University of Virginia Library

DIALOGUE.

Juno and Latona.

Juno.
In truth (Latona) thou dost bear
Such lovely Brats to Jupiter,
That I have thought it pity often,
They were not lawfully begotten.

Lat.
They like their other Neighbours are,
Not over-foul, nor over-fair;
They pretty passable are though
(Thank Jove) the Children are so so:
But each one must not think to bear
So fine a peice as Mulciber.

Juno.
I understand thee well enough.
Jeer on, my back is broad enough:
Vulcan is not so finely drest
As Don Apollo, 'tis confest;
Yet Venus (though he's not so trim)
Found in her heart to marry him.
And if the Artizan be lame,
We are for that mischance to blame,
For ev'ry one knows how it came.
But though a Cripple in his feet,
His hands do recompence it yet,
For better Workman never Smote
With hammer whilst the Ir'n was hot.
'Tis he embellish't has the Skies
With all those pretty twinkling eyes:
'Tis he alone can undertake
Jupiter's Thunder-bolts to make;
Nay all the Deities beside
Are from his industry supply'd,
And he's put to't so to find wares
To furnish all his Customers,
That oftentimes constrain'd they are
To begg, intreat, and speak him fair
To get him make their Iron-ware.
They all are bound t'him (on my word)
Mars for his Cuirace, Shield, and Sword,
The blustring Æol for his Bident,
And Neptune for his massy Trident,
Ceres for Sickles, Pan for Crooks,
Pomona for her Pruning-hooks,
Priapus for his Grafting-knives,
And Sir Prometheus for his Gieves.
Nay hold! I have not yet half done,
He's Smith and Farrier to the Sun,
Does th'Iron-work his Chariot needs,
Shooes, Bloods, and Drenches both his Steeds,
Of which the one the other day
He of a Gravel cur'd, they say:
And t'other of a Fistula.
Nay, a new pair of wheels are made
(The old ones being much decay'd)
For which he makes such lasting Tire,
As all the Black-Smiths do admire:
Bushes the Naves, clouts th'Axle-trees,
And twenty finer things than these.
The Goddesses are fain to wooe him,
And come to be beholding to him
To make their Needles, and their Shears;
And those fine Pattens his wife wears,
Are of his making too she swears.
By which it evident appears
He's best at any Iron thing
That ever made an Anvile ring.
But that great ramping Fuss, thy Daughter,
A mankind Trull, inur'd to slaughter,
To the soft Sex's foul disgrace,
Rambles about from place to place,
And even as far as Scythia ranges,
Where murther she for love exchanges,
And without sense, grace, or good manners,
Butchers her courteous entertainers.
In this more fierce and cruel far.
Than the most bloody Scythians are.
And then thy Son, that hopeful piece,
Apollo, Jack-of all-Trades is:
Of many Arts forsooth he's Master,
An Archer, Fidler, Poetaster,
A kind of Salt'in-banco too,
Who thorough Provinces does go
And kills cum Privilegio.
Nay, he pretends to more then this,
He set's up Oracle-shops in Greece,
At Delphos, Didyma, and Claros,
To each of which he hath a Ware-house
Stuff't full of lies, for great and small,
To gull poor silly Souls withal.
Yet so that all his fustion fictions
(Which he pretends to be predictions)
Though ev'ry one of them a lye,
Are couch't so wondrous cunningly,
That howsoe're things come about,
He has a back-door to get out.
In the mean time the world abounding
With Puppy's (that it seems scap't drowning)
By these Impostures, and damn'd Cheats,
Of fools he store of money gets:
But yet the wise too well do know
His Cheats, to part with money so;
They find his skill in Prophecy.
Who was so wise not to foresee
That he one day against his will,
Should his dear Hyacinthus kill;
Nor that fair Daphne, his coy Miss,
Would never like that face of his,
For all he wears his beard so sprig,
And has a fine Gold Periwig.
I wonder then that thou should'st be
Preferr'd thus before Niobe;
Or that thy Issue should be thought
Fairer than those that she hath brought.

Lat.
Come, come, thy spite and malice few know
Better than I do, Madam Juno!
I know, but care not of a Chip
Where the shooe wrings your Ladiship.
Thou'rt vext unto the heart (I trow)
To see my Children triumph so,
And shine in Heaven as they do,
And that they celebrated are,
The one for beautiful and fair;
And th'other for his skill so rare
O'th' Harp, Theorbo, and Guitarre.

Juno.
What sensless things fond Mothers are,
Thou mak'st me laugh, I vow and swear,
To think thy Son thou should'st maintain
To be a good Musitian.
That miserable Harper, who
For raking his vile Gridiron so,
Instead of Marsyas had been flead,
And had his skin strip't ore his head,
Had not the nine corrupted Wenches
Giv'n sentence 'gainst their Consciences.
As for thy Daughters mighty grace,
With her pale, full-moon, platter-face,
She such a very lovely piece is,
Acteon was pull'd all to pieces
By his own Hounds (ill manner'd Curs,
Who did like Dogs, but th'fault was hers)
'Tis said for having seen her naked:
But who think that was all, mistake it:
For I can tell 'um in their ear,
She made them worry him for fear
He should tell tales, and blaze a story
(She knew must needs be detractory)
Of what a filthy fulsome Quean,
He bathing had stark naked seen.
For the Virginity (forsooth)
She brags of, is a gross untruth;
Alass a meer pretence, and what
All women needs must titter at:
For she could never, if a Maid,
Practise so well the Midwife's Trade,
And be so skill'd in that affair,
Without experience, we may swear;
And therefore she has had her share
Of doing too, I warrant her.

Latona.
Well (Juno) well, I must dispense
With this thy railing insolence,
And she who is in Bed, and Throne,
Great Jupiters Companion,
May say her will to any one.
Or, else my haughty Dame, I wis,
Thou durst not talk such stuff as this.
Thou sett'st thy Tippet wond'rous high,
And rant'st, there is no coming nigh,
See what a goodly port she bears,
Making the pot with the two Ears!
But yet ere long, I hold a groat,
That we shall hear thee change thy note.
This pride will have a fall, no doubt,
And we shall see thee lour and pout,
And your insulting Majesty
Tame as a Lamb, sit down, and cry,
When wounded with some mortal beauty,
Your Goodman shall forget his duty,
And go to Court her at th'expence
Of Juno's due Benevolence.