The Ingoldsby Lyrics By Thomas Ingoldsby [i.e. R. H. Barham] |
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Dick's Long-Tailed Coat.
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 | The Ingoldsby Lyrics |  |
Dick's Long-Tailed Coat.
“Modo sumpta veste virili.”—Horace.
Zooks! I must woo the muse to-day,
Though line before I'd never wrote.
Ask you what theme demands the lay?—
Our Dick has got a Long-tail'd Coat!
Though line before I'd never wrote.
Ask you what theme demands the lay?—
Our Dick has got a Long-tail'd Coat!
Not the coatee which soldiers wear,
Tight button'd up beneath the throat,
But easy,—flowing,—debonnaire;—
In short, a civil Long-tail'd Coat!
Tight button'd up beneath the throat,
But easy,—flowing,—debonnaire;—
In short, a civil Long-tail'd Coat!
One smarter you'll not find in town,
Cut by Nugee, that Snip of note;—
A very quiet olive-brown
's the colour of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat!
Cut by Nugee, that Snip of note;—
A very quiet olive-brown
's the colour of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat!
Gay jackets clothe the stately Pole,
The proud Hungarian, and the Croat,
Yet Esterhazy, on the whole,
Looks smartest in a Long-tail'd Coat.
The proud Hungarian, and the Croat,
Yet Esterhazy, on the whole,
Looks smartest in a Long-tail'd Coat.
209
Lord Byron most admired, we know,
The Albanian dress, or Suliote;
But he lived much abroad, and so
He never saw Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
The Albanian dress, or Suliote;
But he lived much abroad, and so
He never saw Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
Or else that noble Poet's theme
Had never been the “White Capote,”
Had he once view'd, in Fancy's dream,
The glories of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
Had never been the “White Capote,”
Had he once view'd, in Fancy's dream,
The glories of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
We also know on Highland Kilt
Poor dear Glengarry used to dote,
And had esteem'd it actual guilt
I' the Gael to wear a Long-tail'd Coat.
Poor dear Glengarry used to dote,
And had esteem'd it actual guilt
I' the Gael to wear a Long-tail'd Coat.
And well it might his eyes annoy;
Monkbarns himself could never quote
“Sir Robert Sibbald,” “Gordon,” “Roy,”
Or “Stukely,” for a Long-tail'd Coat!
Monkbarns himself could never quote
“Sir Robert Sibbald,” “Gordon,” “Roy,”
Or “Stukely,” for a Long-tail'd Coat!
But though the fleet red deer to chase,
Or guide o'er Highland loch the boat,
A jacket's well enough—for grace
There's nothing like Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
Or guide o'er Highland loch the boat,
A jacket's well enough—for grace
There's nothing like Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
210
Of course, in climbing up a tree,
On terra firma, or afloat,
To mount the giddy topmast, he
Would doff awhile his Long-tail'd Coat.
On terra firma, or afloat,
To mount the giddy topmast, he
Would doff awhile his Long-tail'd Coat.
Then whence that supercilious sneer?—
From out your own eye pull the mote,
Fastidious Critic!—did you ne'er
In youth admire your Long-tail'd Coat?
From out your own eye pull the mote,
Fastidious Critic!—did you ne'er
In youth admire your Long-tail'd Coat?
Oh, “Dick's scarce old enough,” you mean?
Why, though too young to have a vote,
Or make a will, yet sure Fifteen
's a ripe age for a Long-tail'd Coat!
Why, though too young to have a vote,
Or make a will, yet sure Fifteen
's a ripe age for a Long-tail'd Coat!
What!—would you have him sport a chin
Like Colonel Sibthorp, or a goat,
Before you think he should begin
To figure in a Long-tail'd Coat?
Like Colonel Sibthorp, or a goat,
Before you think he should begin
To figure in a Long-tail'd Coat?
Suppose he visits France—can he
Sit down at any table-d'bôte
With any sort of decency,
Unless he's got a Long-tail'd Coat.
Sit down at any table-d'bôte
With any sort of decency,
Unless he's got a Long-tail'd Coat.
E'en Louis Philippe, Royal Cit,
There soon may be a sans-culotte,
And Nugent's self must then admit
The advantage of a Long-tail'd Coat.
There soon may be a sans-culotte,
And Nugent's self must then admit
The advantage of a Long-tail'd Coat.
211
Things are not now as when, of yore,
In tower encircled by a moat,
Each lion-hearted chieftain wore
A corslet—not a Long-tail'd Coat.
In tower encircled by a moat,
Each lion-hearted chieftain wore
A corslet—not a Long-tail'd Coat.
Chain-mail his portly form embraced,
Not like a weazel or a stoat,
“Cribb'd and confined” about the waist,
And pinch'd in like Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
Not like a weazel or a stoat,
“Cribb'd and confined” about the waist,
And pinch'd in like Dick's Long-tail'd Coat.
With beaming spear or biting axe
To right and left he thrust and smote.
Ah! what a change! no sinewy thwacks
Fall from a modern Long-tail'd Coat!
To right and left he thrust and smote.
Ah! what a change! no sinewy thwacks
Fall from a modern Long-tail'd Coat!
To stalwart knights, a puny race
Succeeds,—with locks en papillote,—
While cuirass, cuisses, greaves, give place
To silk-net “Tights” and Long-tail'd Coat!
Succeeds,—with locks en papillote,—
While cuirass, cuisses, greaves, give place
To silk-net “Tights” and Long-tail'd Coat!
Worse changes still! now, well-a-day!
A few cant phrases learnt by rote,
Each beardless booby spouts away,
A Solon in a Long-tail'd Coat!
A few cant phrases learnt by rote,
Each beardless booby spouts away,
A Solon in a Long-tail'd Coat!
Prates of the “March of Intellect,”
The “Schoolmaster”—a Patriote
So noble who could e'er suspect
Had just put on his Long-tail'd Coat!
The “Schoolmaster”—a Patriote
So noble who could e'er suspect
Had just put on his Long-tail'd Coat!
212
Alack! alack! that every thick-skull'd
lad must find an antidote
For England's woes, because, like Dick,
He has put on a Long-tail'd Coat!
lad must find an antidote
For England's woes, because, like Dick,
He has put on a Long-tail'd Coat!
But, lo! my rhymes begin to fail,
Nor dare I longer time devote!
Thus Rhyme and Time cut off the tale—
The long tale—of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat!
Nor dare I longer time devote!
Thus Rhyme and Time cut off the tale—
The long tale—of Dick's Long-tail'd Coat!
| The Ingoldsby Lyrics | |