The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti ::

The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti

A Poem in seven cantos. By William Stewart Rose

Rose, William Stewart (1775-1843)

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THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS.

II.

III.

IV.

VI.

VII.

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THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS.

CANTO I.

TO UGO FOSCOLO.

Address—The Parliament of Beasts—They vote
A Despotism—Different Brutes of note
Propos'd for King—Rejected, and the poll
Adjourn'd—Two beasts remaining on the roll.

UGO, you've seen a lady working at
A chair-bottom, in tent-stitch, or a stool.
Her centre ('tis in general a cat)
Is ready drawn; and here she goes by rule.
But, if she's skill and fancy, she may order
At pleasure, the surrounding field and border.

'Tis much the same with my poetic venture:
The “fundamental feature”'s ready plann'd.
My Lion, like the lady's cat i' the centre,
—My Lion with his court—by other hand.
But for the arabesque which skirts the picture,
This is my own, and so fair field for stricture.

But lest those, who know nothing of the matter,
Should think, that I distort the real story,
In order to indulge myself in satire,
I solemnly beseech of Whig or Tory,
To turn to my original, when doubting:
Ex gra. for alien act and Ourangoutang.

Casti's accus'd, 'tis true, of personality,
And painting cubs of Petersburgh and Naples,
Yet is, in fact, so free from all locality,
That his best portraits will be always staples,
In every country, papal or heretic.
So true it is, that Genius is prophetic.

Once more; I make but little alteration,
Except what tends to make the story shorter;
Since I, in the pure love of concentration,
Have boil'd down three thick volumes to a quarter
Of one: and have let go my author's skirt,
Wherever he has plung'd through filth and dirt.

This for the matter of th' immediate fiction.
—As to the rest, I've sought another mould,
Wherein to cast my sentiment and diction;
And found it 'mid the Florentines of old:
Not 'mid their sons (there's little there worth stealing)
Rumfordiz'd out of fancy, force, and feeling.

Dear Foscolo, to thee my dedication's
Address'd with reason. Who like thee is able
To judge betwixt the theme and variations?
To whom so well can I inscribe my fable,
As thee? since I, upon good proof, may sing thee
Doctum sermones utriusque linguæ.

I

I sing the Lion and the Lion's lair,
The virtues, vices, patriotism, treason,
The policy, the peace and wars, that were
What time the bestial race had speech and reason.
High matter, smother'd in the womb of time,
And now first marri'd to immortal rhyme.

II

O Zodiack, thou, by whom that time is meted,
Grant I complete the glorious race I run!
And ye, Immortal Beasts, in order seated
About the sacred circus of the Sun,
Great Constellations, grant one lucid ray
To guide my course, and glad me on my way.

III

In Parliament, the various beasts were set;
I mean the better, from the baser singled.
They were, I say, in full convention met,
To choose a monarchy, unmixt or mingled,
Republick, or whatever form might suit
The anarchick disposition of the Brute.

IV

I shall report but part of the debate,
That, where opinions to a point were verging.
The Courser had defin'd a mixt estate,
The good of King, and Lords, and Commons urging;
And many beasts, after their way, were cheering,
When forward sprang the Dog, and claim'd a hearing.

V

The Dog was one, who to the great was odious;
The hope, head, hand, and heart of the plebeian;
Worthy the Roman tribunate, a Clodius,
Who made patricians quake at the Tarpeian.
“O high and puissant Beasts, props of the state,”
He cri'd, “is this the issue of debate?

VI

“How long, O Quadrupeds, will you be blind,
“And know not that your monarch constitutional,
“Your King, by custom and by law confined,
“Is a mere butt to tempests revolutional?
“A paltry and a pitiable thing,
“A mockery and may-game of a King.

VII

“Beasts, let us have a King, who can defend
“The harm'd and helpless, and control the strong,
“To whose dominion violence shall bend;—
“Serene and savage beasts, we've born too long
“The rage of anarchists. If I serve any,
“I serve but one. Heav'n guard me from the many.”

VIII

This said, he scratch'd; to mark his auditory,
And see how his persuasive periods told;
And heard from some a shout applauditory;
(The feeble are rebuk'd beneath the bold.)
And those, who disapprov'd of his oration,
Rais'd but a wretched growl of reprobation.

IX

He ey'd his work, and struck while it was hot,
And scar'd opponents gaz'd on him with wonder;
Then—“Were it possible, as it is not,
“To bind those hands which ought to wield the thunder,
“Bethink ye of the fable of the frog.
“Beasts, do not let us re-enact King Log.

X

“King constitutional is but a shade:
“Nor boasts one saving bulwark but the steeple;
“A feeble work. Whig Lords his rights invade,
“Lords, whooping to th' assault the peevish people.
“When clouds are charg'd with ruin, will you flee,
“Ye beasts, for refuge to a rotten tree?”

XI

Besides some monsters who, from heat, were sleeping,
And some who wish'd the long debate concluded;
And more who put their wits in other's keeping,
And by the Dog's oration were deluded,
He had before secur'd a steady crew
Of stirring partizans; but these were few.

XII

For he perceiv'd this game was full of danger:
His better card, the public disposition.
And the main body, to his views a stranger,
Serv'd but as stepping-stones to his ambition.
They sought for safety from the beasts of prey;
And he, in other's name, aspir'd to sway.

XIII

The Fox, himself, was puzzled, with the rest:
He guess'd, indeed, the speech had mystic meaning;
But lock'd his own suspicion in his breast,
And watch'd to see which way the house was leaning.
Meanwhile he ponder'd on his present course;
And amid cries of ‘question’ rose the Horse,

XIV

And shook his mane, and cried, “O Dog, shall we,
“Masters of moor and mountain, never broke
“To chiding curb, the freest of the free,
“Say, shall we vilely volunteer the yoke?
“Think well before you fasten on your fetters!
“Think, while you may, you dog and dog's abettors!”

XV

Murmurs and cheers ensu'd: he said and snorted.
And, “Gallant steed, you're shy, and danger fear,
“Where danger's none,” (the wily Dog retorted;
And the Dog's choice supporters—“hear, hear, hear!”)
“I'll use no logic, though the field is ample,
“Adduce no stronger proof than man's example.

XVI

“Lo man, whom you hold wisest of the wise,
“To cram his prince's coffers, drains his own;
“For him, with blind devotion, lives and dies,
“The voluntary victim of the throne.
“Say, while he plays such part in sober sadness,
“Say, have his other acts the sign of madness?”

XVII

He said and sate. There was an angry Bear,
Who, at his speech, had growl'd disapprobation,
And twice was call'd to order by the chair.
He scarcely let him finish his oration,
And thus; “Is man a rule to beast or bird?
“Cite us, Sir Dog, example less absurd.”

XVIII

The Bear had late escap'd from basest labour,
And fled from dirty streets, to down and dell,
Damning his master, monkey, pipe and tabor;
His ears still rung with drone, squeak, thump, and bell:
Detain'd by man, who kept him for his pleasure,
And held it mirth to see him mar a measure.

XIX

To him the Dog; “This spiteful reprobation
“Of your late lord, you might discreetly spare.”
“—And think you love can rise from like relation?”
Bruin rejoin'd. The laugh was with the Bear.
But stedfast to his point, unmark'd the joke,
The Dog pursu'd, and to the question spoke.

XX

And still he sail'd an end, o'er ledge and shelf,
With leading wind. No noble stirr'd objection:
Each hop'd the choice might light upon himself.
'Twas voted to proceed to an election;
And those, who curs'd the Dog at heart, appear'd
His keenest partizans, and loudest cheer'd.

XXI

The Tiger first was put in nomination.
His tail, pied coat, the lightning of his pat,
(But for the Dog's insidious intimation)
Had told. But he; “He's after all a cat,
“A better breed of cat.” Here lay the sting.
For nobody would choose a cat for King.

XXII

A mountain democrat propos'd the Bear.
On this the Dog: “I honour his long pole;
“I own him first jack-pudding of the fair;
“A thorough comical, buffooning droll.
“But shall we choose a King to make us laugh,
“And change the sceptre for the ragged staff?”

XXIII

To him the Bear; “Who, better acts his part,
“In this great stage-play, matters not two grains,
“I, a buffoon by nature, you by art.
“At least you will not fail for want of pains.”
Although th' assembly laugh'd at Bruin's sally,
The barren jest procur'd him not a tally.

XXIV

The previous sarcasm, on the Bear's unfitness,
Fix'd the foundations of eternal hate:
Though Hockley is no more, you still may witness
Th' effect, in sore and sanguinary bait.
And still through the long line of their descendants
Their sons and grandsons shall dispute ascendance.

XXV

The Bull was next expos'd to nomination,
With many more,—brute beasts of straw and lath,
Successively rejected in rotation.
And next the Mule, oh! tell it not in Gath!
Put up the Ass, 'mid laughing, scraping, fleering:
But he was hooted off on half a hearing.

XXVI

My Ass, console thyself; the time is coming
When thou, blest beast, like Dog, shalt have thy day:
When Kings, thy sad and solemn virtues summing,
Council and Court shall echo to thy bray.
And puissant peers thy proud pretensions own,
And thou be deem'd best bulwark of the throne.

XXVII

But leave we for a time, the Ass and Mule,
That second hope of beasts, that Ass's scion.
—Of all who late contended for the pool,
Remain'd but two, the Elephant and Lion.
—Ballot and beast have been the theme too long;
Be these the subjects of a second song.

See his accurate translation of Sterne's Sentimental Journey into Italian.

“Pugnent ipsique nepotesque.”

CANTO II.

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN HOOKHAM FRERE.

The Lion is crown'd King, with one accord—
By his first act the Dog is made first lord
O' the treasury—a levee held, to lick
Paws, for promotions—Poodle made white-stick.
The Lion King, being in full possession
Of health and wits, provides for the succession.—
Well serv'd by the trusty Dog—he, in compliance
With his advice, courts wits and beasts of science—
Founds colleges and schools—is fond of scandal,
A poor propensity, which gives a handle
To the Cat and other beasts, to form a league
And deal in dirty work and low intrigue.

I

I had a mind to copy from my Casti
Some dozen lines, and piece them with some more,
(A thing that your Italian calls a pasty)
In illustration of what's gone before:
Repeating what's been said, and maxims teaching;
But then I thought I was not made for preaching.

