Burlesque upon Burlesque Or, the Scoffer Scoft. Being some of Lucians Dialogues Newly put into English fustian. For the Consolation of those who had rather Laugh and be Merry, then be Merry and Wise [by Charles Cotton] |
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DIALOGUE.
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DIALOGUE.
Vulcan and Jupiter.
Vul.Here, I have brought thee home a hatchet,
If any Smith for temper match it,
Or edge, I'le say no more but so,
I'le ne're strike stroke more whilst I blow.
And now 'tis here new from the Smithy,
What must we do with it, I prethee?
Jupit.
Why cleave my head in two with it.
Vulc.
How, cleave thy head, the De'el a bit!
Thou say'st so but to try my wit.
But tell me quickly, prethee do,
What use thou'lt have it put unto;
For I Sol's Coach horses must shoe?
Jupit.
Why, for to cleave my head in two.
I am in earnest, therefore do it,
Or (thou lame Rascal) thou shalt rue it,
And if thou bee'st so shie of mine,
Beware that great Calves-head of thine;
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For my Scalp splits with very pain,
And I do suffer all the Throes
A woman in her labour does.
Vulc.
In labour quotha, 't may be so:
But let's consider what we do;
For, I'me afraid, I hardly shoo'd
Lay thee as Dame Lucina woo'd.
Jupit.
Wilt thou leave prating sirrah once;
Least I make bold with thy wise sconce:
Do thou but strike courageously,
And home, and leave the rest to me.
Vulc.
Why Jupiter, if thee I kill,
Bear witness 'tis against my will:
There is no help, I must obey,
Have at thy Coxcomb then I say,
For with this Butchers blow of mine,
I'le cleave thee down unto the Chine.
Good Gods! no wonder if thy brains
Suffer'd intollerable pains,
When such a lusty strapping Trull
As this lay kicking in thy skull.
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Which though not arm'd from head to foot,
Is furnish't yet to take the field,
And has both Helmet, Launce, and Shield.
'Twas breeding this brave Lass belike,
Made thee so cross and cholerick,
And yet the Girl (I vow and swear)
Is most incomparably fair:
Prethee, for having laid thee well,
Give me her for my Dowsabel;
For though new-born, the Wench is able,
And I'le uphold her marriageable.
Jup.
With all my heart I give her free;
But thou'lt ne're make her marry thee:
For she will never be a Wife,
But live a Virgin all her life.
Therefore ne're offer to perswade her;
For thou art sure to lose thy labour.
Vulc.
Well, well, for that let me alone;
I'le make her coming ten to one;
I have been in my dayes a Blade
At winning of a pretty Maid,
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As easily as kiss my hand,
Provided I have thy consent.
Jup.
Why thou may'st try, but thou'lt repent.
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