University of Virginia Library

DIALOGUE.

Juno and Jupiter.

Juno.
Now Jupiter that none is near us
To hearken, or to over-hear us;
Tell me, I prethee, and be clear,
What think'st thou of this Ixion here?

Jupit.
Why, I think Ixion (wife) true-blew,
An honest man as e're I knew,
A sturdy piece of flesh, and proper,
A merry Grig, and a true Toper.
Nor had I, but I thought him so,
Made so much on him as I do;
Neither, but that I understood
His Company was very good,
Had I (be sure) been so affable,
As to admit him to my Table.

Juno.
See, see, how one may be deceiv'd!
'Tis odds I shall not be believ'd:
But Ixion is (without offence)
The sawci'st piece of insolence,
That ever came within thy doors;
And fitter mate for Rogues and Whores
By much, than (Jupiter) for thee,
Or any of thy Family.
Nay, fitter for his

Because he kill'd his Father in law.

former pranks,
As well as these, the Hang-mans thanks,
As he now handled has the matter,
Than put his spoon into thy platter.
Yet thou may'st entertain him still
Only to Gourmandize and swill:
But, for my part, I'le ne're endure him;
Nor shall he stay here I'le assure him.

Jupit.
What has he done to move thee thus,
Come prethee now be serious,
And tell me true, nay quickly do it;
For I am resolute to know it?

Juno.
What has he done? why 'tis so wicked,
That truly I'me asham'd to speak it.

Jup.
What? with some Goddess hee'd have been
Playing belike at In and In,
And would be at the Rutting sport?
For so thy words seem to import.

Juno.
Well, and do'st thou conceive that fit,
That thou do'st make so light of it?
Is that no fault; nay could he yet
A Crime more capital commit?
That's it indeed, th'ast hit upon't,
And greater still to make th'affront,
No body else could serve the Youth,
But even I my self forsooth.
I did not heed his love at first,
Not dreaming that the Rascal durst
Have aim'd at me, but at the last,
Observing what Sheeps-eyes he cast,
What sighs he fetch't, how now and then
He wept, and sigh't, and wept agen,
Drank after me, and then would leer,
And kiss the Cup; I then saw clear,
Though ne're before I did suspect it,
His folly was to me directed.
Yet still I thought time would blow over
This humor of my sawcy Lover,
Wherefore (though vext) I thus long drove it,
Asham'd I swear to tell thee of it;
Till now at last the sawcy Ass,
Has put on such a brazen face,
As without all respect to be
So bold as to solicit me.
But now to speak 'tis more than time,
When to conceal it were a crime:
And therefore, flying from his tears,
And stopping with both hands both ears,
From being guilty Auditors
Of what my Vertue so abhors,
I straight came running unto thee,
Fast as my leggs would carry me,
To tell thee how this Goat, this Satyr,
This Rogue, this Slave, this Fornicator,
Whom thou hast entertain'd, and fed,
Attempts the honor of thy Bed,
To th'end thou may'st the Whelp chastise,
In just and exemplary wise.

Jupit.
This is a daring Rogue, I swear,
T'attempt to cuckold Jupiter!
It was the Nectar in his pate,
That did this insolence create:
But I my self, I must confess,
Am cause of these miscarriages,
By over-loving Mortals so
Extravagantly as I do,
And by permitting them to be
Over-familiar and too free
With my Divinity and me;
He else had ne're attempted thee.
For 'tis no wonder when they eat
The very same provoking meat,
And liquor drink the blood that fires,
If they have then the same desires,
And quite forgetting then their duties,
Are smitten with immortal Beauties.
Besides thou know'st as well as I
So much of Cupids Tyranny,
So great no Tyrant here above is
Near, as that little Bastard Love is.

Juno.
He master is of thee indeed,
And thee still by the nose does lead,
(As the old saying is) and makes
Thee play a thousand sensless freaks:
But come, I faith, I faith, I know
What makes thee pity Ixion so.
To pardon him thou art inclin'd,
'Cause he but pays thee in thy kind:
Time was thou his wife did'st dishonor,
And gatt'st Perithoüs upon her.

Jupit.
Fie, will that never be forgot?
Come I'le acquaint thee with my plot.
It would to banish him appear
A sentence somewhat too severe;
His being o're head and ears in love,
Does (I confess) my pity move.
Since therefore he's so woe begon,
So sighs, and cries, and so takes on,
I tell thee plain, I do protest,
Things being thus, I think it best—

Juno.
What that I lye with him, I warrant!

Jupit.
Do'st think I am a sot so errant?
No, I'me not so kind to him neither:
I prethee hold thy leggs together.
That's more than will be well allow'd;
But I will dizen him a Cloud
So like to thee, as shall perswade him,
He has made me, what I have made him,
And that in pure commiseration,
In part to satisfie his passion.

Juno.
Why, this will be for to reward him,
For what thou should'st at least discard him.

Jupit.
But speak in pure sincerity,
What harm will this do thee, or me?

Juno.
Why he will think it me, that's flat,
Then I shall pass for I know what.

Jupit.
No matter what's by him believ'd,
'Tis only he will be deceiv'd;
And if a Cloud like thee I make,
No Juno 'tis, but a mistake,
And he by this my pretty cheat,
A race of Centaurs shall beget.

Juno.
But if (as now adayes thou know'st
Men are too apt to make their boast)
This Rogue so soon as he has done,
As they all do, should straight-way run,
And publish to the world, that he
Has had his filthy will of me;
Pray after such a fine Oration,
Where then were Juno's reputation?

Jup.
Should he do such a thing as that,
I'de teach the Rascal how to prate,
And if he needs must kiss, and tell,
I'le kick him headlong into Hell,
Where to a wheel he shall be bound,
And like a Mill-horse still turn round,
And never have a moments rest;
Nor thence shall ever be releast.

Juno.
If he do prove so damn'd a Dog,
'Twill be but Justice on the Rogue.