II

I've held it a good ground for speculation,
And often search'd (although I knew 'twas folly)
The reason, why that keen discerning nation,
A race, who catch your meaning at the volley,
Should, in their books, expounding and expanding,
Leave nothing to the reader's understanding.

III

And then I've thought there was some strange relation,
'Tween things, where none would put a like construction;
And often schem'd to make enumeration
Of instances, which warrant such induction:
Things, held anomalous, together stitching,
Videlicet, Italian books and kitchen.

IV

Th' association in ourselves holds good:
Our meat and matter's raw. Th' Italian glutton
Holds, for ill savour'd and unwholesome food,
Meat that is underdone; beef, veal, or mutton.
Their cooks, when, to their mind, they've trimm'd and drest it,
Boil it to bits; one may say, half digest it.

V

'Tis thus their dawdling authors deal with that,
Which squires call potter, and which men call prose.
'Tis all about it, and about it, flat,
And full of truths which every blockhead knows.
E'en when they broach a vein of gold, they scatter
Their ore, and overlay it with mean matter.

VI

It was not always so. The Ferrarese
To choicer musick chim'd his gay guitar,
In Este's halls: they were not strains like these,
Which from its orbit charm'd Albracca's star;
Now warm with love, now foaming with defiance.
'Twas not to such that Pulci kill'd his giants.

VII

O Thou, that hast reviv'd in magic rhyme
That lubber race, and turn'd them out, to turney,
And love, after their way; in after time,
To be acknowledg'd for our British Berni;
Ah! send thy Giants forth to good men's feasts:
Keep them not close.—But I must to my Beasts.

VIII

I finish'd with my Lion and my Elephant
Fresh for the poll; the Beasts to vote by sections.
But I so deeply hate harangues irrelevant,
And all the trash and tumult of elections,
I'll only say, that to the noisy ring
The Dog propos'd the Lion for their King.

IX

From Pidcock-flourish, guess his peroration.
But one part of the speech I mean to quote,
(Although it stirs my honest indignation)
More meant to goad the foe than gain a vote.
Yet some maintain that he hid views political,
Beneath invective cynic and thersitical.

X

The Elephant had friends, who kindly saw
In his Lord-Burleigh-look serene and serious,
A mixture of philosophy and law;
A something of imposing and mysterious.
And, while such brutes his bulk and bearing bragg'd,
The many growl'd applause, and tails were wagg'd.

XI

“For my part,” said the Dog, “I see in him
“An unredeem'd, and very serious ass:
“And then his mountain-back, his mass of limb!
“—Strange contrast to his tail.—Will such tail pass?”
All have some point 'tis dangerous to assail.
In Beasts, the point of honour is the tail.

XII

The solemn brute his trunk, in silence, tosses;
Then hurls it at the Dog; he leapt away,
And that enormous volume of proboscis,
Descending from on high, with engine-sway,
Enwrapt two beasts, no such attack mistrusting,
And flung them fifty paces from the Husting.

XIII

Conceive th' uproarious burst of indignation!
'Mid this, th' aggressor wisely slipt away,
Abash'd, and conscious of self-degradation.
His brutal fury gave the Dog the day:
Whose satire on indecency might border;
But none could say that he was out of order.

XIV

He, as one unconcern'd, resum'd the oration.
'Twas marvellous to see the phlegm and art,
With which he took advantage of th' occasion:
But he'd no longer need to play a part;
His adversaries silenc'd or beat down,
The Lion, sole pretender to the crown.

XV

And he, the Fox, who'd hitherto been mute,
Perceived 'twas more than time, if he would merit
Good will or grace from the successful brute,
To open on the scent; so yelp'd with spirit.
The opponents all retir'd (perhaps some twenty,)
The Lion was proclaim'd, nem: dissentienti.

XVI

“God save King Lion!” was the general cry,
“Lion the first. May the King live for ever!”
“God save King Lion!” hill and wood reply,
“God save King Lion!” mountain, plain, and river.
I pass his gracious speech. The oath was sign'd;
The crowd dismiss'd; the Dog remain'd behind.

XVII

The Lion to his mouth convey'd the seal.
(Is there who doubts their secret understanding?)
And he receiv'd it with a burst of zeal;
And read a list, upon the King's commanding,
Of persons, whom he destin'd to the great
Charges of court, and offices of state.

XVIII

And first, for Lord high Steward, nam'd the Bull.
The King, after a pause, confirm'd his claim:
Though (but of such reports the world is full)
There were who cast a tarnish on his name;
And many naturalists indeed assure us,
He was the Bos silvaticus, or Urus.

XIX

But by the Lion taken into grace,
He quickly laid aside his rustic carriage;
Nor was there found a monkey out of place,
That durst his weight, and wealth, and worth disparage:
And he was held, in that licentious school,
A marvel—as a something more than Bull.

XX

His pace and portliness were all the talk.
He us'd to move, like one in a procession;
It was a pleasure but to see him walk
The palace, with an air of proud possession,
Some envied: but the universal voice
Confirm'd, and justified the monarch's choice.

XXI

The Master of the Ceremonies next
In order,—'twas a thing as clear as noon—
The minister, still reading from his text,
The Lion, musing, nam'd the blue Baboon;
A beast, that from a cub had studied creeds
And codes of mops and mowes. The Dog proceeds;

XXII

“The next, Sir, on my list, whom, by your leave,
“I'd name to an important occupation,
“Is the Lord Chamberlain—and I conceive
“But one objection, he's my own relation:—
“But since your Majesty must have a Noodle,
“I venture, Sir, to recommend the Poodle.”

XXIII

“What,—Oh!—the Poodle, eh?”—exclaim'd the Lion.
“Oh, ay, the poodle dog,—I recollect him:”—
“—His zeal and duty, Sir, you may rely on:
“Her Majesty was pleas'd, Sir, to protect him;
“Her favourite bitch elêve he means to marry,
“He's droll and pleasant, and can fetch and carry.”

XXIV

The Cat, for cleanliness and order cited,
Was made the Minister of the Police;
The Lynx, Chief Justice, as a beast clear-sighted;
The Jackal, the Grand-Hunter. Of a piece
The rest; the Stag was named General Surveyor
Of forests, and the Falcon, Chief Purveyor.

XXV

Who would know more, with industry must rummage
The records of our Lion King, at home,
Who still receives a shadowy kind of homage:
'Twas so in the Tarquinian case at Rome.
The real monarch from his throne ejected,
A King, for sacrifices, was elected.

XXVI

Thus Lion, King at Arms, remains the shadow,
The type and substitute, beyond a doubt,
Of Lion, King of mountain and of meadow.
A single circumstance shall make it out.
Your Lion, Lord of scutcheons, bends, and quarters,
Howe'er bestow'd, gives Beast and Bird supporters;

XXVII

In pledge of indefeasible dominion,
Long exercis'd in holt or forest hoar;
And this gives force to Montesquieu's opinion.—
But, I, methinks, bid fair to be a bore.
In truth how can I choose but bore, in case I
Get upon contract, absolute or quasi?

XXVIII

There is a mighty mass of rock and mountain,
Where ‘Ganges, waterer of the Indian Lands,’
Pours his twin-streamlets from a double fountain.
The rocky ridge a various view commands,
On one side craggy hills in long array,
And upon that a mighty champaign lay.

XXIX

Southward a broken sea of mountains ran,
The breakers of a dim and distant chain,
Storm-capt, and inaccessible to man.
Northward tir'd nature stretch'd into a plain,
Which seem'd an endless level from the brink
Of that precipitous, last, mountain-link.

XXX

Nature had plann'd the cliff in wildest thought,
And had, beside, bestow'd amplest material,
And mean, for use of Beast, who further sought:
With such the Beaver, Architect imperial,
Propt the long caves, no longer damp or dark;
The cliff the palace, and the plain the park.

XXXI

The cliff itself was nature's prime vagary;
An E---d himself had tax'd his brains
'Twixt matter, primitive and secondary,
And foreign fossils, and marine remains;
And carcases of Beasts of better days,
And strata pack'd and pil'd a thousand ways.

XXXII

Suppose all circumstance of coronation
Upon such mighty plain, as mocks dimension;
And, to complete a competent narration,
Draw boldly on your memory, or invention.
For me; I have a horror of procession,
From king and peers to club and quarter-session.

XXXIII

One only fact: the Cat, in brief report,
Was stating all had pass'd with due decorum,
When the indignant Lion stopt him short,
And ask'd him, whether he, as Censor morum,
“Could say, that all went off with form, and quiet,
“Where he, himself, was witness to a riot?”

XXXIV

“Sir,” said the cringing Cat, “I should not dare
“Deceive your Majesty, a King and Lion;
“And I could, with the safest conscience, swear,
“And you, Sir, may my solemn word rely on,
“That what your Majesty is pleased to mention,
“Did not require my people's intervention.”

XXXV

“Did, or did not,” reply'd the King, “my will is,
“You tell me all.”—“The whole, Sir,” said the Cat.
“Your Majesty must know the Spaniel, Phillis:
“She on a scaffold near the Palace sat:
“Next her, that reprobate old Pointer, Pero,
“Whose blood and spirits should be down at zero.

XXXVI

“But the old dog some youthful freedoms took;
“(Your Majesty might see the plank is scanty)
“Which neither she, nor other beasts could brook,
“And so all fell on the poor dilettante:
“Who by his moody mistress bit and baffled,
“Was hustled off and tumbled from the scaffold.

XXXVII

The King. “Poor Devil! I too thought, he'd winter'd
“Frosts, that might well have freez'd his feverish blood.
“—Well, but he broke his leg?” “His leg is splinter'd,
“Sir,” said the Cat—“Your Majesty's so good!”—
“And Ibis, great in fractures and in sores,
“Hopes, he shall shortly set him on all fours.”

XXXVIII

The King. “Henceforth report whate'er you witness
“Of like description, whatsoe'er it be,
“Serious or trifling; for the weight or fitness
“Of such report—leave that concern to me.”
Grimalkin saw which way his taste inclin'd,
And purr'd and thought she'd feed him to his mind.

XXXIX

The coronation done, a numerous bevy
Of beasts had to lick paws, upon promotion;
But of this ceremonial, modern levy
Or drawing-room may give a decent notion:
And thus, describing what is worth relating,
I 'scape from wooden stick and dog in waiting.

