The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti ::

The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti

A Poem in seven cantos. By William Stewart Rose

Rose, William Stewart (1775-1843)

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THE COURT AND PARLIAMENT OF BEASTS.

CANTO I.

II.

CANTO II.

III.

IV.

VI.

VII.

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CANTO II.

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN HOOKHAM FRERE.

The Lion is crown'd King, with one accord—
By his first act the Dog is made first lord
O' the treasury—a levee held, to lick
Paws, for promotions—Poodle made white-stick.
The Lion King, being in full possession
Of health and wits, provides for the succession.—
Well serv'd by the trusty Dog—he, in compliance
With his advice, courts wits and beasts of science—
Founds colleges and schools—is fond of scandal,
A poor propensity, which gives a handle
To the Cat and other beasts, to form a league
And deal in dirty work and low intrigue.

I

I had a mind to copy from my Casti
Some dozen lines, and piece them with some more,
(A thing that your Italian calls a pasty)
In illustration of what's gone before:
Repeating what's been said, and maxims teaching;
But then I thought I was not made for preaching.

II

I've held it a good ground for speculation,
And often search'd (although I knew 'twas folly)
The reason, why that keen discerning nation,
A race, who catch your meaning at the volley,
Should, in their books, expounding and expanding,
Leave nothing to the reader's understanding.

III

And then I've thought there was some strange relation,
'Tween things, where none would put a like construction;
And often schem'd to make enumeration
Of instances, which warrant such induction:
Things, held anomalous, together stitching,
Videlicet, Italian books and kitchen.

IV

Th' association in ourselves holds good:
Our meat and matter's raw. Th' Italian glutton
Holds, for ill savour'd and unwholesome food,
Meat that is underdone; beef, veal, or mutton.
Their cooks, when, to their mind, they've trimm'd and drest it,
Boil it to bits; one may say, half digest it.

V

'Tis thus their dawdling authors deal with that,
Which squires call potter, and which men call prose.
'Tis all about it, and about it, flat,
And full of truths which every blockhead knows.
E'en when they broach a vein of gold, they scatter
Their ore, and overlay it with mean matter.

VI

It was not always so. The Ferrarese
To choicer musick chim'd his gay guitar,
In Este's halls: they were not strains like these,
Which from its orbit charm'd Albracca's star;
Now warm with love, now foaming with defiance.
'Twas not to such that Pulci kill'd his giants.

VII

O Thou, that hast reviv'd in magic rhyme
That lubber race, and turn'd them out, to turney,
And love, after their way; in after time,
To be acknowledg'd for our British Berni;
Ah! send thy Giants forth to good men's feasts:
Keep them not close.—But I must to my Beasts.

VIII

I finish'd with my Lion and my Elephant
Fresh for the poll; the Beasts to vote by sections.
But I so deeply hate harangues irrelevant,
And all the trash and tumult of elections,
I'll only say, that to the noisy ring
The Dog propos'd the Lion for their King.

IX

From Pidcock-flourish, guess his peroration.
But one part of the speech I mean to quote,
(Although it stirs my honest indignation)
More meant to goad the foe than gain a vote.
Yet some maintain that he hid views political,
Beneath invective cynic and thersitical.

X

The Elephant had friends, who kindly saw
In his Lord-Burleigh-look serene and serious,
A mixture of philosophy and law;
A something of imposing and mysterious.
And, while such brutes his bulk and bearing bragg'd,
The many growl'd applause, and tails were wagg'd.

XI

“For my part,” said the Dog, “I see in him
“An unredeem'd, and very serious ass:
“And then his mountain-back, his mass of limb!
“—Strange contrast to his tail.—Will such tail pass?”
All have some point 'tis dangerous to assail.
In Beasts, the point of honour is the tail.

XII

The solemn brute his trunk, in silence, tosses;
Then hurls it at the Dog; he leapt away,
And that enormous volume of proboscis,
Descending from on high, with engine-sway,
Enwrapt two beasts, no such attack mistrusting,
And flung them fifty paces from the Husting.

