Burlesque upon Burlesque Or, the Scoffer Scoft. Being some of Lucians Dialogues Newly put into English fustian. For the Consolation of those who had rather Laugh and be Merry, then be Merry and Wise [by Charles Cotton] |
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DIALOGUE.
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DIALOGUE.
Apollo and Bacchus.
Apollo.Who'd think that such a Jack-an-ape as
Cupid, the mighty Tool'd Priapus,
And Androginus, of all others
Should all of the same womb be brothers,
Being so much unlike in feature,
In humor, and in shape, and stature.
For once a little Goddikin,
No bigger then a Skittle-pin,
Yet little as he is can scare-us,
If he once takes his Bow and Arrows,
And of the other two, the latter
Can make nor Man's, nor Maiden's water,
The t'other somewhere is more tall
By handfulls, than the best on's all.
Bacchus.
Why this diversity each gathers,
From the variety of Fathers,
Though every day indeed presents
As great and strange a difference,
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But the same Father, and same Mother.
Apollo.
Yet 'tis quite otherwise you see
Betwixt my Sister Die and me,
Who the same vertues have, and vices,
And follow the same exercises.
Bacchus.
But that mad Hack in petticoats,
In Scythia's busie cutting throats,
Whilst thou dost men of money fleece,
With giving Physick here in Greece,
And pray what Sympathy's in this?
Apollo.
Why Bacchus dost thou think that she
Takes a delight in cruelty,
In hearing blood in throats to rottle,
Like liquor from a strait-mouth'd Bottle?
Alass, she only does it, she
Meerly out of complacency,
T'accommodate her self t'th' fashion,
And humor of that barbarous Nation;
At which she takes so great offence,
That she but waits to steal from thence,
When any Grecian ship comes thither,
To take her in, and bring her hither.
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Why truly then I do commend her,
And a good gale of wind Jove send her.
In the mean time I needs must tell you
Priapus is a beastly fellow:
For (no one being by but us)
Calling at's house at Lampsacus,
After we'd eaten well, and much,
And quaff't it smartly upsy-Dutch,
It being pretty coldish weather,
He needs would have us lye together;
And so we did, when in the Night,
When least (I swear) I dream't of it,
Betwixt some twelve and one a Clock,
He tilts his Tantrum at my Nock,
Till with extremity of pain
He plainly made me roar again.
Apollo.
A very edifying story!
And what did you, whil'st he did bore ye?
Bac.
What should I do, but make the best on't,
I only laught, and made a jeast on't.
Ap.
Some would perhaps have kept a puther:
But thou I think could'st do no other,
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Alass! he did it in good will,
And it had been ill nature in thee
When he good meat and drink had g'in thee,
For to grudge him who fed thee gratis,
So small a courtesie as that is.
Besides, he great temptations had;
For thou'rt a pretty smock-fac't Lad.
Bacchus.
But yet o'th' two (my friend Apollo)
Thou art by much the prettier fellow,
And therefore if he once make suit t'ee
To lye in's house, faith look about ye.
Apol.
Well! well! but he were best take heed
How he attaques my Maiden-head.
His mighty Trap-stick cannot scare-us;
For we have good Yew-bow, and Arrows,
As well as a white Wig to tempt him,
And if he draw, he will repent him.
Besides, I'me so set round with light,
And am withal so quick of sight,
That much I do not need to fear,
To be surprized in my Rear.
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