XL

The ceremonies past, the Lion pair
Had hardly stept into their great possession,
Ere the considerate King turn'd all his care,
To regulate the system of succession.
The plan in its detail admits much question:
'Twas said, he acted at the Queen's suggestion.

XLI

He left the kingdom to his cub, a fool:
But, (for the whelp was yet in his minority)
He order'd that the Lioness should rule,
Ad interim, with delegate authority;
Though he threw in the qualifying spice
Of “by and with her council's good advice.”

XLII

And her's and her sage council's safe opinion
(I said the cub was still in his minority)
Was to decide his fitness for dominion;
That is, to fix the period of majority.
The Dog foretold the mischief that would follow;
But 'twas a pill that he was forced to swallow.

XLIII

So far my text is pointed and specific:
But for the rest; with all my time and pains,
I gather little from my hieroglyphic,
But the main fact, that the Dog rack'd his brains,
To lift his Lion Lord above all measure,
Prop his prerogative, and pile his treasure.

XLIV

And being an encourager of arts,
He in his King instill'd a kindred passion;
Who singled from the rest all beasts of parts,
And to his fav'rites gave the stamp of fashion;
And, moving every stone, love, power, and bribery,
Lay'd the foundation of a sumptuous Library.

XLV

And here the Dog, desirous to hand down,
(Unprais'd by me such arrogant temerity,)
That he had been disposer of the crown,
While stone and mortar lasted, to posterity,
Gave a design, in pencil, to the chief
Sculptor, to be perform'd in high relief.

XLVI

In this relief, the Dog was represented
Putting the sceptre in the Lion's paw:
Judge how the Lioness such act resented,
And more than half the other Beasts that saw.
Nor could it please the Lion King; at least
If there's analogy 'twixt man and beast.

XLVII

To this great magazine of erudition
All paid some learned tithe, I mean the great:
But, most, the Dog gave many a rare edition
Of books, which I, with safety, may translate
The Bestial Æneids, Iliads and Odyssees;
And many rare illuminated codices.

XLVIII

But nothing fix'd the Lion's reputation
So much as the unceasing care and zeal
The Dog display'd for spreading education,
The broadest basis of the common weal.
Bell's schools, which for a new invention pass,
With us, from his spread southward to Madras.

XLIX

And next (for he would cultivate diversity
Of genius) the Dog cast the firm foundation
Of a far-fam'd and learned university,
Where every beast obey'd his own vocation;
And from old brutes, in various arts profess'd,
Studied that art alone, which pleas'd him best.

L

The tenure of this body was a charter,
Renewable at each two hundred years;
Like that of company, enroll'd for barter.—
O Cambridge, nurse of Princes and of Peers!
Thus renovated, thou wouldst cease to doat,
Nor thy cramm'd wranglers wrangle still by rote.

LI

But some prefer what goes against the grain,
Upon the principle we drive a pig,
And hence they say that with immortal strain
This very Cambridge has been often big.
Has turn'd out Milton, Dryden, Prior and Gray,
Frere, Coleridge, and Lord Byron, in our day.

LII

I said the Lion favour'd clever beasts,
And by such guests felt honour'd in his court;
Their sallies were a seasoning to his feasts;
And (what was more) he had their good report:
For it is well for Kings to find abetters,
And partizans in men or beasts of letters.

LIII

Hence wits, in prose and verse, conspir'd to swell
His praise, in such a tone as ever pleases;
And though I have some doubts if he could spell
His own name on the sign-post at Demezy's,
He was still look'd on, as a brute discerning
In art, the pride and patron of all learning.

LIV

And one, who knew th' advantage of a puff,
The most illustrious author of our nation,
Declares, that such proceeding is enough
To gain a prince a learned reputation:
But kings don't see these truths or else can't square 'em.
See Bacon de augment: scientiarum.

LV

But here I catch a slight insinuation
Of secret plots, and low intrigues of state;
How the Cat, strong in secret information,
Amus'd the Lion with her gossip-prate,
And how he lov'd her lies, (a curse upon her!)
But most the Lioness and maids of honour.

LVI

The gossip-bearing Cat was always seen
In this close court: and Fox, become her crony,
Soon curried equal favour with the Queen,
For ever at her conversazione:
But such Cabal, however ill-inclin'd,
Wrought little on the Lion's honest mind.

LVII

But I, beshrew my evil lot! am drifting
To sea, upon an ocean deep and dark,
The gulf of politics, unless by shifting
My helm, I place in port my crazy barque:
She stays, she is in port, and, anchor'd fast,
I hand my mainsail and unstep my mast.

Pasticcio.

The giants were then upon the stocks.

Vide dramatis personæ of Tom Thumb.

Late innkeeper at Hartford Bridge.

CANTO III.

39

TO GUNDIMORE.

Gundimore—Mooncalf—Lion's convalescence—
Fatal—the Lion dies—her husband's presence
A check upon the Queen—the King no more,
She shews herself a fool—breaks out at score—
Her malice and caprice—the Dog's disgrace—
The Fox and Ass and Ox come into place—
Dog sees the Lion's Ghost—a club for faction—
The Lioness and Fox prepare for action.

I

I find it sweet when I have roll'd and wander'd—
To lay myself awhile upon the shelf,
And find my health and spirits not so squander'd
But that I'm still sufficient to myself,
Nor forc'd to weigh wants, wishes, pains or pleasures
According to the standard weights and measures.

II

'Tis sweeter that I land upon a world,
Which I may fairly call my own creation,
After the anchor's down and sails are furl'd;
Peopling it from my own imagination:
Filling it with fair forms, excluding tragick,
And gilding all things with this glorious magick.

III

Or if foul fiends and phantoms will intrude,
With reason or upon perverse pretences,
And I must pass a melancholy mood
Through all its vast variety of tenses,
It is some consolation, when they work ill,
To pen my devils in my own small circle:

IV

But this I see is clear, and glad return
To thee, gay Gundimore, thy flow'rs and fountain,
Statue, relief, or cinerary urn.
It seems, as if thy Genius took a mountain
From off my breast; I feel repriev'd from death;
I move more lightly, breathe with other breath.

V

Blest spot! within thy walls, I never hear
That Mr. ---'s with Lady ------ a sinner;
Nor what Sir ... What-d'ye-call-him? has a year:
I never sit ten minutes after dinner.
Nor when digestion has her hands full, piece
A half-concocted meal with tea and grease.

VI

But sip my coffee, (Guilford brews no stronger)
Coffee fresh roasted, and not fried in tallow,
And piece my pipe (nor Guilford lights a longer),
Charg'd with El Cham, and spiced with wood of aloe;
So like an old magician, in a murky
Smother of smoke, transport myself to Turkey.

VII

No common jokes I heed or friends who bring 'em,
Such as, I have not room to swing a Cat:
I recollect I never want to swing 'em,
And then the poison'd dart falls blunt and flat.
The worst I do by them, as stories say,
Is give them pepper on a rainy day.

VIII

I shun whatever causes bile or vapours;
Upon one level runs my lazy life;
I hear not of the stocks, and read no papers,
And vote ambition, but a name for strife.
Yet rise one point above mere passive pleasure;
For here I mooncalf, mooncalf without measure.

IX

“But what is mooncalf?” a strange voice may cry.
I answer, mooncalf's easy contemplation,
Or vacant action: lose no time, but try,
You'll find it a delightful recreation.
But definition, though precise and ample,
Is dark, without the daylight of example.

X

Berni illustrates it, in maddest measure.
He tells you, he was penn'd up with a parcel
Of Lords and Ladies, and some fays of pleasure,
In what may be entitled Lazy Castle:
All guests an amorous fairy ran to earth
And bagg'd, to make her prison'd gallant mirth.

XI

While these their time in feasts and fooling fleeted,
He (for all had their will) bade make a bed,
Spacious, and comfortable, and well sheeted;
A table by its side: and thus he fed,
And slept by turns. Another was possess'd
By a congenial and well natur'd guest.

XII

Nor lack'd they matter for their waking dreams:
One pleasure was to lie upon their back,
To lie at gaze, and count the ceiling beams,
And mark in which was nail-hole, flaw, or crack;
And which worm-eaten were, and which were sound;
And if the total sum was odd or round.

XIII

Then, when they had for somewhile slept and eat,
The one perhaps would stretch himself, and say,
“D'ye hear those fools above? they're needs well met;
“I mean those rogues and whores who dance the hay.”
With that the friend would cease awhile to chew,
Yawn down his soup, and say—“I—thi**nk—so too.”

XIV

But other mooncalf's mine: By Chewton's dingle
Or Hordle's cliff, where peevish sea-fowl screech,
I love to pace the solitary shingle,
What time tall breakers tumble on the beach,
Without a book or thought: such rolling base
Fills all my mind, and serves me in their place.

XV

More picturesquely rapt, I sometimes range
And see the mighty stage of ocean clear'd,
As nature were preparing for a change;
Mark the beach'd buss and fish-boat homeward steer'd,
And listen in the distant din and bluster
To th' elements in arms, their march and muster;

XVI

See Solent tossing in distemper'd sleep,
Breathe hard and long, his bosom heaving slow,
Save where to shore the curling waters creep,
There work and whiten, though no tempest blow,
While hatching secret mischief, like a spy,
Th' unsettl'd wind veers restless round the sky.

XVII

Last, from the south forth sallying, sweeps along
The billows, mixing seas and skies together.
I muse meantime, and mutter from old song
Such snatches, as best sort with the wild weather:
Until, self-fool'd, I almost think my lore
“Hath set the troubled waters in a roar.”

XVIII

Then seek my cell and books, and trim my hearth,
And call to Caliban, to fetch in firing,
A crack-brain'd knave, that often makes me mirth:
But when stern Winter, from our seas retiring,
“Hath broke his leading staff,” I play no more
At Prospero, upon the sea-beat shore:

XIX

But give my fountain vent, and set it spouting,
Or scheme a freeze for some exotic's tub;
Or measure myrtles, which persist in sprouting
Without a sun, or murder obvious grub;
Or heat and hammer some reluctant rhyme;
And so 'mid nothings fleet away my time.

XX

But I must mooncalf make and talk, alas!
While my great work, my Bestiad, stands still,
And my much suffering brutes are out at grass,
And, what is worse, my Lion-King is ill.
I cannot name his ill; the signs are various:
I only know his state is most precarious.