XIII

Conceive th' uproarious burst of indignation!
'Mid this, th' aggressor wisely slipt away,
Abash'd, and conscious of self-degradation.
His brutal fury gave the Dog the day:
Whose satire on indecency might border;
But none could say that he was out of order.

XIV

He, as one unconcern'd, resum'd the oration.
'Twas marvellous to see the phlegm and art,
With which he took advantage of th' occasion:
But he'd no longer need to play a part;
His adversaries silenc'd or beat down,
The Lion, sole pretender to the crown.

XV

And he, the Fox, who'd hitherto been mute,
Perceived 'twas more than time, if he would merit
Good will or grace from the successful brute,
To open on the scent; so yelp'd with spirit.
The opponents all retir'd (perhaps some twenty,)
The Lion was proclaim'd, nem: dissentienti.

XVI

“God save King Lion!” was the general cry,
“Lion the first. May the King live for ever!”
“God save King Lion!” hill and wood reply,
“God save King Lion!” mountain, plain, and river.
I pass his gracious speech. The oath was sign'd;
The crowd dismiss'd; the Dog remain'd behind.

XVII

The Lion to his mouth convey'd the seal.
(Is there who doubts their secret understanding?)
And he receiv'd it with a burst of zeal;
And read a list, upon the King's commanding,
Of persons, whom he destin'd to the great
Charges of court, and offices of state.

XVIII

And first, for Lord high Steward, nam'd the Bull.
The King, after a pause, confirm'd his claim:
Though (but of such reports the world is full)
There were who cast a tarnish on his name;
And many naturalists indeed assure us,
He was the Bos silvaticus, or Urus.

XIX

But by the Lion taken into grace,
He quickly laid aside his rustic carriage;
Nor was there found a monkey out of place,
That durst his weight, and wealth, and worth disparage:
And he was held, in that licentious school,
A marvel—as a something more than Bull.

XX

His pace and portliness were all the talk.
He us'd to move, like one in a procession;
It was a pleasure but to see him walk
The palace, with an air of proud possession,
Some envied: but the universal voice
Confirm'd, and justified the monarch's choice.

XXI

The Master of the Ceremonies next
In order,—'twas a thing as clear as noon—
The minister, still reading from his text,
The Lion, musing, nam'd the blue Baboon;
A beast, that from a cub had studied creeds
And codes of mops and mowes. The Dog proceeds;

XXII

“The next, Sir, on my list, whom, by your leave,
“I'd name to an important occupation,
“Is the Lord Chamberlain—and I conceive
“But one objection, he's my own relation:—
“But since your Majesty must have a Noodle,
“I venture, Sir, to recommend the Poodle.”

XXIII

“What,—Oh!—the Poodle, eh?”—exclaim'd the Lion.
“Oh, ay, the poodle dog,—I recollect him:”—
“—His zeal and duty, Sir, you may rely on:
“Her Majesty was pleas'd, Sir, to protect him;
“Her favourite bitch elêve he means to marry,
“He's droll and pleasant, and can fetch and carry.”

XXIV

The Cat, for cleanliness and order cited,
Was made the Minister of the Police;
The Lynx, Chief Justice, as a beast clear-sighted;
The Jackal, the Grand-Hunter. Of a piece
The rest; the Stag was named General Surveyor
Of forests, and the Falcon, Chief Purveyor.

XXV

Who would know more, with industry must rummage
The records of our Lion King, at home,
Who still receives a shadowy kind of homage:
'Twas so in the Tarquinian case at Rome.
The real monarch from his throne ejected,
A King, for sacrifices, was elected.

XXVI

Thus Lion, King at Arms, remains the shadow,
The type and substitute, beyond a doubt,
Of Lion, King of mountain and of meadow.
A single circumstance shall make it out.
Your Lion, Lord of scutcheons, bends, and quarters,
Howe'er bestow'd, gives Beast and Bird supporters;

XXVII

In pledge of indefeasible dominion,
Long exercis'd in holt or forest hoar;
And this gives force to Montesquieu's opinion.—
But, I, methinks, bid fair to be a bore.
In truth how can I choose but bore, in case I
Get upon contract, absolute or quasi?

