Kings in royal crown—
Placemen work in post—
And Cooks in pot ne'er bettered:
Lords are books in capitals,
That still command the town—
Our wealthy men all gilt are,
While our learned men are lettered.
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Old misers are in marble bound—
Fops volumes are in calf—
Mechanics books in boards, that we
Pick up in stalls and streets;
Our married men are whole bound,
Our single men but half—
Spinsters they all stitched are—
While a bride's a work in sheets.
Fops volumes are in calf—
Mechanics books in boards, that we
Pick up in stalls and streets;
Our married men are whole bound,
Our single men but half—
Spinsters they all stitched are—
While a bride's a work in sheets.
Bankers they are books with notes,
And cash books, worth much money.
Arithmeticians, works in numbers
Many folks take in.
Wives are childrens books, and children,
Nursery books—'tis funny—
While Judges, they are statute books—
Great antidotes to sin.
And cash books, worth much money.
Arithmeticians, works in numbers
Many folks take in.
Wives are childrens books, and children,
Nursery books—'tis funny—
While Judges, they are statute books—
Great antidotes to sin.
A coquette is a riddle book,
And flirts are every day books—
Antiquarians old books,
And coxcombs most absurd books—
Schoolmasters are grammar books,
And idle folks are play books—
Hypocrites are hymn books,
And scolding wives are word books.
And flirts are every day books—
Antiquarians old books,
And coxcombs most absurd books—
Schoolmasters are grammar books,
And idle folks are play books—
Hypocrites are hymn books,
And scolding wives are word books.
Thus Bipeds plainly are but books,
If rightly understood—
Human nature but a Library,
As has before been said,
And Heaven's the Author of us all—
In all there is some good—
When we are born we're published,
And we're out of print when dead!
If rightly understood—
Human nature but a Library,
As has before been said,
And Heaven's the Author of us all—
In all there is some good—
When we are born we're published,
And we're out of print when dead!
| An Original Collection of Songs | |