XXI

But Pidcock says, our Lions and our Apes
(Whether they live at ease in town, or tramp)
Victims of scrofula, in various shapes,
Die of March-winds or of November-damp.
Then who can hope a ruthless clime to brave,
Where Ape and Lion find a kindred grave?

XXII

Trumpets, sound “Boots and Saddle, fold your cloaks,”
And guards, convey your King to Summer's seat!
Where no perpetual drizzle drives or soaks,
Where skies are blue, and suns lend light and heat,
Lend all things quicker life, and brighter dyes:
Your northern glow-worm creeps, your southern flies.

XXIII

But hold, I doat. For Lion, born at Soffala,
And bred in London, Pisa may be saving;
But for my Eastern Lion, with his scrofula,
To leave Thibet, for Naples, would be raving.
So he, lost Monster! howsoe'er I sigh at
His fate, had better die at home in quiet.

XXIV

The answer to inquiries, made by letter,
By such as could presume to write to the Queen,
Was that his Majesty was getting better;
Such was the sum of every bulletin.
I never knew what remedies were tried;
But he kept getting better till he died.

XXV

For die he did; and now all beasts discover
Their loss, and him their friend and father dub:
They find cold comfort in the Regent Mother,
And can presume poor promise in the cub.
And this expos'd to public notoriety
A fact we often witness in society.

XXVI

You'll see a Man and Woman pair'd in marriage,
Belov'd by many, and by all esteem'd,
For morals, manners, and becoming carriage:—
The husband dead, the widow, who was deem'd
A paragon of worth, releas'd from rule,
Shews herself what she was, a rampant fool.

XXVII

As little was the Lioness suspected
For what she was, until the Lion died:
Then she broke out at score, and stood detected,
A hash of malice, and caprice, and pride.
She forthwith to her councils call'd the Fox,
Who lin'd his party with the Ass and Ox.

XXVIII

Women are wondrous creatures in their way;
I like them both in muslin and in mercery.
They're Kittens when they sheath their claws and play,
Nymphs for the nonce, and Angels in the nursery:
But they were never meant to rule their betters;
And are too nice and clean to play with Letters.

XXIX

And bating such as class in the division
Of the She-Lion—bating gross defects,
One general want, the absence of precision,
For grave affairs disqualifies the sex.
One test will try them, rob'd in silk or russet;
Ask them the difference betwixt gore and gusset.—

XXX

—They're all agreed, and each the figures traces,
And tells you one's a gusset, one's a gore,
But when you come to facts and stating cases,
You'll find you are no wiser than before.
Hence bid them name the thing that links the skirts,
Exempli gratiâ, both of shifts and shirts!—

XXXI

—As for the keystone which suspends the sleeves,
That piece of female masonry's decided;
But for the tail-piece which unites two leaves,
On this the world of women is divided:
The point propos'd, I hear a group discuss it,
—“Oh! that's a gore.”—“No, Gertrude, that's a gusset.”

XXXII

If this breed doubt and discord in a sessional
Circle of women—if they're all abroad
Upon a point, which may be deem'd professional,
How would you have them play at Empress Maude?
Or loosen knots, which ask the eyes of Paley?
We've ten Anne Sewards where we've one Miss Baillie.

XXXIII

But to my tale; there was a current notion,
(An after page will shew, if held with reason)
That the Fox ow'd his eminent promotion
To aiding and abetting foulest treason.
Thus much is certain; that he was instated
Minister, whencesoe'er his fortune dated.

XXXIV

But how dismiss the Lion's friend with honour?
The Court was at a loss—not so the Cat;
She took the graceless embassy upon her,
And would have borne it brutally; but that
The Queen, more kind or cautious, sent the Dog
The decoration of the chain and clog.

XXXV

Hence Fleece, Annunciation, Garter, Thistle,
And Europe's various decorations date.
The Dog was not a child, who for a whistle
And coral will renounce its noisy hate:
Yet he put on the chain. The Faction say,
'Twas a surprise, and worn but for a day.

XXXVI

The fact is, that whatever face he carri'd,
He felt his deep misfortune, like a Dog;
All day, in a secluded cavern tarri'd,
And tore with alter'd mind his chain and clog.
Then sought the woods, at eve, and all the night
Sate on his tail, and bay'd the moon, for spite.

XXXVII

When lo! before him stood the Lion's spectre,
Where the full sheet of silvery moonshine fell;
Not more confest appear'd the ghost of Hector
When Troy-town blaz'd, as ancient records tell.
“Hear,” he exclaim'd, “my lamentable story—
“Hear, and revenge, if yet alive to glory.

XXXVIII

“Me the curst Queen and Fox depriv'd of light;
“Thee, from ‘their council,’ the proud pair have banish'd;
“Is this a time to bark, when thou should'st bite?
“My wrongs are thine.” The vision roar'd and vanish'd.
The Dog had sunk into unmeaning sadness;
But the fierce phantom mov'd his blood to madness.

XXXIX

The Elephant led this while, as was reported,
A sort of As-you-like-it life i' the wood;
And thither some caballing beasts resorted,
But these, at first, were mostly of his blood;
Tapir or Mamoth, whose extinguish'd kind
Wakes the brief wonder of the Tuscan hind,

XL

In that glad vale, where gentle Arno flows,
Of him baptiz'd, Arno, who mocks at rushes,
And gaily twines his temples, as he goes,
With wheaten-wreath, thro' which the red grape blushes.
And fondly lingers, as he lov'd to hear
Arezzo's harvest-home, and vintage-cheer.

XLI

And hears, before those sounds have died away,
The creaking wains again, the tipsy laughter,
And song, that bursts from farm at fall of day;
Sees the gay dance renew'd, and roof and rafter
(For Musick in this clime beats time to Labour)
Reel to the raving pipes and rattling tabor.

XLII

“Reel to the raving pipes”—and all the rest
I think is good; and all came all together:
And set against ideas ready-drest,
Your critic's censure weighs not for a feather.
“These and St. George to boot,” with rhyme and rattle!
Cousin of Whistlecraft, how stands our battle?

XLIII

Let Scottish loons lay on, and thresh and thump,
And for our flights as brain-sick fancies brand 'em;
I like such thoughts as come, hop, step, and a jump,
And pass so quick you scarce can understand 'em.
They please me as a misty landscape pleases,
Provided that it neither rains nor freezes.

XLIV

Besides, I like to let my pinnace drive,
Sure she can wear, although she may not tack;
In the bold hope that if I'm left alive,
Some friendly wind or wave may waft me back.
Where was I, though, before this burst irrelevant?
—I recollect: I left off at the Elephant.

XLV

To the Elephant, besides friends of affinity,
A fresh accession, in his exile grew,
Uninfluenc'd by love or consanguinity:
A numerous and ill-assorted crew,
Whom the queen's tyranny compell'd to roam,
And seek revenge, or refuge far from home.

XLVI

And every day still brought a fresh addition;
And now they peopled a long range of caverns:
In these they form'd a club, and brew'd sedition,
As whigs and democrats do here in taverns.
All (what is rare) in the good cause were hearty,
And wanted but a head-piece to the party.

XLVII

The Elephant indeed was first o' the faction,
Now clubbists call'd; but was a chief for form:
They lack'd another beast, for real action;
‘To ride the whirlwind and direct the storm.’
The Dog was still their hope, the Dog their own,
They laugh'd to scorn the phalanx of the throne.

XLVIII

The Dog and Elephant alone seem'd shy;
But common partizans procur'd a meeting;
And there they lay'd their differences by;
And the spectators of their friendly greeting
Believ'd that they beheld in it a sign
And pledge of ruin to the Lion line.

XLIX

And next the Tiger join'd, who was rejected
As King, when beasts knew not what they'd be at
(Though such a charge both candidates affected)
Rejected on the ground he was a cat.
Such instances are found in every clime;
But I can't stay to screw them into rhyme.

L

The Lion King, by means of conciliation,
Had almost made the savage brute his friend;
Asking his voice as one of the administration,
Giving him place and pension without end:
But the Queen Regent, of her proper malice,
By childish insult drove him from the palace.

LI

The Dog, in truth, had little satisfaction;
The rest all transport, at the beast's arrival;
The Dog perceiv'd his influence with the faction,
And fear'd in him a formidable rival.
Meantime he feign'd to feel the general glee;
And gave his health, that day, with three times three.

LII

Besides, he'd other reason for vexation:
Thinking himself the founder of his race,
He ween'd the universal canine nation
Must follow, and stand by him in disgrace.
Alas! the thanes fell from him by the dozen;
Foremost and first of these his whisker'd cousin.

LIII

The Dog, who thought himself a second Daniel,
And to his soul had laid more flattering unction,
Now found himself deceiv'd, in pug and spaniel;
But, when he thought upon the noble function
He had bestow'd upon the faithless Poodle,
He recogniz'd himself a very Foodle.

LIV

Yet all were not so base; the gallant Terrier,
The Mastiff, Sheep-dog, Bull-dog, were true-blue:
The base seceders were the Grey-hound, Harrier,
Pug, Pomeranian, and Bologna crew;
The race, baptiz'd of England's banish'd royalty,
And those of Malta, shame to knightly loyalty!

LV

The club mean while no certain form had taken;
But both its members and its institutions
Were such, and spoke so plainly, as to waken
The Fox's fears, and prompt his resolutions:
And he proclaim'd the bestial throne in danger;
And out-law'd civil foes from rack and manger.

LVI

All this was brutum fulmen, but 'twas back'd
By real force: so he his troops collected.
The army in a trice was fit to act,
And hop'd to take the field, before expected.
Their manifesto much what Kings employ,
Their orders to “take, burn, stink,” and destroy.

See Dr. Darwin's Botanic Garden for the gender of digestion.

A species of Syrian tobacco.

Administered in sandwiches with a small bonus of beef. It produces slight galvanick effects.

The Solent, or Solent-sea, is the channel between the Isle of Wight and mainland.

The lucciola, or fire-fly.

“But I must also feel them as a man.”

The Tuscan peasantry, except in the immediate neighbourhood of Florence, usually dance to the bagpipe. The second wheat-harvest follows close upon the vintage in the Val d'Arno.

See Henry IV. part 2.

‘Foodle, a courtier out of place.’ Dramatis personæ of Tom Thumb.

See the succeeding Canto.

CANTO IV.

TO HENRY HALLAM.