XXVIII

There is a mighty mass of rock and mountain,
Where ‘Ganges, waterer of the Indian Lands,’
Pours his twin-streamlets from a double fountain.
The rocky ridge a various view commands,
On one side craggy hills in long array,
And upon that a mighty champaign lay.

XXIX

Southward a broken sea of mountains ran,
The breakers of a dim and distant chain,
Storm-capt, and inaccessible to man.
Northward tir'd nature stretch'd into a plain,
Which seem'd an endless level from the brink
Of that precipitous, last, mountain-link.

XXX

Nature had plann'd the cliff in wildest thought,
And had, beside, bestow'd amplest material,
And mean, for use of Beast, who further sought:
With such the Beaver, Architect imperial,
Propt the long caves, no longer damp or dark;
The cliff the palace, and the plain the park.

XXXI

The cliff itself was nature's prime vagary;
An E---d himself had tax'd his brains
'Twixt matter, primitive and secondary,
And foreign fossils, and marine remains;
And carcases of Beasts of better days,
And strata pack'd and pil'd a thousand ways.

XXXII

Suppose all circumstance of coronation
Upon such mighty plain, as mocks dimension;
And, to complete a competent narration,
Draw boldly on your memory, or invention.
For me; I have a horror of procession,
From king and peers to club and quarter-session.

XXXIII

One only fact: the Cat, in brief report,
Was stating all had pass'd with due decorum,
When the indignant Lion stopt him short,
And ask'd him, whether he, as Censor morum,
“Could say, that all went off with form, and quiet,
“Where he, himself, was witness to a riot?”

XXXIV

“Sir,” said the cringing Cat, “I should not dare
“Deceive your Majesty, a King and Lion;
“And I could, with the safest conscience, swear,
“And you, Sir, may my solemn word rely on,
“That what your Majesty is pleased to mention,
“Did not require my people's intervention.”

XXXV

“Did, or did not,” reply'd the King, “my will is,
“You tell me all.”—“The whole, Sir,” said the Cat.
“Your Majesty must know the Spaniel, Phillis:
“She on a scaffold near the Palace sat:
“Next her, that reprobate old Pointer, Pero,
“Whose blood and spirits should be down at zero.

XXXVI

“But the old dog some youthful freedoms took;
“(Your Majesty might see the plank is scanty)
“Which neither she, nor other beasts could brook,
“And so all fell on the poor dilettante:
“Who by his moody mistress bit and baffled,
“Was hustled off and tumbled from the scaffold.

XXXVII

The King. “Poor Devil! I too thought, he'd winter'd
“Frosts, that might well have freez'd his feverish blood.
“—Well, but he broke his leg?” “His leg is splinter'd,
“Sir,” said the Cat—“Your Majesty's so good!”—
“And Ibis, great in fractures and in sores,
“Hopes, he shall shortly set him on all fours.”

XXXVIII

The King. “Henceforth report whate'er you witness
“Of like description, whatsoe'er it be,
“Serious or trifling; for the weight or fitness
“Of such report—leave that concern to me.”
Grimalkin saw which way his taste inclin'd,
And purr'd and thought she'd feed him to his mind.

XXXIX

The coronation done, a numerous bevy
Of beasts had to lick paws, upon promotion;
But of this ceremonial, modern levy
Or drawing-room may give a decent notion:
And thus, describing what is worth relating,
I 'scape from wooden stick and dog in waiting.

XL

The ceremonies past, the Lion pair
Had hardly stept into their great possession,
Ere the considerate King turn'd all his care,
To regulate the system of succession.
The plan in its detail admits much question:
'Twas said, he acted at the Queen's suggestion.

XLI

He left the kingdom to his cub, a fool:
But, (for the whelp was yet in his minority)
He order'd that the Lioness should rule,
Ad interim, with delegate authority;
Though he threw in the qualifying spice
Of “by and with her council's good advice.”

XLII

And her's and her sage council's safe opinion
(I said the cub was still in his minority)
Was to decide his fitness for dominion;
That is, to fix the period of majority.
The Dog foretold the mischief that would follow;
But 'twas a pill that he was forced to swallow.

