The Ingoldsby Lyrics By Thomas Ingoldsby [i.e. R. H. Barham] |
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A Friendly Remonstrance.
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 | The Ingoldsby Lyrics |  |
A Friendly Remonstrance.
ADDRESSED TO THE EDITORS, ETC., OF ‘THE GLOBE.’
June 24th, 1837.
My dear Mr. Moran,
Although in the Koran,
Mohammed, prohibiting wine,
Says people should get
Lemonade and sherbet,
Such talking is all very fine;
Although in the Koran,
Mohammed, prohibiting wine,
Says people should get
Lemonade and sherbet,
Such talking is all very fine;
And the system may work
Very well with a Turk,
A Moor, a Mogul, or a Persian;
But John Bull, you must own,
For spring water alone
Entertains an especial aversion.
Very well with a Turk,
A Moor, a Mogul, or a Persian;
But John Bull, you must own,
For spring water alone
Entertains an especial aversion.
284
What the deuce are you at?
Does the ‘Globe’ mean to rat
From its principles—Port and October?
It had better turn Tory
At once, like “old Glory,”
Than grow so confoundedly sober.
Does the ‘Globe’ mean to rat
From its principles—Port and October?
It had better turn Tory
At once, like “old Glory,”
Than grow so confoundedly sober.
Who cares for the potter
Of Lettsom and Trotter?
Astley Cooper's grown blinder than Cupid.
As to Bacher, I guess
He's an ass, and U. S.
I suppose means “Uncommonly stupid!”
Of Lettsom and Trotter?
Astley Cooper's grown blinder than Cupid.
As to Bacher, I guess
He's an ass, and U. S.
I suppose means “Uncommonly stupid!”
I've heard Colonel Torrens
Express his abhorrence
Of milksops, and often upon 'em he
Things severer has said
Than ever I read
In political tracts of economy.
Express his abhorrence
Of milksops, and often upon 'em he
Things severer has said
Than ever I read
In political tracts of economy.
And surely the Captain
Won't think of adapting
His taste to these teetotal fancies,
Or say the pure element
Is for the belly meant,
Unless when it mixed with right Nantz is.
Won't think of adapting
His taste to these teetotal fancies,
Or say the pure element
Is for the belly meant,
Unless when it mixed with right Nantz is.
285
If once your good Editor
Turns to a bread-eater,
Moistening his crust with cool waters,
All the fire in his leaders
Is quench'd, and his readers
Will swear they're a Dairyman's Daughter's.
Turns to a bread-eater,
Moistening his crust with cool waters,
All the fire in his leaders
Is quench'd, and his readers
Will swear they're a Dairyman's Daughter's.
If you make Mr. Chapman
A gruel and pap-man,
At once you destroy all the pleasure he
Now takes in beholding
The silver and gold in
The iron safe forming your treasury.
A gruel and pap-man,
At once you destroy all the pleasure he
Now takes in beholding
The silver and gold in
The iron safe forming your treasury.
Methinks Mr. Eaves,
As he locks up and leaves,
For his skinful of grog stoutly stickles;
And I hear honest Joe
Exclaim, “This is no go!”
As he bolts to his friend Colonel Nichols.
As he locks up and leaves,
For his skinful of grog stoutly stickles;
And I hear honest Joe
Exclaim, “This is no go!”
As he bolts to his friend Colonel Nichols.
Mr. Barnard won't stay,
Without wetting his clay
Now and then with a taste of cool “swipes,”
And I am sure Mr. Harvey
Will send for a jarvey
And “brush” with his galleys and types.
Without wetting his clay
Now and then with a taste of cool “swipes,”
And I am sure Mr. Harvey
Will send for a jarvey
And “brush” with his galleys and types.
286
I admit drinking gin
Is a shame and a sin,
It bemuddles and don't make one frisky;
But think of the scorn
Which an Irishman born
Deserves who talks scandal of whisky!
Is a shame and a sin,
It bemuddles and don't make one frisky;
But think of the scorn
Which an Irishman born
Deserves who talks scandal of whisky!
Then pray, Mr. Moran,
Don't think of encoring
Such paragraphs: prithee stand neuter;
Or if drams you cut short,
Speak civil of port,
And allow us a pull at the pewter.
Don't think of encoring
Such paragraphs: prithee stand neuter;
Or if drams you cut short,
Speak civil of port,
And allow us a pull at the pewter.
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