How to choose generals—the Mule's nomination
By the Queen Regent—mighty preparation
And outset—thoughts on royal education—
The Fox's treacherous scheme against the Foodle
Confederates—an embassy by Poodle—
His propositions by his cousin scouted—
Mule fights the dogocrats—humbugg'd, and routed—
The treason-plotting Fox, a new train laid,
Outwitted by the wily Dog, and paid
In his own coin—The Babiroussa flay'd.

I

Dear Hallam, lest this opening should alarm ye,
'Tis but to bid you (now your book is brew'd;)
Leave Exarchs, Counts, and Condottieri d'armi,
And hear about my beasts, their field and feud.
Perhaps 'twill pay your pains, and you may crib a line
Will bear on Blacks and Whites, and Guelf and Ghibelline.

II

An old receipt, though here some time laid by,
In the Lion's royal Cookery-books still told;
How to choose Generals—“Choose them old and dry,
(Some think they cannot be too dry and old;)
The deaf and doltish, and those giv'n to sleeping
Are best—Take notice, they're no worse for keeping.”

III

The Fox, howe'er, was searching for a wonder,
A portent that's but lately been discover'd:
A cross of Fabius' cloud and Scipio's thunder:
A thing which on the mountain's summit hover'd;
In its capacious womb dire matter brewing,
Or burst upon the plain in hideous ruin.

IV

We've seen the cloud upon the mountain top,
We've seen the meteor move against the wind,
We've seen the lightning flash, and thunder drop,
What time the storm roll'd northward from behind
Where—but I see your middle-agish mien,
And hear you cry, “Damn all that thou hast seen.”

V

—A meteorick beast was out of question,
The Ass for commandant propos'd the Mule;
And he was taken at his friend's suggestion,
For the grave Ass was still the other's tool:
—And the Queen Regent, to the mover partial,
Nam'd, at a word, his cousin Mule Field-marshal.

VI

Meantime the Fox had hatch'd an underplot:
The Dog, he knew, was soul of operations;
And he conceiv'd advantage might be got,
By sifting out his secret inclinations;
So bid the Poodle, fam'd for circumvention,
Flatter him, and discover his intention.

VII

Besides that the Ex-premier might be flatter'd,
And into the expectant halter run,
Or, if that fail'd, divisions might be scatter'd;
The world at least would think that Fox had done
His best, to make war's furious horrors cease,
And the conflicting Beastdom mix in peace.

VIII

The chamberlain commission'd an Italian
Greybound, to see the Dog, and fix a meeting;
A courier whom he set a special value on.
The Dog assign'd the rendez-vous, secreting
Two unsuspected beasts, for more security,
Who, with the rest, might witness to his purity.

IX

The Poodle found the Dog beneath a Pine,
Whose airy top appear'd a verdant cloud:
Perhaps some Claude suggested the design,
(And some such picture I have seen at Stroud)
For though he curs'd effect, and seem'd above it,
I know few men or beasts who do not love it.

X

He guess'd the Poodle's mission, knew the party;
Met him, with visage of congratulation;
Saluted him with welcome, frank and hearty;
Lifted his leg, and made the first libation.
The Poodle, tho' a courtier, was affected
To tears, by a reception unexpected.

XI

The Dog—“What news from court? what's stirring there?
“Are vice and folly order of the day?
“How do th' ambitious Queen and Junto fare?
“How goes it with the Cat? demure or gay?
“The Bear, half-witted cub, and humdrum Ox?
“The posture-making Ape, and rascal Fox?”

XII

“But tell me, Poodle, what's your present motion?
“On what fools' errand has the Regent sent you?”
To him, the Chamberlain, “My known devotion
“Warrants, that I've no scheme to circumvent you.
“I come the bearer of the Regent's grace:
“It rests with you her bounty to embrace.”

XIII

The Dog:—“You have full powers?”—The press'd Polonius:
“If—not full pow'rs, I have—what does as well.”
The Dog: “No, Sir; you're come with views felonious;
“A spy upon our motions, a poor tell-
“Tale scurvy cur: is this your paltry trick?
“Off, Sir, or worse may follow—There's your stick.”

XIV

Our Envoy, who had studied diplomatick
Arts from an ancient serpent, cringes courteous,
Bows, wreathed smiles, and air and phrase dramatick,
Driv'n from his reptile course oblique and tortuous,
Found himself pos'd, and taken all aback
By one straight-forward, unprepar'd attack.

XV

Since poodle-policy was no preservative,
Sir Reynard plann'd no more mystifications:
War was the only, was the dread, alternative.
The Mule was bid to haste his preparations;
He wanted but his battering guns and mortars;
These sent, he march'd his army out of quarters.

XVI

And he advanc'd with courage, loudly boasting
He'd smoke the wretched clubbists in their caves;
Or, had they not the pluck to bide a roasting,
Would to his mistress' feet conduct the slaves.
But sent, that he might miss no point of form,
The Goat, with flag of truce, before the storm:

XVII

Who bade the chiefs surrender at discretion.
Judge how the clubbists took the fool's bravado!
They, being of all outlets in possession,
That very midnight made a camisado;
Beat up, with yelp and yell, the Mule's head-quarter,
And fill'd the Lion-lines with sack and slaughter.

XVIII

The Mule, escap'd the havock, sought the palace,
And to the Queen so shap'd his lying story,
That he reap'd praise, where he deserv'd the gallows:
The rout was an accession to his glory.
The loud gazettes forth trumpeted his name,
And the Ass triumph'd in reflected fame.

XIX

'Tis here some scholiasts an opinion venture
(But I believe the Ass lack'd no such help)
That he through mulish interest was made Mentor,
Or lay-preceptor to the Lion whelp:
But in all states, whatever their description,
Such office is an Ass's by prescription.

XX

This usage, at first sight, is not consoling;
But we proceed on a false supposition:
We think (but think a lie like Uncle Bowling)
The end's to mould a prince to his condition:
Whereas 'tis not to form him to fulfil
A people's wishes, but a parent's will.

XXI

Therefore the first great object is to muddy
His brains, lest knowledge lead into temptation;
Or else engage him in some useless study,
(No matter how it suit his situation)
Which may absorb his wits, if he has got any.
'Twas thus a prince of Naples was taught botany.

XXII

Of such an end could such a science miss?
For sure there is none other but conchology,
That is so mere a cul de sac as this:
But th' Ass, who nothing knew, which ends in ology,
Believing musick the best base to raise on,
Tun'd the whelp's roar to donkey-diapason.

XXIII

And so he learn'd to bray by fifths and thirds,
And chatter, with the Parrot's good assistance;
A linguist of repute among the birds,
Whom the Queen Regent sent for from a distance.
Six monkey-pages form'd his relaxation,
Call'd, kick'd, and cuff'd, according to occasion.

XXIV

And the considerate Tutor, not to scare
His pupil with ill-understood austerity,
Would, now and then, in secret, bring a hare,
Which the whelp flay'd with marvellous dexterity,
Flay'd piping hot, and never broke the skin.
So children peel whole walnuts with a pin.

XXV

Meantime the Fox felt deeply the disaster
Of Marshal Mule, although the Ass's doing:
But hatch'd his wily brains, and like a master,
Schem'd, at a single stroke, the rebels' ruin.
Fair play's a jewel; but fair play's uncertain,
And treachery's to all plots a useful curtain.

XXVI

Hence the Baboon was sent with propositions
That either side should name plenipotentiaries
Who should definitively frame conditions:
Not like our envoys fixt and residentiaries;
But, pro hac vice, nam'd by club and court.
Sir Reynard cast to cut their sittings short.

XXVII

His plan was, with an ambush'd troop to force
The congress in divân, to seize and strangle
The chiefs, and, faction stifled at its source,
The undistinguish'd herd to spare, or mangle
Hereafter, as accounted most expedient;
Supposing them repentant and obedient.

XXVIII

The bait had taken, both with weak and witty,
But for the sage precaution of the Dog,
Who mov'd its reference to a close committee,
And for its chairman nam'd his tool the Hog.
Observing, it was not a subject, fitting
For the mixt passions of a general sitting.

XXIX

His audience pack'd, he thus address'd the chair:
“My Beasts,” he said, “methinks it lacks small cunning,
“To see the wily Fox's secret snare:
“Into this net, with heedless hurry, running,
“(As to all frauds that rascal courtier stoops)
“My life! ye die his voluntary dupes.

XXX

“Yet would not I, to honour's call a stranger,
“In others' eyes my well-earn'd fame disgrace,
“Shunning what no one but myself thinks danger,
“The last in valour, as the first in place;
“As Pope's Sarpedon says; but I would steer
“A course remov'd from rashness and from fear.

XXXI

“Name your ambassadors, and I'll make one:
“Let these be by a secret troop attended;
“And at their charge the royalists will run,
“Who trust to find our envoys undefended.”
The motions were by various beasts supported,
Read from the chair, put, carri'd and reported.

XXXII

The Hog is on his legs; each resolution
Takes with the House as much as the Committee.
Suppose the project put in execution,
And envoys on their journey to the city;
Suppose the base attack the Dog misdoubted;
Suppose the Royalists repuls'd and routed.

XXXIII

The Lion court, who dreamt not of defeat,
Had gone to see the spectacle with glasses,
As people go to sights, to see and eat.
The Regent Mother went herself, the Ass's
Pupil, the Ass himself of course, the Fox,
The Blue Baboon, Cat, Poodle-dog, and Ox.

XXXIV

And these were serv'd, according to the fashion,
By monkeys, with refreshments, fruits and ices.
But heavens! how paint the moody Regent's passion!
The victim of the Fox's false advices:
She would have rush'd the royal troops to rally,
But that the duteous Ass repress'd the sally.

XXXV

Mean time the Fox attributed to treason
The dire discomfit of the royal squad;
And many beasts believ'd that he had reason.
At all events a scape-goat must be had.
Besides there ran a popular report,
A fixt belief, the Dog had friends at court.

XXXVI

A beast nam'd Babiroussa, liv'd i' the palace,
A prince in spirit, but in form a hog;
Who was forthwith selected for the gallows,
As owing obligations to the Dog.
His death (besides he'd some obnoxious merits)
Was settled, to keep up the people's spirits.

XXXVII

Accus'd, indicted, tried, his condemnation
Follow'd of course, the judges all agreeing
(In spite of a pathetic peroration)
In their award of death, the manner fleeing.
Judge the Cub's joy, who hop'd to have the job,
And earn the just applauses of the mob!