XLIII

So far my text is pointed and specific:
But for the rest; with all my time and pains,
I gather little from my hieroglyphic,
But the main fact, that the Dog rack'd his brains,
To lift his Lion Lord above all measure,
Prop his prerogative, and pile his treasure.

XLIV

And being an encourager of arts,
He in his King instill'd a kindred passion;
Who singled from the rest all beasts of parts,
And to his fav'rites gave the stamp of fashion;
And, moving every stone, love, power, and bribery,
Lay'd the foundation of a sumptuous Library.

XLV

And here the Dog, desirous to hand down,
(Unprais'd by me such arrogant temerity,)
That he had been disposer of the crown,
While stone and mortar lasted, to posterity,
Gave a design, in pencil, to the chief
Sculptor, to be perform'd in high relief.

XLVI

In this relief, the Dog was represented
Putting the sceptre in the Lion's paw:
Judge how the Lioness such act resented,
And more than half the other Beasts that saw.
Nor could it please the Lion King; at least
If there's analogy 'twixt man and beast.

XLVII

To this great magazine of erudition
All paid some learned tithe, I mean the great:
But, most, the Dog gave many a rare edition
Of books, which I, with safety, may translate
The Bestial Æneids, Iliads and Odyssees;
And many rare illuminated codices.

XLVIII

But nothing fix'd the Lion's reputation
So much as the unceasing care and zeal
The Dog display'd for spreading education,
The broadest basis of the common weal.
Bell's schools, which for a new invention pass,
With us, from his spread southward to Madras.

XLIX

And next (for he would cultivate diversity
Of genius) the Dog cast the firm foundation
Of a far-fam'd and learned university,
Where every beast obey'd his own vocation;
And from old brutes, in various arts profess'd,
Studied that art alone, which pleas'd him best.

L

The tenure of this body was a charter,
Renewable at each two hundred years;
Like that of company, enroll'd for barter.—
O Cambridge, nurse of Princes and of Peers!
Thus renovated, thou wouldst cease to doat,
Nor thy cramm'd wranglers wrangle still by rote.

LI

But some prefer what goes against the grain,
Upon the principle we drive a pig,
And hence they say that with immortal strain
This very Cambridge has been often big.
Has turn'd out Milton, Dryden, Prior and Gray,
Frere, Coleridge, and Lord Byron, in our day.

LII

I said the Lion favour'd clever beasts,
And by such guests felt honour'd in his court;
Their sallies were a seasoning to his feasts;
And (what was more) he had their good report:
For it is well for Kings to find abetters,
And partizans in men or beasts of letters.

LIII

Hence wits, in prose and verse, conspir'd to swell
His praise, in such a tone as ever pleases;
And though I have some doubts if he could spell
His own name on the sign-post at Demezy's,
He was still look'd on, as a brute discerning
In art, the pride and patron of all learning.

LIV

And one, who knew th' advantage of a puff,
The most illustrious author of our nation,
Declares, that such proceeding is enough
To gain a prince a learned reputation:
But kings don't see these truths or else can't square 'em.
See Bacon de augment: scientiarum.

LV

But here I catch a slight insinuation
Of secret plots, and low intrigues of state;
How the Cat, strong in secret information,
Amus'd the Lion with her gossip-prate,
And how he lov'd her lies, (a curse upon her!)
But most the Lioness and maids of honour.

LVI

The gossip-bearing Cat was always seen
In this close court: and Fox, become her crony,
Soon curried equal favour with the Queen,
For ever at her conversazione:
But such Cabal, however ill-inclin'd,
Wrought little on the Lion's honest mind.

LVII

But I, beshrew my evil lot! am drifting
To sea, upon an ocean deep and dark,
The gulf of politics, unless by shifting
My helm, I place in port my crazy barque:
She stays, she is in port, and, anchor'd fast,
I hand my mainsail and unstep my mast.

Pasticcio.

The giants were then upon the stocks.

Vide dramatis personæ of Tom Thumb.

Late innkeeper at Hartford Bridge.

University of Virginia Library

CANTO II.

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE JOHN HOOKHAM FRERE.

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