The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti ::

The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti

A Poem in seven cantos. By William Stewart Rose

Rose, William Stewart (1775-1843)

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THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS.

II.

III.

IV.

VI.

CANTO VI.

VII.

CANTO VII.

L'ENVOYE.

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CANTO VI.

TO SIR ROBERT AINSLIE, BART.

The Dandy—radical distinction laid
Betwixt your Dandy, foreign or home-made—
The royal General's confidence is dash'd—
His troops defeated, and the Crown-cub smash'd.—
The Queen his body with high honours graces,
And on his tomb a marble lion places;
Though she with more propriety had sèt a calf.
A beast of erudition writes his epitaph.

I

Ainslie, don't fear some secret inuendo;
Although dispos'd to wince and look askew.
'Tis on the ground of Lucus non lucendo,
I dedicate this flight at fools to you.
None better sees (tho' tolerant in show)
If I strike straight, or hit too high or low.

II

I said, the Lady Brutes baptiz'd the sandy-
-Hair'd chief of Monkeys (to describe like Homer)
In their court-jargon, the Mandingo Dandy:
But this was in effect a gross misnomer:
Since the true Dandy, and the foreign fop,
Differ, in fruit and flower, as vine and hop.

III

And ours, tho' to his own meridian fitted,
Will neither pass at Paris or at Rome;
And this he finds, if once ‘removed and flitted’
For something, that won't even do at home.
Walk he the world from sun-rise unto sun-down,
Your Dandy's at a discount out of London.

IV

—Leave we the Dandies, save the Dandy Lion,
Who lately march'd to give the clubbists battle.
But first it would be well to play the spy on
The rebel ranks; methinks I hear the rattle
Of gong and cymbal, hear the ramp and tramp,
And growl and howl, which rises from the camp.

V

Their army moves, the Tiger in the van
With his light troops, a proud and puissant peer;
And next, the Dog, with all his mastiff clan:
The ponderous Elephant brings up the rear.
But on the Dog all plac'd their main reliance,
Chief of the staff, and strong in martial science;

VI

And every thing which war might grace or second.
—He march'd the column so 'twas unassailable.
He real generalissimo was reckon'd:
To his great ends made every thing available:
For discipline; his beasts were like a showman's:
For walls and works; his camps had sham'd the Romans.

VII

Nor could I here exhibit a more ample
Proof than the army's excellent condition;
Nor of his science give a brighter sample
Than citing the impregnable position,
In which, with due appliances to back him,
He dar'd the royal forces to attack him.

VIII

They came on boldly, and had no conception,
That the foe, safe behind his palisado
And vallum, was prepar'd for their reception.
Then, after brief appearance of bravado,
Halted, as 'twere upon the very groundsel,
Turn'd tail, encamp'd, look'd wise, and call'd a council.

IX

To this, with sober dignity, the Horse:
“Who yonder post with half an eye examine,
“See it is inexpugnable by force.
“Then trust we, captains, to blockade and famine:
“Say, were we sure to force yon mountain crest,
“Is not my mode the safest and the best?”

X

All beasts appear'd to relish the suggestion,
From fierce Rhinoceros to feeble Roe;
And the big Buffalo roar'd out for question
In tone, which shew'd which way his vote would go:
But General Panther drew from his red box
A paper (here we trace the wily Fox)

XI

Indors'd, ‘The Queen in council's last instruction
‘To the Panther, General of her beasts and cattle;’
Which, all confess'd, allow'd but one construction:
Her orders, at all cost, to risk a battle.
'Twas clear, they could not choose but storm, and they
Must to it, with what appetite they may.

XII

Meanwhile the Lion Cub was looking wise:
But, ever, when he thought that no one saw him,
Whisk'd his fuzz'd tail in some old Colonel's eyes,
Or, leaning o'er the Ass, would slily claw him.
The Horse, who fear'd he'd be the army's fable,
In vain kept kicking him beneath the table.

XIII

You'll ask the motive for this solemn meeting,
With the Cub-prince presiding in the chair,
When the Chief knew that there was no retreating?
It was to give the wild assault the air
Of being the result of sense deliberate;
Not of instructions rash and inconsiderate.

XIV

The council was scarce over, when a winded
Trumpet announced some flag, or envoy sent:
The messenger, his eyes with foliage blinded,
Was straight conducted to the royal tent;
Where was discover'd,—judge the Steed's despair,
The Whelp, his pupil, waltzing with the Bear.

XV

He, always blundering and always stupid,
His head still running on some wretched stuff,
Imagin'd this extemporary Cupid,
Dropt from the skies, to play at blindbeast's buff;
So, without scruple, slapt him on the bottom,
And bade him ‘catch him if he could, 'od rot him.’