XXXVIII

But this was by the Regent disapprov'd;
The Fox confirm'd her in the resolution,
And for the morning, ere his Cubship mov'd,
Appointed Babiroussa's execution.
The Queen, though she the Whelp's desire resisted,
With all her courtiers, at the scene assisted.

XXXIX

And now she tax'd her subject beasts for treasure;
And the Fox schem'd a million of resources,
To fill her army to its ancient measure,
Such, as before it met the rebel forces.
Whilst the Court, grac'd by two illustrious strangers,
Dissolv'd itself in joy, and laugh'd at dangers.

XL

But of dull things the dullest is festivity,
With change of dance, chalk'd floor, and chandeliers
Tormenting, with tyrannical activity,
Our unprotected eyes and passive ears.
Such is th' ensuing scene, whose foppish foolery
Requires fresh strength and renovated drollery.

See Tom Thumb.

The Pinus pinea or Stone-pine. —Joseph Banks, K.G.C.

CANTO V.

TO BARTHOLOMEW FRERE. SEC. OF EMBASSY TO THE SUBLIME PORTE.

Thoughts upon inns, and table memoranda—
—Smok'd mutton chops, and ‘Sorrows of Amanda’—
Of foreign travel with our own contrasted—
—By one sad, silly slip wise prospects blasted—
—Fox jealous of the Peacock—dirty measures
Against the Birds—A Queen and courtiers' pleasures—
—The scene enliven'd by a Baboon's presence—
His science—is huzza'd by peers and peasants—
Those who cried up the Beast, conspire to vex it—
Its sense of such ill usage—rage and exit.

I

Dear Friend, I've left old Ocean's changeful scene,
And am advanc'd thus far upon my journey.
—What—and no further yet than Murril Green?
—There's no short hand, for travel, writ by Gurney.
Besides, I tilburize; and, for my steed,
I draw not lightly on his wind and speed.

II

Now, welcome cheer of inns, smok'd mutton-chops!
With neither soup nor broth, to make them way!
Oh! for one grateful mess of cooling slops!
One cheerful evening, and one quiet day!
But I must back to roads and ruts to-morrow;
Mine evening's sad resource “Amanda's Sorrow.”

III

But does not foreign food and travel startle?—
—To swelter in a climate like Antigua,
And pant, as we have done for days, dear Bartle,
In that Sicilian bug-box, a lettiga—
Hanging o'er precipices, where to breathe
Might almost plunge you in the gulf beneath,—

IV

To guest with whisker'd Turk, who tears your mutton
With fingers plung'd in pillaw knuckle deep,
Then lights his pipe, and does not care a button
How many thousands on his cushions creep.
Whilst you, in virtue of the Sultan's firman,
Swill windy lemonade and swarm with vermin—

V

—Pass we from Turkish to Italian city!
You're pester'd here by a perverse police,
Or in the mountains baited by banditti.
The cellar and the board are of a piece.
And you must fast, or feed on what might gravel
A Hottentot. So much for foreign travel!

VI

What's a sea-voyage? To wage foolish strife
With winds and waves; to quake at rocks and shelves.
Or, from the mere monotony of life,
To quarrel with our friends and with ourselves,
To vomit if we try to read or write,
To dose all day, to swing and swear all night.

VII

Change we our man of war's austere solemnity
For the queer hubbub of a foreign bark?
Say, does the gay transition bring indemnity
For evils, incidental to such ark?
Such ark as that for which we left the Argo?
Sailing from Agrigentum with a cargo

VIII

Of sulphur. Do you recollect the Rabbin?
The Buffo, Beasts and Monks; the nightly rug,
The daily table, and that air-pump-cabin,
In whose dark den we've oft outwatch'd the Bug?
Such records make one question the
, which your ancient Greeks insist on.

IX

Much may be said on both sides, as to griefs
And goods. The land's variety—we miss it;
And no man covets cots, or coral reefs.
But, on the other hand, we have no visit,
No bills to pay, no bills of fare to sit on;—
But bills of fare transport me back to Britain.

X

Who knows not what concludes our inn's sad table?
That dreary dish the Lady's Magazine.
Where, if you catch an interest in the fable,
Some yet more nauseous nonsense comes between,
And you're referr'd to “our ensuing number.”
Then welcome Boots, blest harbinger of slumber!

XI

But I'm a fool to rail at other's trash,
When I can hedge and write some stuff myself.
So I'll sit down to my unhappy hash;
And lay Amanda's sorrow on the shelf.
I'll drink one glass of what they call Marsala,
And then we'll go and see the court in gala.

XII

The Fox had plann'd, with Eagle's approbation,
To subsidize a corps of birds, well drill'd,
Who, in reward of their co-operation,
Were to receive the bodies of the kill'd.
And on a Fowl, arriv'd at court, he reckon'd
As one, who might his favourite project second.

XIII

For lately to the Lion-lair resorted
The Peacock, on a visit to the Parrot.
By Widow and by Whelp the bird was courted;
His tail the talk of drawing-room and garret.
'Twas settled that the visit to his friend
Was a pretext, and had a weightier end.

XIV

And all indulg'd some silly speculation,
And each maintain'd his own with due reliance;—
‘'Twas some important point concern'd the nation,
—Concern'd, perhaps, the Bird and Beast alliance:’
With other hints, with more or less of malice.
Suffice, he had the entrée of the palace.

XV

The Beasts of Court, and of the fields surrounding,
Prepar'd themselves to fête the graceful stranger;
(I mean the would-be courtiers) first propounding
Their doubts to the blue Baboon, if, without danger,
Of blot, they might, on equal footing, treat
The Peacock, who'd but two, they who'd four, feet.

XVI

To these the solemn Ape: “The nicest sorters
“Of scutcheons and pretences genealogick
“Say Birds have not the necessary quarters:
“But as he's of the alliance Zoölogick,
“And more, receiv'd at court, you well may wave
“Your rights, and these by cautious protest save.”

XVII

So done; to put the matter out of doubt,
The Ibis, as a bird, was not invited;
The Beaver, as amphibious, was left out:
The Peacock's self was in the Parrot slighted;
The Parrot was not ask'd, his own relation.
—What insolence! conceive his indignation!

XVIII

He went however to the Fox at home.
'Twere long to tell the clatter, crowd, and stew,
How the Ass sung, as if he'd learn'd at Rome;
And Bear and Monkey danc'd a pas de deux;
Jars, jealousies, intrigues, and feverish fancies,
And waltzes, and quadrilles, and country dances.

XIX

The supper done, extemporaneous toasts
Were circled to the Bird and Beast-alliance,
Full, as is wont, of rash and random boasts,
And silly prophecies, and safe defiance.
But small encouragement the crested Bird
Gave to the Beasts, who to his voice deferr'd.

XX

‘He blam'd not Beasts who one another slay;
He knew the ancient saw, that tastes were various;
But that the Birds should mingle in the fray,
Its object useless, and its end precarious,
Appear'd to him a matter passing wonder.’
Short silence follow'd, such as follows thunder.

XXI

And next a whisper circles round the room.
Surprise and scorn are seen in every creature.
On every snout appears a gathering gloom:
But the Fox changes not in look or feature;
With horizontal sweep, and half-shut eyes,
He bows about him, and the assembly rise.

XXII

So have I seen some travelling fop, half Charlatan,
Half Ass, (to speak precisely) of that sort,
Who write upon their cards, membre de parlement;
Invited to a petty Prince's court,
With some strange speech electrify the table;
And live thenceforth the court and city's fable.

XXIII

The Peacock had no further invitation:
The Bird by all the quadrupeds was voted
A dogocrat; to prove this allegation,
Speeches and former anecdotes were quoted.
The Peacock, who at home was lov'd and trusted,
Hoisted his tail, and sail'd away disgusted.

XXIV

And still the cry of dogocrat wax'd louder:
And every beast, who with the Foxites sided,
Found this a friend of Cato, that of Chowder:
Though, as I said before, Dogs were divided.
The feud increas'd, and grew a ground of scission;
And the Birds never flew the first division.

XXV

The Peacock gone, there came another guest,
A King incog., the theme of general gabble,
By acclamations, and by crowds oppress'd,
The wonder of the great and little rabble.
Sovereign and Autocrat of those half-sunk quays
In the Afric sea, stadtholder of the Monkeys.

XXVI

The mawkish, missish and unmeaning gladness,
This Ourang-Outang rais'd in court and city,
Was a contagious and increasing madness,
And bred the wise man's scorn, the good man's pity.
The Premier had his views; the others follow'd;
And all, in unidea'd chorus, hollow'd.

XXVII

'Twas said, and said with confident reliance,
That he, at some great dinner, pos'd the Beaver,
Held peerless in Encyclopedick science,
In a dispute about the screw and lever.
The Ladies in the meantime prais'd his sandy
Whiskers, and nam'd him the Mandingo Dandy,

XXVIII

For he, the nethersands disdaining, added
Mandingo to his sway, and climb'd the throne:
And now a count, incognito, he gadded.
The Queen, who hop'd to make the Brute her own,
Proffer'd him the command of a division,
Which he declin'd with thanks, but with decision.

XXIX

Yet gratefully receiv'd the Queen's proposal,
To see, in a brown coat, the last review;
And fill'd a booth, that was at her disposal,
That he might sit above the dust and stew.
I (since we all have seen such princely shows)
Pass the Queen's gracious grins, and Monkey's mows.

XXX

I should have told, to make my story plainer,
How that the Lion whelp was General made;
And how the Horse was giv'n him for a Trainer,
Or dry-nurse, in his new adopted trade;
And how it pleas'd him, whisker'd like a Saracen,
To mimick strut, and air, and tone of garrison.

XXXI

His paltry passion was for swing and swagger,
The soldier's bestial oaths and brutal jeering;
For sash and sabre-tache, and sword, and dagger,
And cudgelling, and caning, and cashiering.
In virtue of his charge, he at this solemn
Prelude to war, preceded the first column.

XXXII

And now, abreast of the Ourang-Outang's booth,
In solemn state, surrounded by his staff,
He thrust his tongue between his lip and tooth,
And broke into a brutish, buffoon laugh.
For very rage, the Monkey Sovereign trembled;
But not to make a scene, his wrath dissembled.

XXXIII

A courtier too at hand, with quick invention
And modest whisper, interpos'd his help;
‘The royal Cub,’ he was concern'd to mention,
‘Had had convulsive gestures from a whelp.’
The Ourang-Outang heard, and gulp'd his gall;
And went that evening to the Regent's ball.

XXXIV

Perhaps the scene his recollection grated;
But it was said, that from this very ball,
Strange discord 'twixt the Queen and Monkey dated,
And courtiers now abus'd him, one and all.
The females said he was but a deceiver;
The males, that he would fain decoy the Beaver.

XXXV

'Twas time to move; in discontent and dudgeon
The Ourang-Outang left the Lion-court;
Pouch'd some ten dozen walnuts, grasp'd his bludgeon,
And gain'd, with sev'n leagu'd strides, the destin'd port.
His crew had hoisted in their stock and stingo:
So, with three cheers, weigh'd anchor for Mandingo.

At the diplomatic suggestion of Mr. Frere we sate up till the bugs were tired of waiting for us.

Water is best. —Samuel Goodall.

CANTO VI.

TO SIR ROBERT AINSLIE, BART.

The Dandy—radical distinction laid
Betwixt your Dandy, foreign or home-made—
The royal General's confidence is dash'd—
His troops defeated, and the Crown-cub smash'd.—
The Queen his body with high honours graces,
And on his tomb a marble lion places;
Though she with more propriety had sèt a calf.
A beast of erudition writes his epitaph.

I

Ainslie, don't fear some secret inuendo;
Although dispos'd to wince and look askew.
'Tis on the ground of Lucus non lucendo,
I dedicate this flight at fools to you.
None better sees (tho' tolerant in show)
If I strike straight, or hit too high or low.

II

I said, the Lady Brutes baptiz'd the sandy-
-Hair'd chief of Monkeys (to describe like Homer)
In their court-jargon, the Mandingo Dandy:
But this was in effect a gross misnomer:
Since the true Dandy, and the foreign fop,
Differ, in fruit and flower, as vine and hop.

III

And ours, tho' to his own meridian fitted,
Will neither pass at Paris or at Rome;
And this he finds, if once ‘removed and flitted’
For something, that won't even do at home.
Walk he the world from sun-rise unto sun-down,
Your Dandy's at a discount out of London.

IV

—Leave we the Dandies, save the Dandy Lion,
Who lately march'd to give the clubbists battle.
But first it would be well to play the spy on
The rebel ranks; methinks I hear the rattle
Of gong and cymbal, hear the ramp and tramp,
And growl and howl, which rises from the camp.

V

Their army moves, the Tiger in the van
With his light troops, a proud and puissant peer;
And next, the Dog, with all his mastiff clan:
The ponderous Elephant brings up the rear.
But on the Dog all plac'd their main reliance,
Chief of the staff, and strong in martial science;

VI

And every thing which war might grace or second.
—He march'd the column so 'twas unassailable.
He real generalissimo was reckon'd:
To his great ends made every thing available:
For discipline; his beasts were like a showman's:
For walls and works; his camps had sham'd the Romans.

VII

Nor could I here exhibit a more ample
Proof than the army's excellent condition;
Nor of his science give a brighter sample
Than citing the impregnable position,
In which, with due appliances to back him,
He dar'd the royal forces to attack him.

VIII

They came on boldly, and had no conception,
That the foe, safe behind his palisado
And vallum, was prepar'd for their reception.
Then, after brief appearance of bravado,
Halted, as 'twere upon the very groundsel,
Turn'd tail, encamp'd, look'd wise, and call'd a council.

IX

To this, with sober dignity, the Horse:
“Who yonder post with half an eye examine,
“See it is inexpugnable by force.
“Then trust we, captains, to blockade and famine:
“Say, were we sure to force yon mountain crest,
“Is not my mode the safest and the best?”

X

All beasts appear'd to relish the suggestion,
From fierce Rhinoceros to feeble Roe;
And the big Buffalo roar'd out for question
In tone, which shew'd which way his vote would go:
But General Panther drew from his red box
A paper (here we trace the wily Fox)

XI

Indors'd, ‘The Queen in council's last instruction
‘To the Panther, General of her beasts and cattle;’
Which, all confess'd, allow'd but one construction:
Her orders, at all cost, to risk a battle.
'Twas clear, they could not choose but storm, and they
Must to it, with what appetite they may.

XII

Meanwhile the Lion Cub was looking wise:
But, ever, when he thought that no one saw him,
Whisk'd his fuzz'd tail in some old Colonel's eyes,
Or, leaning o'er the Ass, would slily claw him.
The Horse, who fear'd he'd be the army's fable,
In vain kept kicking him beneath the table.

XIII

You'll ask the motive for this solemn meeting,
With the Cub-prince presiding in the chair,
When the Chief knew that there was no retreating?
It was to give the wild assault the air
Of being the result of sense deliberate;
Not of instructions rash and inconsiderate.

XIV

The council was scarce over, when a winded
Trumpet announced some flag, or envoy sent:
The messenger, his eyes with foliage blinded,
Was straight conducted to the royal tent;
Where was discover'd,—judge the Steed's despair,
The Whelp, his pupil, waltzing with the Bear.

XV

He, always blundering and always stupid,
His head still running on some wretched stuff,
Imagin'd this extemporary Cupid,
Dropt from the skies, to play at blindbeast's buff;
So, without scruple, slapt him on the bottom,
And bade him ‘catch him if he could, 'od rot him.’

XVI

The Horse, as best he could, excus'd the blunder
To the herald, with an air of decent suavity.
To one aside the silly Cub knock'd under;
And forcing what he thought, an air of gravity,
Burlesquing serious accent and position,
Bade the beast-herald speak his proposition.

XVII

To him the trumpet: “I nor add, nor alter
“Aught of the Tyger's message: Thinking cruel,
“And worse than needless, a promiscuous slaughter,
“He dares the Lioness to deadly duel:
“Our various Beasts content to rest the cause
“Of common quarrel on his teeth and claws.”

XVIII

The Horse cough'd down the Cub; and then express'd
What all allow'd—‘they could not, with decorum,
‘Since the cartèl was to the Queen address'd
‘In person, entertain the thing before 'em.’
The messenger, of this resolve instructed,
Was to the Regent's palace straight conducted.

XIX

She rav'd, and seem'd resolv'd to meet the foe;
But this was in the first full peal of passion.
The Fox persuaded her it was below
Her dignity, the Ape, 'twas out of fashion;
And the poor Trumpet, from her presence hurried,
Scarce 'scap'd with breath to blow, bit, bay'd and worried.

100

XX

But he escap'd alive, and join'd his fellows;
Mean time the truce had been on both sides kept:
But now again Bellona blew her bellows,
And fann'd the flames of war which lately slept.
The Panther form'd his various troop for battle.
Hark to his trumpets' roar, and cymbals' rattle!

XXI

They to the ramparts rush'd, with growl that rent
Heav'n's concave, but in mid-career, with sorrow,
Found how unscalable the camp's ascent;
How deep the ditch; and yet they stand, and borrow
Some little courage, and they hope some help
From presence of their prince, the Lion whelp.

XXII

He, with a chosen troop, upon a height,
Survey'd the battle-scene, with idiot wonder,
And in his wayward folly, laugh'd outright
To see the Elephant now tear asunder,
Now fling into the sky, some mangled corse;
And thought it was a matchless tour de force.

101

XXIII

And all on fire, more nearly to behold him,
Ran tumbling down the hill, through moors and mosses:
Shaking off Horse and Bull, who sought to hold him;
Till, ‘within wiff and wind of that’ proboscis,
Ere he could vent expostulating yelp,
The writhing trunk embrac'd the breathless whelp;

XXIV

And whirl'd him, stifled, fifty paces high.
Conceive his following squadron's consternation!
His troops, who saw him sprawling in the sky,
Fled as he squelch'd. I spare you the relation.
Two days, through wood or plain, o'er lawn or steep,
The rebels chas'd them like a flock of sheep.

XXV

One monster, more considerate, or faster
Than his scar'd fellows, ran to find the Regent;
And told her whelp's sad fate and troops' disaster;
Those runaways, who lately were assiegant.
But she'd no room for secondary trouble:
Her Cub capotted, life was but a bubble.

102

XXVI

Yet with the help of rack and salts she righted
From this fierce squall of grief and consternation,
And met, her counsellors, all pale and frighted,
And, tho' scarce compos, made them an oration:
They, after speeches, devious, dry, and dark as
---'s, voted to demand the carcase.

XXVII

The Cat and Ape were sent upon the mission;
And tho' proceeding to the rebel lines,
Oft stopt, were pass'd on to the advanced position
On giving the due growls and counterwhines.
(These had been sent: and Jacko in the storm
Of orchards had been vers'd in all the form)

XXVIII

From the grand guard convey'd to the Colossal
Chief, who was hurt, and stood beneath the probe;
And shew'd himself courageous, calm, and docile
In pangs, that had provok'd a scream from Job.—
He bade the Ibis stay his searching beak,
And sign'd to the Ape, who hemm'd, prepar'd to speak.

103

XXIX

Pug flourish'd about chaos and creation,
And peace and war, and elemental ferment;
And finish'd a discursive peroration,
By craving the Cub's carcase for interment:
And offer'd gifts, and ransom to be paid.
—“I war in Beastdom; drive no pedlar's trade,”

XXX

Replied the Chief; and bade produce the carcase.
—I shall not here the forms of burial swell.
Sir Isaac, who, from simple squire to Marquis,
Knows every rite, ‘had, done, or due,’ may tell.
I'll only say the Queen found painful pleasure,
Augmenting such, when she receiv'd her treasure.

XXXI

Nor here her melancholy fancies stop:
She built a tomb of oriental granite,
And plac'd a lion rampant on the top:
An architect of chaste design did plan it.
A sort of Doctor P---r, a learned monster,
Compos'd his epitaph, which none could conster.

Guerreggio in Asia e non vi cambio o merco. —Tasso.

105

CANTO VII.

107

TO WALTER SCOTT.

The modern dangers of the Scottish border—
Cheltenham a greater curse than the disorder
For which we're sent to drink her filthy waters—
The many whoredoms of her sons and daughters
Are seen in vision, pic-nics, balls and plays—
White-hatted men—a species—their odd ways—
All morning meetings curst—chief of those sàd Cupids,
Entitled Archers—Congress of the Quadrupeds—
Its composition and its fatal end—
The hasty picture of a Hindoo friend.