XVI

The Horse, as best he could, excus'd the blunder
To the herald, with an air of decent suavity.
To one aside the silly Cub knock'd under;
And forcing what he thought, an air of gravity,
Burlesquing serious accent and position,
Bade the beast-herald speak his proposition.

XVII

To him the trumpet: “I nor add, nor alter
“Aught of the Tyger's message: Thinking cruel,
“And worse than needless, a promiscuous slaughter,
“He dares the Lioness to deadly duel:
“Our various Beasts content to rest the cause
“Of common quarrel on his teeth and claws.”

XVIII

The Horse cough'd down the Cub; and then express'd
What all allow'd—‘they could not, with decorum,
‘Since the cartèl was to the Queen address'd
‘In person, entertain the thing before 'em.’
The messenger, of this resolve instructed,
Was to the Regent's palace straight conducted.

XIX

She rav'd, and seem'd resolv'd to meet the foe;
But this was in the first full peal of passion.
The Fox persuaded her it was below
Her dignity, the Ape, 'twas out of fashion;
And the poor Trumpet, from her presence hurried,
Scarce 'scap'd with breath to blow, bit, bay'd and worried.

100

XX

But he escap'd alive, and join'd his fellows;
Mean time the truce had been on both sides kept:
But now again Bellona blew her bellows,
And fann'd the flames of war which lately slept.
The Panther form'd his various troop for battle.
Hark to his trumpets' roar, and cymbals' rattle!

XXI

They to the ramparts rush'd, with growl that rent
Heav'n's concave, but in mid-career, with sorrow,
Found how unscalable the camp's ascent;
How deep the ditch; and yet they stand, and borrow
Some little courage, and they hope some help
From presence of their prince, the Lion whelp.

XXII

He, with a chosen troop, upon a height,
Survey'd the battle-scene, with idiot wonder,
And in his wayward folly, laugh'd outright
To see the Elephant now tear asunder,
Now fling into the sky, some mangled corse;
And thought it was a matchless tour de force.

101

XXIII

And all on fire, more nearly to behold him,
Ran tumbling down the hill, through moors and mosses:
Shaking off Horse and Bull, who sought to hold him;
Till, ‘within wiff and wind of that’ proboscis,
Ere he could vent expostulating yelp,
The writhing trunk embrac'd the breathless whelp;

XXIV

And whirl'd him, stifled, fifty paces high.
Conceive his following squadron's consternation!
His troops, who saw him sprawling in the sky,
Fled as he squelch'd. I spare you the relation.
Two days, through wood or plain, o'er lawn or steep,
The rebels chas'd them like a flock of sheep.

XXV

One monster, more considerate, or faster
Than his scar'd fellows, ran to find the Regent;
And told her whelp's sad fate and troops' disaster;
Those runaways, who lately were assiegant.
But she'd no room for secondary trouble:
Her Cub capotted, life was but a bubble.

102

XXVI

Yet with the help of rack and salts she righted
From this fierce squall of grief and consternation,
And met, her counsellors, all pale and frighted,
And, tho' scarce compos, made them an oration:
They, after speeches, devious, dry, and dark as
---'s, voted to demand the carcase.

XXVII

The Cat and Ape were sent upon the mission;
And tho' proceeding to the rebel lines,
Oft stopt, were pass'd on to the advanced position
On giving the due growls and counterwhines.
(These had been sent: and Jacko in the storm
Of orchards had been vers'd in all the form)

XXVIII

From the grand guard convey'd to the Colossal
Chief, who was hurt, and stood beneath the probe;
And shew'd himself courageous, calm, and docile
In pangs, that had provok'd a scream from Job.—
He bade the Ibis stay his searching beak,
And sign'd to the Ape, who hemm'd, prepar'd to speak.

103

XXIX

Pug flourish'd about chaos and creation,
And peace and war, and elemental ferment;
And finish'd a discursive peroration,
By craving the Cub's carcase for interment:
And offer'd gifts, and ransom to be paid.
—“I war in Beastdom; drive no pedlar's trade,”

XXX

Replied the Chief; and bade produce the carcase.
—I shall not here the forms of burial swell.
Sir Isaac, who, from simple squire to Marquis,
Knows every rite, ‘had, done, or due,’ may tell.
I'll only say the Queen found painful pleasure,
Augmenting such, when she receiv'd her treasure.

XXXI

Nor here her melancholy fancies stop:
She built a tomb of oriental granite,
And plac'd a lion rampant on the top:
An architect of chaste design did plan it.
A sort of Doctor P---r, a learned monster,
Compos'd his epitaph, which none could conster.

Guerreggio in Asia e non vi cambio o merco. —Tasso.

University of Virginia Library

CANTO VI.

TO SIR ROBERT AINSLIE, BART.

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