I

Dear Scott, I had a scheme to cross the border,
And had, in fancy, swallow'd many a mile;
But then some duct or gland got out of order,
And in a thought, I was half swampt with bile:
From this account what you will understand is,
I had a sharp, tho' short, attack of jaundice.

108

II

And then I thought it argu'd small discretion
To go, in my weak state, to Ashestìel:
When for such scheme, one wants the full possession
Of heart, and health, and strength; and nerves of steel.
Troth, I would rather face a Shrapnell-mortar,
Than drink, and beat the moors, and burn the water.

III

But you, you say, are both discreet and sober.
Granted;—but if with neighbouring Laird we dine?—
Unlike our ancient squire, who brew'd October,
He fires your hissing blood with ‘blude-red wine,’
Which in the stream he means to cool to-morrow.
Transition that had scarcely pleas'd Suwarrow.

IV

But, bating being nail'd to nightly table,
I lov'd such pleasures once, in all their shapes,
And if not now, the cause is found in fable:
'Tis the old story of the Fox and Grapes.
Besides, I thought to see thee in thy glory,
And greet thee in thy land of song and story.

109

V

And I'd a scheme, (for fancy still will gambol,)
To see a college friend I've known long time;
And plann'd another episodick ramble
To him, restorer of the Rhunick rhime,
Who kick'd at Canon-law and fled from pandect,
In the large love of Danish and Islandick.

VI

I grieve to abandon such a resolution;
But, yielding, bless myself it was not worse:
Pleas'd that my Doctor stay'd the execution
Of sentence, that might make a hermit curse;
Severest known, in medicìnal law,
A two month's banishment to Cheltenham Spaw.

VII

A horrid hole, that's never ventilated:
Where who, that's half a liver left, would be?
Where every mawkish folly is concentrated.
—I see fools dining underneath a tree!
I see white-hatted men that eat their luncheon
I' the street, and spit forth cherry-stones in sunshine!

110

VIII

Methinks our English Law is inefficient,
Which puts down pewterers, by common usance,
Since it acts partially; in this deficient,
It does not punish intellectual nuisance.
For what's a noise, to people pic-nic eating?
Or melting day, to Archer's monthly meeting?

IX

Hope we improvement to our gastric juices,
Fly we to Chelt'nham to improve our chyle,
When these, and fifty yet more barb'rous uses,
Might move a man of Oonalashka's bile?
Our Doctors all such points discreetly settle;
And mend our health, as tinkers mend a kettle.

X

But I anticipate more health and pleasure,
Inhaling the clear Ocean's balmy breath;
Besides, I hope uninterrupted leisure,
And such, that dating from the Crown-cub's death,
Evading all digression or confusion,
I may pursue my work to a conclusion.

111

XI

The Lioness, her grief some deal rebated,
Had breath to think upon the publick danger:
She was, as one might say, well nigh check-mated:
But luckily the dogocrats were strangers
To her lost state; or else had secret reason,
For halting half-way in successful treason.

XII

The intriguing Dog himself, who knew his strength,
And felt his fort was less in fight than mobbing,
Assay'd to spin the warfare into length;
In hopes to get a better field for jobbing,
And spouting, though in woods or desert shores:
And so both parties lay upon their oars.

XIII

Meantime the Crocodile (such slaughter griev'd it)
Offer'd to either side his mediation;
And Lioness and Elephant receiv'd it
With pleasure, as it suited their occasion.
A Congress was compos'd; and thither went
Embassadors, from Queen and Clubbists sent.

112

XIV

But here I shall not lift the Congress-curtain,
For the same reason a forecasting maid
Would not turn to, and lather lace or shirting,
Or ply in any wise her wonted trade,
Alleging that the world (they trod on tinder)
The world, ere drying day, would singe to cinder.

XV

So I, who, Goody-like, hate fruitless labour,
And know the bestial world is to be drown'd,
Somewhat more surely than Cabiri F---r
Cast his conjectures on prophetick ground,
Shall leave unsung what, like the Bear and Fiddle,
Begins, but's interrupted in the middle.

XVI

My manuscript the various beasts describes
Declaiming, dining, drinking, shifting, trimming;
Dealing in manifestos, lies, and bribes.
An after picture represents 'em swimming
Before a flood, not fed by common fountains;
Clouds melting; seas, which climb the topmost mountains.

113

XVII

Ye Plutonists unravel me the puzzle;
This for first Nature's wreck you can't advance:
For man not only was; he'd learn'd to muzzle
The Bear, and (more) had taught the Bear to dance.
Now you, you pagans, if I'm rightly taught,
Believe that Man was but an after-thought;

XVIII

Some small improvement on the Ass and Ox.
And certainly there are, (and such men pass)
Who prate of bullion, paper, peace and stocks,
That ought to be, methinks, turn'd out to grass:
Yet four-legg'd beasts (although on beasts they border)
Might think they shed small credit on their order.

XIX

Once more, I say, this knotty problem tackle,
This deluge of the Asiatick world:
Was it, what in your cant, you call debacle?—
—My manuscript's return'd, dog's-ear'd and curl'd,
From those, who, tax'd at explanation, shunn'd it,
From London Savant up to Indian Pundit.

114

XX

Here I anticipate well founded stricture
From reader, half confounded, and half vext;
“What is your manuscript? you talk of picture
“Of delug'd beasts; is't picture then or text?”
—'Tis both. The painting is not illustration;
But, it should seem, continuance of narration.

XXI

But whether this be mystic and symbolical,
(Such might be matter for a six hours lecture)
Or statement of old facts, plain and historical,
Both baffles mine and Doctor Y---'s conjecture.
All men may have their various guess, and ground it
On something: so I leave it as I found it.

XXII

In one thing, though I mean to be specific;
The mode in which it came in my possession,
(Christen it picture, text, or hieroglyphic)
Nor so shall risk the charge of indiscretion.
Mid many foolish freaks, I'd once the failing
To be immoderately fond of sailing.

115

XXIII

To second this; there liv'd near Itchen ferry
An Englishman, in all but birth Hindoo,
Who had a cutter-yacht and Portsmouth-wherry:
Not to be thought a Heathen or Yahoo,
I' the Fawley troop he bar'd his trusty falchion,
Like Yeoman true. His yacht was call'd the Halcyon.

XXIV

He to his banker's book, as if his shaster,
On rainy days, with close devotion grew;
Or fiddled perseveringly, to master
Some restive bar. As our acquaintance grew,
With him I westwards sail'd, and many a rill,
Sung by Dan Drayton, track'd ‘from fall to fill.’

XXV

The Teign, whose sons desert their pleasant houses,
And to inhospitable shores repair
To fish in foggy seas: meantime their spouses,
Not bating, for such toils, of housewife care,
Ply the swift needle while they may; then stoop
To their dipt oars, and board the expectant sloop.

116

XXVI

The Dart, whose streams through parting mountains straggle,
And form a broken chain of fairy lakes;
The turbid Tamer, proud of old Tintagel,
And that dread dome, where angry Demon wakes
Where the dead Wizard in his chair is seated,
And too confiding Devil nightly cheated.

117

XXVII

My friend's delight (Bramins such bliss allow)
Lay in beatitude of contemplation;
And then 'twas said, that, through a silver cow,
He underwent Gentoo regeneration.
His mood no cross was capable of rumpling:
Besides, he liv'd on tea and apple-dumpling.

XXVIII

Such Man had chang'd the savage soul of Scindeah:
Judge then, as resident, for he abode a
Long time as such, how he won hearts in India!
Lounging, one morning, in an old pagoda,
And boring facts out of a Bramin crony,
Priest of the place, who serv'd as Cicerone,

XXIX

He, with a close, imposing air of mystery,
Conducted him to an interior chapel;
And shew'd him, at arm's length, this very history;
But shew'd it him as a forbidden apple:
'Twas, after works of faith, and ceaseless suit,
My persevering friend obtain'd the fruit.

118

XXX

And here should come the story of the Cow,
Where he, with change of exit, play'd Tom Thumb;
At least I know no other where or how;
For, on this point alone my friend is dumb.
Perhaps this is (so Priest still deals with layman)
Because the Cow escheated to the Bramin.

XXXI

It chanc'd that I, some bilious mischief breeding,
A plan of diet did with him agree on,
And had, by odd coincidence, been reading
That queer and quarto book, call'd Moor's Pantheon;
And so my friend misdeem'd me, at first view,
A something like himself, a half Hindoo.

XXXII

And, with the Bramin's solemn air of mystery,
Confided to my hands this rare deposit
Of other years,—baptize it tale or history,—
Which I launch into daylight from my closet.
The manuscripts are sent to the Museum;
Where all who have a mind, may go and see 'em.

See Guy Mannering.

‘Which with my sword I mean to cool to-morrow.’ —Shakspeare.

A newspaper anecdote of the day.

They often sit working in their boats till the tide slacks, and then haul for salmon. I, in one instance, saw them board a sloop, and pilot her into the harbour.

Tintagel, a castle famous for the residence of King Arthur. See Mort Arthur.

Another castle in Cornwall, called, I think, Tinvelly, respecting which there runs the following tradition. An ancient proprietor is said to have sold the reversion of his body and soul to Satan, after burial. The Devil did not object to the equivocal wording of the essential clause: and the dying Necromancer, profiting by it, enjoined that his body should, after death, be secured upright in an arm-chair. The Devil calls for him in vain nightly in a chariot with four black horses, under the influence of a delusion which is always going on.

Three objections have been urged against this story; first, that the Devil could not be so ignorant of business, as not to detect the trick; secondly, that he must be entitled to a remedy in a court of equity; thirdly, that he could scarcely be so careless as not to send his deeds, for examination, to an attorney. I know no satisfactory answer to the first; the answer to the second is plain: a friend of the profession furnishes me with one to the last, observing, that ‘though every body knows of the Devil's advocate, no one ever heard of his solicitor.’ A fact which, perhaps, makes more than any other in favour of the attorney tribe.

119

L'ENVOYE.

Dear Beasts, you went abroad in small edition;
But whisp'd and wash'd, and curried and rubb'd down,
You need not fear a publick exhibition;
So leave your caravan and walk the Town.
Fear not the critic world, its whelps and worry,
And your Polito know in Mister Murray.

THE END.

University of Virginia Library

THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS.

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TO UGO FOSCOLO.

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TO GUNDIMORE.